FicWad

Chapter 51-

School felt like it had finished quicker than usual that day.

The walk home with Gerard, Mikey and Matt seemed quicker than it has ever seemed.

And the night seemed to drag on and on to the point were I would scream in frustration.

I laid in bed, my lights off, blankets over my head, as I curled up in a ball, with silent tears streaming down my face.

I had no idea why I was crying. I didn’t actually know I was crying until I felt a tear hit my pillow.

I heard a faint buzzing sound on my bedside table.

I lifted my head from my blankets and stole a quick glance at my clock.

7:46.

I groaned and hid underneath my blankets again, ignoring my phone completely.

I sighed softly after it stopped ringing, and closed my eyes.

I tensed slightly as I heard the house phone ring a few times, before I heard my Mum answer it.

Whoever it is, it is for me. And whoever it is, I don’t want to talk to them.

I heard footsteps approach my room and Mum’s faint voice getting closer saying: “Sure Gerard. I’ll just go get her.”

I slammed my fist on the mattress in frustration.

Mum softly knocked on my door three times, before opening it with caution.

“Rachel, Gerard’s on the phone.” Mum whispered, looking carefully into my messy room.

“Rachel, I know you’re awake.” Mum said sternly.

“Go away!” I moaned, rolling over and taking a good deal of blankets with me.

Mum sighed and walked out of my room.

I held my breath to stop all noise, just so I could hear what my Mum was saying to Gerard.

“I’m sorry Gerard, but she’s not feeling too well.” Mum said apologetically.

“Okay. But you try and reason with her; you know what she’s like. Stubborn.” Mum sighed, before I heard footsteps approaching my room once again.

“Rachel, just talk to Gerard.” Mum sighed.

“I don’t wanna talk Mum. I just want to lay here, and be by myself.” I said sternly.

“Yeah? Well, bad luck.” Mum said in an annoyed tone.

She walked over to my bed and I felt a sudden rush of coldness as she ripped the blankets off me.

She threw the phone at me.

“Talk to him Rachel!” Mum ordered, walking out of my room and closing my door rather loudly.

I sighed and picked up the phone.

“Hello.” I said quietly.

“What’s wrong sweetie?” Gerard asked gently.

“Nothing’s wrong.” I lied, sitting up and grabbing hold of my blankets and draping them over me again.

“Lair.” Gerard mumbled.

“Why don’t you want to talk to me?” Gerard asked; sounding hurt.

“It’s not that Gerard.” I sighed, rolling over onto my stomach.

“Then what is it?” Gerard asked quietly.

“Look, I’m really sorry Gerard, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.” I said firmly.

“Has this got anything to do with you getting called to the office today, and you not returning until the start of lunch?” Gerard asked.

“Yeah.” I said, giving no more.

Gerard stayed quiet, waiting for more details.

“I’m sorry baby, but I don’t really want to talk about it right now. Let me figure it out first, and then I’ll tell you.” I said softly.

“Figure what out? Rachel, what’s going on?” Gerard asked worriedly.

“Just meet me at the lake at eight tomorrow morning. I’ll explain it all then.” I said.

“Fine.” Gerard sighed, giving up and knowing it was a battle he can’t win.

“I love you Gerard.” I whispered.

“Love you too Rachel.” Gerard said before I hung up.

I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes.

Now all I have to do is decide. Decide whether I was ready or not to have Dad come back into my life…

*

I woke up extra early that morning. Earlier so I could go talk to Gerard.

I wasn’t exactly happy about telling him.

I left the house early and slowly walked to the lake.

If I knew Gerard properly, I’d say he was already there waiting for me.

A few minutes past and I finally reached the lake, I saw Gerard laying down on the grass with his eyes closed, and his arm draped over his face.

I smiled and crept my way to him.

When I reached him, I gently took my bag off my back, and placed it beside Gerard’s. Hoping to make no noise.

I gently straddled him and kissed his hand.

Gerard’s arm flew away from his face as his eyes flew open.

“Hi.” I said giggled.

“You scared me.” Gerard laughed, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me down to rest on top of him.

“Why? I’d be guessing you would know it was me by me kissing you and sitting on you.” I said suspiciously.

“Unless you’re not telling me something?…” I joked.

“No. There’s no one else. Only you.” Gerard laughed, kissing the top of my head.

It fell into a peaceful silence.

“So why were you so upset yesterday?” Gerard asked causally.

I knew that was coming.

“Ah, yesterday, before maths, Dad came and talked to me…” I said awkwardly.

“About what?” Gerard asked, shocked neither the less.

“He, asked me if I were to give him a second chance…” I explained quietly.

“What?” Gerard asked loudly, sitting up slightly.

“He seems different Gerard. He calms to be off the alcohol. He, I dunno. He seems, sincere about his word.” I shrugged, looking down.

“You’re not thinking of actually forgiving him are you?” Gerard asked.

“Not forgive… Just. I dunno. Maybe?” I whispered.

Gerard sighed.

“It’s your decision Rachel. I’ll support you either way.” Gerard promised sweetly.

I smiled and pecked his lips.

“We’re going to be late for school.” Gerard announced, trying to get up with me still sitting slash laying on him.

I got up off of him and grabbed my school bag.

“Yay. School!” I said sarcastically.

Gerard laughed and took a hold of my hand, entwining his fingers with mine…

*

I took a breath in and quickly dialed Dad’s number in my phone.

Here goes nothing.

I waited as it rang, and let out a nervous squeal as Dad answered.

“H-hey Dad.” I stuttered.

“Hey Rach! How are you?” Dad greeted happily.

“I’m doing okay.” I said, my voice shaking unnoticeably.

It fell silent.

“Da-ad, I, ah, need to tell you something.” I whispered.

“Yeah? What’s that?” Dad asked.

“I-I’ve made my decision.” I said nervously.

Dad remained quiet.

“I’m sorry Dad. But I don’t think I’m ready to give you another chance.” I whispered.

“Why?” Dad whispered.

“The things you did to me, to us… The things you said, they’re never going to go away, and every time I look at you, I think about those horrible things you used to do. I just need to grip the fact of what’s going on around me, and what’s past, and what’s future before I can go on again like normal.” I explained, my voice shaking.

“That’s okay sweetie. I respect your decision… But I’d still like to see you every now and then.” Dad said gently.

“That’d be okay, I guess.” I said softly.

“Well good.” Dad said, perking up.

“I’ve got to go Dad.” I whispered.

“Okay. I’ll hopefully talk to you soon.” Dad said sadly.

“Bye Dad.” I said, feeling tears start to sting my eyes.

I was just about to hang up when I heard Dad say: “I love you Rachel. Even though I haven’t always shown it. I do. I always have, and I always will… You’re my little princess.”

I let out a sob as I closed my phone.

Tears started streaming down my face rapidly.

I couldn’t help but feel somewhat guilty.

I heard the pain and sadness in his voice as I told him I didn’t want him around.

And part of me was chuckling evilly to the hurt I was currently causing my father. For he did tear this family apart. He did hit Mum and I on more than one occasion. He did say hurtful things to me that will stay with me forever.
He should’ve seen this coming. I mean, he can’t just expect to do what he did, and then for me to rush over to him and laugh at all the nonsense. He gets what he has coming. He deserves all that he gets…

But I couldn’t help but think that I was blowing all of this way out of proportion. But then again…

I was having too many thoughts about all of this.

One voice told me that I did the right thing, while another voice told me that what I was doing was harsh and dramatic.

A part of me wanted to forgive and forget. But another part of me knew that I would never be able to forget, even if I were to forgive…