Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Imperium Rising
Setting The Board
7 reviewsIn this game of chess, even while one game is played yet another is being prepared.
5Exciting
Reviews
Imperium Rising
(#) forbin 2007-07-11
Heheh, sweet! HK makes an appearance! It's also good to see that a worthy opponent will perhaps be seen soon. Keep up the good work!Imperium Rising
(#) JaredDrake 2007-07-11
HK-47!!!! WOOOOHOOOO YESYES!!!! I love that guy.
Hmmm...better chapter. Much better than chapter 2 I would think.Imperium Rising
(#) DarkeGray 2007-07-11
Awesome, I love HK-47, I love how you brought him in at the end, I also hope Dumbles understands what he did when he put Harry in prison. I can't wait to see the confrontation between Dion and Dumbles.Imperium Rising
(#) Alorkin 2007-07-11
I actually don't like this story. Not that it isn't well written, as it is, and not that it is not thought provoking, because, again, it is, but because I truly hate to see Harry go dark. (I also usually won't read slash, or Harry paired with shudder Pansy.)
Your story begins with a standard 'Harry gets set up and everybody including HIS TWO BEST FRIENDS desert him in a heartbeat. (I never can understand that!) Sometimes I wonder if the wizarding world is too stupid to survive at all. No, make that all the time!
As Signior Benedick said: "It is too short for a tall praise, too plain for a grand praise, too brown for a fair praise and were it that which it is not, and not that which it is, I can say that I like it not." Or something of the sort. Shakespeare was never my strong suite.
Grammatically, There are a couple places where the wording is kind of dicey, you'll use the same word twice in the same sentence with each repetition having a slightly different meaning, such as: "A blood soaked shadow that sought to consume the world in it's all consuming rage." Mebby a better choice would have been: "...engulf the world..." though I like the 'blood soaked shadow. Mind if I steal it? There are only two other examples of that type of bumf here, so I can say your writing is better than mine.
My other complaint is that you never really explained how Harry/Darth Dion managed to build all this neat technology, other than the crystal in his Lightsaber.(Nice touch, that.) Current technology will not support the repulsorlift systems that the LAAT's, Torrent Fighters and Nova Wings require. Not to mention the infiltrator is a unique craft relying on technology that does not yet exist. Also, where is he going to put a thirty five hundred foot long star destroyer?
This has a strong potential, with some polishing, to become a great story, and for that I shall set aside my dislike of a(n understandably) dark Harry and continue to read.
I have placed this on my 'alerts' list and hope to read more soon. AlorkinImperium Rising
(#) jabarber69 2007-07-12
Hey I like your story, it has one hell of an interesting plot but I have noticed something you have alot of misspelled words and it seems to me (of course I could be wrong) that there is a pattern and that pattern looks like your doing it deliberate cause you got a lot of big name star wars technical words right but then alot of other words you either left out one letter or switched two letters in a row, which points to you either doing it deliberate or something funny is going on. Usually when someone misspells words then the whole word is wrong. If by chance I'm wrong, which I probably am, then I have a solution, just spell check before posting you will be amazed by the results!
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