Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Apologies, Glances and Messed Up Chances.

How can I tell you an answer when I don't even know the question?

by sillyperson 2 reviews

Crying was couldn't really out run it today. But hey doesn't everyone cry at a funeral especially when its for your best friend Read and review please

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: G - Genres: Drama, Romance - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2007-07-21 - Updated: 2007-07-21 - 1558 words

Brendon's POV

I stared at the black box, that black box that would carry her for the rest of eternity. I felt the tears weep from my eyelids; it was like a disease today, I glanced at Elspeth and Jon who were sat next to me and Jenna, it was as if it was being passed on in a chain. I felt a hard lump form in my throat as Spencer glanced at me and I was called up to the stand to read out my speech about Hayley. The walk up towards her coffin was the longest of my life, if felt like someone had hit the slowdown button on the TV remote, it made the pain sting stronger and the tears seemed to let themselves out with more consistency. I gently wiped my eyes as I pulled out the small piece of paper that summed up all the good memories that we had.

"Hayley..." I cleared my throat for a second, "Hayley was just a great person, she didn't deserve pass away the way she did. She always made everyone smile, and she always knew the right thing to do. I lost count of the amount of times I had gone to her for advice...and it always seemed to be the right one. A few days ago we were having this conversation and she said to me...that she couldn't be happier because she could close her eyes knowing that Spencer Smith loved her." I said while feeling my throat start to tighten as I spoke the last line. I looked down at the coffin that was laid near to me. I wiped away a tear, "Rest in peace Hayley." I said while then breaking down.


Pete's POV

I opened the door to my apartment and hoped for a greeting from Hemingway but I'd sent him to my parents while I was on tour. So it was just me and my dirty conscience again. I collapsed onto the sofa and I knew that I shouldn't be sat here on my ass.

"I need to be there." I muttered under my breath.

I jumped to my feet and ripped off my hoody; I quickly ran upstairs and pulled open the door to my room. I stared at an unfamiliar piece of paper that was sat on my bed. I slowly walked over towards it and nervously picked it up. When I was at the lodge I had escaped reality, I had taken the losers way out. I didn't realise that when I remerged from the desert that it would be so shocking. I sat down on my bed and picked up my TV remote and flicked on the news.

"Today is the funeral of stab victim Hayley Smith. Her friends and family have all gathered at trinity graveyard for her burial." The news reader read out those words and it sent chills down the back of my spine.

My eyes glanced over all of the scenes of my friends grieving for their loss. I should be there with them, not sat here watching on the sidelines. I stared at the note and I carefully opened it letting the content make my heart bleed.

I'm sorry I know I may have made a mistake but yours is greater and maybe we're just not meant to be. You let me down...and now you've stolen my heart and won't give it me back. What's happened is all just a blur...a painful blur. I just want to forget...we lived a lie...when I could have lived it with someone I truly loved. However cheesy this sounds I hope we can still be friends.
Elsie X

I let the tears melt from my eyelids down my face and land delicately on the paper, smudging her neat handwriting. I noticed that most of her stuff had gone, I knew it was over. What was the point of even bothering breathing out words that she wouldn't even hear. Although I didn't love her how I wanted too there would always be a place locked in my heart for her. I placed the note on my bed and jumped up.

"Let's go say goodbye." I muttered while then delving into my cupboard for one of my best suits.

Back at Hayley's funeral...

Brendon's POV

I felt my mind run off as the vicar spoke the words as Hayley's coffin was gently lowered into the cold moist ground. The rain was hitting hard on the umbrella that I was sharing with Jenna. I had always liked the rain it seemed familiar but it had bad timing...just like me. I felt like I was in the middle of everything I knew I needed to say something but I just couldn't. My timing was never great, I just never was the guy that knew what to do, act on impulse is what my mum always used to say. I felt Jenna's arm intertwine with mine and I pulled her closer towards me, I let the tears roll down my cheeks as the words pierced my ears.

"From ashes to ashes, from dust to dust, rest in piece Hayley." The vicar said while the coffin met the floor of its new home.

"I'm sorry." I whispered softly to Jenna. I pulled her into a hug as I watched Spencer slowly approach the open hole.

He stared at the blood red rose and as his tears merged with the raindrops on the floor he threw it in letting it rest eternally with Hayley. Since the service was over some people had started to make there way back to their cars so they could grieve in their own privacy. I slowly walked down the path with Jenna and eventually Spencer and Elspeth caught up with us.

"Spence I'm..." I trailed off.

"I know," He said trying to string a sentence together, "Everyone is." He said while wiping his red puffy eyes.

"Spencer...I'll give you a ride home...see you later guys." Jenna said while pecking me on the cheek. I watched them walk off towards her car so they were out of sight.

My eyes were drawn to Elspeth who was stood staring at the floor; it was times like these when I ask myself whats the point. I had lost the words in my head and all I could think about was what I was doing wrong.

"It's slowly falling apart." She said while continuing to stare the floor, I just wanted to get a glimpse of her face.

"What is?" I asked while inching closer towards her.

"Do I really need to explain?" She paused and drew her swollen watery eyes towards mine, "Today is the day where you need that special someone to hold you...and where is he? Well you know that. You always make promises and you say you love me but you don't Brendon. You can't." She paused and gently wiped her eye that she could see out of. "You always come close but never close enough...I don't want to feel like this anymore." She cried. I felt the tears crash to my eyelids as I just stood there since I couldn't think of anything to say. I wasn't a man of many words and I never knew what to say.

I am an idiot.

"Elspeth..." I muttered the whole day was such a blur, "Your're just wrong...but if that's the way you feel then so be it. I tell you though we have been through worse than this and only now you start to doubt it. Well I'm sorry. I'm just glad we kicked this out of the way and I know the answers a no...heck...I wouldn't marry me." I said while letting my eyes swell.

I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket, turned around and walked out of her sight. I lit my fag and continued to walk in a wonky line; it was like I was slurry after drinking...well if you could drink a broken heart that is. I lent up against a wall that was jagged and old, I sighed while letting some of the smoke ooze out of my mouth with it.

"I never said the answer was no." I heard a voice mumble from the side of me. I quickly turned and noticed Elspeth's quivering body standing right before my eyes.

"I just want us to laugh again...we never laugh anymore...only cry. I hate crying because I feel drained after, I hate feeling drained. I know I shouldn't let it go to my head but-"

"It just does." I butted in so she could regain her composure as more tears bled from her eye. She shyly nodded while biting her bottom lip, I never really did quite get that but I suppose it was just one of those things...that I wasn't meant to understand. I placed my cigarette into my mouth and gently pulled her into my arms.

"I knew it wouldn't take you long." I heard a voice spit spitefully from behind me. I felt Elspeth's body freeze as she whispered his name in my ear..."Pete."

Please read and review next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for all the reviews so far muchly appreichiated =] X
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