Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Master of the Game.

Over My Head

by ClandestineUnited 3 reviews

She's never happy. She only gets a kick when his face turns pale.

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama, Romance - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2007-06-26 - Updated: 2007-06-26 - 2987 words

"See that? That's your mommy. Beautiful, isn't she?" Patrick said a few days later, Danielle sitting on one knee, and Josh on the other. It was a dark winter's day, snow had been forecast and the whole of LA was dark and cold, asides from the lights that lit up the street, flashing and twitching. Patrick was sat on the bench that was just opposite the billboard of Christina, just randomly placed as though saying to Patrick 'come here, sit and stare at what you can't have'.
"I miss her." Patrick whispered, lowering his head in between Josh and Danielle's. The cold stung his cheeks and one tear rolled silently down his cheek. It dripped onto Josh's head and, as though he knew his dad was upset, he reached out and grabbed Patrick's thumb. He looked up at him, and Patrick shook his head, kissing Josh's.
"I'm so sorry I'm putting you through all of this." He mumbled, barely audible. "I thought once I told your mom where to go, it would be alright."
He drew his back up straight and sighed, pulling them both closer to him.
"I wish you guys knew how much I love you."
He watched them looking around the at the lights, so full of life, in awe of everything that surrounded them, having no clue of what their life was based upon.
"I wish your mom knew how much I love her."

"Where've you been?" Pete asked Patrick as he entered the living room with Danielle and Josh.
"Why do you keep letting yourself in?" Patrick retorted, watching Pete curled up in the armchair by the fire, his hood pulled up over his head.
"You were out in this?" Pete asked, pulling the curtain open and pointing at the rain that was forecast to turn into snow that night.
"Yes. So sue me." Patrick replied, setting Danielle and Josh into their playpen. He had moved it into the living room because it was the one place he was able to just sit down and watch them play, plus it was warmer than the rest of the house.
"My, my little lady. I like your hat. Very elegant." Pete said, stroking the material of Danielle's hat.
"And you, well, you just look like a younger version of your daddy. You just need sideburns and some glasses." Pete said to Josh, pulling the hat down over Josh's face. He made a snuffling noise and tried to bat it away, but Pete pulled it up again and laughed.
"You're gonna be one of those people who just hates to be compared to his dad." He leaned closer and whispered in his ear. "I don't blame you."
"Stop brainwashing my child." Patrick told him, flopping down onto the couch.
"You went to see that billboard." Pete said, climbing over the fence of the playpen and sitting down with Danielle and Josh, as they crawled over to him and pulled at him.
"No, I didn't!" Patrick protested, his face burning.
"Oh, come on. You're a useless liar." Pete said.
"Alright. I went to see it. So what? I wanted to show them their mom."
"No, you didn't. Christina wants nothing to do with them and you know that damn well fine."
Patrick didn't reply, but picked at his sleeve and swallowed, not looking at Pete.
"Patrick... you still love her, don't you?"
Patrick continued to play with his sleeve, avoiding looking up. Pete sighed and watched Danielle banging some bricks together.
"All that stuff about not caring less what she did now... it was all a lie, wasn't it?"
Patrick nodded slowly, wishing Pete would drop it. So what if he still had feelings for his ex? Big deal.
"Yes! I love her. Alright? But in an ex girlfriend and mother of my kids way. I have to."
"No, you don't. What about Amanda?"
"I love her." Patrick said, surprising himself. Pete gasped and watched him.
"You love her?"
Patrick shrugged, unable to think. He really wasn't sure if he knew what love was. He just knew he loved, whatever that was, two different women. One who he was dating, and the other he'd been with for five years.
"I don't know. I really don't." He said, exhausted. He laid his head back on the arm rest of the couch, facing the window, and unfortunately, he could see the billboard in the distance. He ripped his glasses off and threw them onto the end table, and looked back out of the window. The city was now a blur, and he kidded himself that what he couldn't see didn't exist.
Pete listened to the slow drone of the TV as he attempted to build a tower with Danielle and Josh's bricks, before they pushed it over and he moaned, defeated, before building it again. He thought it best not to bring up the matter with Patrick again. He had enough on his mind, and the last thing he needed was for Pete to bother him about it all. He just wished there was something he could do to stop Patrick feeling miserable, torn and confused. He glanced out at the window at the top of the billboard, sighing, and watching the rain that had now turned to snow falling by the window. He closed his eyes briefly and prayed Patrick would stop loving Christina, or at least realize what he had with Amanda. Patrick needed to quit going back on his anger and his decisions, all the times he'd managed to stand up to Christina, he threw it all away as soon as he saw her face.
On the couch, Patrick watched the snowflakes falling too, the buzz of the TV smothering his mind, and the excited giggles of Danielle and Josh from his side relaxed him as his eyes slowly closed. He tried his hardest to stay awake, but he was too exhausted, and the last thing he heard was a clash of bricks, a high pitched laugh and the clapping of hands as Danielle knocked Pete's tower over one more time.
"Patrick?" Pete whispered, to which he got no reply. He leaned over and saw Patrick breathing slowly. He always looked peaceful when he slept. Apart from those few months before the twins were born, during that time he'd always had a frown on his face and his breathing was quick and startled. Now, his eyes flickered every so often, and his chest rose and fell slowly as he breathed in and out.
"I guess I get to look after you." Pete said to the twins, poking them both gently on the nose.
"You guys will help me make your daddy better, right?" He asked, as though expecting a reply to his question. His attention was shaken from the twins as the doorbell rang, and he looked at Patrick. There was no reaction apart from him turning slightly over on his side.
"Don't go anywhere. And don't wake your dad." Pete grinned, standing up and stepping over the gate again, walking quickly to answer the door.
"Pete!" Amanda greeted him with a smile.
"Hey! Long time, stranger." Pete said, ushering her in from the cold. "Cold?"
"Freezing." Amanda nodded, taking her coat off in the warmth of the house.
"Patrick's in here." Pete said quietly, leading her into the living room. He sat back in the play pen as Amanda peered at Patrick, a smile spreading across her face as she took in his features.
"Aww, he's asleep."
"Yeah. We were talking and, well, he's pretty much beat."
"I'll say. He works so hard, bless him."
Pete nodded.
"Yeah, yeah he does."
"He looks so sweet." Amanda smiled, sitting in the armchair by the fire, watching Patrick sleep. Pete laughed quietly and wondered whether Amanda knew that the result of this broken shell of a guy was less than 100 yards away, in the form of a 100 foot giant, powdered to perfection.
"So how's things going with you two?" Pete asked quietly, keeping his voice quiet.
"Amazing. He's really special."
Pete nodded.
"He's just... I can't describe him. I've never felt this way before. Really. I know that sounds cliche, but I'm only feeling things I've read about in books, and seen in movies."
"I'm sure he is too."
"What about things with you and Rachel? I hear she moved in with you?"
Pete laughed.
"Yeah. It's pretty good, I mean, I'm out a lot and she's looking for a job at the moment, so we never really see each other. We do sit down and have dinner, though, and sometimes we watch a movie afterwards."
"That's great." Amanda smiled. The TV omitted a loud bang, startling Danielle, and she began to cry as Patrick made snuffling noise as he awoke, his parental instincts making him shoot up to a sitting position and look around. He caught sight of Pete first, as he rocked Danielle and tried to remember all the words to a song his own mother used to sing him when he was a kid. As Danielle began to settle, Patrick a glimpse of that familiar red hair and smiled.
"Hey." He said, tiredly. Amanda moved over to sit next to him, and draped his legs over her lap, kissing him.
"Tired?" She asked.
"Mmm hmmm." Patrick nodded, lying back down and not taking his eyes off her. She prised his hat off his head and stroked his head. He closed his eyes and tried not to fall asleep.
"I better... um." Pete shifted from the corner. "You want me to put them to bed?" He asked, pausing as he stood up. Patrick struggled to sit up, opening his mouth to speak, but Amanda pushed him back down, gently, and looked at Pete.
"That would be great."
Pete nodded and picked Josh up with one arm, and Danielle with the other.
"Come on, you two, let's get you to bed."
He walked out of the room as Josh started to cry, reaching for the bricks again as Pete carried him out. Patrick sat up again, watching as they disappeared. He tried to get up.
"I should go..." He said, but Amanda shushed him.
"Let him do it. You need a rest."
Patrick nodded and curled up against her.
She stroked his hair as he leant against her chest and tried to just live in the moment, and direct his thoughts anywhere than from down the hallway to Danielle and Josh. As his eyes closed again, Amanda spoke.
"See that chick on the billboard down 7th?"
Patrick's eyes snapped open and he swallowed, his heart in his mouth.
"Uh huh."
"I like her shirt. I wish they say on the billboard when the store opens."
"Mmm." Patrick mumbled as he fidgeted, wide awake now.
"Maybe we should get me and you some shirts from there." She said, kissing the top of his head.
Patrick didn't reply, praying she would drop the matter.
"I know it's your ex."
Patrick sat up.
"On the billboard. The woman. I know it's Christina."
Patrick looked at his lap and bit his lip, not knowing what to say.
"How do you know?" He whispered.
"Oh, please, it's obvious. Danielle looks just like her." Amanda replied. Patrick shook his head.
"You're wrong. She looks like me."
"She looks like both of you."
Patrick kept quiet, looking at the clock on the mantelpiece, watching the hands move around.
"I don't know if I can do this, Patrick."
Patrick turned to face her.
"This. It's too weird. I don't want to be part of a love triangle."
"It's not a /triangle/." Patrick said, sitting on his knees and taking her hand. "It's not."
"It is, Patrick. You, me, and Christina. You can't get over her."
"How many times have I mentioned her during the time we've been together? Like three times."
"It's not that you talk about her. It's when you look at me. It's as if... I just know I'm not Christina. You look at Danielle - you see Christina. I'm not her. I can't be her. I don't want to be her."
"I don't want you to be her. I love you just the way you are." Patrick said. "I really do."
"Wait, did you just say you love me?"
Patrick let go of her hand, embarrassed. He looked at the carpet and shifted.
"You did! You love me."
"No I don't!" Patrick objected. "I never said that."
Amanda was smiling now, almost laughing at him.
"You love me."
"I... I... alright, fine." He took her hand again and looked in her eyes. "I love you."
Amanda put her other hand over his and clutched it tightly.
"Wow. I love you too."
"I do."
Patrick put his arms around her and she took control and pulled him close, as though sensing he just needed someone to hold him. He needed someone to hold him and help him.
"I don't want you to feel like this." Patrick whispered into her shoulder. "You're special to me. She's nothing. I've tried so hard to get here."
"I know." She whispered back, stroking his head. "I know. We'll get through it. We'll make it work."

After Pete had put Danielle and Josh to sleep, he left the house, figuring Patrick would still be asleep and Amanda would be content with sitting with him. When arriving home, he found Rachel sitting at the table, writing.
"Hey." He said with a smile, taking his jacket off. "What are you writing?"
"Grocery list." She said, returning the smile and holding the notepad up. "I thought I'd go shopping tomorrow."
"You know, they don't make women like you anymore."
"Sorry?" Rachel asked, standing up and sticking the pad to the refrigerator with a magnet.
"Like you. You're unique."
"As are you."
"Oh, please. You get loudmouthed jerks like me everywhere." Pete laughed, sitting down at the table with her.
"Maybe so. But you only say what you want to say. And you say what everyone else wants to, but is too scared to say themselves."
Pete laughed and smiled at her again.
"You know, you're really beautiful." He told her. She blushed and looked away.
"Thanks, I guess."
"No, I'm serious." He said, straining to keep himself from reaching out and taking her in his arms.
"Well, I think you're pretty handsome, yourself."
"Oh, really?" Pete asked, stepping closer. They both stopped, watching each other and feigning that they didn't know they were sexually attracted to one another. Within seconds, their hands were running through each other's hair and their lips were pressed together as they backed against the wall, Rachel undoing Pete's belt, Pete unbuttoning her shirt, and really got to know each other.

Patrick woke up the next morning to find Amanda facing him, a slight smile on her face as she slept. He smiled and moved closer to her, wrapping his legs around hers under the duvet and gently stroking her hair. She opened her eyes upon feeling his cold legs sliding under her warm ones, and smiled at him.
"Mornin', handsome." She whispered. He looked up at her, smiling back.
"I love waking up with you."
"I love waking up with you too." She replied. Patrick leaned forward and kissed her nose and then he wriggled out of the bed.
"Where are you going?" Amanda said, sitting up slowly and rubbing her eyes.
"I'm gonna make you breakfast." He grinned. "If you care for burnt sausages, that is."
"For you? I'd eat anything."
"OK, so you know, that doesn't sound too good." Patrick said with a hearty laugh, pulling on his jeans and a T-Shirt. He blew her a kiss and left the room, going into Danielle and Josh's, where they were both sitting up, and both giggled when Patrick came in.
"Hello my lovelies." He sang, picking them both up and carrying them, with expert difficulty as he had become used to it, through to the kitchen. He placed them in their chairs and left for a second to collect the mail on his mat by his front door. He entered the kitchen again, flipping through the letters.
"Bills, bills, fucking spam!" He said, throwing them onto the table before coming to the second last letter. It was professional looking, with an address and date stamp from London.
"I don't know anyone in the UK." He said to himself, shoving the letter in his pocket before starting to feed Danielle and Josh, at the same time trying to make breakfast for Amanda.
"Oi, Masterchef." Amanda said from the doorway, in Patrick's robe. She grinned at him and came in to sit down at the table by Danielle and Josh, helping Josh to eat.
"What's hanging out that lovely ass of yours?"
Patrick stared at her, his mouth open, watching her as she looked at him.
"Excuse me?"
"I said..." Amanda started to explain it again, but replayed it in her head and burst out laughing.
"I'm sorry. I meant the letter." She stammered out between the laughs. Patrick continued to give her exaggerated shocked looks as he pulled it out of his pocket.
"I dunno." He said, turning it over. "It's from London."
"Ooh, posh." She replied. "So open it."
"I feel weird." Patrick said, a confused look on his face.
"You'll never know unless you try, just open it. What's the worst it could say?" She asked.
"I guess." Patrick said, ripping the envelope open and unfolding the letter. Amanda watched as his mouth opened slowly, his eyes frantically scanning the ink. She continued to watch as the color drained from his face and his breathing became rapid, whispering 'oh my God,' over and over.
"What is it?" She asked urgently, standing up. Patrick clutched the counter, his knuckles turning white he was digging into it so hard.
"It's from Christina's attorney. She wants custody of Dani and Josh."
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