Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Master of the Game.

When You're Gone.

by ClandestineUnited 3 reviews

This isn't the only goodbye you'll have to say.

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama, Romance - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2007-07-05 - Updated: 2007-07-05 - 2268 words

Hello, here I am,
And here we go,
Life's waiting to begin...

Patrick stared. He hadn't realized when he'd told Amanda he'd see her 'sooner than soon' when they said their goodbyes, that it would mean saying hello to a coffin. The room was empty before it filled up, and a simple white coffin lay at the front of the room, a picture of Amanda sitting on a small table next to it. Flowers surrounded it and their smell choked Patrick's nose, he couldn't breathe.
He walked toward the coffin, his hand outstretched and shaking as he moved closer. Pete, Andy and Joe watched from the doorway, their heads down, looking uncomfortable in their smart suits. He gingerly put his hand on the coffin as he approached the limit.
"Oh, God. I never though I'd have to do this." He said, letting the words out in a sigh that shook as he spoke.
"I've said goodbye to too many people the past year and a bit. And I've gotten ready to say goodbye but then have it all turn around before. I wish this was one of those times."
He let his head drop as he shook it in denial.
"Why the fuck did I have to say 'drive safe'? Of all the times I had to say it... the first time..."
"Jesus, Amanda, this is why I don't believe in God. Remember you used to ask me and I could never tell you? This is why. Because he takes everyone you care about. He's taken you from me, and me from you."
He took a deep breath as he looked up at the ceiling before back to the coffin.
"We would have been really happy together, you know that right? I had plans... we were gonna get married. Granted you said yes, first. And we would have been so happy. Then we could maybe have had more kids."
"You were always great with Danni and Josh. And I never told you how great you were. You were beyond amazing. You held my hand through everything and I was so selfish. Everything was about me but you never said. You were loyal and you never doubted me, even when I doubted myself."
The words didn't come as easy as he broke down again after glancing at the photo of her on the table, just as he had the night before.
"I couldn't have asked to meet a better person than you that day. Most people wouldn't look twice at a small, nervous guy with two kids but you didn't care, you didn't care..."
Pete took one step into the room, knowing what was coming.
"Manda... don't leave me here, baby. Don't make me do this alone. I can't do this by myself, please. Come back, come back, please."
He dropped to his knees and Andy and Joe moved with Pete as they walked towards him.
"It was going to be perfect. You can't let me do this. Don't do this to me. Please, I love you. I love you, stay with me. I'm begging you."
"Come on, Patrick." Pete said quietly as he put one arm under Patrick's to haul him up. Andy did the same as he fought against them and cried.
"No, don't take me away from her. Please."
They silently led him away, the only sound was Patrick's heart-wrenching sobs as they faded.

"Amanda was the best sister anyone could ask for. She was always there for you and she always, always put you first. No matter how big her own problems were, she helped you out. When we were growing up, she never let me down. She was more than my sister, she was my best friend."
"Amanda was always the person who would walk in a room and make everyone smile. I was so proud she was my daughter, and there wasn't anything I would change about her. Well, maybe the fact she did spend hours in the mirror. But we can overlook that, because she was beautiful."
Patrick sat staring at his knees blankly. This wasn't how he should be meeting Amanda's family. He should be having dinner with them, sharing childhood stories and laughing while holding her hand under the table.
"And now we'll hear from Patrick Stump... Amanda's partner."
He jumped when he heard his name. He didn't know he'd have to talk.
"No." He whispered to Pete.
"Go on, Patrick. Do it for Amanda." Pete said, putting his hand on his shoulder as he stood up.
Patrick walked shakily to the front of the room, terrified his legs would give way or that he would break down. He took a few seconds to compose himself before he looked up. It was his worst nightmare. He hated talking in front of people more than anything.
"To me, Amanda was..." He paused. The words were caught in his throat, and the tears were forming in his eyes again. "She was everything. She was everything I imagined my life when I was older. She was perfect in so many ways. And I know that most of you have never met me in your life, and I'm sorry this is the only way you find out about me. I really would have made a better impression than I am now. I wouldn't be blotchy and shaky. Amanda made me who I am, she was there when I fell apart last year, and she took me on, along with my two babies. And she never complained. She never complained when I got up in the night to check on them and woke her up in the process, and she didn't mind that our first dates consisted of walks around the park and giving my kids lunch. I really love her. I'm not going to use past tense, because I know she's here. And she always will be."
He took a deep breath, holding onto the podium until his knuckles turned white. He looked towards the coffin, although it was hard to see for his obscured vision.
"I love you Amanda. Everyone in this room loves you, and we're all going to miss you like hell."
Pete watched, sitting next to Andy and Joe as Patrick spoke. He looked awful, and obviously, he didn't blame him. His face had lost that naturally red cheeked glow he usually had, and his eyes were blank and bloodshot. None of the Patrick spark was in his eyes anymore. In a few days he'd lost so much weight, refusing to eat more than the crackers Pete forced him to eat, sometimes literally force feeding him, and the endless cups of tea that Pete made had him had drained him. His voice was permanently shaking, like he'd lost control of any other tone to his voice. This wasn't Patrick, this was a ghost of him.

"Patrick?" A female voice sounded from his right hand side, and he whipped around, his first unconscious thought was that it was a dream. Yes, it was a dream, he was waking up with Amanda by his side, waking him up because he'd slept so long.
"I'm Isabelle, Amanda's mother."
Patrick took in her appearance, she was short, ever so slightly taller than him, and had green eyes that were reminiscent of Amanda's, but slightly duller and more worn out looking.
"Oh, hey."
"That was a beautiful speech you made." Isabelle said, holding out her hand. Patrick took it and nodded.
"Thank you. I wasn't exactly expecting to..." He broke off.
"None of us were." Isabelle said. "And I apologize. Amanda had told me you weren't a fan of speaking to crowds. But I thought we owed her it."
"She... she told you about me?"
"Oh, darling, she worshipped you. She would be on the phone to me for hours, 'Mom, I've met this lovely guy,' or, 'Mom, I'm finally in love,'."
"She said that?"
"She did. And she was right... you are a lovely young man."
"T...thanks." Patrick stuttered. "I thought she was... wonderful."
"Anyone could see that. The way you talked about her, it showed how much you adored her."
"I really did. I do." Patrick corrected his tense.
"She had high hopes for you two, and I know you did as well." Isabelle told him, and he responded with a slight nod. "She was always jabbering on about your children. She loved them."
"She did." Patrick smiled. "She was amazing with them."
"She wanted to be a mother. One night she told me that she wanted to settle down - and she knew she wanted it to be with you."
Patrick's chest ached as the words met his ears, and he swallowed to avoid the tears that were again threatening him.
"I wanted to have a family with her. I wanted to be a family."
"I know you did, honey. She'll be glad to hear you say that. I'm proud she fell in love with such a wonderful man."
She smiled at him and moved away, leaving Patrick feeling, if it was possible, happier and worse than he had before, at the same time.


"In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our sister, Amanda, and we commit her body to the ground; earth to earth; ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless her and keep her, the Lord make her face shine upon her and be gracious unto her and give her peace. Amen."
Pete put his arm around Patrick as he covered his face with his sleeve. The only sounds were the Reverend's solemn voice as the mourners gathered around the graveside.
"I miss her, Pete."
"I know you do. We all do."

After the service, everyone had faded away back to Amanda's parents' house for the after funeral gathering. Patrick, however, had stayed by the grave despite everyone else departing.
"Patrick? Are you coming?" Joe asked, laying a hand on his shoulder. Patrick flinched, like usual the past week whenever someone touched him or called his name.
"Yeah... just give me a few minutes. I want to say goodbye properly."
"Alright." Joe said, with a nod as he walked away. Patrick turned back towards the grave and shook his head.
"Remember that time you told me about that Irvin Berlin guy? And you said it would be cool to live until 101, just like he did. That would have been so amazing. We could have been old people together. Like, white beards and walking sticks, the whole thing. Not that you'd have a white beard... obviously. White armpit hair, maybe. But... God. I wish you were here to stop me talking, you always did. I loved that look you would just give me, you wouldn't say a word... just put your hand on my arm and looked at me. I'll miss that. And now I'm gonna keep looking like an idiot 'cause you won't be here to stop me talking."
He stopped and swallowed, looking around the grave yard before looking back.
"I looked up that Irving guy. And I saw on of his lyrics, and II thought it was fitting...'The song is ended, but the melody lingers on'."
He stopped again, a shiver creeping through his body.
"I'll miss you so much, darling. Just, promise me one thing... don't forget about me up there?"
He took his hand off the grave stone and took a step back, bending down.
He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small box.
"I was gonna give this to you." He whispered, his voice shaking with emotion as he held it out in his outstretched hand.
"I was going to propose to you. It was gonna be dead romantic."
He gasped and buried his head in his hands.
"I'm so sorry. It was a figure of speech... I'm so sorry. Forgive me."
He gently let the ring fall from his hands and watched as it spun, and made a quiet clink on the wood as it rested. He stood up, inhaled deeply and placed his hands in his pockets.
"I love you. Come see me sometime, please?"
He walked away and in the direction of the parking lot, where Pete, Andy and Joe were leaning against the car, looking at the ground or their feet, fidgeting in their best black suits. Pete opened the door for Patrick as he came closer, and Patrick stopped, looked at them, and in the short glance he gave them, they knew he was thanking them for everything, for being there, helping him, just being themselves.
"Thanks." He whispered hoarsely as he sat in the car.
"You're welcome." Pete whispered back.

Any type of love it will be shown,
Like every single tree reach for the sky,
If you're gonna fall I'll let you know,
That I will pick you up like you for I,

I thought this thing life can't replace,
Where everyone was working for this goal,
Where all the children left without a trace,
Only to come back as pure as gold,
To recite this all.

Alright, people, I'm going to drop this on you almost as suddenly as Amanda's death. The next chapter will be the last. I'm already working on the sequel, so don't worry. I want to thank every single one of you who's reviewed and rated this story over the time I've written it. I appreciate it and I love you all. The sequel will probably be up in a few hours, knowing me. So wait for the next chapter!
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