FicWad

"So this is how you're killing your time now?" I heard the front door slam and Patricks voice come into the living room. Everyone was out for the night except for me because I didn't feel up to it after the events of last night. I was sitting on the couch wearing short shorts and a over sized long sleeved Lions hoodie. My legs were stretched out on the coffee table and next to me on the couch was an almost empty 26 bottle of Vodka. I pulled the blanket over myself and sneered as Patrick sat down beside me.

"What do you except, you want me to jump for joy?" I grabbed the remote control for the television and changed the channel to a repeat of Dawson's Creek. Joey and Dawson were fighting like usual. Patrick grabbed the remote control from my hand and turned off the television. He then reached for my bottle of Vodka in attempts to take it away from me but I quickly grabbed that and held it out of his reach before he could grab it.

"Look Patrick, You can keep your secrets with Pete from me, you can turn off the channel, you can lie to me, you can pretend to be my best friend in the whole entire world, you do stab me in the back, I dont care anymore. But the minute you try to take away the only thing thats numbing my pain right now, that's when I have to stop you. That's where I draw the line." I sighed and sat straight up, "and as far as anything else is concerned, why do you even care? You didn't care enough to tell me that I was setting myself up to be hurt coming out here again, you knew." I stopped and looked him directly in his eyes, "and you didn't care enought to do anything before it happened."

I stood up with my bottle of Vodka and tried my best to maintain my balance, I walked away from Patrick not feeling any sort of emotion towards my so called best friend at the moment. The world had crashed around me last night and I was still standing, which was sort of a victory for me because I figured at the moment I would have run away. I walked away from Patrick and out to the patio and to the pool area. I took off my shirt and that left me in my shorts and bikini top. I set my bottle down on the side of the pool area and dove into the water of the pool. I swam up to the side and grabbed my vodka, taking a big swig again. I saw Patrick walk out into the pool side area in shorts, with a towel strung over his arm. He looked like he was ready to take a swim as well. I swallowed the vodka that was resting in my mouth and felt the burn in the back of my throat, as much as it stung, it was quite relieving as well. Patrick slipped into the side of the water, shivering at the temperature. I didn't find it near as cold as he did, but I was from Canada and used to it being cold.

"Can I talk to you without you ignoring me or drinking the problems away?" Patrick swam over to me and I took another harsh drink from the bottle, keeping my eyes locked with his. "Okay, I'll take that as a no, but I'm going to talk anyways. I think I deserve a fair chance at this."

"Patrick, why in god's name do you think you deserve a fair chance? If anyone, anyone at all in this situation deserved a fair chance it was me, I did! You gave me the impression that it was good to come out, when deep down you knew it was going to end up like this and here we are. I don't think you deserve two seconds of my time right now let alone a fair chance to talk to me. As far as I'm concerned you're lucky I haven't cut all of you out of my life." I set the bottle down and took a deep breath, "Ask me if it's fair that my so called best set me up for failure and heartbreak, because right now I'm not ready enough to even be within ten feet of you so you can save your fair chance for another day because today, is not your day."

I hopped out of the pool soaking wet, I left Patrick in the pool by himself. I was soaking wet walking through the house when I heard the front door open and two familiar voices come through the door. The voice were those of Joe and Pete. I stopped for a second and Pete's voice stopped talking in the middle of a sentence. His eyes locked with mine and I felt my heart start to beat faster and faster. I couldn't let him see me right now knowing full and well that I was weak enough to let him come back into my life because I always was a sucker like that. I walked up to the stairs and continued my way up to the bedroom where I was staying at. I sighed and leaned against the bedroom door once it was closed. I slid down the back of the door and put my head into my hands. I couldn't believe that Pete was acting like there was nothing going on and that everything was okay. My heart was breaking and everything was not okay, it would never be okay agian.

I jumped slightly when there was a knocking at the door and it started to open slightly. I moved quickly and wiped the tears off of my cheeks, I didn't want any of them to see me in my moment of weakness. I bit my lip when I looked up and realised it was Pete who was walking into the bedroom. I backed away and crossed my arm over my chest to create what i thought was somewhat of a defensive barrier. Pete stepped very carefully into the bedroom and turned the light on, the light illuminated the room and made the bruise and scratches on his face more prominent then ever. I smiled inwardly at what an amazing job I did on his face, as evil as it sounds, it made me feel sort of better about the whole situation. I sighed and sat down on the bed, sinking into the matress, I pulled my one leg under me and waited. Pete stepped in front of me and stuck his hands into his pockets. No words had been said between either of us, which was making for the situation to turn out completely awkward.

"Kate, I." Pete rolled my name off of the tip of his tounge like it was so easy for him to do. Part of me deep down wanted to sit there and forgive him and make it all worth it again but my pride and morals weren't letting it happen. I was too good for this, I was too good to let any of this happen to me.

"I don't want to hear anything else from you Pete. There's no simple or complex explanation for anything right now because no one liners could fix this broken mess. You don't have to explain your actions or your lack of thinking because I've heard the excuses already and I'm perfectly fine without hearing anymore of them. You don't need to worry about me Pete, I'll be just fine, I've got over this drama before and there is no doubt in my mind that I can do it again because that's what I do, that's what we do. I'll be gone tomorrow and you won't have to worry about me ever again in your life." I couldn't hold it in anymore, I felt the tears start to pour down my cheeks.

"Why can't you just listen to me for one fucking second? Don't you think I want you in my life, I can't lose you. I can't lose you again." Pete fell down to his knees in front of me and tried to grab my hands. "Goddamnit."

"You've already lost me Pete, this time I'm already gone." I pulled my leg up to my chest as close as I could.

"Why do you do this everytime?" Pete stood up and started to walk away, but turned and walked back to me again, "You know, I dont even care anymore, running away was the only thing you were good at anyways."

Pete walked out and slammed his fist against the wall by the door, leaving a remarkably big dent in the wall for whoever to come back to. He slammed the door again and I sobbed even harder. This was the worst feeling in the world to feel so alone and morning was not that far away. I promised myself that I would give this up, that I would give them up because I couldn't believe how betrayed I felt by everyone, these people were my friends, not only just my friends by my family, the only people I had in my entirety that would accept and love me for the flaws and scars that I have as a person. I got enough energy and pulled myself together. I got off of the bed and grabbed my suitcase, throwing everything that I had out of it, back into it. I was leaving, and this was no or never. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt and pulled my puse together too. I looked up the numbers to the airport and called, booking a flight out to Toronto as soon as possible. The receptionist said that the earliest she had available for the night was around 9pm. It was already four in the afternoon and I had to be there three hours early. I gave her the numbers to my credit card and my information and it was all set. I was going home.

Maybe the irrational idea that I was leaving so quickly came from the alcohol that I had consumed, but maybe the fact that everything was happening counteracted the fact that I had had the alcohol in my system and this was giving me the ability to finally walk away from this drama in my life.

I grabbed a piece of paper off of the table and a pen and sat down on the bed and wrote one last note to Pete before I decided to emerge downstairs. I sat down and started to write.

'Pete,

Maybe you're right and the only thing I was ever good at doing is running away, but part of you will always have my heart. I hope this was all worth it, I'll see you around.

Kate.'

My gut started to hurt after signing my name, but I knew this was right, I knew this had to be done. I ripped out the paper and set it beside me, and I decide it would be decent enough to write Patrick, Andy and Joe a note as well.

'Guys,
I want to thank you for everything you've all done for me in my life. At one point or another you've made everything worthwhile, you made it worth living for. I want to thank you for the good times and I want to thank you for the bad. Keep an eye on Pete, you know he'll need you. Don't worry, I'll be fine, I am fine. I'll see you guys around.
Kate.'

I sighed and walked over to the door. I opened it and accross the hall was Pete's bedroom, I crossed the hall and opened his door, he wasn't in the room so I walked over to his bed and placed my note onto his night stand. I took a look around the room and then took a deep breath. This would be a smell I could never forget, it was the smell of my one and only, the only person I've ever felt so deeply about, the only person that had enough of me to break my heart. And break my heart he did.

I closed out of his bedroom and closed the door behind me, I grabbed my bags and headed for the stairs, I stopped at the top of the stairs and took a deep breath. I held my balance and walked down the flight of stairs that led into the kitchen. Patrick and Andy were sitting in the kitchen, Andy was on a stool against the island in the middle of the kitchen reading a news paper and Patrick was cleaning some dishes. Joe was in the living room play video games and I could see Pete out by the pool. I dropped my bags by the lobby of the door. Joe walked out of the living room and stood beside me. He reached out and started to rub my arm but I smiled thankfully and brushed his hand off. I didn't want nor did I need pity. Patrick and Andy both stopped what they were doing and looked at me. Patricks jaw hit the ground when he saw that my bags were packed and I looked like I was ready to go.

"I need someone to drive me to the airport." I tried to sound as confident as I could when I was speaking and I didn't know who I was trying to convince myself or the others. I looked over Andys shoulder and I could see Pete looking into the kitchen through the glass at me. He looked like he didn't care if I fell off of the face of the earth or not at all.

"Please." Joe grabbed the keys and opened the door for me. I smiled and he grabbed a bag to help me out. I was so relieved that Patrick didn't volunteer to drive me to the airport because I didn't want to listen to him try and make small talk with me about what happened, and I didn't want to say goodbye to Patrick at the airport because there was still a part of me that wanted to forgive him.

It was a long awkward silence to the airport with Joe, not that it was affecting me greatly because I liked Joe. He was the one who wouldn't press any issues and would let you come talk to him when you wanted and felt it was okay to. I checked into the airport and went through security with Joe by me the whole time. He waited with me until it was loading time. The boarding call was mumbled over the airport speakers and I stood up, Joe stood up with me as well. I pulled my carry on over my shoulder and looked up to Joe. I felt my eyes welling up with tears and I forced a smile on my face. This was it, the turning point where I was giving up my entire friendships and a good majority of my life. Joe rubbed his fingers under my eyes and wiped my tears away, I smiled and stiffled a laugh and reached up and pulled Joe into a hug.

"Thank you Joe, for everything. And I really mean it, honestly. You're a good guy. Please keep in touch and watch out for Pete. I'll miss you guys so much, okay?" I pulled away from Joe and started to walk slowly away.

"Take care kiddo, I love you and stay safe. Call me once you land." Joe smiled and waved as I walked off into the line-up for the plane. I handed the lady my ticket and walked into the tunnel that would lead out to my plane. I smiled back to Joe once more before I disappeared. I walked the long way into the plane and after slowly shuffling down the isle, I found my seat. I pulled out my iPod and laptop and sat down into my window seat. I smiled to myself and then got ready for take off. Part of me wanted to jump off of the plane and run back to the guys, but part of me wanted to keep on going, which was exactly what I was going to do for the moment. For the most part, Pete was right, the only thing I was good at was running away, but I needed to get away from him. This was me saying goodbye to the past and starting something completely new and exciting, I could feel it. This was right.