FicWad

Part 15
Gerard’s POV- ‘My heart my pain won’t cover up. You left me’
Sunday was always mine and Emma’s day. No matter what happened during the week we would always spend Sunday together. It was the only routine that our relationship had and we both enjoyed the stability that Sunday offered. Knowing that one day belonged to us and no one, and nothing else. It was special.
A good month after we’ve split and I still find it hard to make plans on a Sunday. Instead I tend to lock myself in my room and draw. Mikey usually tries to convince me to go out with him. He doesn’t like the thought of me being left here alone with my thoughts and feelings. It’s quite therapeutic though. While I’m drawing or painting or sometimes even writing that is all I think about. I go into a sort of trance. It’s not until I stand back that I realise that the whole time I’d been pouring my heart and everything it held onto the page, canvas or sketch paper.
Today I decide to paint. The idea of a rose starts niggling away at me so I get out my paints and start sketching out the rough outline. I draw a glass case with stagnant water (or it will be when I add colour) and a withering rose with petals littering the surface beneath it. I add paint then, colouring the water in an off green and making the petals dark and dying. A bright blood red cloth over the table the vase is son adds contrast and a necklace with a small cross pendant is added, lying discarded on the table. A gift left behind maybe. In the background is a dark room with only the shadow of a man visible, his outline illuminated by the moonlight pouring in through the window. He has his head in his hands and if you could make out his features he would be crying quietly to himself. Not great heaving sobs of pain and grief, just small lonely tears tracing patterns down her face. I know this because the shadow of a man is me. It’s me after she left me. Nothing but a shadow. A twisted shadow of who I used to be. Who I want to be. Who I may never be again.

Mikey’s POV- ‘I’ve seen you cry too many times when you deserve to be alive.’
Sunday’s always drag on now. I always spend the day worrying about Gerard rather than enjoying myself. I’ve contemplated staying home with him nearly every weekend since him and Emma split up but I knew that he enjoyed the solitude of the empty house. The silence. Mum and Dad were always out with friends from church. I hope he comes to his senses soon though and stops moping about after Emma. She was bad for him anyway.
Today I am going to keep my brother as far from my thoughts as possible though as I’m meeting up with Charli and that’s not going to be dampened by Gerard who was old enough now to look after himself. I sit on the bench inside the park. It was the only bench that hadn’t been totally destroyed although not through lack of trying by the looks of the mass of melted plastic in the middle. I look around at the park. It wasn’t far from my house and I can remember playing here with Gerard when we were younger. I see Charli waling over to me and wave at her. She waves hesitantly back then smiles as she sees that it is definitely me. She opens the gate and joins me on the poor mutilated plastic bench.
“Hey.” She greets me with a genuine smile.
“Hi. You Ok?” I ask her.
“Yeah. All the better for seeing you.” She answers. We sit in easy silence for a minute it so. She’s watching a dog running around the big field like a mad thing and I’m watching her. Taking in her blonde hair tipped with black and green eyes, her lip ring and baggy t-shirt that she wears in an effort to hide her boobs, why she wants to do that I don’t know but there you go. She’s wearing her standard skinny jeans and studded belt too, with converse and lots of necklaces and bracelets. I trace the faint scars on her arms and wrists with my eyes, they’re partially obscured by the bracelets but visible if you know they’re there.
“So, it’s nice and sunny today.” I say, drawing her attention back to me rather than the guy walking his dog. Nice one Mikey lets show how interesting you are by talking about the weather.
“It’s alright, a bit hot though.” She replies, to be fair we are both dressed head to toe in black. “Oh I bought Kerrang! So you could see them pictures and stuff.” She says, brandishing the magazine and flipping to an interview with the Smashing Pumpkins straight after their come back gig.
We talk about the interview for a while then move onto other music. Soon we’re in full rant mode over Marilyn Manson of all things.
Conversation dries out eventually and a slightly uneasy silence falls over us. I try my hardest to think of something to say that wasn’t weather related. She beats me. “You ready for the exams?” To be honest I’d actually managed to forget about them. We have our AS tests in 2 months. If we didn’t get good enough grades we wouldn’t be able to carry the subject on next year for A level. I hadn’t done much revision yet and I really should make a start. It was so boring though.
“Not really.” I reply. “Are you?”
“Haha no. I wish I’d taken them seriously when they told us to revise now.”
“Me too, kinda. We should be study buddies.” Me and Charli took 3 of the same subjects, Music, Biology and Chemistry. I did Psychology too and she did Art. “Sounds good. Maybe you’ll be bale to motivate me.” She says with a small smile.
“You’ve got me all nervous about exams again now.” I admit. I run my hands down my legs nervously.
“Aw you’ll be fine. We both will.”
“Yup. We’ll be amazing study buddies.”
“We shall.” She agrees and we fall into easier silence.
A little while later we go and get chips from the chip shop a little round the corner. We get a portion to share and while we’re waiting for them Charli goes off to buy drinks from the corner shops. I sit and lean back on one of the chairs that were there for people like me who were waiting for their food. I lean back and smile to myself. This was going really well. And I hadn’t thought of Gerard once all morning. Maybe I should give him a ring later just to check he’s Ok. Then again if he’s painting or something then that would really annoy him. “Hey Mikey.” I hear an extremely familiar voice say. I lift my head and look to my left where someone had just sat themselves down.
“Oh hey Katie.” I reply with growing dread in my stomach. She was looking good today in slightly baggy jeans and a tight Linkin Park t-shirt. Her ginger hair was loose and slightly wavy. I’d always liked it like that but she hated it. I wonder why she has it like that now then…
“You on your own?” She asks me.
“I’m waiting for someone.” I reply, questioning myself afterwards on why I hadn’t said it was Charli I was waiting for.
“I heard that Emma and Gerard broke up.” I’d forgotten how long it had been since we’d spoken but of course we’d broken up and then decided we couldn’t be mates for a while because it was too hard to let go. It must be about three and a half months since we split now. She was still pretty…
“Yeah. It all got a bit much.” I say absently although this was a more fitting explanation as to why me and her split up rather than why Emma and Gerard did. I look out the window and see Charli walking towards the chip shop. Man this is so messed up.
“Your chips.” The man behind the counter says. I take the bag off him, wave a very quick goodbye to Katie then meet Charli who is just about to walk into the shop. As we walk past the front of it I catch Katie’s eye and smile. When she sees Charli at my side a look of disappointment clouds her face but she smiles back shakily.
“Bob was in the shop.” Charli is saying. I look at her again and all thoughts of Katie are blown from my mind. “He said that he thought you were going around later tonight but that it doesn’t matter if you don’t go. Apparently Frank’s going.”
“Oh right, maybe.” I reply. When Charli fails to say anything I take a sly glance at her from the corner of my eye. “What’s up?” I ask when I see how down she looks all of a sudden. I hadn’t been close to her for very long but I knew that when something upset her it really upset her.
“I really like you Mikey and I really hoped that today would make you realise that we could be together but instead you see your ex in the f*cking chip shop and I turn into a ghost.”
“Oh.” I say, shocked at her uncharacteristic bluntness. I usually had to go on and on before she would give me any clues about what was up.
“Sorry.” She mutters.
“No I am, Katie’s the past. It was just odd seeing her again.”
“Do you still love her.”
“No. I thought I might… but no.”
“Do you erm, like me?” She asks with a cheeky albeit shy smile.
“Yeah. You’re amazing.”