FicWad

I wanted to say it. I wanted to love him so badly, but..everything was just too screwy. At this moment I couldn't tell what was up and what was down. Left and right confused me. How was I supposed to know that I was still in love, and then it hit me.

Butterflies rose in my stomach as our eyes locked, I felt my cheeks growing hot and I was suddenly very aware of the size of my nose and how stupid it must look to him. I stared into those eyes and remembered our first kiss, our first time together. Our first everything. All the times he made me laugh, all the holidays we spent together, all the fun that we've had.

Then I remembered the pain, how much he made me cry. I never wanted to feel that pain again. It was like a part of myself being ripped from my body, and I knew I'd never get it back, not matter what he did or said. But despite all the pain, all the tears that I cried..deep down, I knew that what we had was love. I loved him. I love Josh Farro.

" Oh my god! Someone call an ambulence!!" Jeremy came running from the dressing rooms, Felicia limp in his arms. Josh and I got up quickly and ran over to them. Jeremy collapsed as one of the merch kids pulled out their cell phone calling an ambulence.

There was blood all over his white shirt and tears running down his face. I looked at Felicia, her face pale. I checked her pulse and while touching her got chills from how cold she felt. I looked down at her wrist and saw a huge gash oozing blood steadily.

My head started to get woozy, I hated blood. I closed my eyes and backed away on my hands. I steadied my breathing and when I opened my eyes the sirens came into sight. Paramedics rushed over to Jeremy and pulled Felicia onto a stretcher. All the time I sat there and watched not knowing what to do. Josh was screaming at Zac about something, but I wasn't paying attention. I felt so out of it, like everything around me was a blur. Jeremy jumped into the ambulance with Felicia while Josh took my hand and everything sped up to fast foward. Zac trailed behind us as we jumped into someone's car that seemed vaguely familiar.

I closed my eyes and burried my head in my hands. This couldn't be happening. I was so close to home. So close..

" Hayley...Hayley.." I took my head out of my hands and my eyes found Zac's brown ones staring at me. They reminded me of Josh's. Josh..Where is he?

" Where's Josh?" I asked about to stand up, but Zac put a hand on my knee which made me look at him. There was sadness etched all over his face. " What happened? Zac...what's going on?" he looked like he wanted to tell me something, his mouth opening in closing while his mind tried to find the words he just couldn't say. " Tell me! Zac-" the door across the room opened and in walked Josh. I rudely pushed Zac to the side and jumped into Josh's arms. He too wore the same expression as his brother.

" Josh..what's wrong? Zac won't tell me. How's Felicia...the baby?" Josh looked down at the floor.

" She..Felicia's going to be fine, but she lost the.." his eyes met mine again, " the baby.." he was quiet for a long moment, thinking. " How'd you know she was pregnant.." my head jerked back to Zac, he looked at me as if he was sorry, but it wasn't his fault. It was my own stupid stupidity. I stuttered on my words, but Josh was patient.

" Uhm..it was a while back, when we were at the hotel.."

" We were at alot of hotels Hayley! Be specific!" he spat. I jumped a little. I racked my brain trying to remember what the hotel was called, it just never came to mind. Josh grabbed me by the elbows and shook me slightly. " When?!" I closed my eyes.

" It was a two weeks ago..maybe a few more days than that.." he let go of me and paced over to Zac who looked at his brother with worried eyes. " I-I didn't know how to tell you, because...I-what if it was Jeremy's or...y-yours, can you imagine how bad it would've been? Paramore would be over for sure!"

" That is no fucking excuse! You should've told me! What if that baby was mine?!" his eyes were watering up at the thought, but he still seemed extremely pissed.

" Josh.." I inched foward and touched his arm, he jerked away from me and walked the long way out of the room.

" Fuck you Hayley."

I sank into one of the plush couches. Zac sat across from me awkwardly for a moment. He cleared his throat.

" Felicia's blood pressure rose to high, and the baby...well...didn't make it. But uhm..she.." his eyes shifted over to the door and then back at me. " she knew who the baby's father was." he whispered. I sat up straighter and wiped my eyes quickly.

" Who was it?" I whispered with an urgent tone. He shook his head and put up his hands.

" No..I can't tell you, Fel would kill me, she wants to tell you in person." I stood up and rushed out of the room, Zac trailing behind me.

" You're going now?!" he squeaked behind me. I turned a corner barely missing a doctor who Zac crashed into sending papers flying. I practically sprinted down the hallway and finally found Felicia's recovery room. I waltzed right in. Jeremy was napping on the cot next to the bed while Felicia ate some pudding solemly.

As soon as the door opened her eyes jumped to me and widened. She dropped the little plastic up and spoon onto the bed table and folded her hands.

" I guess Zac told you I wanted to talk to you.." I nodded my head, my eyes not meeting hers. I knew there was sadness there, there had to be. She just lost something so pure, something that you could love and could love you forever. She cleared her throat. " I'm sorry about everything that happened...and I would've told you this sooner, but...it was..it was Jeremy's baby." she looked down at her hands.

" How-" I stopped, took a deep breath and continued. " How do you know?" I could see her shifting around, she must've been wiping her eyes from the tears that fell silently from her cheeks.

" Josh and I hadn't been doing anything for a while Hayley...nothing too...you know. But Jeremy and I were like...all the time." she folded her hands. " Jeremy knew that I had cheated on him, we had talked about it, and he confessed to me that he had cheated on me too." my head snapped up.

" What? Who?" it was almost like we were best friends again. Gossiping like girls do.

" Hannah.."

" That little bimbo that Josh went out with. Wow." I sat down on a chair near the bed bringing it quite close to Felicia.

" Ya...so we figured out that it was just us, that we were in love, but I couldn't tell him I was pregnant, but I'm positive it was his baby. It has to have been.."

" I guess we'll never know." our heads turned in unison to the new voice in the room. Jeremy was standing up, his eyes red and full to the brim with tears. Felicia's jaw dropped and I looked at the two awkwardly. He grabbed his jacket and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.





sorry it took so long.
i've had these chapters written
for a really long time,
i just didn't have time.
i'm so sorry.
but i plan on finishing off
the story soon.
thanks for reading!