Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > 100 MCR oneshots


by x_Charlie_x 2 reviews

Sometimes # 67 'I wanted to make you happy, I just wasn't very good at it.'

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Romance - Characters: Gerard Way - Published: 2008-01-31 - Updated: 2008-01-31 - 1595 words

Two updates in one night? Deary me! It’s my apologies for abandoning everyone for God knows how long. Stupid college giving me a ton of work!
Gerard’s POV.

Sometimes- 67

Sometimes things just don’t work out. I know that now. Sometimes as much as you try to protect someone the best thing for you to do is just to leave them alone. Sometimes as much as you love someone it’s best just to let go.

It hurts. It hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt in my entire life. It’s worse than that time when we were kids and I fell off my bike and snapped through both of the bones in my lower arm. It hurts worse than that time I put my hand in a clamp and you kicked it and dislocated my finger. It hurts worse than any break up ever, but what did we expect? Everyone said it wouldn’t work out. That we were ‘too good as friends’ but we just wouldn’t listen. Maybe if we had then we’d still be Ok. The world would still have a reason to turn. Life would be worth living…

The nightmares are the worst. They come every night unless I take sleeping pills. And Mikey and the rest of the guys disapprove of me taking them in case I end up like I was before so I just stick with the nightmares. At least that way I still have you in my dreams, even if they consist of twisted images and situations. Even if they never fail to make me wake up gasping for air with a scream pressed up against my lips.

I never meant to hurt you. It’s little consolation but I need you to know it was accidental. All the pain I caused you, all the tears I made you cry, I didn’t mean for those things to happen. I know it doesn’t make things ok, that it doesn’t take them back, but I just need you to know that I’m sorry.

Do you remember the time at school that you got excluded? You got into a fight with the girl who had just dumped me. She had cheated on me and split up with me to get together with the other guy. I wasn’t all that bothered by it but you turned super-woman and beat the shit out of her. You couldn’t come in for two days but you never once apologised to any one for doing it. Not even to me. I loved you for doing that. You were such a goody toe shoes at school and there you were getting into amazing trouble just to stick up for me and protect me. I think that was when I realised that maybe there could be something else between us. I’m not sure though, it’s hard to pin point. A bit like how it’s hard to pin point where and when it all started to fall apart.

I was always scared of hurting you. Even as mates I tended to let you have the last say in arguments. Always complimented you even if it was a half lie. You had so much pain in your life. So much disappointment. So many wasted days of being messed around by a low life boyfriend or a Dad who kept promises like water in a sieve. I just wanted to be something in your life that was constantly positive, always whole, always somewhere to run to that would shelter you from the rain.

I think I managed to stay that person while we were mates but when things developed into something else I knew we were jeopardising everything. All the safety and comfort. But if we had worked we’d have been perfect we would have been everything. Everything would be insignificant compared to the gleam in your eye as you laughed. We would have raised children and got married and lasted for all of eternity. But then I fucked it all up.

I don’t honestly know what I was thinking when I gave her my number. I just, I just wasn’t thinking. I was in self- destruct mode and you were too. Things were touchy between us at best. At times I just wanted to slap you. At times I wanted to leave. Sometimes I even wanted to just end it all right there. You and me together in each others arms with a bullet blasted through each temple. It was bad. When we were good we were perfect. When we were bad it was living hell.

I didn’t expect her to call and I was glad when she didn’t. You picked yourself up off the floor and helped me to do the same. I had forgotten her by the time she called. She asked to meet up for a drink and I explained that things had gotten better with us and that I wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. She said that maybe we could do it as mates still because we’d gotten on so well it would be a shame to waste it. It would have been a shame to waste it. So I went. I don’t know why I lied to you about where I was going, the same as how I don’t know why I bothered lying to myself by saying over and over in my battered brain that me and this girl would never be anything more than friends.

Nothing happened that night. You probably don’t believe me and you have good reason not to but please just try. We just had a few drinks and a bite to eat. I came home to find you asleep on the sofa. I carried you upstairs and laid you down in bed and we fell asleep. I loved you. Why do you refuse to see that?

I met with the girl a few more times and I could tell you were getting jealous but you never once said anything because we were really good and you didn’t want to mess things up. Sometimes I’d only meet with her to spite you, to try and urge you out of your silence. To make you admit to how much you disliked my new friendship. You got close to Frank. I think it was to get at me but it may have just been one of those things that happened. Maybe you just went to him for advice because he’s the closest person to me minus you and Mikey. Maybe you wanted to prove that two could play at that game. And that you could play it better. You always went straight for the heart.

Anyway the war was on then, I tried to make you as jealous as physically possible with out a second thought for your other feelings and you rubbed your new friendship with Frank in my face. Or maybe it just seemed like you did because I was so jealous of it. Somewhere amongst all the bitterness I’d lost you, my best friend, and he’d gained you and I wanted you back. Looking back on it I can see that I acted stupidly, and blindly, and I’m so so sorry. I’m so sorry.

I took her out for dinner one night and you invited Frank round to watch a movie you were both mad about. I assumed that things would happen between you and it made me sick. I hated you both that night. I went back to her house with no thoughts other than to get you back. I was convinced that if I went home straight from the restaurant I would be greeted with the sight of you and him together. So I went home with her. I stayed the night and when I got home early the next morning brimming with remorse and regret I found you passed out in the bathroom. Frank was no where in sight and I just knew that I had fucked up big style.

You came around as I was eyeing up the sleeping pills in the kitchen. You were crying and told me that we were through. That nothing would ever ever bring us back. That was the night I asked you to marry me. It was also the night you slapped me and left to spend the night on my best friends sofa. It was the night I finally succumbed to the lingering depression. It was the night I tried to end it all for good. It was the night that I realised that neither of us could be happy with the other in our lives. We just didn’t work together but we couldn’t live without the other. Not when they were right there under our noses. So I took the sleeping pills I had been eyeing and I took your vodka and I lay on the bed wishing to be taken forever so that you could be happy. If there was one thing that I wanted it was to make you happy. I just wasn’t very good at it.

I sincerely, honestly, with all my heart and soul hope that you are happy now. I’ll be with you forever in your bruised but beating heart.

Haha back on common ground again with a bang or what? Comments, con-crit, random love, muffins, ratings. All very welcome =)
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