FicWad

The Hardest Part is letting go of Your Dreams

Tension was building between the bodies behind the walls and the minutes were passing quickly. Deep intakes of breath were needed to keep the blood circulating properly. The mind was easily distracted and relaxation was difficult to gain. A churning sensation and jitters worked their way into the stomach and settle leaving a feel of high anxiety. The heart pulses faster and the blood nervously courses through the body. Heat rises to the face as air becomes more compact into the empty space and cracks. Skin tone decreases and softens to a paler complex. Perspiration settles unto the skin cells and forms small droplets of water. Each drop slowly drips down creating a creased like stripe across gentle features. Seconds feel like eternity until the lights flicker signaling that the time has finally come. The limbs and muscle silently work their way as feet scuffle along the white tiled floor of the building. Then darkness overpowers and the fluorescent lights go out. The distinct noise of shouting encouragement ceases down to a barely audible whisper. A familiar display of affection is acted out and the fear or insecurity dissolves into the air. The first step is taken progression begins.

The air is humid and feels thick as knots in my body begin to form. Oh, it wasn’t the stage that brought the shivers up my spine. It wasn’t the millions of eyes that would soon be glued to the performance keeping full attention on my every move that chilled me to the bone. The fear was brought on by a certain presence. One I was sure I used to be completely comfortable around.

Even in the dark, I could feel his eyes grazing my back taking in as much as they could. He was putting me under the spotlight and examining my reactions to the things around me. I could hear the pounding noise his heart was making. I knew that being aware of such a thing was entirely impossible. But at the time, it didn’t seem so.

I was hyperaware of everything around me at this moment. Short as it was the moment seemed to stretch on forever. But the crowd won’t wait forever and time doesn’t stop under your command. On that note, the lights flickered back on casting a blue tinge on the five of us and the show began.

It was as indifferent from any of the other shows we had given. However, my lips moved on their own account and my voice seemed to be coming from somewhere else. I sang the lyrics and it the notes precisely on time. Yet it was out of pure habit from doing it on so many occasions. My mind was out of focus and too preoccupied. I tried to drown it out; drown him out. But he was everywhere I seemed to look. Swirling around the stage and giving his heart and soul into every ounce he played earning many approving sighs from the fans up front.

The last chord to ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’ broke off and Ray started the intro to ‘I don’t love you’. Then it sunk in and struck me hard. There had been countless occasions where we’d sing together or scream the same note but never had I wanted it to be just him. My messages were always meant for the fans. Something for them to hold unto, cherish and take home. Something they could trust in and put hope into. This time was different though and I realized what this message had meant the whole time.

My face paled and my heart thudded restlessly against my chest. Despite the regrets already rushing through my head I turned to him and caught his gaze. I could feel my cheeks flush and I mentally told him to look away. Just once Frank please turn the other way. But he met it straight on and we were both drawn in by each other’s well-being. Slowly I stepped toward him and dismissed everyone and everything else around us as I sang the lyrics with a new meaning. A message of realization.

Frank leaned his body against my side as he kept up the rhythm with Ray. Putting my head gently on his shoulder, I brought him closer and wrapped my free hand around his hip. We were so close that only a whisper kept us separate. I swore the explosions and pounding in my body was from the beating of Bob’s drums but I knew better than that. I continued to sing and if possible Frank molded his body further into mine enveloping me into a pure sensation of warmth and comfort. We stayed in this position for a good time during the song.

Ray’s guitar solo was beginning and Frank turned to face me. His hazel eyes had specs of green that seemed to create perfect contrast with his face and his lips looked deliciously close. Without warning, his lips covered mine and intensified the fire already burning my insides. My lips worked against his with desire for more building up. I brushed my tongue against his bottom lip and he willingly gave me access. Our tongues clashed and passion reached a new level. Arms were gripped tightly around each other not wanting to let go or miss a single moment. But I pushed him away and sang the last of the song.

Screams and hands beating wildly against each other were heard throughout the crowd and Mikey continued to play his bass timidly with a glint in his eye. The song ended and we waved off the crowd with mischievous grins. Once we hit backstage Frank’s body shoved me against a wall crushing into mine. We moved by instinct and depended on the tenderness of one other’s touch.

I don’t love you like I did yesterday.

I felt a gentle squeeze on my shoulder shaking me slightly out of my stupor. The feeling was too comfortable so instead I turned into the touch and gave out a soft moan. I sheepish giggle reached my ears causing my eyes to snap open. I looked up into the amused faces of Ray and Bob, Mikey was refraining from laughing and Frank, well he looked oddly please about something with the side of my face in the palm of his hand.

“Morning sunshine, have a good dream”