Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > I Can Feel Him Staring
Chapter 4:
“Are you ever going to just talk to him or are you going to just stare at him for the rest of the tou r?” Ray asks me as he stands next to me leaning his frame against the side of the bus.
“What?” I ask practically making myself look away from Pete who is sitting on top of his band’s bus playing on his sidekick. After my talk with Gerard I couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to go outside to get some fresh air and to think.
“I said are you ever going to talk to him? Or are you going to just “ignore” him the rest of the tour?” Ray asks me again making sure that the sarcasm in his voice was clear.
“I just don’t know what to say to him. I mean how do you have a conversation with someone who’s hurt you multiple times without wanting to throw it in their face?”
“Dude just go over there, get on top of the bus with him, and tell him everything that you’ve been telling the rest of us.”
“But how do I even start that conversation?”
“It’s not very hard considering he’ll probably start first. Go on dude,” he says nudging me.
“You better be right about this.”
“Okay look if it all goes terribly wrong then you can do whatever you want to me but dude I think it’ll go good. Now go on.”
“God alright,” I say turning away from Ray silently cursing him under my breath beginning my walk from the side of our tour bus to the top of his.
“Alright so I’m like two feet from his bus and so far he hasn’t noticed me walking towards him so maybe I could just turn around and go back and this whole event will never have to happen. Yeah I think that’s what I’ll do,” I think quietly to myself turning around beginning my walk back when I hear my name once again come out of his mouth.
“Frankie?”
Shit. Looks like I have no choice now. “Yeah?”
“Did you need something?”
“Um yeah actually. I was wondering if, um, maybe you still wanted to um, talk to me?” God why the hell am I stuttering?
“Uh yeah sure.”
“Do you mind if I come up then?”
“Yeah sure come on up. I’ll meet you at the door in about two seconds,” he says standing up and disappearing a few seconds later.
“Okay so now’s your chance to tell him everything that you’ve been telling the guys for two months. Just breathe and you’ll be fine,” I think to myself as I stand outside the door waiting for him to open it. I don’t have to wait long until he swings the door open stepping aside so I can climb up onto his band’s bus.
“So do you want to go to the roof or the living room or what?”
“Uh the roof’s fine,” I say following him as he leads me back to the bunk area. We climb onto the top bunk which I immediately am able to tell is his but not because of the stuff lying around or the notebook open to a page marked with writing but because it smells like him. I suck the scent in before we climb through the hole leading out onto the roof of the bus. Just smelling him like that made me want to just forget everything and start over. To just be able to lay with him again and talk about everything like we used to do but I know that I have got to forget silly fantasies at the moment and focus on why I’m actually here in the first place.
After finally positioning myself to where I was facing him I pull out my cigarettes knowing that if I smoke while talking to him there will be a less chance of me freaking out on him.
“So what did you want to talk about?” he asks and I realize that maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as I thought considering the fact that Ray was right and he did start talking first.
“Um everything that’s happened since the last time we were together. I have questions that I want answered and truth I want to hear,” I say lighting my cigarette and taking a drag.
"Okay well ask me anything and I swear I will tell you the truth,” he says looking at me waiting for me to continue.
“Okay well I guess the first question would be why did you think our relationship wasn’t going to work out?”
“I was scared to be with you. Honestly I was. Afraid that I would somehow get hurt or criticized for being with you. I didn’t realize that at the time no one was going to criticize me and I wasn’t going to get hurt. After I realized you weren’t going to answer my calls or e-mails I knew then that I’d really hurt you bad and I felt horrible and I still do actually. I am honestly sorry Frankie for putting you through all the shit I have put you through in the last couple of months.”
I honestly don’t even know what to say. I know he’s telling the truth because he’s looking at me and making eye contact. Usually when he lies to me he can’t look me in the eye.
“Pete I love you so much and after that whole thing went down I didn’t even want to live anymore. I promised myself that I would never trust you again but I can feel myself starting to even though I don’t really want to trust you again. I wanted to read your e-mails and answer your phone calls but after that day I said no more.”
“I know you did.”
“Wait how do you know?”
“I’ve been talking with everyone from your band since this tour started and they’ve pretty much told me everything you’ve been going through the last couple of months. I’m so sorry Frankie. Please forgive me?”
“I don’t know if I can Pete. I want to so bad but I just don’t want to give you my heart once again and then you do this to me again.”
“Frankie I swear to God that I have changed. After what I put you through I made a personal vow to myself that if I ever had another chance I would never ever do it again. I miss you so much and I know now that I was lucky to have as many chances I got. I abused every one of those chances and I’m sorry. I was an idiot to ever let you get away from me in the first place. I know that there are a lot of guys that would love to have what I had. You’re a very special guy Frankie and you’re very special to me. Please find it in your heart to give me one more chance?”
So here's Chaper 4. Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
“Are you ever going to just talk to him or are you going to just stare at him for the rest of the tou r?” Ray asks me as he stands next to me leaning his frame against the side of the bus.
“What?” I ask practically making myself look away from Pete who is sitting on top of his band’s bus playing on his sidekick. After my talk with Gerard I couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to go outside to get some fresh air and to think.
“I said are you ever going to talk to him? Or are you going to just “ignore” him the rest of the tour?” Ray asks me again making sure that the sarcasm in his voice was clear.
“I just don’t know what to say to him. I mean how do you have a conversation with someone who’s hurt you multiple times without wanting to throw it in their face?”
“Dude just go over there, get on top of the bus with him, and tell him everything that you’ve been telling the rest of us.”
“But how do I even start that conversation?”
“It’s not very hard considering he’ll probably start first. Go on dude,” he says nudging me.
“You better be right about this.”
“Okay look if it all goes terribly wrong then you can do whatever you want to me but dude I think it’ll go good. Now go on.”
“God alright,” I say turning away from Ray silently cursing him under my breath beginning my walk from the side of our tour bus to the top of his.
“Alright so I’m like two feet from his bus and so far he hasn’t noticed me walking towards him so maybe I could just turn around and go back and this whole event will never have to happen. Yeah I think that’s what I’ll do,” I think quietly to myself turning around beginning my walk back when I hear my name once again come out of his mouth.
“Frankie?”
Shit. Looks like I have no choice now. “Yeah?”
“Did you need something?”
“Um yeah actually. I was wondering if, um, maybe you still wanted to um, talk to me?” God why the hell am I stuttering?
“Uh yeah sure.”
“Do you mind if I come up then?”
“Yeah sure come on up. I’ll meet you at the door in about two seconds,” he says standing up and disappearing a few seconds later.
“Okay so now’s your chance to tell him everything that you’ve been telling the guys for two months. Just breathe and you’ll be fine,” I think to myself as I stand outside the door waiting for him to open it. I don’t have to wait long until he swings the door open stepping aside so I can climb up onto his band’s bus.
“So do you want to go to the roof or the living room or what?”
“Uh the roof’s fine,” I say following him as he leads me back to the bunk area. We climb onto the top bunk which I immediately am able to tell is his but not because of the stuff lying around or the notebook open to a page marked with writing but because it smells like him. I suck the scent in before we climb through the hole leading out onto the roof of the bus. Just smelling him like that made me want to just forget everything and start over. To just be able to lay with him again and talk about everything like we used to do but I know that I have got to forget silly fantasies at the moment and focus on why I’m actually here in the first place.
After finally positioning myself to where I was facing him I pull out my cigarettes knowing that if I smoke while talking to him there will be a less chance of me freaking out on him.
“So what did you want to talk about?” he asks and I realize that maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as I thought considering the fact that Ray was right and he did start talking first.
“Um everything that’s happened since the last time we were together. I have questions that I want answered and truth I want to hear,” I say lighting my cigarette and taking a drag.
"Okay well ask me anything and I swear I will tell you the truth,” he says looking at me waiting for me to continue.
“Okay well I guess the first question would be why did you think our relationship wasn’t going to work out?”
“I was scared to be with you. Honestly I was. Afraid that I would somehow get hurt or criticized for being with you. I didn’t realize that at the time no one was going to criticize me and I wasn’t going to get hurt. After I realized you weren’t going to answer my calls or e-mails I knew then that I’d really hurt you bad and I felt horrible and I still do actually. I am honestly sorry Frankie for putting you through all the shit I have put you through in the last couple of months.”
I honestly don’t even know what to say. I know he’s telling the truth because he’s looking at me and making eye contact. Usually when he lies to me he can’t look me in the eye.
“Pete I love you so much and after that whole thing went down I didn’t even want to live anymore. I promised myself that I would never trust you again but I can feel myself starting to even though I don’t really want to trust you again. I wanted to read your e-mails and answer your phone calls but after that day I said no more.”
“I know you did.”
“Wait how do you know?”
“I’ve been talking with everyone from your band since this tour started and they’ve pretty much told me everything you’ve been going through the last couple of months. I’m so sorry Frankie. Please forgive me?”
“I don’t know if I can Pete. I want to so bad but I just don’t want to give you my heart once again and then you do this to me again.”
“Frankie I swear to God that I have changed. After what I put you through I made a personal vow to myself that if I ever had another chance I would never ever do it again. I miss you so much and I know now that I was lucky to have as many chances I got. I abused every one of those chances and I’m sorry. I was an idiot to ever let you get away from me in the first place. I know that there are a lot of guys that would love to have what I had. You’re a very special guy Frankie and you’re very special to me. Please find it in your heart to give me one more chance?”
So here's Chaper 4. Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
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