Chapter 13 - But I Was Screaming Under My Breath
Shay was washing up and loading the dish washer after the eventful family day.
"Shay - you nearly done?" he asked from behind her.
"Yeah, in a minute." She replied softly.
"Good cos...I need to talk to you." he said gently. Shay stopped.
She didn't finish the dishes and she sat down in the chair Patrick had put out for her. He wiped his mouth anxiously and glanced at her.
"I know you've been finding this whole marriage counselling thing hard." He said, Shay continued to look at him as he stood by her.
"Patrick, what?" she frowned, seeing his disposition and not liking the vibes he was giving off at all.
"I'm just -" he stopped
"I'm just finding this whole thing hard to deal with, I feel I've made so many changes and yet, you're still not progressing - I'm wondering if there's a deeper problem." He said, looking at her. Shay's big green eyes watched him, they were already glassing over.
"There is isn't there?" he asked her. Shay couldn't move.
Do the right thing Shay, Don't lie to this good man anymore...
"Do you love me?" he asked weakly, frowning. Shay nodded.
"Is there someone else?" he asked, even weaker than the previous question.
There was a long pause.
"No." Shay whispered.
Patrick sighed a huge relief inside.
"But there was...." She said softly.
"What?" He frowned angrily.
"There was someone else." She replied, making it clear.
Patrick could only stare at her. How could this beautiful woman who he'd met in the street that day be telling him this?
He stopped and choked slightly.
"You've been unfaithful to me?" he asked.
Patrick walked further away from her and turned to look at her.
"This all makes sense now..." he whispered , that very part of Shay that he was losing touch with, the part his could no longer understand, the distance, everything, it all fit into place now.
Then Patrick looked at Shay and the look only confirmed her suspicions about telling him the truth. She'd lost him.
"You wanna tell me more about it or is that it?" he said snarling.
"I-" Shay started
"Was it an affair?" he butted in, impatiently.
"Sort of." She stammered.
"Well it was or is wasn't, how long? More importantly who?!" he asked angrily.
Shay knew he had every right to be however angry he wanted to be with her, say whatever he wanted and call her whatever he needed to.
"You know what, don't." he said coldly, leaning on the table again, he suddenly lashed out, bringing his fists down on to the table.
Shay jumped, and backed up towards the door to the kitchen.
"How could you?!!" He yelled at her.
"I just-." She could barely mutter out.
"Don't talk!!" He yelled at her, his eyes were furious and it scared Shay half to death to see him so angry.
"Why?" he shouted.
"Don't bother lying either - I want to know why!" he demanded.
Shay shook her head and her lips pressed back the tears. Patrick came towards her and she backed up quickly against the door, he slammed his hands either side of her head, containing her within close proximity so she couldn't get away.
"You're scaring me..." she whispered, tears falling from her eyes.
"Why?" he asked in a calm but very icy tone.
"I thought there was something missing from us." She whispered quietly.
"What?!" He yelled and she jumped slightly.
She shook as tears continued to produce equally from both eyes. Closing her eyes tight, she immediately saw a flash of her and Pete together, it was helping her decide exactly what to say to Patrick.
"I don't know....." She said, her eyes still closed. Patrick moved back slightly, he nodded and looked around the kitchen, tears began to roll down his eyes and it stung his eyes. He looked at Shay.
"What didn't I have?" he asked, Shay's heart moved for him. She'd dealt him such a cruel blow.
"I can't begin to explain to you...." she said.
The silence between them was the most unwelcome silence ever for them.
Shay teetered on the edge of truth or truth disguised but seeing Patrick hurt only made her want to end his misery now.
"It was Pete." She said.
Patrick looked at her, he moved towards her again and her skin flared up in goose bumps as he did. He took her wrists . He was shaking his head.
"No." he cried, his tears were steady.
"No! No!" he cried, shaking her slightly.
"And Natalie is his ." She cried out.
Patrick stepped back, he was wounded. Thrice.
"What?" He frowned,
"I'm so sorry!!"
"She's not mine?" he asked softly.
"I'm sorry!" she cried, shaking her head.
"She's Pete's??" he gasped.
"You..." he started, then he looked up at her.
"You've been sleeping with my best friend and he's the father to one of my children." Patrick questioned her, reiterating her infidelity and the seriousness of it all.
Patrick screeched to a halt outside of Pete's place and he hurried up the steps. Fervently pressing the door chime, he finally came to the door.
Patrick gripped him by the collar and shoved him up against the wall next to the door.
"My wife Pete!!!" He yelled. He slammed him against the wall again.
"Why??!!" He yelled.
"Patrick - I"
"-You had your choice of any woman in the world - you're fucking Pete Wentz, why did you take my wife??" He shouted.
"What the hell is going on?" asked a dirty blonde standing in the doorway.
"Stay outta this!" Patrick warned her,
"Peter?" she asked.
"Just leave us be!" he warned the woman, warding her off.
She crept back to where she had come from.
Patrick stared at Pete, shaking his head, Pete could only look at Patrick and as gifted with words as he was, could find no way to justify or explain it to him. Patrick answered for both of them.
He hooked him powerfully in the mouth.
"You stay away from my family!!" He yelled at him.
Pete continued to hunch over in the pain, it ripped right through his body. Patrick had a strong and nasty punch.
"You stay away from Natalie, you stay away from Shay.....and you stay away from me." He said coldly.
Patrick drove around for what felt like hours allowing his thoughts to consume him. He had numerous questions racing through his mind and no answers to console him. Patrick was lost. He didn't know where to go or who to talk to. His two best friends were the one's who betrayed him and now he felt more alone than ever.
He drove until he saw the neon pink sign signalling that the run down motel had vacancy. He pulled up and sat in the parking lot debating his next move. Patrick wasn't sure whether he should give himself time to think about the situation he was thrown into without any consideration as to what he wanted or if he should go home and talk to Shay.
Patrick was ripped out of his thoughts by his phone vibrating next to him. This time it was Pete. Anger surged through his veins allowing him to make a decision. He quickly turned his phone on silent and walked into the main office of the motel.
As soon as he entered his room the stale stench of cigarette smoke entered his nostrils causing him to have second thoughts about his choice of habitation for the night.
Patrick sat down on the edge of the double bed and sighed deeply. His mind continued to race with thoughts of his wife and his best friend in bed together. He closed his eyes tightly trying to vanquish the images that were prancing across his mind.
"No!" he said loudly as he started to pace the room.
Patrick wanted to turn the clocks back. He wanted this all to not be true. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to be at home with his faithful wife and his three children. He wasn't supposed to be sitting in a shitty motel room envisioning his wife and best friend together.
"Fuck!" Patrick yelled out with frustration.
He went into the bathroom thinking a hot shower will clear his mind for a moment. He allowed for the water temperature to get to a scolding hot before stepping into the shower. He wanted to get his mind off of Shay and Pete. He stood in the shower allowing the water to pour down over his head, down his body and into the rusty drain.
No matter what Patrick did or what he tried to consume his thoughts with, all he could see were Pete and Shay happy together with Natalie. Patrick leaned his head against wall feeling the water beat down on his back. It was then that Patrick allowed the tears to fall. He let the fall for the loss of his best friend, for the loss of his wife, and for the loss of his daughter. Patrick's silent tears soon were gut wrenching causing him to sit down in the shower and hug his knees close to the chest praying for some form of comfort that he knew would never come.
"Pete!" Shay sounded frantic over the phone.
"Shay, what's wrong?" he asked getting up from his spot in bed.
After Patrick had left, Pete sent the blonde home and laid in bed to wallow in his own melodramatic state.
"I told Patrick everything .......he hasn't come home yet. Pete, I'm scared," Shay said showing evidence that she was now crying.
"Shay, he probably just needs some time to cool off. I've never seen him to angry when he was here...." Pete said sadly.
"He what? He came to yours??" She asked shocked.
"Yeah, he stopped by," Pete kept the detail to a minimum.
"What happened? What did he do? What did he say?" she was frantic now.
"He did exactly what I would've done Shay. Told me to stay away from him and his family," Pete answered knowing the keeping the truth was the reason they were in such a predicament.
"Oh God." Pete heard Shay's cry in the distance revealing that she must have taken the phone from her mouth.
"Shay, calm down. Where are the kids?" Pete asked trying his best to do some damage control.
"I had my mother come pick them up. They heard Patrick shouting and got upset. I didn't want to worry them anymore," she cried.
Pete took a deep breath thinking of his next course of action.
"Do you want me to come over?" he asked.
"No way! Us being together is what got us in this situation to begin with. Jesus, Pete, do you know what Patrick would do if he saw you here?" she yelled with anger in her voice.
There was a silence.....
"I care about you Shay, I just need you to know that. Are you going to be ok?" he asked.
Shay was silent too long for Pete's likings. He thought that she had hung up.
"Shay?" he asked.
"Pete, maybe you should take Patrick's advice and just stay away from us," she said quietly into the phone and hanging up before she could hear the response from Pete.
Patrick had been sitting outside of his house in his car for twenty minutes. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for. He knew what he was hoping for, but time machines hadn't been invented. The night at the hotel gave Patrick a lot of time to think, perhaps too much time. The entourage of feelings that he experienced were enough to drive a sane man crazy. He circled between anger, guilt, self-blame, blaming others, hatred, fear, sadness, and retaliation. There was one feeling that was always underlying all of these feelings; betrayal.
Patrick slowly got out of his car and walked into the front door. He took deep breaths with every step forcing himself to not cry in front of her. He wasn't going to allow her to see how much she had hurt him. He owed that to himself.
As soon as he opened the door he heard footsteps coming towards him and Shay stopped abruptly before him and just stared at him.
He just stiffened up.
"Where have you been?" she said quietly.
"You scared me-"
"You cheated on me," Patrick said just as quietly.
Shay put her head down in shame. There was nothing to say to that comment. It was true.
"Where are the kids?" he asked looking around slightly.
It killed Shay to notice that Patrick wouldn't give her any form of eye contact. The trust, the love, the compassion, it was all gone. There was nothing left between the two.
"My mother came and got them yesterday after you left," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Good. I don't want them here for this," he said simply.
Shay's head shot up with fear.
For our doojies. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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