FicWad

The nurse was nice, I have to admit. She seemed concerned. Maybe she actually was. I’m not sure anymore. All these machines were beeping around me. Life machine. To be honest, the beeping was starting to piss me off. Wasn’t it obvious that I was alive without hooking me up to this freaking arcade machine? I imagined pacman chomping my life line and laughed out loud. The woman in the bed next to mine raised her eyebrow at me, probably wondering when I’d been moved here from the psych ward. I didn’t care. Screw her.

It wasn’t long before the lovely Nurse Sanger came clicking over with a sandwich for me. An ugly looking, mayonnaise sandwich. I pretended to be very grateful but scowled when her back was turned. Chewing on my melancholy sandwich, I tapped my foot to some unknown beat. I missed Patrick. He’d saved me. So why the hell wasn’t he here? He couldn’t still be mad at me surely! I could’ve just died and he’s holding on to a stupid grudge? Well, fuck him.

‘I don’t need him’ I lied out loud.

Looking up at a beat up old calendar on the wall I smiled at what day it was. April 25th. Patrick’s birthday in two days and I could care less. So why was I smiling? And why was my brain flicking through gift ideas? I slapped myself on the forehead. Naughty! No! No thinking about him. No, no, bloody no. Okay, so I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Maybe if I could think of something good, he’ll forgive me, right? We could be friends again and all will be forgotten. It’s not like it was an amazing kiss anyway. I didn’t see fireworks. In fact, I’d had better kisses with Ash. There was something though. Something about it was different.

I slapped myself on the forehead again. Stupid! Of course there was something different about it. He’s a guy! It was a gay kiss! I kissed a dude! My jaw dropped. Oh my god. I kissed a dude. Damn, Mr. Wilson. I started to think, maybe he was right. What started all this shit anyway? I answered myself almost instantly. That look he has when he’s upset. I just want to wrap him up and protect him. Jesus, what a fag. It sounds like I want to be his mother.

That’s when it hit me. The ultimate gift idea for him. I grinned at my own genius. The only problem was, I was here. In hospital. Stuck in hospital. For the rest of the week. I would have to miss his birthday. Unless he came to me of course. Yeah, I see that happening. Joe. Joe could do it for me. Joe could be my little helper. I clapped. Holy crap, I clapped. If the woman next to me wasn’t scared before, she was now.
‘Nurse!’ I yell, smirking, making the woman next to me jump

Nurse Sanger ran in, fearing that I might have just caught fire or something. Her eyes were wide when she reached the end of my bed.

‘Mr. Wentz..’ She huffed, having ran all the way over here, ‘What’s wrong?’

‘I…need…’ I sighed, looking down at my knees

‘Yes?’ She said, leaning over me

‘I… need…’ I repeated, sounding deprived

‘Yes?’ She questioned, hiding her impatience with concern

‘I…need..’ I sigh for the last time, ‘Paper…’

‘Pardon?’ She said, looking angry

‘Paper’ I snorted, beaming at her, ‘And a pen if you can spare one’

‘I’m a nurse’ Nurse Sanger told me

‘Oh…’ I looked her up and down, ‘So you are… Pen and paper please’

She grunted at me and turned around to fulfill my request. The woman next to me was still staring. I snapped my head to look at her.

‘Hello bunny…’ I hoot, ‘I like your antlers… though the gherkins are a bit strange’

That should keep her thinking for a while. She hid herself behind a copy of ‘Vogue’ trying to pretend I wasn’t really there. I flicked some sweet wrappers at her and squealed with joy. When Nurse Sanger returned with a biro and notepad she slapped at my hand.

‘Stop acting like a child’ She cackled and dropped the objects ahead of me

‘Sorry mom’ I roll my eyes

‘That’s Rebecca to you sunshine’ She pushed me over to sit down next to me, quite unusual for someone in the medical profession if you ask me, ‘So, what are you doing?’

‘What am I doing?’ I answer, a little shocked, ‘What are you doing? Haven’t you got sick people to heal?’

‘Actually, my shift just ended,’ She nodded, ‘so, what are you doing?’

‘Writing something for someone’s birthday’ I reply, lifting the biro

‘A song? For that special lady in your life?’ Her eyes sparkled

‘Actually Rebecca’ I chortle, thinking for a while, ‘That’s not a bad idea’

‘Glad I could help’ She hopped up from my hospital bed and straightened her skirt, ‘Well, until tomorrow Mr.Wentz’

‘Pete’ I call after her, she nods on her way through the ward doors

‘See ya, Pete’ She hollered.

Rebecca had actually given me a good idea. Patrick loves music. I love… music. I write some music for Patrick. Patrick will love… it. Maybe I could write about how I feel. I refused point blank to write down my feelings for my therapist and now I’m doing it voluntarily. It couldn’t be too hard surely. Patrick wrote that song about that guy. I could do it too. Unfortunately, I was blank.

I didn’t expect to see Rebecca return so soon. Especially considering the fact that she was supposed to have finished her shift. She clacked over in her clearly uncomfortable work shoes. She looked annoyed.

‘There’s someone here to see you, they caught me on the way out’ She pouted, ‘So, do you want to see them or not?’

‘Patrick?’ I perked up

She shook her head.

‘Joe...Something?’ She said, unsure, ‘I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening...’

‘Yeah..’ I droop, ‘Send him in’

‘Pfft…’ She sulked on her way out, ‘Yes master’

I saw the fro before I saw him. It bobbed along the window and I got a full view of it when he entered. He looked apprehensive yet incredibly irate. He sat down in the chair next to my bed.
‘What the fuck did you do?’ He sighed, rubbing his temples

‘What the fuck did I do, Joe?’ I bawl, playing with the notepad

‘Why… Why did you…mess with him..?’ He asked hesitantly, not wanting to get too close to me

‘Mess with him…’ I say under my breath, then it clicked, ‘He thinks I’m messing with him?’

Joe nodded.

‘You’re not?’ Joe inquired, looking surprised

I shook my head.

‘Why does he think I’m messing with him?’ I exhale noisily, drawing stars on the top sheet of paper

There was something Joe didn’t want to tell me. I knew it. I could feel it in the tension.

‘Did he… is he with you?’ I ask hopefully

‘Yeah… He’s in my basement with Andy…’ He answered quietly, ‘He’s pretty messed up…’

‘All I did was kiss him…’ I moaned to my knees

Joe laughed.

‘Pete…’ He posed carefully, ‘You tried to kill yourself…’

‘I tried to…’ I whispered, ‘I didn’t…’

Joe edged closer and put his arm around me. It was nice to feel someone cared. I didn’t want him to take pity on me though. I didn’t want the concerned glances. I didn’t want the shoulder I was crying into. I didn’t want the arm rubbing my back. I didn’t complain.

‘Joe…’ I say, muffled by his Transformers t-shirt

‘Yeah?’ His hands gripped my back

‘What can I do?’ I sigh, feeling utterly hopeless.