FicWad

Ryan's P.O.V.
Three days had passed since I'd tried to kill myself over her.I couldn't even be alone at all because they were all afraid that I'd try it again.I couldn't even take a piss, a shit, a shower, and/or jerk off, which I honestly didn't want to do at the moment considering how many months I'd actually jerked off thinking about Honor, without being watched.
"You do realize that we won't have to watch you anymore if you just forgive her and accept that she's too in fucking love with you to kill you?" Jesse said snidely, not looking up from his magazine, but snapping me out of my thoughts the moment that he spoke.As I turned my head towards him, he looked up at me and brushed his hair over to the side, glaring at me with his cold brown eyes.
"I can't forgive her because it's not true.She doesn't love me." I replied, tearing my gaze away from his eyes and looking at the bottom of my jeans which were ripped and frayed from getting walked on all the time.
"She cut herself after weeks of crying about how she killed Max.And she's spent the past few days crying 'cause the fact that you tried to kill yourself over her................The two of you are honestly beginning to make me sick with the fact that you're obviously in love with each other, but you, dear Ryan, won't forgive her for the fact that you're afraid that she'll take your life.She fucking loves you." Jesse snapped, causing me to look up at him again. "And if you don't go to her yourself, I'll pick you up and throw you in her room and make you two get back together only because I'm tired of seeing Honor crying."
"Then, do it." I replied back, like the defianite six-year-old who's parent wouldn't buy them candy that I felt like, as I looked him over.There was no way he could pick all 155 lbs. of me up because of the fact that he was built almost identical to me and there was no way in hell that he could lift 155 lbs. because I couldn't at all.
"You asked for it, Ross." He threw his magazine to the side and walked over to the bed.I curled my fist around the covers to keep me there as Jesse grabbed hold of my shirt.With one sudden yank, he stunned me and next thing I knew was he was throwing me over his shoulder.Yeah.I'd forgotten how strong he was since like over a week ago when he'd beaten the shit out of me.I, of course, had a fit, screaming obsentities and kicking and some more screaming, trying to get him to let me go.When he finally did, I found myself in assumably Honor's room because she was lieing on the bed, sobbing. I was shoved on the bed beside her and somehow Jesse bound my legs and my wrists as I laid there stunned by the impact of myself upon the bed.Then, Jesse stormed out of the room and I heard a click of the lock in the room as he walked out.
"Why the fuck did you bring me in here, Sleboda?" I practically screamed at the door even though I knew he was probably long gone.
"He's trying to get us back together." Honor said quietly as I tried hard to undo the binds at my wrists and ankles.She reached over and steaded my hands, untying the bind on my wrists as her tears dryed. "Even though he knows damn well that you'll never give me another chance because you're too afriad that I'll betray you." The bind fell free and she backed away to allow me to undo the bind on my ankles myself.I fumbled with the rope before finding that I was unable to untie it.My hands went in the air in frustration and I heard Honor sigh as she reached into her drawer.She knelt in front of me, showing me that she only held a pocket knife in her hand and was going to cut the bind so I could move freely snd I found myself nodding slowly to let her continue.The moment that she cut the bind, she put the knife back in her drawer and sat back in my line of sight. "You can go if you want to, Ryan.I won't stop you."
"He locked it though." I pointed out, finding how helpful she was being a little suspicious.
"The lock goes both ways.The actually lock is on my side of the room.It works like the lock of a front door."
"Oh." I stood up and started to the door, but not before Honor grabbed my wrist, forcing me to look at her.
"Ryan, just so you know, I do love you.I would never hurt you intentionally nor would I actually kill you.I had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to go through with the job the moment that we met at the mall.I didn't know that it was you I was supposed to kill until we met.I swear.I mean, I suspected that it might've been you who I was talking to when you mentioned the concert at the Wachovia Areana and all the shit about your past and whatnot, but until we met, I didn't know.Hell, even Jac thought it was you when I talked to her and told her pretty much everything that you told me.In the back of my mind, I told myself that it wasn't you, that there was no chance that it was you who I knew I liked.It wasn't until we met and I found myself dead wrong.When I kissed you that night, I first realized how precious you were and how delicate you were and knew that I couldn't do it.I love you, George Ryan Ross III and I'll never hurt you and I'll do anything for you.I swear."
The sincerity in her eyes when she spoke was hard to avoid noticing so I tried to look everywhere but there.But when she said that she loved me, I looked up at her in surprise and found myself being absorbed in her hazel-brown eyes.She stood up in front of me and kissed me square on the lips before letting go of my wrist.A forced smile crossed her face and she pulled me to the door, and upon unlocking it, practically shoved me out of her room.As the door slammed shut in front of my face, I realized what she said.She loved me.She fucking loved me.
"Honor?" I whispered, hoping that she was still standing by the door.It felt like the day when she'd gotten into the fight with Brendon because of his smartass mouth and I'd realized that I loved her and shouted it to her just as the elevator doors had been closing.Only thing I didn't feel once more this day so far was the heartbreak I'd felt when I'd learned that she was supposed to kill me.I ran my fingers across the grains in the door before continuing to speak, suddenly not caring if she was listening but hoping that she was. "I love you too.The heartstrings on my heart are still tied to you even though I wish they were not.I would give anything to clip them so neither of us felt anymore pain and we could go back to living purely in vain.I'll never forget you and the fact that neither of us should love each other anymore keeps driving me insane." I pushed away from the door, knowing the meaning of what I had just said.I loved her, but I didn't want to love her so she wouldn't be an emotional mess over me and I wouldn't be so much of an emotional bitch because of her.I was certainly in love with her.Maybe a little too much.I'd been an asshole in not forgiving her and part of me prayed that she wouldn't forgive me for being an asshole.If I couldn't give myself to her, then I'd keep myself a virgin forever I decided as I quickly walked away.I couldn't bare the thought of her possibly being such a good actress and playing with my mind only to kill me later.I'd honestly do anything for her.Even die.