FicWad

Lily slipped on a thin, metallic bracelet.
It rested on her wrist gently...causing her to stare at it for a second or two...the feeling of cool metal against her skin almost soothing.
She gazed at the soft, white skin of her wrist...ignoring, almost willfully, a small white scar that ran across her forearm.
With a frown she stared at the linoleum below her.
She could her throat rattle slightly as she took a breath..fingertips wandering over the cold surface of the bathroom sink.
The small, red light on the hair straightener flickered....causing Lily’s eyes to avert to it slowly...almost nonchalantly.
She quickly unplugged it, opened the cabinet in front of her and pulled back her hair..securing it with a black, plastic clip.
She just didn’t, and couldn’t, care about her hair.
Walking into the bedroom, she picked up her cellphone, sitting down on the bed as she pushed the call button.
“Yeah..sorry I’m late...” she began casually, staring at her bare feet,
“I’ll be there in a second..”
Seconds later the phone rested beside her thigh.
She stared at it..running her fingers over the warm plastic.
With a deep breath, she stared at her toes...the pink nail polish chipped and cracked.
No missed calls.
No texts.
Still nothing.
She closed her eyes and thought of the future....of the party she was invited to...of all the people she might see.
Lily ran her fingers through her bangs, covering up one eye as she recalled the month before.
As she recalled walking out of her dressing room awkwardly, wondering if every stare she received was a knowing stare...if any of the techs KNEW what had just happened on her dressing room floor.
She wondered if anyone noticed the slight twitch in her walk...the smear of black eyeliner underneath her eyelid.
And the funny thing was..she didn’t tell anyone.
She couldn’t help but stifle a grin upon seeing Eliza backstage..looking rather self satisfied.
She remembered the sweat on Gerard’s forehead as he pulled down his t-shirt..the red that suddenly graced his cheeks.
A small laugh escaped his lips..a nervous laugh as he raked a hand through his black hair,
“W..wow.” he managed.
“I uh...” he began, only to cut his thoughts off with a ,
“Fuck....”
“Should I..” he began,
“Should I feel BAD about what just...” he asked...voice suddenly weak...as if he had just realized the magnitude of what had happened.
He was dating the anti-christ...and they had just had sex.
The two didn’t go smoothly together, and unprotected sex at that.
But more importantly...they had just had SEX.
Random, clumsy, aggressive, needy, clingy, passionate, pants kicked off at your ankles, take-me-now SEX
“Don’t worry about it.” she mumbled, fingers dancing across her temple,
“I..don’t have any diseases. I’m not going to tell anybody...” she added, staring up at him apprehensively.
“No no no..” he said, shaking his head,
“I wasn’t..trying to say that. I know you don’t have..” he paused, realizing his hand was resting on her shoulder.
He looked into her eyes...his lower lip quivering slightly.
What was he going to say?
Fuck Eliza..be with me..
“You’re..still on..birth control, right?” he asked cautiously.
What a buzzkill.
“Yes.” she replied stiffly.
“Ok..good.” he mumbled...a smile spreading across his face.
He looked like he wanted to touch her...grab her and shake her.
But he stood..a few feet away..a grin on his face.
“What?” Lily asked, her hand to her cheek, a frown of disappointment on her face... slightly annoyed at Gerard’s behavior.
I mean..she didn’t expect him to break into a victory dance..but you’d think he’d at least save the birth control question for later.
Talk about ruining the mood.
“What?” she repeated once more, a spark going off in her stomach.
“Nothing..” he mumbled, hands wriggling in his pockets.
He pulled his hands from his jeans and tucked them underneath his arms,
“I..I missed you.” he admitted, brushing the hair out of his eyes.
“Yeah?” Lily asked, her stern expression melting into a smile.
“Yeah.” he confirmed, a sheepish grin on his face.
“Hey..” he began, outstretching his arms and taking a step towards her.
He quickly pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly.
Lily reacted stiffly at first before burying her face in his shoulder...grateful for the human contact she had been desiring for the past couple months.
He breathed onto her ear softly as she hid her face, breathing slowly as he held her.
“I missed you too.” she admitted,
“I’ve been so...lonely.” she mumbled into him....taking all she had not to break down..sob.
Admit, behind a blur of tears, how HORRIBLE she felt.
How utterly alone she was; screaming on the inside.
How everything was black and blue...how it took everything she had not to lose herself in depression, or seek salvation in alcohol or white powder.
She wanted to tell him about all those dreamless nights..about the funeral...about the darkness behind her eyes.
She wanted to admit, in a cracked voice, how much she missed him.
How much she missed how things used to be...
And she wanted to cry...let him know that she DIDN’T have any friends...and how it was HER fault her Dad died...how pathetic she was because her band WAS her LIFE...
How she missed those bus rides...those late night runs to 7-11...how they were always laughing.
But she could only squeeze her eyes shut...clutch his back with desperate fingers, much like those of a child, and breathe him in.
Gerard laughed wryly,
“Me too..-“ he cut off, staring at the brown hair spilling down her back, his fingers intertwined in the soft strands.
He felt her fingers digging into his back, raising an eyebrow as she pressed herself tighter against him.
Lily?
He furrowed his brow as they stood there in silence, straining himself to hear her breathing.
He brought a hand to the back of her head, gently bringing her closer...almost melding their bodies together.
He ran his fingers through her hair...tucking stray strands behind her ear.
He softly traced the lines of her ear, noticing a change in her breathing at his tender touch.
Should he tell her..after all this time?
After all he’d been through?
After all the changes both of them had made in their own lives?
Or would it just make things more complicated?
Stir everything up...change things that didn’t want to be changed..slice open wounds that had barely healed....
All he knew was she felt so good...in his arms.
Even underneath him minutes before..the smell of her skin....each breath she took below him...
“Lily?” he asked softly,
“Are you ok?”
She shook her head slowly,
“No.” she whispered.
Suddenly a knock sounded on the door.
Lily and Gerard quickly tore away from each other.
“Ms. McKay?” a voice asked from outside.
“C-come in.” Lily responded shakily as Gerard smoothed himself down.
A balding man with a clipboard stood in her doorway,
“I uh...was looking for Mr. Way..and I was directed here by your mana..ger...” he said casually, eying the two with part suspicion and part amusement.
Lily turned away, feigning that she needed to rummage through her purse, which lay on the couch.
“Mr. Way, you’re onstage in two minutes. Your manager, Mr. Schecter, wanted me to remind you.” the man began, adjusting his headset.
“Alright alright, thank you.” Gerard responded a bit impatiently.
With a nod, the man closed the door.
Lily turned around, arms crossed, a small frown on her face.
There was a weakness in her that Gerard had never seen.
She was usually so strong..so stubborn....not broken ...frail.
He could see it in her eyes...
“One minute and 30 seconds!” a muffled voice said on the other side of the door.
Gerard grabbed Lily’s arms,
“I-“ he began.
“One minute twenty seconds!” came another cry.
“I love you.” he breathed, hazel eyes soft, blurry...lip trembling.
He quickly kissed her before she could speak, pressing his lips to her forehead before running out the door, giving her one last smile as his hand turned the door knob.
Lily stood there, her lips quivering.
Her fingers found their way to her mouth...tracing them absentmindedly.
“I...I love you too.” she whispered.
A few months later, Lily sat in a cold hotel room, staring at her bare feet.
With a sigh she stood up, scanning the room for a dress...for a shirt..anything suitable for the occasion.
She pulled a plain, gray dress over her head...much like an elongated t-shirt that clung casually to her curves, and slipped on a pair of sneakers.
Before walking out the door, she grabbed a black hoodie, cramming her arms in it as she wandered towards the stairs.
As much as she didn’t want to admit it...she was excited for this party;
excited to get drunk and forget her problems...wallow in vanity with socialites, celebrities....lead singers and guitar players all at the top of their game.
It WAS her scene..as shallow as it was.
But maybe..just maybe..she’d have a good time.
She pressed her sunglasses to her face, the thought of Gerard’s words igniting a spark within her...melting a chunk of ice next to her heart.