Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Soul Purpose

From Backstage To The…

by asherschick 1 review


Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Humor,Romance - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2008-01-27 - Updated: 2008-01-28 - 3090 words

10. From Backstage To The…

Backstage. Such a mess. People dressing. People walking in. People walking out. Roadies carrying various equipments. So bright. So sharp. So fast. Everyone, everything is in such a haste sometimes it makes you feel like throwing up with just one look. Yeah, Defne gets backstage-sick sometimes. It’s a phrase her friends came up with after she threw up for real, one time. She had blamed it on alcohol – which wasn’t a complete lie. But it wasn’t the whole truth, either – you couldn’t throw up because of just a couple of beers. She had stopped trying to decrease her anxiety level with beer, after that. And there was also the fact that her stomach felt so full after two beers, she couldn’t jump around on stage. And her kidneys worked real fast… So, yeah, beer bad .

The bus had arrived the venue about 4 pm. They had immediately been dragged to sound check after that. Now, they were supposed to be on stage in an hour. It all seemed surreal, somehow. It felt like ages since they left Chris’s house in the morning and now it was already 6 pm.

She should have been getting dressed but she was far too nervous for that right then. Her insides felt like someone had taken hold of her intestines and was twisting them violently. She looked around the room and sighed in relief when she realized that none of her band mates seemed utterly comfortable, either.

Chris was perched on the side of one of the vanity tables, swinging his legs back and forth, hunched forward, clutching his stomach like a wounded man. His young face was adorned with worry, his lips pursed together so tightly that it seemed a locksmith would be needed to open them.

Right across him Devon was sitting on a chair staring at his own reflection and pouting slightly, while a hair stylist struggled to give his shaggy dark hair the look he wanted. Occasionally, his hand would come up and mess with some part of his hair telling the impossibly patient girl that he didn’t want it to look like that, either. He could be a real bitch when he was nervous, really…

Matt was leaning back on the couch at the other side of the room, holding a can of beer in one hand, sipping it from time to time. He didn’t even look nervous at first – until you noticed the constant drumming of his fingers on his knee and the tapping of his foot on the floor .Of course, if you asked him if he was anxious, he’d just say he was warming up for the drums. And you’d probably believe him because he really was a naturally calm person.

She noticed Zack, his shoulder against the opposite wall, his arms folded across his chest, his face pretty much hidden behind the blond waves of hair. He was such a natural poser – even in a nervous state he managed to do that. Defne had to admit he looked hot leaning against the wall like that. Legs tall and shapely, torso toned and hair all messy and sparkling gold. She made a mental note to remember that pose for some future time if they had to make photo shoots. She could definitely see herself as a fangirl melting over that photograph. Yeah, her best-friend was a hottie and there had been a time - ages ago - that she had felt some sort of attraction towards him. It had been more of a crush, actually. She had gotten over it. Now, she knew that they would never be anything but close friends. She smiled at the thought involuntarily.

He had noticed her. He started walking towards where she was standing before the folding screen, with her own arms folded across her stomach.

“You should be getting dressed, you know…” he told her.

She scrunched up her face. “Yeah, I know. But my insides feel like shit.”

He grinned. “So do mine. But as you can see I’m already dressed, cause it’s only gonna get worse as time goes by. Knowing you, you’re gonna start shaking real bad and you won’t even be able to tie the laces of your boots.”

She scowled up at him. “I’m starting to feel sick now…” she said, lying, just to see his panicky-face.

His eyes widened a touch at that. “You’re not gonna throw up again, are you?”

“No” she answered simply, rolling her eyes. “And don’t say that like I throw up before every show. It happened only once and I had had too much to drink…”

He just nodded, looking like he knew better, knowing that making her a little angry would serve to keep her anxiousness at level.

The singer sighed. “Besides I was just kidding – hoping to see that oh-fuck look on your face, but NO… you can’t make me a little bit happy, can you?” Her lower lip was starting to jut out slightly.

Zack pushed a strand of wild blonde hair away from his face and laughed. “Hey, stop pouting at me and go get dressed already!” he said, grasping her shoulders and turning her to face the folding screen. He gave her a little playful shove to get her going.

She stepped behind the screen and saw what she had previously chosen to wear for the first show of the tour and regretted it immediately. She had picked a tight black mini that hit her a little over mid thigh – she would probably flash the whole front row in it, she was such an idiot! But it had red straps and she liked to leave them dangling from her waist to hit her legs every time she moved. She had also picked a really dark-blue brocade corset laced up with black ribbon. The top wasn’t so bad, it barely gave a glimpse of cleavage but still she couldn’t help but think the outfit seemed too slutty to wear on-stage. Not like she would wear it off-stage, it was definitely meant to be worn on-stage but… She just didn’t want to look so daring from the first night, she didn’t want people to think that she was easy…

“Fuck the people” she muttered angrily under her breath and undressed quickly. She could wear any fucking thing her heart desired and noone could say a word.

She adjusted the black fishnet stockings she had also picked and pulled on knee-high black boots that were laced-up on the front. She liked her boots because they did a good job hiding various scars on her legs from her childhood. She had always been a little clumsy – and also a pretty careless cyclist. Not that she was ashamed of her scars – it just got boring being asked the same questions and having to give the same fucking answers, after a while. She had learnt to make peace with her body a long time ago. Right after high school actually. She had been over-weight, ever since her studies had become harder and she had stopped playing basketball and kept on eating like a horse. She wasn’t ashamed to admit it now. But she hadn’t really been happy with her body, then. She had spent years of her life trying on clothes in dressing rooms and hating herself because they wouldn’t fit. Then the peace had come. She had stopped hating her body but started to try to give it a better and healthier shape – as soon as she escaped to university, she had thrown herself into sports.

So, now that she could wear nearly anything and everything, she liked experimenting. Her confidence level had increased noticeably in years and she wasn’t embarrassed to dress a little revealing, anymore.

She laced up her boots and checked her reflection in the full-length mirror. Now, she didn’t look so slutty. Sure, the skirt was little but it made her legs look a tad bit taller – no amount of self-confidence can make a short woman think her legs don’t look short but a mini can – and the corset fit her body perfectly. She looked okay .

She stepped away from the screen and walked towards the middle of the room. The stylist was finished with Devon – though he still kept touching his now blissfully messy but good-looking hair – and was now fluffing up Chris’s hair. Zack was leaning close into a mirror, outlining his sparkly blue eyes with black eyeliner. Matt had started doing real warm up moves. He was stretching his arms and legs, wriggling his fingers and rubbing his wrists.

Then, there was a knock at the door and a head popped in. It was Mikey.

“Hey, guys! We came to wish you luck, you ready?”

“Almost.” She responded and gestured for him to come in. He opened the door wider this time and they all entered the room.

“This girl sure knows how to dress!” was Frank’s first comment.

She laughed, shaking her head. Zack came up from behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, sliding them down her arms just to tease her and make her look sexy. “I always tell her to dress like that all the time we’re on tour – for our benefit, ya know? It’s such a mental challenge to be packed up in a small space with nothing but hairy stinky guys, your eyes start to crave the image of female flesh.”

Frank and Bob nodded, agreeing with him immediately. Mikey didn’t know whether to admit it or not so he just gave a little smile and Ray was dumbstruck for a moment, staring at the man who voiced the very feeling he was struggling to describe. Gerard only frowned.

“That sounded really perverse, Zack…” she said, craning her neck to give him a look. She never saw the frown on the other singer’s face.

“And actually, you’re the hairy one.” Devon said, walking over to them.

“Am not!”

“Are so. Look at all the hair you’ve got there, it takes you hours to blow-dry it…”

The blonde guitarist just tucked his hair away from his face and rolled his eyes, walking over to the vanity table to trust the stylist with his precious hair.

Gerard glared at his back for some time, forgetting that someone could notice his weird behavior. He couldn’t help but be mad at him for touching her like that. Oh God, was he jealous? Yes, he was. He was pretty jealous. Because she looked gorgeous and he just wanted to claim her for himself. That was stupid, really. Defne had known Zack for years and they always seemed to be really touchy-feely. But not in the way couples are. They couldn’t possibly be a couple, could they? Maybe. His heart sank at the thought and again he thought it was stupid. So he just shook his head and tried to clear his head a little.

He looked around the room and realized everyone except him had moved from their previous spot in front of the door. Frank was talking to Devon – something about his hair from what Gerard could hear. The bassist looked on the verge of tears and he was frequently patting at his hair – which looked pretty good actually.

He overheard the conversation between the two drummers as he walked by the couch.

“I don’t get nervous much.” muttered Matt. “But it just feels like I’m not gonna be able to keep a single fucking beat, now.”

Bob put a friendly hand to his shoulder. “That’s how I get every time they shove a fucking camera into my face. Honestly, I still don’t know how I managed to play on TRL, with all those cameras and Frank butchering my base drum and all…”

The other drummer laughed at that, his nerves seeming to have relaxed a bit. “I guess it’s just the fucking crowd.” he said. “We’ve never played in front of such a big audience…”

Bob gave him a reassuring smile, his baby blues sparkling, his tone oh-so-comforting as he spoke again. “You’ll get used to it.” he said “I’m not saying you’ll get over it, cause you won’t. It’s always there, in the back of your mind. You always get scared of the crowd at first…”

He stopped by them to say similar things to calm down the drummer and then walked towards where Defne was talking to Mikey and Ray. Mikey was telling her how he used to get all shaky before going on stage.

“Once, the crowd was so wild and I was scared shitless, Frank had to actually shove me towards the stage.” his brother was saying. “I didn’t know what to do, everything just erased from my mind at once and I couldn’t even remember the notes I wrote myself! Then I hid behind Gerard nearly the whole show, trying desperately not to be seen.” He was smiling a little shy smile at the memory.

Gerard walked up to him and put his hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly. “That’s just a bonus of being in the same band with your big brother. ” he said, grinning. “You can hide and quiver behind me any time you feel the need to.”

Mikey gave him a playful push. “Oh, yeah. Like you’d save me from the boogeyman!”

Gerard opened his eyes wide and blinked at him innocently. “I would, you know I would. I’d never let them get you Mikes…” But his grin ruined the whole effect.

Ray smiled at the exchange between the two brothers. “Yeah, Gerard would never let them get you Mikey, he’d probably wanna save that pleasure for himself.”

Gerard seemed to consider it – that earned him a punch on the shoulder from Mikey. They all laughed at that.

Defne shook her head and stared at them. “I really appreciate this, you know… I feel much more relaxed, now.” she said.

“Oh, no problem. You needed to calm down a bit. I couldn’t let you go out there all nervous and deprive the poor audience of your real potential.” the other singer told her sincerely. The other two nodded in agreement.

She couldn’t help the blush that adorned her cheeks at the compliment. “Thanks…” she murmured rather shyly.

And then it was her turn in front of the table, her hair at the mercy of the stylist. She was always the last to get her hair and make up done because her hair had a wild tendency to refuse staying in perfect shape for long. She had the stylist straighten her dark locks, letting her bangs fall into her face.

She did her own make up. She already looked pale in her present attire but she applied some powder anyway. She outlined her eyes with black eyeliner, first. Then put on some black non-sparkly eye-shadow – she hated sparkly things – on her eyelids. She threw some dark-blue eye shadow into the mix along with black mascara and proceeded to put on dark-red lipstick.

She noticed Gerard from the corner of her eye. He was standing next to her, staring at her reflection in the mirror, intently.

“Stunning.” he muttered to himself.

“Huh?” she asked turning to face him.

He took a deep breath. He wasn’t staring at her reflection anymore and the full impact had been a tad bit too much for him to handle.

His eyes took in her sight. Her pale face perfectly framed by her dark locks, her big dark eyes and her little red lips. His eyes hesitated at the milky smooth expense of her neck, then they made their way to her cleavage – hesitating there too – and they continued their journey south. He took in the tiny skirt that hugged her shapely hips and accentuated her narrow waist perfectly. The straps of the skirt were situated against her thighs innocently – he had a weird craving to be one of those straps. And the boots were sexy…

Realizing that he had been shamelessly checking her out, he dragged his eyes upwards to meet hers and strained to smile. She looked slightly bewildered.

His smile had turned into an apologetic one, now. “You look really good.” he said, finally when he talked. That was such a lame thing to say, he should have been able to come up with better words than that! He constantly wrote lyrics, he lived with the words, dammit!

She just blinked at him for a moment and then smiled pleasantly. “Thank you.”

Then it was show time. Someone was yelling at them that they had 5 minutes till they had to be on stage.

On Mikey’s insistence – that it would surely bring them luck – the two bands lined up separately and they all gave each other high fives. Defne didn’t even have the time to contemplate whether Gerard really did make a tiny move to keep her hand in his for a second longer or it was her twisted imagination torturing her, again.

When she stepped on stage, covered with the familiar lights, her knees went a little weak upon hearing the roar of the crowd. It didn’t make any sense to her why they were so worked up over just them. These kids probably didn’t even know them. But she promised herself to do her best to make themselves known to them.

She stepped up to the microphone stand and grabbed it roughly with one hand, holding the mic with the other. She smiled a little knowing smile as her eyes scanned the crowd before her. This was all too familiar, now. Faces gazing up at her. She was used to this. No need to panic.

She took a deep breath and yelled into the microphone. “Hello everyone! We’re Soul Purpose and we’re here to rock your socks!”

A/N: Whoossh! Pretty long one. Lots of nervousness in one chapter, huh? Well, we all deal with it tons of times everyday =) Please review, it’s always good to know what people like and dislike about the story. And it’s really helpful to see a review when you’re about to write, so special thanks to crystalcrash xD Real good timing, there!

And kisses to everyone!

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