Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Apologies, Glances and Messed Up Chances.

I paint my sins on the ceiling and keep them glued to my chest

by sillyperson 1 review

Seasons chage but people don't does that mena the same for feelings? Its time to do whats right even if it means breaking someones heart. REVIEW

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: G - Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2007-07-03 - Updated: 2007-07-03 - 1161 words

Brendon's POV

It was that cold eerie silence again; I hated silences like this, there wasn't an escape route this time. I couldn't lie she knew that something was wrong. The occasional glance into my eyes sent shivers down my spine. I noticed her nervously pat out the creases on the end of her tee. My eyes were stinging some more as I felt the tears building back up waiting to be let out. I knew that they were blood shot and broken hearted but there wasn't really anything I could do to hide the way I truthfully felt. I stared down at my hands and the smell of dried blood still taunted my nostrils. I felt the tears scrape my cheeks again, the old scars were tearing away at my insides and I just couldn't handle it. I staggered to my feet and paced the corridor and found myself outside. The rain dripped hard on my head as the darkness started to overpower the sky. The rain was like the stars were bleeding. I heard someone's footsteps trembling along the corridor. He stood next to me and stared at the sky, letting the cold water hit firm on his face. I glimpsed into his swollen eyes and tried to search for a sign that it was going to be okay. He was the guy I would always go to when everything has gone to hell. I didn't want to forget how it feels to be alive; if he forgets that then everything has well and truly gone wrong.

"I remember her telling me when we were in high school that her favourite thing to do was to watch the stars." He said letting a small smile leak from his lips.

"Yeah and that night before graduation we were sat under a blanket of stars and she looked beautiful the way they shone off her cheeks." I said letting my mind get lost in the flood of memories leaking from my mind. Me and Ryan stood there are eyes both focusing on the same thing, a moment of tranquillity had come out of this day even though my head was being threatened by the icy cold stare of depression.

"It is gonna get easier, right?" I said shattering the mood completely.

"Yeah...but it might help if you set things straight with Jenna." He said while facing me.

"What do you mean?" I asked studying his facial expressions. He groaned irritably and scratched the back of his head.

"Brendon I can't believe you need a fucking definition for this. I heard those things you said to Elspeth in the back of the car, and I know when you're being honest and every word you cried out in that car was true. I don't know if Elspeth heard you or not but you need to tell Jenna how you feel, its hardly fair is it?" He said letting the anger inside him bulge out into a speech that melted into my mind.

"I know but...Elspeth she's always going to be the one in my mind that makes me feel like this, I can't just dump Jenna...not now." I said letting the tears stream down my face.

"Well either you tell her what you said or I will, do it for Hayley." He said while re-entering the building. I scuffed my feet on the floor and sat down on a bench that was reasonably dry considering the amount of rain that was falling from the sky above. I noticed a nurse smoking by the side of the hospital entrance.

She caught my eye, "Want a fag?" She asked openly.

"I need it." I sighed while taking one from her I searched around in my pocket for my lighter; I always carried one round on me since I had a habit for burning things. It was something Elspeth would always moan at me for. I lite it and it felt horrible. I had only ever smoked once, didn't really help then but it seemed the only way now. I put it in my mouth and lit it, the stench made me cough a little but my lungs got round it. It was like I had been doing it for years.

"You know how addictive that is?" I heard a voice asked from beside me.

"Yeah...but I need it." I said while puffing out rings of smoke and then wheezing heavily. She lowered her eyebrows with concern, didn't blame her to be fair, my state of mind wasn't exactly great. She sat down closely next to me, the wind wafted the scent of her perfume my way and the anxiety seemed to be building up inside me.

"Brendon you shouldn't smoke that." She sighed anxiously.

"You shouldn't worry about me, I'm a grown boy and I can look after myself. Anyway its only one fag." I said while puffing on it some more.

"Well I'm not going to kiss you when you've had that in your mouth." She said sternly.

"Fine by me," I muttered under my breath. My eyes glanced slyly into hers as I threw the cigarette but on the floor. I could sense the tension in the air, it had been a long day, Hayley and Elspeth were both in surgery and we were left here wondering. It was one of those times when no news was not a good thing. I stared at her and her eyes locked with mine; I didn't want to get lost in her eyes because it just made things harder. She buried her head into my chest and I instinctively put my arm around her.

"You smell all smokey." She said quietly.

"Well I have just had a fag." I said

" smell like vanilla kinda musky too. That's not your smell Brendon." She said while removing my arm from around her.

"Well I used a different soap this morning." I said while trying to hid up the fact that I had been with Elspeth last night. I felt like such a dick I hated lying to her but I couldn't tell her what had happened because it wasn't really fair. She raised her eyebrow and gave me a funny look, a look that sent daggers through my achy breaky heart.

"What?" I said while staring at my feet and slouching in my chair.

"You've been acting so bloody secretive recently, I'm not being funny or nothing but it's really starting to piss me off." She said openly while raising her voice a little.

"No...this is just who I am, you obviously just don't know this side to me." I said with a little bit of arrogance creeping into the shadow of my voice.

"Guys Elspeth's out of surgery!" Ryan shouted from the entrance of the hospital.

Review please would be good, someone could die next chap not to sure still undecided so review mite help a lil =]
Sign up to rate and review this story