Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > You'll Go Out In Style
Bam! I shot up in my bunk and hit my head on the bunk above me. Little stars erupted in front of my eyes and for a moment I thought I had gone blind. Once everything came into focus I got out of the bunk and walked around the bus. No one was inside, but the bus was moving. I looked out the window and saw we had arrived in whatever venue we were to play at tonight. I rubbed my eyes and decided to take a shower.
The events from last night came to mind as I remembered the places Brendons hands were at, the parts Ryan had touched. I felt like a cheap slut and I scrubbed as hard as I could to get the dirty feeling away.
After I dried up, an empty and hollow feeling entered my stomach. One that made me want to run back into the tiny bathroom and throw up everything I had in my stomach. I'd had this feeling before, only once. It was before I figured out Josh was cheating on me. Something bad was going to happen.
Our set went great with out a hitch. Everyone was pumped and excited. Josh even pecked me on the cheek which made the crowd go wild, and made me blush as well. But things would never be the same between us. While walking off-stage, Panic! was getting ready to come up. Brendon and I caught each other's eye and he pulled me away from the rest. I pulled my arm out of his grasp and folded it across my chest.
" What do you want Brendon?" I asked coldly. He closed his eyes.
" I'm sorry about last night...I was..you know, not myself. I quit everything Hayley. I'm finished with it all."
" Why?" I asked, the smallest bit of hope entering me.
" B-Because." he took a deep breath. " Because I love you." my heart soured. Those words meant more to me than anything else had in the past few months. One of the biggest smiles spread across my lips. I squealed and jumped into his arms. " I don't ever want to loose you again. You're worth more than any drug to me. Do you forgive me?" he set me back down. I placed both hands on either of his cheeks.
" I forgive you." it was his turn to smile. He pecked me quickly on the lips and ran to the stage. I smiled after him not noticing who was standing next to me.
" I thought you were through with love.." I turned slowly and found Felicia standing there looking mournful. I hadn't really stood this close to her since she had jumped on me that one time. I found that she seemed more tired, like she was drained of everything. Her eyes were full of sadness and if she could, she'd die right then and there. Pity. That's what made me talk to her.
" Ya well, Brendon's different.." I said slowly. She rolled her eyes and grabbed my elbow dragging me to sit down with her.
" You really think he's different from all the rest. You've only been serious with one guy and he cheated on you!" what the hell was her problem? She was the one he cheated on with! I wanted to leave, I wanted to be anywhere else but with Felicia at the moment. " Listen, I know you still hate me and I know you can never trust me again, but you're still my best friend and I didn't do what I did to hurt you, I did it because I thought I loved Josh, thought that I'd be happy for once, but he didn't do that for me.." she looked down at her hands which were folded in her lap. Why was I listening to this? I didn't need it. I didn't want it. But for some reason I stayed.
" Hayley...don't get hurt again. I know Brendon seems great, but he's not.." I shook my head and stood up quickly.
" Why? Did you sleep with him too?!" my voice carried it's way over to some kids who were straying to the merch stand. They looked at us curiously. Felicia shook her head and looked down again, a look of sadness I had never seen deep in her eyes.
" Hay-"
" No. I don't want to hear anymore. I don't want to think, I don't want to feel. I just want.." Josh passed by and smiled at us two. The bastard. " I just want..." my eyes traveled to the stage where Ryan slid across it and his eyes locked with mine. He winked at me. " I want.." Brendon got up from the piano and went back to the mic-stand, his eyes shining with happiness. " I don't know what I want."
The events from last night came to mind as I remembered the places Brendons hands were at, the parts Ryan had touched. I felt like a cheap slut and I scrubbed as hard as I could to get the dirty feeling away.
After I dried up, an empty and hollow feeling entered my stomach. One that made me want to run back into the tiny bathroom and throw up everything I had in my stomach. I'd had this feeling before, only once. It was before I figured out Josh was cheating on me. Something bad was going to happen.
Our set went great with out a hitch. Everyone was pumped and excited. Josh even pecked me on the cheek which made the crowd go wild, and made me blush as well. But things would never be the same between us. While walking off-stage, Panic! was getting ready to come up. Brendon and I caught each other's eye and he pulled me away from the rest. I pulled my arm out of his grasp and folded it across my chest.
" What do you want Brendon?" I asked coldly. He closed his eyes.
" I'm sorry about last night...I was..you know, not myself. I quit everything Hayley. I'm finished with it all."
" Why?" I asked, the smallest bit of hope entering me.
" B-Because." he took a deep breath. " Because I love you." my heart soured. Those words meant more to me than anything else had in the past few months. One of the biggest smiles spread across my lips. I squealed and jumped into his arms. " I don't ever want to loose you again. You're worth more than any drug to me. Do you forgive me?" he set me back down. I placed both hands on either of his cheeks.
" I forgive you." it was his turn to smile. He pecked me quickly on the lips and ran to the stage. I smiled after him not noticing who was standing next to me.
" I thought you were through with love.." I turned slowly and found Felicia standing there looking mournful. I hadn't really stood this close to her since she had jumped on me that one time. I found that she seemed more tired, like she was drained of everything. Her eyes were full of sadness and if she could, she'd die right then and there. Pity. That's what made me talk to her.
" Ya well, Brendon's different.." I said slowly. She rolled her eyes and grabbed my elbow dragging me to sit down with her.
" You really think he's different from all the rest. You've only been serious with one guy and he cheated on you!" what the hell was her problem? She was the one he cheated on with! I wanted to leave, I wanted to be anywhere else but with Felicia at the moment. " Listen, I know you still hate me and I know you can never trust me again, but you're still my best friend and I didn't do what I did to hurt you, I did it because I thought I loved Josh, thought that I'd be happy for once, but he didn't do that for me.." she looked down at her hands which were folded in her lap. Why was I listening to this? I didn't need it. I didn't want it. But for some reason I stayed.
" Hayley...don't get hurt again. I know Brendon seems great, but he's not.." I shook my head and stood up quickly.
" Why? Did you sleep with him too?!" my voice carried it's way over to some kids who were straying to the merch stand. They looked at us curiously. Felicia shook her head and looked down again, a look of sadness I had never seen deep in her eyes.
" Hay-"
" No. I don't want to hear anymore. I don't want to think, I don't want to feel. I just want.." Josh passed by and smiled at us two. The bastard. " I just want..." my eyes traveled to the stage where Ryan slid across it and his eyes locked with mine. He winked at me. " I want.." Brendon got up from the piano and went back to the mic-stand, his eyes shining with happiness. " I don't know what I want."
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