FicWad

Chapter 39

I opened my eyes slowly and stretched in bed, yawning in a way that some people have said it sounds as if I was communicating with whales. I put my feet gingerly on the floor and took my cell from the bedside table, looking at the time. It was only six thirty. I groaned and walked to the bathroom, throwing a bit of water in my face to take the sleepy look away. I patted my head and brushed my hair into two neat braids that started from my neck, so that my hair wouldn’t tangle so much. I secured them and checked my reflection on the mirror:
My long lashes were even longer because of the mascara I had applied early in the morning, they still looked jet black, contrasting against my pale skin. I still my black eyeliner but it was smudged because of the water. I rubbed my fingers against the spots where the eyeliner shouldn’t have been and then left the bathroom, and went down the stairs towards the living room. I heard Donna moving glasses and pouring liquids into them and then I collided with someone. I looked up to see Ray.
“Oh Donna had just sent me to fetch you, dinner’s ready.”
I smiled at Ray and we walked to towards the kitchen. Donna had added extra chairs, I shot a dismissive look around and found a pair of faces that hadn’t been there before: Bob and Gerard’s.
“Hello guys” I saluted them in warmly tone and the calmness of it surprised me even more that everyone else. Bob stood up and nudged Gerard on the rib to do the same, to hug me.
“So nice to see you, Gabe!” Bob said happily as he un-wrapped his arms around me.
“Yeah….nice” Gerard agreed as he awkwardly put his arms around me and untangled them quickly. He was shocked, I could tell no one had mentioned him the fact that I was staying there. What shocked me was that he had the nerve to look so ‘awkward’. I mean, come on/! /He dumped me! In the most brutally cruel way! I should be the one awkward for fuck’s sake!
I controlled my anger and sat on the table, in between Mikey and Frank. Donna, as always, was too busy serving and watching that everyone ate to sit and eat herself. When I commented on that she just laughed it off and continued to busy herself.
“So, what are you doing now, Gabe?” Bob asked me as he reached for an extra leg of chicken.
“I’m a model” I said with a beam, taking some salad and drinking from my glass of water.
Everyone looked shocked. “Well, that explains everything! You look even more wonderful than ever!” Mikey said, clearly impressed.
“Yeah, I bet you’re pretty busy, huh?” Ray inquired, looking up from his plate.
“Oh yeah, it’s a bit tiresome sometimes, but I can’t deny I love it!” I replied cheerfully. It was so easy being me around them, forgetting about those sad thoughts…
“Dear, you’re not eating chicken…” Donna pointed out.
“Oh, I’m a vegetarian Donna. Sorry” I explained.
“I’ll get you some cheese then” She said and started slicing some.
“What does that have to do?” Frank asked, rolling his eyes.
“That cheese is protein, too, Frankie boy” I told him, stealing the piece of bread he had just buttered.
“Hey, you’re a /model/! You shouldn’t be eating /bread/!” Frankie stammered, stealing Mikey’s bread.
“/That/ has nothing to do. I’m not gonna /starve/!” I exclaimed, laughing as Mikey stole Ray’s bread, and Ray stole Bob’s and then Bob had to take another bread because Gerard was too busy staring at me chattering away to take one of his own.
We all finished our dinner and I convinced Donna to let me do the dishes. She finally accepted when I said that if she didn’t let me do it I’d take my luggage and go to my father’s. She had no choice but to accept and she left me to the dishes.
“So…” A voice I had no problem recognizing said behind me. I turned just to let Gerard know I acknowledged his presence there and smiled as I said ‘so…’ back.
He was silent, clearly unsure of how to ask me something without being too rude.
“I’m guessing you want to know why I’m here, right?” I asked, as I took the remains of food from the last dish and put it along with the rest in the dishwasher.
“Yeah” I heard him say as I tapped the buttons and closed the door of the dishwater, hearing it start its work.
“Do you want some coffee? We need to talk, and I’m sorry to say it’s not going to be pleasant…” I said, moving to the coffeemaker.
“Sure.”
I let the water boiling, preparing coffee for everyone else, as well.
I sat on the chair in front of Gerard and placed my left hand on top of my right and then stared into his eyes.
“A couple of months after…after you broke up with me….I found out something”
Gerard’s brow furrowed and his eyes got this confused look about them, “What was it?” He asked in a low voice.
“That I was …well, that I was /pregnant/” I blurted the last part out but had enough control not to break eye contact. He let the breath he had been containing out slowly, and reclined on the chair in what must be a very uncomfortable position. He bit his lip delicately and intertwined his fingers, surveying me.
“Where is it?”
“/she/” I spat.
“What?” He asked in confusion.
“Animals are called /it/. My baby was a ‘she’.” I retorted roughly, my motherly instincts kicking in. Gerard looked at me and sat up straight, nodding his head. Then he stopped nodding and a look of panic stricked his features “What do you mean ‘/was/’? She didn’t make it?” He asked, hurt.
“She did make it…/out/.” I explained “Actually, she lived until her seven and a half birthday” My voice trembled a bit and his frown deepened. I knew he sensed I think want to talk much about it, but that it had to be done.
“What….what happened?” He asked, his words sounded so soft, as if he was singing a lullaby rather than asking the cause of death of his first child, one that died before him even seeing her face.
“It was a bus accident. She was in her school bus and it was snowing, the road was slippery because of the ice and the bus’ brakes didn’t work. The bus slipped and went on its side. Lucy was on the side the bus crashed against the floor. She- she l-loved the window seat” I sobbed the last part, unable to see Gerard’s face anymore I lowered my gaze to my lap and felt a sharp tug on my hands. Gerard had covered the distance between us and was now not clasping my hands on his but was also hugging me. I winced at the body contact, winced at the connection I felt with his body. That comforting touch made me remember how I belonged to him and his body; I was carved to be a part of both. He tangled his arms around my waist and placed my head on the space in between his shoulders and neck and let me cry there, wetting his hair and skin.
This sends other memories into my mind, memories of past days.
This feels like the past.
I’m re-living yesterday.


I'm feeling like and mundane like...my mood's not very good right now.
Self steem it hell-low.
and it doesn't help that I get into school tomorrow.
AND that a friend I've known forever and being in school with since the beginning of time left and it hadn't hit me that she's really gone but from tomorrow on I will and it sucks.