Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > The Art Of Loathing Brendon Urie

Chapter Two: Shut Up You Idiot!

by peterpandacomplex 1 review

Mind reading and Paper rock scissors

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: G - Genres: Humor - Published: 2007-06-06 - Updated: 2007-06-07 - 1891 words

Chapter Two: Shut Up You Idiot!
The sound of Kiersten and Lexie's feet startled the members of Panic! At The Disco. Was it okay that they had heard every single word spoken between the two friends? Even though they had been in another room? Each member of Panic! threw themselves away from each other into some type of "lounging" position. Spencer and Brendon were arm-wrestling, Jon was 'reading' a newspaper that had been placed nearby, and Ryan had managed to get out his notebook, in which he writes his lyrics, along with a pencil, so he appeared to be writing in it. Lexie and Kiersten materialized from around the corner, smiling. Ryan looked up, "Hey. Everything sorted out?"

As if he didn't already know, thought Lexie, recognizing that they had been listening to their conversation. Not by their positions, or by racing hearts. No, in-fact they looked exactly like they had been doing whatever they were for quite some time. The only thing that gave them away was the fact that Jon's newspaper was upside-down. Lexie smirked at that. "Jon you're newspaper's upside-down," she said in a somewhat playful and yet still evil tone. Ryan laughed at him and as a consequence Jon threw the newspaper at him.

"Gosh, Jon! You gave me a paper cut! Thanks a lot," Ryan exclaimed in a light manner.

"So, Lexie has decided to come on tour with us." Lexie said bored, referring to herself in third person. "When is it that we leave for the next concert, Jon?"

Jon, afraid of the demonic Lexie that had given first impressions answered hesitantly, "In two days? Or I guess that would actually be tomorrow," Jon referred to the fact that it was past midnight.

"I assume I'll be allowed to pack?" Lexie said looking directly at Ryan who was the nearest to her, only a foot or two away, while raising her eyebrows.

"Well, of course, in fact..." Brendon Urie offered politely.

Lexie cut him off, "Excuse me?" she said, now facing him. "I don't believe that I was talking to you. In fact, I believe I was talking to Ryan," Lexie over enunciated his name. " Facing Ryan, standing only a few feet away from Ryan, and looking directly at Ryan while asking Ryan a question. And do you know what? I think I'm seeing some pattern there. Ryan . So, isn't it obvious that it's Ryan who I want to answer me? Honestly, what makes you have even the slightest idea that I would want to hear you answer my question? What makes you think that it's okay to just answer someone when the question is so obviously directed towards someone else? Nothing. Nothing should give you the idea, right, thought of answering me," Lexie finished snapping at Brendon before turning back to Ryan with a smile. "As I was saying, I assume I'll be allowed to pack right, Ryan?"

Brendon ever so cautiously backed away from the crazy person as Ryan spoke, "Yes...But you know, Brendon could have answered..."

"Well, I was prefer people to be polite in conversation, it's how I was raised, but apparently not how Brendon was. So, thank you, Ryan, for answering me." Lexie said while glaring quickly at Brendon. Everyone in the room was just staring at Lexie. Up until that point she had been acting remotely civil towards everyone. "And, Spencer, what time do we happen to be leaving tomorrow?" Lexie asked.

"About nine a.m." Spencer said, afraid; very afraid. "We'll have to be in Minneapolis by four p.m and that should get us there in plenty of time."

"Alright. So, Kiersten and I are obviously going home soon, to sleep, and then pack. Will you pick us up or will we have to drive down here tomorrow?" Lexie said

"Well, Lexie," Kiersten began, "I wanted to stay here with Spencer tonight... and we all wanted to hang out later today... I'd still have to go home and pack and everything, but..."

"Okay. So someone needs to drive me home so I can sleep in my own bed, or else I'll be extremely scary this afternoon." As if you aren't already extremely scary thought Brendon, which received a glare from Lexie. It's as if she can hear my thoughts... oh crap. What if she can? Lexie didn't glare at him that time, but rather, continued on. "So, after I sleep and pack, will you guys pick me up, or should I drive down here."

"We'll pick you up." Jon said. "How's four in the afternoon sound?"

"Fine. Who's taking me home? I really want to go soon and I don't have my license on me, Kiersten drove." The four band members looked at each other. Who will have to drive the dragon lady home? No one would want to, obviously. I mean, she is totally demonic. thought Jon. Spencer was out, because he was the whole reason that Kiersten was staying. Jon was out as well; he was drunk.

It was down to Ryan and Brendon. Ryan raised an eyebrow. "Rock, Paper, Scissors, shoot!" Both Brendon and Ryan yelled simultaneously. Brendon had scissors and Ryan had paper. "Two out of three," Ryan declared. "Rock, Paper, Scissors, shoot!" Ryan put out a rock and Brendon had scissors again.

"Hahahaha!" Ryan laughed evilly. "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot." Ryan put out paper and Brendon had a rock. "Success!" Ryan declared loudly, smirking smugly at Brendon.

Brendon punched Ryan with his already clenched fist so hard that it almost knocked Ryan over and would leave a bruise for quite some time. "Oh sorry!" Brendon said innocently. "I thought your precious paper would protect you!"

It was Ryan's turn to glare at Brendon, "Nice one, Brendon," he said.

"But you still have to take her." Brendon shrugged at this.

"Kiersten, give Brendon you're keys we're going now," Lexie exclaimed, already walking out. Kiersten threw Brendon the keys as he ran after Lexie.

"I would hate to be Brendon right now," Jon whispered as soon as Brendon left the room.

At Kiersten's car Brendon had gotten in the front and Lexie in the passengers side. "Now, I don't really have any idea where I'm going," Brendon started. "So, you're going to have to..."

Lexie interrupted him with a piercing: "Shut up." Her tone had gone back to the dark and demonic one from earlier in the evening.

"But, I don't know where..."

" Shut. Up.Lexie repeated icily. Brendon just sat there in the car. "Start the car." Lexie said as if Brendon was an idiot. Brendon turned the car on in confusion. He drove straight not having any idea where he was going. As he got to the first intersection, he started to freak out. Where am I supposed to be going? he thought just as Lexie broke the silence once again. "East," was all she said. Accepting it as directions, Brendon turned East on the road. "Make a U-turn" Lexie said.

"What? Why would I...?"

"Shut up and make the U-turn," Lexie stated harshly. Brendon obeyed. "Right." Lexie stated, not even looking at Brendon. Lexie's entire posture was rigidly stiff. Brendon's very presence made her tense with stress, hate and anger. It fumed out of her. "Merge onto I-290 W on the LEFT ramp." Lexie said, oddly specific.

"Okay, if you say so..."

"And shut up," Lexie interrupted him yet again. It was completely silent in the car. Just the sound of the car itself, it's tires and breaks screeching, and other cars around them provided background music.

"Can I turn the radio on?

"No. How many times must I say it? Shut. Up! Turn left," Lexie said looking out the window. Unfortunately for Brendon, there were two possible places to turn left. Which one does she want me to turn left on? I will honestly admit, I'm afraid of asking her... Okay, so she's just a girl, but she's a demonic girl... How can I ask without her getting mad? Lexie, which left is it? Lexie, I don't want to make a mistake... Lexie, um... thought Brendon.

"Idiot!" Lexie yelled louder and more sharp than any of her other statements, as they past the second of the two choices. "I told you to turn left! Now you have to exit and turn all the way around just to do what I clearly told you to do in the first place!" Furious, Lexie crossed her arms and sat silently waiting for Brendon to fix his mistake. And he did. Incorrectly of course. When he got back on it he went to the closest option. "Oh my gosh. Just do what I tell you to! You were supposed to turn left at the other place, the place nearer to where I told you! Why can't you do anything right? Fix this. I want to go home!"

After Brendon finally fixed his mistake, he sat there silently, not even wanting to talk anymore. What did I do wrong? What did I ever do to her? "Onto CR-77," Lexie stated, bored, as if she hadn't even yelled at him. Brendon was on his toes though. It was a wonder that he hadn't yet crashed the car because of her. "Left." Lexie said. "Right." Finally they seemed to be reaching a more homey area. "Right." After a few more minutes she finally told him to turn into a driveway with a final, "Left."Before Brendon even came to a stop Lexie jumped out of the car, wanting to be as far away from Brendon as possible.

Brendon stopped the car and turned the ignition off, so he could relax before having to drive back, and also wanting to make sure that the devil got in safely. She did. After probably a half an hour Brendon finally turned the car back on to drive home. Well, at least he attempted to turn the car back on. One little problem; it wouldn't turn on. Oh crap, Brendon thought as he realized he'd have to ask for Lexie's help. He walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. No one came. He rang it again. Glowering, Lexie opened the door up, she was already in her pajama's and Brendon realized he had woken her up. "What." she snapped, "Do. You. Want."

"The car won't start," Brendon admitted. No matter how mad Lexie was, she realized she had two options. A. I could let him sleep out in the car or, B. I could let him sleep on the couch in here. Thanking God that her parents weren't home, but rather on a business trip, she decided to let him sleep on her couch. She would be, after all, living with him for the next few months on his tour bus, the rest of the band might get mad if she made Brendon sleep in the car.

"Come," Lexie said, inviting Brendon into her house. Brendon was shocked. Lexie pulled out the bed from the pull-out-couch in her living room, And made it up with sheets and blankets and pillows. She may hate Brendon Urie, but she was raised to be a good host. "Sleep." She said pointing to the bed before turning off the lights and walking up to her room without another word. That is one weird girl, Brendon thought as he drifted off to sleep.
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