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Categories > Books > Harry Potter > A Twisted Timeline

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• A Twisted Timeline

  (#) whatareyouevensaying 2008-02-08

  Very good chapter, particularly the escapes. That being said, this chapter is badly in need of editing. There are many gender mishaps, such as calling both Sirius and Harry "her" and calling one of the girls "he" at one point.
  
  Looking forward to more.

• A Twisted Timeline

  (#) Cateagle 2008-02-08

  ohh, a nice chapter. It's interesting to see things developing 'tween Harry & Hermione, despite both of them being determined otherwise. I did like the bit with Narcissa and Bellatrix and I do hope that the crazy one gets the help she needs. I like the taking care of Quirrell, that should simplify some things, as should the incapacitation of Lockheart. The train trip was rather fun, esp. seeing Ron brushed aside so easily and quickly - and with good reason; I wonder if this Ron will learn to think for himself? I love the idea of Dobby in a pinstripe suit as one of his Family's enforcers and I figure that should make life "interesting" for all concerned. The sorting hat bit was pure evil, forcibly de-fanging Draco and making Ron's arguements a bit more difficult for him to make (you have to wonder what his family will think). On the other hand, the collaboration with the Weasley twins should bear interesting fruit.
  
  Finally, that's a nice mini-cliffie at the end and I can't think of folk I'd less like to see out of there, esp. if they're working together. I wonder if Bellatrix set it up for Tommy-boy?

• A Twisted Timeline

  (#) Wolfric 2008-02-09

  Thanks for the chapter. Felix Felicious is the luck potion rather than the truth potion according to JKR. Other than the numerous typos I enjoyed the chapter. W.

• A Twisted Timeline

  (#) banner 2008-02-09

  " “Three prisoners have been broken out of Azkaban,” explained Flamel gravely.
  
  “Which three?” questioned Sirius.
  
  “Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, and Adrianna Zabini,” informed Flamel. "
  
  Dun, dun, dun...
  Nice little cliffhanger ending. And I really enjoyed watching what happened to the Sorting.

• A Twisted Timeline

  (#) drifter 2008-02-10

  I was nailed to a chair while waiting for torture from therapists after getting a knee worked on. This story was pointed out to me by my son as good reading to take mind of things.
  
  He was definitely right.
  
  A FEW miner blips in word use, but well thought out and scripted.
  
  What I DO find scary is that he has left a opening to start it over again.
  
  Look forward to seeing where you go with this. The possibilities, from Hary, Harminey, and Blaise to the Professor's Black seem endless

• A Twisted Timeline

  (#) wildaboutharry 2008-02-14

  This chapter is interesting as always however it is greatly in need of editing - for grammar, word use, sentence construction, missing words and in several instances, clarity of meaning. You have a gift for storytelling but the flow of the fic and readers' enjoyment of it was spoiled by the problems I've mentioned - at least that was the case for me - so it might be a good idea to obtain a beta reader/editor if you possibly can.
  Jen

• A Twisted Timeline

  (#) deusexinfernus 2008-02-15

  From what I remember from my reading of the 6th book, an overdose on Felix Felicis (Luck Potion) makes someone TOO confident, almost to the point of going head first through EVERYTHING, but it DOESN'T KILL THEM (directly at least).
  I could be wrong of course but that's what I recall...
  
  Anyway the series rocks, except from the often typos and slight grammatical errors, but nothing too serious.
  I would seriously suggest getting at least a couple of people taking your chapters through beta before you publish them.
  Other than that everything's cool.
  
  Expect to see more written ASAP!!! ;) ;)

• A Twisted Timeline

  (#) brujah_childe 2008-02-28

  If you had a beta reader, (or at the very least took the time to proof it yourself,) this would be a great story. It is several orders of magnitude above and beyond the absolute crap that is your TMNT stories.
  You really should dump them and focus on this one.

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