Categories > Original > Drama > Operation: Gemstone
Chapter Three
3 reviewsJayon meets the girls, and poor Beth has her chocolates eaten on her. Oh and some tennis.
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Operation: Gemstone
(#) fruit_addict 2007-11-16
good discription and vocab. You did have coma issues though. Ex: "They where all including her quite competitive" should be, "They were all, including her, quite competitive." You're also having issues with your dialogue format. Ex: "Hi." She said" should be "Hi," she said." good writing :)Author's response
Ok.
I would ask you to beta for me, but the thing is I think that would kinda defet the purpose of reivews. So how bout when I finish writing this I send you the whole thing and you can do your super cool fruit addict editing and take as long as you need? (by now im pretty sure you know that I am a very very impatient when it comes to beta readers.)
Lots of luv
Sarah Paige
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