Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > the fact of the matter it that is just a matter of time
Chapter 9
Alter some time we went back to our ice cream and the latter matter was left as if it had never happened.
I didn’t know what was going through Frankie’s head, and whether or not he had said those previews comments about ‘Gerard having someone over’ to vex me and get his way with me or just because he was that dumb.
My head was a tangle of “what if”’s and I was getting really sick from processing it all. I stood up and walked a meter away from Frank, threw myself to the ground on all fours and vomited behind a particularly pretty tree. I felt bad about such a pretty tree, but what could I do?
I vomited again and again and the psychosis that hadn’t bothered me ever since I moved to Belleville returned: how many bacteria were there on the dirt I was touching with my hands?
Surely a trizillion dogs had pooped and peed exactly where I was, considering this was a park and I was near a big tree.
How many people had been drunk there, and puked just like me, grosser and less clean stuff?
How many people had had sex in this same spot, all of their body fluids going to the ground?
How many bacteria were in there?
How much was I catching with my hands right now?
And as my mind continued to make assumptions I continued vomiting, and vomiting until I thought I was staring at every part of my being: so ugly and putrid…I hadn’t even noticed it had sprinkled all over my face, hands and was now rolling down my neck.
“Gross” Frank said behind me. I trembled at the fact that he had seen me in such a state of ugliness.
He couldn’t come closer, I could sense that. I think in that moment he was as prone to vomit as a kid’s to take candy after a shot.
“Look, I’m…I’m going to look for help, okay?” He muttered and rushed away from me and my repulsiveness.
NO! I wanted to scream, but a new wave of sickness hit me and I was unable to scream after him. I wanted him to turn back so bad, it was bad enough that he had seen me like this! I didn’t want anyone else to see me, as well! I didn’t need anyone else. It would’ve been good if he had just gone to the store, buy me some Kleenex and helped me home.
But…No, I was asking too much from him…He was just Frank, the silly kid, he couldn’t do that for me. No one could. Not even Kamz, I was sure of that. I stood up and took a deep breath, trying to control the new wave of nausea I was feeling. I was able to do so and used my sweater to clean my face and neck. I breathed in deeply and controlled myself. I walked the opposite way from were Frankie had gone and started walking back home.
My world was revolving around me and I wasn’t thinking were I was going. I just put one foot in front of the other and closed my eyes a lot to avoid throwing up as I walked. I’m sure anyone that saw me wouldn’t know who I was, they probably though I wasn’t even human from the way I sauntered from here to there and by the fact I probably smelled like a thousand corpses in putrefaction. Maybe they compared be like a zombie. Maybe they thought I was the new Eddie Iron Maiden had created. Was his name Eddie? How sick do I have to be to forget Maiden’s symbol?
Before I realized it I was in Hudson Lake, and it was alone and eerie as always. By this time I could no longer stand; I fell to the floor painfully and at least had enough energy to turn my head away before throwing up on myself. I heard some weary steps approaching. I recognized the sound of leather against gravel; I heard the crashing of metal.
“Anna? You stupid drunk bitch!” A guy yelled as he kicked my jaw. The kick was so strong it turned by body to my side and I ended up in the pool of vomit.
“Oh shit, you’re not Anna!” He said as he kicked me on my ribs. I opened my eyes from the pain and then tried and see the face of this stranger that was planning on kicking every inch of my body. He noticed that and shrieked, “OH NO YOU DON’T” And put his boot on my face, not making any pressure, just not allowing me to see him. He thrust me around, the chains and studs hanging from his boots increasing the damage. I recoiled and tried to push him away but I was as unaided as a day year old baby. I needed my mommy. But then again, my mother would’ve been more helpless than I was at the time. I shuddered from thinking of my joke of a mom in such a crucial moment in my life. Or the last, from the looks of it.
The guy’s anger flared and he started kicking me harder.
Where?
I don’t remember.
Why?
I wasn’t interested.
I was just trying to stay conscious and not to think of the pain.
I started to hear my heartbeat. That happened when I was truly nervous. I heard it in my ears; I felt my slow pulse on every inch of my body.
I was going to die, I knew that.
I heard cars passing by. Why couldn’t anyone stop and save me?
The lake. Of course, everyone was afraid of being near the lake, of being killed in the lake, of his or her body being disposed in that damn lake. Of all the places I could die in, I just had to die on that stupid lake.
Hudson Lake.
Fucking Hudson, who was him?
Fucking mom for being to useless and making me go to this stupid town filled with two-faced, scared-to-their-stupid-anorexic-bones people. I started shaking and sobbing uncontrollably: everything was so messed up!
I just…just…
And then everything around me suddenly turned off and I didn’t know who I was, where I was, and why.
I ceased to exist.
I was no longer me.
I was…
Alter some time we went back to our ice cream and the latter matter was left as if it had never happened.
I didn’t know what was going through Frankie’s head, and whether or not he had said those previews comments about ‘Gerard having someone over’ to vex me and get his way with me or just because he was that dumb.
My head was a tangle of “what if”’s and I was getting really sick from processing it all. I stood up and walked a meter away from Frank, threw myself to the ground on all fours and vomited behind a particularly pretty tree. I felt bad about such a pretty tree, but what could I do?
I vomited again and again and the psychosis that hadn’t bothered me ever since I moved to Belleville returned: how many bacteria were there on the dirt I was touching with my hands?
Surely a trizillion dogs had pooped and peed exactly where I was, considering this was a park and I was near a big tree.
How many people had been drunk there, and puked just like me, grosser and less clean stuff?
How many people had had sex in this same spot, all of their body fluids going to the ground?
How many bacteria were in there?
How much was I catching with my hands right now?
And as my mind continued to make assumptions I continued vomiting, and vomiting until I thought I was staring at every part of my being: so ugly and putrid…I hadn’t even noticed it had sprinkled all over my face, hands and was now rolling down my neck.
“Gross” Frank said behind me. I trembled at the fact that he had seen me in such a state of ugliness.
He couldn’t come closer, I could sense that. I think in that moment he was as prone to vomit as a kid’s to take candy after a shot.
“Look, I’m…I’m going to look for help, okay?” He muttered and rushed away from me and my repulsiveness.
NO! I wanted to scream, but a new wave of sickness hit me and I was unable to scream after him. I wanted him to turn back so bad, it was bad enough that he had seen me like this! I didn’t want anyone else to see me, as well! I didn’t need anyone else. It would’ve been good if he had just gone to the store, buy me some Kleenex and helped me home.
But…No, I was asking too much from him…He was just Frank, the silly kid, he couldn’t do that for me. No one could. Not even Kamz, I was sure of that. I stood up and took a deep breath, trying to control the new wave of nausea I was feeling. I was able to do so and used my sweater to clean my face and neck. I breathed in deeply and controlled myself. I walked the opposite way from were Frankie had gone and started walking back home.
My world was revolving around me and I wasn’t thinking were I was going. I just put one foot in front of the other and closed my eyes a lot to avoid throwing up as I walked. I’m sure anyone that saw me wouldn’t know who I was, they probably though I wasn’t even human from the way I sauntered from here to there and by the fact I probably smelled like a thousand corpses in putrefaction. Maybe they compared be like a zombie. Maybe they thought I was the new Eddie Iron Maiden had created. Was his name Eddie? How sick do I have to be to forget Maiden’s symbol?
Before I realized it I was in Hudson Lake, and it was alone and eerie as always. By this time I could no longer stand; I fell to the floor painfully and at least had enough energy to turn my head away before throwing up on myself. I heard some weary steps approaching. I recognized the sound of leather against gravel; I heard the crashing of metal.
“Anna? You stupid drunk bitch!” A guy yelled as he kicked my jaw. The kick was so strong it turned by body to my side and I ended up in the pool of vomit.
“Oh shit, you’re not Anna!” He said as he kicked me on my ribs. I opened my eyes from the pain and then tried and see the face of this stranger that was planning on kicking every inch of my body. He noticed that and shrieked, “OH NO YOU DON’T” And put his boot on my face, not making any pressure, just not allowing me to see him. He thrust me around, the chains and studs hanging from his boots increasing the damage. I recoiled and tried to push him away but I was as unaided as a day year old baby. I needed my mommy. But then again, my mother would’ve been more helpless than I was at the time. I shuddered from thinking of my joke of a mom in such a crucial moment in my life. Or the last, from the looks of it.
The guy’s anger flared and he started kicking me harder.
Where?
I don’t remember.
Why?
I wasn’t interested.
I was just trying to stay conscious and not to think of the pain.
I started to hear my heartbeat. That happened when I was truly nervous. I heard it in my ears; I felt my slow pulse on every inch of my body.
I was going to die, I knew that.
I heard cars passing by. Why couldn’t anyone stop and save me?
The lake. Of course, everyone was afraid of being near the lake, of being killed in the lake, of his or her body being disposed in that damn lake. Of all the places I could die in, I just had to die on that stupid lake.
Hudson Lake.
Fucking Hudson, who was him?
Fucking mom for being to useless and making me go to this stupid town filled with two-faced, scared-to-their-stupid-anorexic-bones people. I started shaking and sobbing uncontrollably: everything was so messed up!
I just…just…
And then everything around me suddenly turned off and I didn’t know who I was, where I was, and why.
I ceased to exist.
I was no longer me.
I was…
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