Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Look For The Boy with a Broken Smile
4-30-2006
After two hours of Patrick being nowhere to be found, I got up from the couch and pulled on my hoodie.
"Allie where-" I heard Joe begin.
The door was already shut and I trudged down the hall. I just had to figure out where he could be. He hadn't taken the car keys so he couldn't be too far.
Whenever Patrick got mad or upset, he would go somewhere quiet. He loved nature and anytime he was angry he would go sit outside by the stream in the woods near our houses. So I automatically thought of the ocean. I walked down the street almost lifelessly. The whole time I was thinking about Pete. Why the hell would he do that? He had flirted with me a couple times but that didn't mean anything. He flirted with Patrick, Andy and Joe too. He had never shown any signs of liking me.
I would never look at Peter as my older brother again. That trust is now long gone.
I came to a pier as it was starting to get dark. My eyes scanned the sandy beach, looking for him. There was a long wooden dock jutting out over the water and at the end was a black outline of a figure, contrasting against the sky that was painted pink and orange by the sunset. I walked slowly and quietly toward the end of the creaky wooden dock. As I neared, I saw Patrick staring down into the glassy water, swinging his legs rhythmically over the edge.
Hesitantly, I sat down carefully beside him. He didn't move an inch.
I sat there for a minute or two, staring out over the ocean.
Patrick did the same, only he kept sweeping tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie.
"Look, I understand how mad you are-"
"I'm not mad." he muttered,staring blankly at the crashing waves.
"You have every right to be."
"I just thought you were different. You can't blame me. You're a good faker."
"I don't love Pete. You should know-"
"I want to believe that so badly. More than you will ever know. I just don't know what to believe right now."
"It was against my will. Pete just came out of nowhere and-"
I looked up and for the first time we made eye contact.
"I should have known you were too good to be true." he said painfully.
"Patrick, no. Listen pleas-"
"No YOU listen. Do you understand what you are to me? You're the girl that can change how my heart beats with a smile. You make me forget who I am and make me think of who I want to be. You're the reason why I sing, and you're the reason I'm breathing. Do you know that before I met you I was this-"he motioned with his hand"- close to taking myself out. I had no reason to exist, I was a waste of space. You gave me a reason to live. If I could wake up and see you smile every day, that alone would be worth sticking around for."
Nobody had ever said anything like this to me before.
"And you don't think I love you just as much?"
He shook his head.
"You have to believe me ,Patrick. He kissed me. I was trying to get away. Why would I ever risk losing you?"
"Allie, all I'm saying is I just thought you would be the first person I met that wouldn't hurt me." he stood up.
I lost it. I buried my head in my hands and started sobbing. It was completely dark now and only a few dim streetlights illuminated at the end of the dock.
It seemed like I was crying forever. I felt familiar arms wrap around my shoulder and waist.
I buried my head in his neck and it made me feel safe, like I always did when he held me.
He rested his head on my shoulder.
After a while, he guided my chin to look up at him. His lips touched mine in the most gentle way possible, and he wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes, and caught them before they slid down my cheeks.
"Hey." he said, so I looked into his eyes. "I believe you."
He kissed my forehead. I knew he meant it.
We started back to the hotel.
As we were walking, the silence was broken.
"Can I tell you something?"
"Of course." I said.
"Even if you had kissed Pete, and told him you wanted to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him right in front of me, I wouldn't have stopped caring about you. It's impossible for me to quit you."
After two hours of Patrick being nowhere to be found, I got up from the couch and pulled on my hoodie.
"Allie where-" I heard Joe begin.
The door was already shut and I trudged down the hall. I just had to figure out where he could be. He hadn't taken the car keys so he couldn't be too far.
Whenever Patrick got mad or upset, he would go somewhere quiet. He loved nature and anytime he was angry he would go sit outside by the stream in the woods near our houses. So I automatically thought of the ocean. I walked down the street almost lifelessly. The whole time I was thinking about Pete. Why the hell would he do that? He had flirted with me a couple times but that didn't mean anything. He flirted with Patrick, Andy and Joe too. He had never shown any signs of liking me.
I would never look at Peter as my older brother again. That trust is now long gone.
I came to a pier as it was starting to get dark. My eyes scanned the sandy beach, looking for him. There was a long wooden dock jutting out over the water and at the end was a black outline of a figure, contrasting against the sky that was painted pink and orange by the sunset. I walked slowly and quietly toward the end of the creaky wooden dock. As I neared, I saw Patrick staring down into the glassy water, swinging his legs rhythmically over the edge.
Hesitantly, I sat down carefully beside him. He didn't move an inch.
I sat there for a minute or two, staring out over the ocean.
Patrick did the same, only he kept sweeping tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie.
"Look, I understand how mad you are-"
"I'm not mad." he muttered,staring blankly at the crashing waves.
"You have every right to be."
"I just thought you were different. You can't blame me. You're a good faker."
"I don't love Pete. You should know-"
"I want to believe that so badly. More than you will ever know. I just don't know what to believe right now."
"It was against my will. Pete just came out of nowhere and-"
I looked up and for the first time we made eye contact.
"I should have known you were too good to be true." he said painfully.
"Patrick, no. Listen pleas-"
"No YOU listen. Do you understand what you are to me? You're the girl that can change how my heart beats with a smile. You make me forget who I am and make me think of who I want to be. You're the reason why I sing, and you're the reason I'm breathing. Do you know that before I met you I was this-"he motioned with his hand"- close to taking myself out. I had no reason to exist, I was a waste of space. You gave me a reason to live. If I could wake up and see you smile every day, that alone would be worth sticking around for."
Nobody had ever said anything like this to me before.
"And you don't think I love you just as much?"
He shook his head.
"You have to believe me ,Patrick. He kissed me. I was trying to get away. Why would I ever risk losing you?"
"Allie, all I'm saying is I just thought you would be the first person I met that wouldn't hurt me." he stood up.
I lost it. I buried my head in my hands and started sobbing. It was completely dark now and only a few dim streetlights illuminated at the end of the dock.
It seemed like I was crying forever. I felt familiar arms wrap around my shoulder and waist.
I buried my head in his neck and it made me feel safe, like I always did when he held me.
He rested his head on my shoulder.
After a while, he guided my chin to look up at him. His lips touched mine in the most gentle way possible, and he wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes, and caught them before they slid down my cheeks.
"Hey." he said, so I looked into his eyes. "I believe you."
He kissed my forehead. I knew he meant it.
We started back to the hotel.
As we were walking, the silence was broken.
"Can I tell you something?"
"Of course." I said.
"Even if you had kissed Pete, and told him you wanted to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him right in front of me, I wouldn't have stopped caring about you. It's impossible for me to quit you."
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