Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Saint Lily

Jealous of You

by I_Mean_This 3 reviews

*stuff goes down

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance - Characters: Other - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2007-07-01 - Updated: 2007-08-13 - 3526 words - Complete

"There is no way in HELL you're getting off the bus with that..huge..purple bruise on your face!" Matt sputtered, standing on the steps of the sleek black tourbus; barricading the exit with his body.
Lily stood above him, dressed plainly in a pair of jeans and blue band t-shirt, hands on her hips,
"I'm going out there. I've already missed too many shows." Lily reasoned in a sigh.
"You've missed two, Lily, TWO." Matt argued, "Imagine the questions you'll get if you go out there like that." he said, gesturing to his own nose before continuing,
"You think you've got it bad now? Go out there like that. See what the media will cook up. I guarantee you won't be happy. We've already spent enough money hushing all the roadies..not to mention that photographer. And that's a DAMN juicy story." Matt blurted almost breathlessly,
"You know how much money they could get from that? Do you?" He added, arms open wide for emphasis.
Will stood behind Lily , a partially eaten Nutri Grain bar in his hand,
"500 bucks." he guessed matter of factly, leaning on the dashboard, mouth full of pureed raspberry.
"Try adding a zero behind that." Matt said solemnly, eyes wide.
Will snorted, eating the last of the breakfast bar,
"Yeah fuckin' right." he said with a roll of his eyes, turning away to throw away the red plastic wrapper.
Matt pointed his index finger at Will's back, a bit tensely,
"WILLIAM, when you manage a band like this, then you can talk."
Lily sighed, tongue running along the inside of her cheek as she stared at the carpet.
She wondered if Matt was exaggerating..or if her life was so..juicy..that MTV, or anyone for that matter, would be willing to pay money to hear about it.
"They paid 30 bucks for those tickets, Matt." Lily murmured, almost ignoring everything her manager had said, "And that's a lot for a kid..."
She trailed off, mind drawing a blank.
Matt stared at her, dumbfounded.
He opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off,
"Matt, if she wants to go, she'll go." Will mumbled hand to forehead,
"And I don't give a fuck either way." he added with a sigh, crossing his arms.
He was obviously very annoyed and tired of the whole situation.
The past week's drama was finally getting to him.
He was sick of seeing Lily's face on tv all the time, and he was equally weary from avoiding reporters, who seemed to pop out randomly from between buildings and tour buses with their tape recorders in hand.
"For fucks sake, Lily." Matt sighed, "You're so damn stubborn." he said with a tired, jagged sigh, eyes closed.
"Hold on a second." he said, taking out his cellphone and holding up his index finger.
As Matt mad a call, Lily turned to Will, running a hand through her long, blonde hair,
"Good lord. Like I give a fuck.." she mumbled under her breath, eyes wide.
Will shrugged raising his eyebrows as Matt returned,
"Ok, Lily..would you at least agree to putting some makeup on?" he breathed, phone pressed to his ear, face red from Lily's stubborn ways.
Lily frowned slightly,
"Yeah..fine" she said with a sigh, arms crossed and eyes turned to the ceiling.
She collapsed on the couch moments later, eyes closed and hand to forehead.
She supposed it was a good idea she was getting made up before she went onstage.
She didn't know if she could handle any more publicity.
"Great..." Will mumbled, sitting down on the adjacent couch,
"So now we have to wait for you to get...gussied up." he said, grabbing a pillow and pulling it to his chest.
Lily sighed and mumbled something that sounded like 'I hate you, die' as Ryan emerged from the back of the bus, dressed and slightly clean from showering the day prior.
"Gussied?" Ryan echoed skeptically, running hair gel through his hair.
"Yes, Ryan" Will confirmed, "Gussied." he paused to scratch his head,
"Sorry if I'm trying to be creative." he mumbled, pausing to chew his lip piercing.
Ryan chuckled softly as he pressed his hair between his two palms, squeezing it into a faux hawk.
"The hawk is back." he announced, squinting at his shiny, newly dyed black hair in the hallway mirror. He adjusted the half hoop in his eyebrow carefully.
Lily grunted in approval, flashing Ryan a thumbs up.
"This SUCKS!" she exclaimed out of nowhere, holding up an index finger.
Will jumped slightly from her sudden outburst, then smiled.
"What sucks?" he asked, mildly amused at Lily showing any signs of stress.
She sat up, and began to count aloud on her fingers,
"Getting punched in the face, dumping Gerard...oh, and I FORGOT getting kissed by Bert in front of millions of people and finding out he' with me?" she blurted almost breathlessly, hands raised for emphasis.
Ryan stopped styling his hair,
"In love with you?" he asked, smile of disbelief on his face as Lily raked her hands over her scalp, brow furrowed and eyes closed.
"What the FUCK?" Will responded, a large, almost dopey grin on his face.
He looked like he had just discovered a portal to Narnia in the back of the bus.
Lily nodded silently, eyes wide in an almost maniacal way.
"Oh shit." Will said with a laugh, stopping short as footsteps sounded up the stairs.
He sighed and shook his head, chuckling softly as Eliza came up the steps, makeup bag in hand.
"Heeeey..." Eliza said with a toothy, almost forced, smile.
Lily smiled awkwardly,
"Hey...there.." she said, hand running through her hair, desperately in need of a shower.
Matt popped his head into the bus,
"Eliza has been kind enough to do your makeup, you diva." he said with narrowed eyes,
"I've got to call back." he said quickly before disappearing once more.
"Yeah yeah yeah.." Lily mumbled under her breath as the band yelled and murmured their hellos.
"Oh, that's bad." Eliza said, staring at Lily's bruise as she sat up straight, folding her legs underneath her and tucking her hair behind her ear.
Lily laughed, a bit forcefully,
"Well, its better..." she said slowly, praying to God that her bandmates would break the ice somehow.
She hadn't talked to Eliza in months..and the timing seemed pretty suspicious.
"You've lost weight." Will said, staring at Eliza with narrowed eyes, arms crossed.
Eliza laughed, shocked,
"Well thanks're looking pretty skinny yourself."
Will sighed,
"It's my genes." he said with a casual sigh, before reaching across the couch for a magazine.
"SO anyway.." Lily interjected quickly,
"Matt seems to think you can cover this up." she said, motioning to her face.
Eliza nodded, taking a seat next to Lily gingerly,
"Oh yeah, I problem." she finished, opening her makeup bag and rifling through it.
She pulled out various powders and a brush or two.
"So did this..happen?" Eliza asked as she handed Lily a cleansing cloth for her face.
Lily smiled, her heart skipping a beat as she replayed it all in her mind at a neck-breaking speed.
Her heart fluttered..she winced slightly...
"Uh..." she mumbled,
"Like you haven't heard." she said under her breath, staring at the gray spots on the cloth
Eliza laughed, eyebrow raised,
"Uh...well." she said, unscrewing the cap off of a bottle of moisturizer,
"I've...heard some things." she said slowly, placing the black cap at her side.
"I'm sure they're all true." Lily interjected quickly, dismissing the conversation.
"Actually, I punched Lily in the face. It was me." Will grunted as he walked by, scratching his stomach.
Lily let out a forced chuckle as Eliza began to rub moisturizer into her face....a bit forcefully.
Adam walked by, headphones in his ears. He had shaved his head again, and reminded Lily of one of those assholes that always started moshpits at shows.
"Fuck!" Lily whined as Eliza pressed the cotton ball against her bruise... just a little too hard.
"Ohp...Sorry." Eliza sighed, tapping a container of powdered concealer.
Lily furrowed her brow, watching Will take a seat from the corner of her eye.
"Why so rough, Eliza?" Will asked casually, crossing his legs,
"Having a..BAD day?" he asked, a hint of mockery in his voice.
Eliza tapped some powder into the lid and swirled a large, black brush around it,
"No Will, I'm having a great day, thanks." she said with a smile, bringing the brush to Lily's face and buffing the powder into her skin.
"I'm suuure you are." Will mumbled, watching Lily get made up.
He watched as Eliza applied some liquid concealer to her bruise with what he thought to be a paintbrush.
He noticed the tension between the way they silence.
It had always been more than clear to him that Eliza had been slightly jealous of her.
He saw they way she would look at her....always with a look of disdain.
And when Lily would talk to Gerard...whenever he would laugh, or smile...or more so BEAM, there would be a moment when Eliza would look livid..only to cover it up seconds later.
But Will new the truth.
She wanted his cock.
She had wanted it from the beginning.
And it killed her that he was into Lily.
He glanced over at Adam, rifling through the cabinets.
"Heeeeyyy, it's Mr. Clean!" he called with a grin as Adam walked by, Chex Mix in hand.
"Heeeey, it's my 12 year old little brother...." Adam mumbled, placing a cracker into his mouth.
"Na-ha, fuck you." Will sneered, turning his attention back to Lily.
"I'm assuming you can do your eyes yourself?" Eliza asked, placing everything back into her bag.
"Uh..yeah." Lily said somewhat coldly.
Eliza left a few seconds later, giving a frigid goodbye to everyone.
"What the fuck was that?" Lily asked, standing up and brushing the bits of powder off her shirt.
Lily hummed in surprise as she looked at her face in the hallway mirror,
"Heeeey, it's gone!" she said with a smile.
"Look." she said to Adam, turning around and pointing to her face,
"You can't see it."
"Cool." he said with a grin, eating his Chex Mix peacefully.
"She's just jealous of you, Lily." Will declared from the couch, pointing his index finger to the ceiling.
"Yeah." Ryan agreed.
"Jealous?" Lily echoed, digging through her bag for her liquid eyeliner and some purple powder,
"Gerard." Ryan answered, breezing past her.
"Yep." Will agreed, nodding slowly.
Lily furrowed her brow,
"I thought we all agreed we wouldn't use the G word anymore." she said with a sigh, dipping her brush into the violet eyeshadow.
"Oh sorry, 'Gheylord'." Will corrected, forming quotes with his fingers.
"Gheylord." Ryan repeated with a laugh, "How about 'Captain Douche'?"
Will laughed as Lily swept a thin layer of purple shimmer over her eyelids.
He proceeded to give Ryan a high-five as Lily applied liquid eyeliner.
"Was it just me," Lily asked, going over the other eyelid, "Or was she being kind of..a bitch?"
"I sensed some bitchiness." Ryan agreed with a nod.
"Yeah, me too." Will said with a sigh.
"What the fuck? I didn't even do anything to her." Lily said, putting on the finishing touches to her cat-eyeliner.
"We told you," Will began, "She's jealous."
"That the Gheylord likes you." Ryan interjected.
"And're kind of hot..sometimes." Will added.
Lily's jaw dropped as she almost started wheezing in silent laughter, hand over her chest.
Ryan chuckled as Lily spoke,
"William, did I just hear you..say that I'm HOT?"
"SOMETIMES." Will corrected, adding, "Too bad I hate you."
"So...she's jealous, huh?" Lily thought with a smile.
"Well then...I think it's about time I wore my mini skirt. And AND my push up bra..." Lily thought aloud,
"That BITCH." she sighed, rifling through her bags,
"I was nothing but nice to her."
"THANK YOU, SAN DIEGO!" Lily cried, hopping off the speakers as the thousands of fans screamed simultaneously, fading into one giant roar.
She blew them one last kiss and gave them one last wave before turning away, pulling down her skirt as she walked backstage, breathing heavily after singing her lungs out. She wiped the sweat off of her brow with a smile, catching Will's eyes, which had never looked so alive.
He always was his most vivacious after playing.
"That was AWESOME!" Will announced, high-fiving random roadies as he clutched his guitar strap.
Lily laughed quietly, a bit tired and sticky with sweat.
As she stood there with her band, Will discussing his shredding skills, another band brushing past them to take the stage, she thought about the tour.
She realized, for the first time in a quite awhile, how lucky she was.
She had gotten so used to this life on the road...and she realized, with wide eyes and her heart caught in her throat, how truly awesome it was.
She stared out at the crowd, the sea of bodies, then around her at the equipment and wires...Will's guitar hanging against his stomach, Adam's drumsticks in hand.
She looked down at her feet, her beat up sneakers, worn black from the stage and the pavement.
And then she smiled,
"I love this." she whispered under her breath, gazing out at the stage, heart still beating furiously beneath her chest.
And it was funny how they were all in the right place at the right time...and all of them, Will, Ryan, Adam and her, had caught this lightning in a bottle. They had captured something truly special..something that was their own. No one else could take it from them...or could they?
As much as Lily hated to admit it she had seen a lot of bands similar to hers...signed frantically to other labels. It made her slightly sick to see them onstage...people knew it was just for money, right? People knew that it was just a 2 dollar couldn't they see the resemblance? A cookie cutter act that would last a month before the label realized they couldn't write their own songs or play their guitars in more than one chord...and that would be it.
But maybe..just maybe one of those bands wasn't created in the studio..maybe one of them was made out of friendship..out of the desire to make something different and share it with the use new words to express the same old feelings....maybe there was at least one of those bands that was like Saint Lily.
But all she could do was do her best...push her boundaries..make a connection between her lyrics and her fans in the hopes that she could make someone's day better.
And she'd try her best to grow from the experiences she get a little tougher and a little wiser...learn more about herself.
She wanted to wait awhile before she plunged into the dating scene again.
Will even compiled her a list of guys she should date; one being Billy Idol, the other being 'that dude from Fall Out Boy...the guy that's always hanging around Mikey...Paul? No, PETE! Yeahhhh, THAT guy!'
Lily herself was partial to Brandon Flowers.
It was obvious she had a thing for guys in eyeliner.
But it would take longer for Lily to heal completely.
Sure, the bruise would disappear soon...but the memories would not.
She had been tugged and pulled for so long it was finally wearing on her.
And she couldn't help but kick herself for being in the middle of it..but was it really ALL her fault?
Lily snapped out of her daze.
Her heart couldn't help but pound at the mention of his name, much to her dismay.
She had been doing to her best to avoid him all week..and now he was here?!
"Hey Lily, we got to get out of here...Matt wants us back at the bus..he says.." Ryan began, only to stop short as he saw Bert being dragged backstage, megaphone in hand.
She could hear Gerard's voice in the distance..floating across the audience..sending shock waves through her body...
Fuck he had an awesome voice.
"What the fuck was that?" Will mumbled as Bert tore his arms from the grip of two large roadies.
"I..don't know." Lily whispered, watching him walk away, megaphone dangling from his fingertips.
Suddenly, Bert glanced over his shoulder.
Lily's heart froze as he stopped in his tracks, turning around to face her.
His brow was furrowed, mouth open and taking in shallow, quick breaths.
He stared straight at her..ignoring everything around him..the blare of the speakers...the vibrations..the roadies..Will's scowl..
His eyes were locked on a soft and sad way....
He looked tired..ragged..and there was something in the way he stared at her.
Like he was hurt.
In his eyes she could see it all...she could see his hand grabbing onto her, almost pleading her to love him back.
He loved her...
She had almost forgotten.
But how could she forget the look in his eyes...when he told her, in a small, broken, voice...that he loved her.
She remembered the trembling of his lower lip...the feeling as if she had suddenly been kicked in the stomach as she registered his words in her mind.
Bert loved her.
And she remembered all the things she wanted to say.
The little voice in the back of her mind, quickly beat down.
The little voice that was screaming as his deep blue eyes bore into her own,
locked into her...
Say something, Lily.
Say something.
But she couldn't...the words were caught in her throat.
In her pride..
In her stubborn ways.
In her fear of truly being in love...
The fear of just letting go and admitting to yourself how you truly feel..even though you're so damn scared.
He brushed the hair away from his cheeks, beginning to walk backwards, still locked in her gaze, a small grin on his face as he shook his head...was it of disbelief, of happiness? Of realization?
Before Lily could react he flashed her a very rude hand gesture and walked away,
"FUCKK THISSSS" he sang into the megaphone,
"Come on, Lily." Will whispered, pulling her away,
"Lets get out of here."
"Lily, there was nothing you could do."
"I should've called more I should've gave a fuck I should've done something I'm sucha fuckup I can't believe this is happening am I dreaming GOD NO, GOD NO."
And then the tears came in a a flood of salt water.
They covered her face...washing away the cover up...the eyeliner.
The mask.
They washed away Lily the rock star...and left nothing but Lily Ann...the little girl turned ballerina..turned drug addict.
They left the little girl who sang on christmas and made her grandma cry.
The 7 year old who refused to leave her mother's side when she was in the hospital for a week with pneumonia...
Who slept with the same teddy bear for 18 years.
Who still couldn't get over that broken snowglobe.
Her body shook as she crumpled up in a ball, head on her knees...sobbing.
She took in sharp, ragged breaths, body lurching forward in sobs.
Will, Ryan and Adam just sat there, staring at the floor.
Their eyes were blurry..softened.
Every time Lily sobbed...let out a small cry...their shields broke down.
Will stared at the cellphone on the ground..the one that had slipped from Lily's hands moments earlier...
"I should never have done this tour I should've stayed at home the second I heard about it but fucking NO I was STUPID and SELFISH and I THOUGHT IT'D BE OK WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?!!" Lily cried before breaking off into a sob.
She was babbling incomprehensibly, letting out all the regret and anger she felt...and they sat there..stunned.
She was beginning to she used to....
When she was having withdrawals...
Will put his hands over his eyes..a small droplet running down his wrist and down his arm...another followed..then another.

Saint Lily dropped out of Warped Tour that day.
Lily flew back to Chicago to be with her mother.
It was all so sudden...
The doctor said nothing would've saved was too late...they all should've seen it coming.
His arteries were constricted from the smoking...blocked by the cholesterol and bad habits through out the years.
The blood couldn't get through.
His heart couldn't take it.
Maybe if he had quit years before..
He was so sorry.
"Lily....Are you gonna be ok?"
"I don't know Will...I don't know."

End of part 1.
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