Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Living in Panic

Awake, and (un) Afraid

by RyanRossLuver 0 reviews


Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Drama - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2008-01-22 - Updated: 2008-01-23 - 810 words - Complete

Awake and unafraid, asleep or dead.
- My Chemical Romance

…Whoa! I knew that Panic! At the Disco was popular, but this is mind-blowing! I mean, my first official tour choreography show, and I have over 8,000 people watching me. I better go change and let Amanda and Brian finish. I walked back into the changing area, and got ready. Just after I finished putting everything on, Spencer walked in. he was making the finishing touches to his make-up. Just then, my cell began to ring.
“Hello?” I said into the receiver. “Mummy, what’s up? Slow down………..what!?, it can’t be true. I know he is in the bank that is being held hostage, but he knows about these situations, seeing as he is ex-FBI. ” I fell onto the couch inside the changing rooms, and apparently caught Spencer’s attention, because he came and sat beside me.
“You’re making it up mum……… no...” I began to sob uncontrollably, and I leant into Spencer, who let me rest my head on his chest, and he stroked my hair in a soothing manner.
“Mum, please, tell me it’s not true, please...he couldn’t have been shot…not murdered……please……no...” I threw my cell on the floor, and pulled away from Spencer, even though it was comforting. I ran into the bathroom that was inside the change room I was using, and locked myself in. I doubled over on the floor, crying so hard at this point, I thought I’d never be able to stop. Knocking at the door…
“Leave me alone!”

I woke up with a great fright, to find my face and hands wet, and a moist spot on Ryan’s shirt. Ryan gave me a ‘what happened’ look and I turned away from him, and got out of bed. My whole body was shaking as I moved away from the bed towards the bathroom, hoping I could make it in there before I got interrogated by Ryan. That plan sure as hell didn’t work. He got up off the bed, and stepped towards me, encircling me in his arms, taking me into a deep embrace.
“Your father again?” I just nodded my head. I was incapable of speaking. You see, the anniversary I was on about earlier was the anniversary of my dad’s death. Whenever the 12th of the month hits, I hide away for the day, or the boys plan a huge day to keep me occupied so I don’t think about the date. And they try to keep me awake for as long as possible, because when I fall asleep, I dream about the minute my mum told me what happened to him, resulting in me waking up crying. That’s what that dream was about earlier. I could feel a wave of nausea setting in. I had started crying again, when there was a knock at the door. Ryan let go of me, sauntered over to the door and opened it. It was Spencer, telling us that we needed to hurry up and get onto the bus, as it was 6am and we needed to start the drive to New York if we were to make our 8am radio show appointment. Before Ryan could do anything to help me pack, my legs gave way and I fell to the floor, sobbing my heart out. The nauseous feeling was getting stronger, and I must have turned pale because Ryan helped me up and took me into the bathroom, just in time, before I collapsed and proceeded to throw up. Brendon obviously heard me, and he came rushing in.
“Em, are you okay? Do you want to delay the leave today?”
“N…n…no. I’ll be fine. Just,” I stood up shakily, and Ryan caught me under one arm with his hand, and Brendon took a hold of me under the other arm.
“Can you get me some paracetamol or something that might help with…” the tears were flowing again, and Brendon took me into a brief hug.
“It’ll be okay. I’ll get you something to help the nausea, and Ryan will help get your stuff and get you onto the bus.” Brendon made sure Ryan had a firm grip on me, and he left to finish sorting himself out, and Ryan helped me pack my bags and take me down to the bus. Spencer and Jon were already there, and Brendon was just behind us. Bartram and Eric had already crashed out in the back of the bus, still exhausted after last nights show, so I decided to take a seat in the middle of the bus, and I pulled out my notebook and pen, and started scribbling down ideas for lyrics. We ended up leaving the hotel at 7am.
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