Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > You'll Go Out In Style
Two weeks, two whole weeks and everyday it seems like Brendon is getting worse and worse. He forgets lyrics and chords whenever he's on stage. Every now and then he'll burst out laughing for no apparent reason, and other times he'll seclude himself away from everyone. Spencer and Jon have no idea what's going on and whenever we talk, I just don't have the heart to tell them what's going on. Ryan, on the other hand, seems to know exactly what's happening and is doing nothing about it.
Meanwhile, Jeremy and Felicia seem to be having some problems. I doubt Josh or Jeremy know she's pregnant, and as I look closely at her now, sitting here backstage, a slight bump is visible. She looks worried, scared, but I can't care. I'm not supposed to. She hurt me. Killed me.
She glanced over at me and I turned back to Panic! The crowd was still going wild even though Brendon seemed to be lost and the words were just pouring out through his mouth. Ryan kept staring at him, all words of hate shooting at Brendon through his eyes.
Finally their set was over and it was time to relax. Brendon wiped the smile off his face, jumped off stage and enveloped me in a huge sweaty hug.
" Ugh..Brendon..baby, you should go and take a shower." he laughed insanely for a moment. He couldn't just be sniffing cocaine, this was worse. Way worse.
" Hayley...come on, you know you want this." his lips crashed onto mine, and despite the smell of sweaty boy, I enjoyed it. I always enjoyed his kisses. I opened my eyes and he smiled at me.
" Imma go take a shower..care to join me?" he quirked a brow. I shook my head.
" Bren..you know how I feel about that, I'm not ready." he put his head back rolling his eyes. When he looked at me again, he looked angry.
" Ya well, you seemed pretty ready for Ryan that night." he started to take off but I grabbed his sleeve.
" It's not like that, and you know it. I care about our relationship to much to ruin anything. Ryan meant nothing." his eyes were boring into me. Not Brendon, he was looking towards the dressing rooms. Ryan. Ryan was the one staring at me. He always did this. Everytime Brendon and I were in close proximity towards each other his eyes became like a hawks. He sighed through his nose and kissed me on the forehead.
" Alright...but we're gunna hang out after this right?"
" Duh." I tip-toed and pecked him on the lips. He smiled and walked off towards the room. I bit my lip and rocked on my feet. Josh was sitting alone, his eyes focused on something unfamiliar. I followed them and saw him staring at Felicia, she was sitting next to Jeremy and the two of them were arguing. I strolled over to Josh and stood in front of him for a second. He glanced up at me and then look back at Felicia.
" How're you and Brendon doing?" he asked slowly.
" Fine." I took a seat next to him.
" That's great." he didn't mean it, and if he did, I wouldn't have believed him anyway.
" Have you talked to her lately?" he looked at me quickly and then gave up. He slumped his shoulders and looked down at the floor.
" I'm so fuckng confused Hayley. I love you, you know I love you." I wasn't expecting this. He swiveled in his seat quickly and grabbed my hands in his. " But Felicia makes me feel different. Alive.."
" Well you lost me Josh. We're never going to happen again, and Felicia is getting married, she's happy." just then she yelled in frustration got up and ran towards the bus. Jeremy got up quickly and ran after her. Josh turned back to look at me. " You see." I said timidly. Josh sighed again.
" I fucked up. Everything is completely and totally ruined. I loved you Hayley." he grabbed my face in his hands and pulled me towards him. I used all the strength I had and pushed him away and slapped him.
" I have a fucking boyfriend Josh! Someone who actually loves me and wouldn't cheat on me. I hate you." I didn't mean it. I hardly mean what I say anymore. It's like everything has become one huge lie. I knew Brendon didn't love me, and I didn't love him. We just needed each other right now. That's all it was.
But everything sucked. Everything was just so screwy that I wasn't thinking straight. I needed Brendon right now. I wanted him to love me. I needed to feel it.
I burst into the dressing room and into the bathroom. Brendon was still in there. I ripped off my clothes and pulled the shower curtain to reveal a very sexy looking Brendon. He turned to me shocked for a moment, but before he could say anything, I jumped in and attacked his lips with mine.
After our little shower was finished, the two of us were getting ready to leave the room. Jeremy suddenly stuck his head in.
" Hey guys, the buses leave in a few." he looked upset so before he left I ran out the door to have a quick little chat.
" Hey Jer..uhm, what happened earlier with you and Fel.." the name seemed so foreign to me. I hadn't called her that in so long, I hardly even spoke her name too. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
" It's just. I don't know what I said. I just suggested we put the wedding off for a bit, maybe a month or so after the tour's over and she sorta flipped out. She hasn't spoken to me since that little scene earlier." I looked down at the floor feeling ashamed. " But hey, we'll work this out, we always do. Hurry up though, I'll see you on the bus." he pecked me on the forehead and ran off towards the buses. I opened the door back to the dressing room and there was Brendon bending over a cd over. He looked up his eyes watery and sniffing. He smiled goofily, but it quickly left his face at the look of anger on mine.
I strided over to him and threw everything that was on the table to the side. Brendon stood up and hollared.
" What the fuck is your problem?!" he yelled. He fell to the floor trying to gather the little pile of what looked like pixie stick candy.
" What the fuck am I doing?!!!! What the hell are you doing Brendon?! You're sniffing coke...your..your popping pills, what else are you doing?! Huh?!" he wasn't paying attention. He pulled out a little bag full of the same substance that was on the floor. His hands were shaking and he looked despertate. He set it on the table. I grabbed it frantically and ran over to the bathroom. He was yelling at me.
" Hayley! Open the fucking door!" he roared as I closed it on him and locked it. I was crying, I didn't know why, but I was. I quickly emptied the bag and flushed it down the toilet throwing the little bag away as well. Once I opened the door, Brendon pushed me aside and searched wildly with his eyes
" What the hell did you do with it?!" he yelled. I wiped my eyes quickly.
" I fucking flushed it down the fucking toilet you asshole! What the hell are you doing that for? Huh?" I pushed him roughly against the wall. He retaliated and pushed me against the other wall, his hand at my throat. He lifted me up slightly and I couldn't breath. I kicked his shin as hard as I could and he let go. I doubled over and started to cough trying to breath clearly again.
" You bitch." he whispered.
" You're an asshole. We're fucking over. Go ahead, keep doing this, see what happens, and when you fucking die," at these words he looked up, " I won't be at your funeral." he stood up quickly, but stumbled, the pain in his leg still aparent as he tried to walk over to me. I grabbed my bag and pulled on my hoodie. I ran out the door and towards the buses. I looked over my shoulder and when I turned around I collided with something firm. I was about to fall back when two arms reached out and caught me.
" Hayley.."
" Ryan?"
sorry, it's been a while
since i last updated. it
took a while longer than
i expected for me
to get these chapters done, but
i'm pretty happy with them.
Meanwhile, Jeremy and Felicia seem to be having some problems. I doubt Josh or Jeremy know she's pregnant, and as I look closely at her now, sitting here backstage, a slight bump is visible. She looks worried, scared, but I can't care. I'm not supposed to. She hurt me. Killed me.
She glanced over at me and I turned back to Panic! The crowd was still going wild even though Brendon seemed to be lost and the words were just pouring out through his mouth. Ryan kept staring at him, all words of hate shooting at Brendon through his eyes.
Finally their set was over and it was time to relax. Brendon wiped the smile off his face, jumped off stage and enveloped me in a huge sweaty hug.
" Ugh..Brendon..baby, you should go and take a shower." he laughed insanely for a moment. He couldn't just be sniffing cocaine, this was worse. Way worse.
" Hayley...come on, you know you want this." his lips crashed onto mine, and despite the smell of sweaty boy, I enjoyed it. I always enjoyed his kisses. I opened my eyes and he smiled at me.
" Imma go take a shower..care to join me?" he quirked a brow. I shook my head.
" Bren..you know how I feel about that, I'm not ready." he put his head back rolling his eyes. When he looked at me again, he looked angry.
" Ya well, you seemed pretty ready for Ryan that night." he started to take off but I grabbed his sleeve.
" It's not like that, and you know it. I care about our relationship to much to ruin anything. Ryan meant nothing." his eyes were boring into me. Not Brendon, he was looking towards the dressing rooms. Ryan. Ryan was the one staring at me. He always did this. Everytime Brendon and I were in close proximity towards each other his eyes became like a hawks. He sighed through his nose and kissed me on the forehead.
" Alright...but we're gunna hang out after this right?"
" Duh." I tip-toed and pecked him on the lips. He smiled and walked off towards the room. I bit my lip and rocked on my feet. Josh was sitting alone, his eyes focused on something unfamiliar. I followed them and saw him staring at Felicia, she was sitting next to Jeremy and the two of them were arguing. I strolled over to Josh and stood in front of him for a second. He glanced up at me and then look back at Felicia.
" How're you and Brendon doing?" he asked slowly.
" Fine." I took a seat next to him.
" That's great." he didn't mean it, and if he did, I wouldn't have believed him anyway.
" Have you talked to her lately?" he looked at me quickly and then gave up. He slumped his shoulders and looked down at the floor.
" I'm so fuckng confused Hayley. I love you, you know I love you." I wasn't expecting this. He swiveled in his seat quickly and grabbed my hands in his. " But Felicia makes me feel different. Alive.."
" Well you lost me Josh. We're never going to happen again, and Felicia is getting married, she's happy." just then she yelled in frustration got up and ran towards the bus. Jeremy got up quickly and ran after her. Josh turned back to look at me. " You see." I said timidly. Josh sighed again.
" I fucked up. Everything is completely and totally ruined. I loved you Hayley." he grabbed my face in his hands and pulled me towards him. I used all the strength I had and pushed him away and slapped him.
" I have a fucking boyfriend Josh! Someone who actually loves me and wouldn't cheat on me. I hate you." I didn't mean it. I hardly mean what I say anymore. It's like everything has become one huge lie. I knew Brendon didn't love me, and I didn't love him. We just needed each other right now. That's all it was.
But everything sucked. Everything was just so screwy that I wasn't thinking straight. I needed Brendon right now. I wanted him to love me. I needed to feel it.
I burst into the dressing room and into the bathroom. Brendon was still in there. I ripped off my clothes and pulled the shower curtain to reveal a very sexy looking Brendon. He turned to me shocked for a moment, but before he could say anything, I jumped in and attacked his lips with mine.
After our little shower was finished, the two of us were getting ready to leave the room. Jeremy suddenly stuck his head in.
" Hey guys, the buses leave in a few." he looked upset so before he left I ran out the door to have a quick little chat.
" Hey Jer..uhm, what happened earlier with you and Fel.." the name seemed so foreign to me. I hadn't called her that in so long, I hardly even spoke her name too. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
" It's just. I don't know what I said. I just suggested we put the wedding off for a bit, maybe a month or so after the tour's over and she sorta flipped out. She hasn't spoken to me since that little scene earlier." I looked down at the floor feeling ashamed. " But hey, we'll work this out, we always do. Hurry up though, I'll see you on the bus." he pecked me on the forehead and ran off towards the buses. I opened the door back to the dressing room and there was Brendon bending over a cd over. He looked up his eyes watery and sniffing. He smiled goofily, but it quickly left his face at the look of anger on mine.
I strided over to him and threw everything that was on the table to the side. Brendon stood up and hollared.
" What the fuck is your problem?!" he yelled. He fell to the floor trying to gather the little pile of what looked like pixie stick candy.
" What the fuck am I doing?!!!! What the hell are you doing Brendon?! You're sniffing coke...your..your popping pills, what else are you doing?! Huh?!" he wasn't paying attention. He pulled out a little bag full of the same substance that was on the floor. His hands were shaking and he looked despertate. He set it on the table. I grabbed it frantically and ran over to the bathroom. He was yelling at me.
" Hayley! Open the fucking door!" he roared as I closed it on him and locked it. I was crying, I didn't know why, but I was. I quickly emptied the bag and flushed it down the toilet throwing the little bag away as well. Once I opened the door, Brendon pushed me aside and searched wildly with his eyes
" What the hell did you do with it?!" he yelled. I wiped my eyes quickly.
" I fucking flushed it down the fucking toilet you asshole! What the hell are you doing that for? Huh?" I pushed him roughly against the wall. He retaliated and pushed me against the other wall, his hand at my throat. He lifted me up slightly and I couldn't breath. I kicked his shin as hard as I could and he let go. I doubled over and started to cough trying to breath clearly again.
" You bitch." he whispered.
" You're an asshole. We're fucking over. Go ahead, keep doing this, see what happens, and when you fucking die," at these words he looked up, " I won't be at your funeral." he stood up quickly, but stumbled, the pain in his leg still aparent as he tried to walk over to me. I grabbed my bag and pulled on my hoodie. I ran out the door and towards the buses. I looked over my shoulder and when I turned around I collided with something firm. I was about to fall back when two arms reached out and caught me.
" Hayley.."
" Ryan?"
sorry, it's been a while
since i last updated. it
took a while longer than
i expected for me
to get these chapters done, but
i'm pretty happy with them.
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