Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Soul Purpose
17. Nauseous Part 1
May brought a pleasant surprise for Soul Purpose.
They were aware of the positive reactions they were getting – a bunch of articles on the net, nice comments on their MySpace and of course the growing enthusiasm of the fans. Yeah, the crowd wasn’t simply a crowd now; they had slowly started to become “fans”. But still, they wouldn’t have dreamt of this happening so soon: Abigail had called one morning to inform them about a record company wanting to sign them. And then another morning, she’d called to say that now, there were two companies in the box – one of them a real major label.
They had discussed the situation when the aftershocks were over: Meaning, when Devon could sit down for a full minute and not be hyper about everything, when Chris could talk coherently, when Defne and Zack were separable again and when the ache on Devon’s shoulder from Matt’s punch had dulled. They had thought about pretty much everything that could happen now, if they signed or if they didn’t. Eager to share the voice of experience, My Chem had helped them clear their heads in order to reach a healthy decision.
They’d all agreed on the fact that there couldn’t possibly be any album recording or whatsoever until the tour was over – which wasn’t going to happen until nearly the end of the year. So, they’d called Abigail to let her know that they didn’t want to rush into anything and they’d probably have reached a decision by the end of the tour. And now the offers were on hold until they were sure of what to do.
Meanwhile interviews started to fill up their days:
Interviewer: So, let’s get to know you a bit…
Devon: Yeah, uh, we’re Soul Purpose. (silence)
(restless laughs)
Sometimes out in the parking lot, under the bright spring sun, slipping on their shades and getting ready for the questions.
Interviewer: How about your musical background?
Defne: Well, I’ve always been singing…
Zack: Yeah, she talks and talks and when she doesn’t talk she sings, when she doesn’t sing, she talks. She even mumbles in her sleep! (elbow in the gut)
Defne: He started playing the guitar before he could read!
Devon: I have to agree with that. (approving nods)
Interviewer: And the rest of you?
Matt: Oh, I, ahh. (scratches the back of his neck) I started playing the drums in junior high, actually. But then I quit it in high school and had to almost relearn everything after that…
Devon: What he isn’t saying is that he quit the school band for the football team. He’s a backstabber! (pointed look)
Sometimes seated in some back room located inside the venue, comfortably sipping drinks and chatting.
Interviewer: Can you describe the songwriting process?
Defne: Ummm… Usually someone comes up with some kind of a music piece while fooling around and…
(agreeing mumbles)
Defne: Sometimes the lyrics come to me first and I write them down – just non-linked sentences, just what I have in mind.
Interviewer: Uh huh, and then?
Defne: Well, ahhh, then we all get together and listen to that piece of music which usually is a guitar riff and we poke and prod at it for sometime and form the backbone of the song. Uhh then. We all listen to it and go through the lyrics or just the things we have in our heads, you know? (nods)
Defne: And I don’t know, someone says let’s play this along with that or check this solo out… I say I wanna scream here.
Chris: (mumbles) She does that a lot.
Zack: Yeah, we sometimes have to stop her from screaming our ears out. (head toss)
Sometimes on the bus, in the back-lounge.
Interviewer: What image do you think your music creates in people’s minds?
Defne: Our music, as in general or?
Interviewer: Yeah, in general. Not particularly song by song but –
Devon: Umm, dungeons?
Matt: (punches him) Yeah, and dragons!
Sometimes in the front-lounge, occasionally with a My Chem member or two entering.
Interviewer: Any musical influences? Or non-musical ones?
Zack: Iron Maiden.
Devon: Sex Pistols! Cause Syd is just crazy…
Defne: (imitating) “You can’t arrest me, I’m a rockstar!”
Interviewer: You know, you guys are pretty fun to interview.
(blushes and sheepish mutters)
Defne: Thank you. You’re so nice to us!
Interviewer: (smiles and slips into business mode) Okay, back to the question then.
Chris: Oh, The Misfits! And ahhh The Murder City Devils.
Devon: (nods) Totally!
Defne: Hmmm… Nirvana. And The Cranberries. Queen.
Zack: Metallica. And there’s just something about The Cure that’s –
Defne: Their music’s just so pure. And the contrast between the music and the imagery is –
Zack: Perfect!
Defne: And of course, Green Day. You know not just musically, but non-musically, too. Actually, the generation of 60's and 70's also is a great non-musical influence for me. The rebelliousness against the source of power and the revolutions all over the world. I sometimes want to have lived in those times...
Matt: Yeah, you'd have kicked ass! (laughs and giggles) But musically, I’ll say Nirvana, too. Foo Fighters later, though Dave Grohl doesn’t play the drums anymore… It’s sad really, I picked up the drums because of him. But he’s great as a vocalist, too.
Frank: (leaning against the door, smirking) What about My Chemical Romance? Have you been lying to us all this time?
Sometimes after the show, in the dressing room, in a mess and so in need of a shower.
Interviewer: So, indie label or major label?
Defne: Uhhh, we haven’t decided, yet, really. (looks away)
And sometimes after sound check.
Interviewer: What about the shows?
Devon: They’re amazing.
Defne: Duh!
Interviewer: So, can you describe how you feel while performing?
Defne: I can shout at the top of my lungs and they let me do it so I pretty much lose myself.
Zack: I think we all do.
Chris: Yeah. The rush of excitement, it literally runs through your veins and it’s just… intoxicating.
Matt: I feel pretty much drunk, usually.
Defne: That’s because you really are drunk, usually.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Defne paced along the dressing room, fanning herself with a magazine someone had forgotten on the dressing table. She had already dressed up for the stage but there was still at least half an hour till they were supposed to show up. She couldn’t believe how hot it was in the little room – and really little as in tiny. She felt nauseous with every breath she took, the air was just too warm!
She decided she couldn’t possibly stay in for any longer and made a dash for the door. Zack spotted her just before she ran out.
“Hey Deff! Where’re you going? We’ll be out there soon!”
“I’ll be outside. Call me if I forget to come back in time.”
She swore under her breath and grabbed a hair clip, gathering her long hair on top of her head in order to let her neck cool a bit. She noticed Zack had pulled his own hair in a ponytail, so she wasn’t the only one getting restless because of the heat.
The vocalist made her way to one of the back entrances of the venue. As the cool evening air hit her face, she sighed with contentment.
She closed her eyes for sometime and enjoyed the feeling of the breeze on her slightly sweat-coated skin. And as she opened them again to gaze up at the dark sky, hopeful to spot at least the North Star, suddenly Alicia’s words vibrated through her mind. “I saw a very similar look on Gerard’s face, today.”
Defne constantly thought about those words whenever she was on her own, these days. The interviews and the excitement of the offers had clouded her mind for sometime but whenever she saw Gerard, looked at him, the thoughts would resurface. “Oh, when he was watching you fool around with your guitar.”
She sighed and hung her head low. She was totally lost about this whole thing. That night outside the club, Gerard had come so close to kissing her. Why had he stopped? Was he only teasing her? But why would he tease her in such a cruel way? Or maybe he hadn’t realized what he was doing until he was about to kiss her and pulled away at the last moment… She couldn’t really fathom what it was about this man: He was so unpredictable, totally random and sometimes insane. But then, she had this weird sense that she could trust him. That he was somehow reliable. And she didn’t trust people easily, no.
While she was lost in thought, something – no, rather someone – bumped into her, making her stagger backwards. Her back hit the side of a parked car and she groaned out loud, her head shooting up to see what kind of a fucking animal didn’t see her on their way.
A man stood slightly hunched a few feet before her. His hair was a mess and there was something in the way he looked at her that bugged her a lot. She couldn’t even open her mouth to yell at him for hitting her as he lunged himself forward at her.
Her back hit the car once more – with a crack this time. The man covered her mouth with one hand and struggled to drag her body onto the hood of the car. She made him fight for every inch as she waited for the right moment to bite on his hand.
“C’mon, bitch! Y’know yo wanna.” He muttered, his face inches away from hers. She could smell the heavy alcohol in his breath. Her face unintentionally scrunched up at the disgusting odor.
Defne’s eyes grew big and bigger still as she fought the man trying to hold her down. She had never felt such terror before, never experienced anything remotely close to this. Of course, in the back of her mind, she always knew that there was a high possibility of something like this happening, being a woman in the male-dominated societies of the world and all. But nothing could have prepared her for this feeling of helplessness at this moment.
Whenever she’d see a rape scene in a movie, her insides would twist just a little with some sort of weird empathy, maybe. But this was reality and it was nothing like a movie. She knew she wouldn’t scream for help even if her mouth wasn’t being held shut, because it would be wasting precious energy on depending desperately on other people to save her, other people who could never possibly be on time.
As the man’s hand slipped under her black leather skirt, she thought she would puke. “Less ‘ave some fun…” the bastard mumbled, blowing in her ear. His hand found the waistband of her underwear and her body shook with terror.
Wrenching one arm free of his gasp, she punched him forcefully in the gut, knocking the breath out of him for just one moment. But she wasn’t fast enough to get out from between the car and the man’s body so he grabbed her with both hands once again and grinded his hips against hers. Her stomach twisted at the hardness that was pressed against her groin and she screamed out loud unintentionally, the man’s hand failing to block the sharp sound from getting away.
Taking the risk of setting her mouth free, he used both his hands to maneuver her towards the hood. He laid the top half of her body on it and quickly covered her body with his while she kicked at him and the heel of her right boot came into contact with the back of his knee. He let out a sharp breath and whispered before kissing her forcefully. “Fiery. Like that in a woman.”
Defne concluded that it was now or never. She pretended to resist against his kiss and after some time gave into the tongue that constantly pushed against her lips. She opened her mouth reluctantly and when he slipped his tongue inside she bit down hard on it. So hard that she could feel the warm liquid dripping into her mouth. But she didn’t let go. And the man struggled, making the wound on his tounge get deeper with every shake of his head.
When he finally managed to get of off her, his chin was covered with crimson blood. But she didn’t give him time to recover, she slid down from the hood and when her feet were safely on the ground, she brought up her knee to collide with the man’s hard crotch. As he doubled over in pain, she kicked his already bleeding face and he fell square on his back to the floor.
She walked over to him and looked down at his beaten face. Her chest rose and fell heavily as she gathered herself up and spit on his face. Spit his own blood and saliva back on his face. She swore passionately in Turkish and spit again. Then her English came back to her.
“What? You thought this was a fucking fair fight? No low blows and shit?” she screamed at him and kicked him in the side with all the strength she had. The man rolled over with the force of her blow.
She walked around to face him again and continued. “You didn’t think I could defend myself, yeah? Cause I’m such a small girl. Fuck you! I know perfectly fucking well where to kick, you bastard!” Her words were dripping with venom, her lips crooked with the ache for revenge.
This time she kicked him square on the face and actually heard something crack. “Oh, yeah, I haven’t had so much fun in so long!” she screamed.
And then she lost herself completely and lost track of where and how she kicked the man on the ground. She just shouted random “Bastard!”s and “Son of a bitch!”s at him and let it all out…
Until someone grabbed her from behind and pulled her flat against his body.
A/N: I’m getting crueler, I know. But please rate me and review me! And maybe I might not get any crueler than this, you know? ;)
May brought a pleasant surprise for Soul Purpose.
They were aware of the positive reactions they were getting – a bunch of articles on the net, nice comments on their MySpace and of course the growing enthusiasm of the fans. Yeah, the crowd wasn’t simply a crowd now; they had slowly started to become “fans”. But still, they wouldn’t have dreamt of this happening so soon: Abigail had called one morning to inform them about a record company wanting to sign them. And then another morning, she’d called to say that now, there were two companies in the box – one of them a real major label.
They had discussed the situation when the aftershocks were over: Meaning, when Devon could sit down for a full minute and not be hyper about everything, when Chris could talk coherently, when Defne and Zack were separable again and when the ache on Devon’s shoulder from Matt’s punch had dulled. They had thought about pretty much everything that could happen now, if they signed or if they didn’t. Eager to share the voice of experience, My Chem had helped them clear their heads in order to reach a healthy decision.
They’d all agreed on the fact that there couldn’t possibly be any album recording or whatsoever until the tour was over – which wasn’t going to happen until nearly the end of the year. So, they’d called Abigail to let her know that they didn’t want to rush into anything and they’d probably have reached a decision by the end of the tour. And now the offers were on hold until they were sure of what to do.
Meanwhile interviews started to fill up their days:
Interviewer: So, let’s get to know you a bit…
Devon: Yeah, uh, we’re Soul Purpose. (silence)
(restless laughs)
Sometimes out in the parking lot, under the bright spring sun, slipping on their shades and getting ready for the questions.
Interviewer: How about your musical background?
Defne: Well, I’ve always been singing…
Zack: Yeah, she talks and talks and when she doesn’t talk she sings, when she doesn’t sing, she talks. She even mumbles in her sleep! (elbow in the gut)
Defne: He started playing the guitar before he could read!
Devon: I have to agree with that. (approving nods)
Interviewer: And the rest of you?
Matt: Oh, I, ahh. (scratches the back of his neck) I started playing the drums in junior high, actually. But then I quit it in high school and had to almost relearn everything after that…
Devon: What he isn’t saying is that he quit the school band for the football team. He’s a backstabber! (pointed look)
Sometimes seated in some back room located inside the venue, comfortably sipping drinks and chatting.
Interviewer: Can you describe the songwriting process?
Defne: Ummm… Usually someone comes up with some kind of a music piece while fooling around and…
(agreeing mumbles)
Defne: Sometimes the lyrics come to me first and I write them down – just non-linked sentences, just what I have in mind.
Interviewer: Uh huh, and then?
Defne: Well, ahhh, then we all get together and listen to that piece of music which usually is a guitar riff and we poke and prod at it for sometime and form the backbone of the song. Uhh then. We all listen to it and go through the lyrics or just the things we have in our heads, you know? (nods)
Defne: And I don’t know, someone says let’s play this along with that or check this solo out… I say I wanna scream here.
Chris: (mumbles) She does that a lot.
Zack: Yeah, we sometimes have to stop her from screaming our ears out. (head toss)
Sometimes on the bus, in the back-lounge.
Interviewer: What image do you think your music creates in people’s minds?
Defne: Our music, as in general or?
Interviewer: Yeah, in general. Not particularly song by song but –
Devon: Umm, dungeons?
Matt: (punches him) Yeah, and dragons!
Sometimes in the front-lounge, occasionally with a My Chem member or two entering.
Interviewer: Any musical influences? Or non-musical ones?
Zack: Iron Maiden.
Devon: Sex Pistols! Cause Syd is just crazy…
Defne: (imitating) “You can’t arrest me, I’m a rockstar!”
Interviewer: You know, you guys are pretty fun to interview.
(blushes and sheepish mutters)
Defne: Thank you. You’re so nice to us!
Interviewer: (smiles and slips into business mode) Okay, back to the question then.
Chris: Oh, The Misfits! And ahhh The Murder City Devils.
Devon: (nods) Totally!
Defne: Hmmm… Nirvana. And The Cranberries. Queen.
Zack: Metallica. And there’s just something about The Cure that’s –
Defne: Their music’s just so pure. And the contrast between the music and the imagery is –
Zack: Perfect!
Defne: And of course, Green Day. You know not just musically, but non-musically, too. Actually, the generation of 60's and 70's also is a great non-musical influence for me. The rebelliousness against the source of power and the revolutions all over the world. I sometimes want to have lived in those times...
Matt: Yeah, you'd have kicked ass! (laughs and giggles) But musically, I’ll say Nirvana, too. Foo Fighters later, though Dave Grohl doesn’t play the drums anymore… It’s sad really, I picked up the drums because of him. But he’s great as a vocalist, too.
Frank: (leaning against the door, smirking) What about My Chemical Romance? Have you been lying to us all this time?
Sometimes after the show, in the dressing room, in a mess and so in need of a shower.
Interviewer: So, indie label or major label?
Defne: Uhhh, we haven’t decided, yet, really. (looks away)
And sometimes after sound check.
Interviewer: What about the shows?
Devon: They’re amazing.
Defne: Duh!
Interviewer: So, can you describe how you feel while performing?
Defne: I can shout at the top of my lungs and they let me do it so I pretty much lose myself.
Zack: I think we all do.
Chris: Yeah. The rush of excitement, it literally runs through your veins and it’s just… intoxicating.
Matt: I feel pretty much drunk, usually.
Defne: That’s because you really are drunk, usually.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Defne paced along the dressing room, fanning herself with a magazine someone had forgotten on the dressing table. She had already dressed up for the stage but there was still at least half an hour till they were supposed to show up. She couldn’t believe how hot it was in the little room – and really little as in tiny. She felt nauseous with every breath she took, the air was just too warm!
She decided she couldn’t possibly stay in for any longer and made a dash for the door. Zack spotted her just before she ran out.
“Hey Deff! Where’re you going? We’ll be out there soon!”
“I’ll be outside. Call me if I forget to come back in time.”
She swore under her breath and grabbed a hair clip, gathering her long hair on top of her head in order to let her neck cool a bit. She noticed Zack had pulled his own hair in a ponytail, so she wasn’t the only one getting restless because of the heat.
The vocalist made her way to one of the back entrances of the venue. As the cool evening air hit her face, she sighed with contentment.
She closed her eyes for sometime and enjoyed the feeling of the breeze on her slightly sweat-coated skin. And as she opened them again to gaze up at the dark sky, hopeful to spot at least the North Star, suddenly Alicia’s words vibrated through her mind. “I saw a very similar look on Gerard’s face, today.”
Defne constantly thought about those words whenever she was on her own, these days. The interviews and the excitement of the offers had clouded her mind for sometime but whenever she saw Gerard, looked at him, the thoughts would resurface. “Oh, when he was watching you fool around with your guitar.”
She sighed and hung her head low. She was totally lost about this whole thing. That night outside the club, Gerard had come so close to kissing her. Why had he stopped? Was he only teasing her? But why would he tease her in such a cruel way? Or maybe he hadn’t realized what he was doing until he was about to kiss her and pulled away at the last moment… She couldn’t really fathom what it was about this man: He was so unpredictable, totally random and sometimes insane. But then, she had this weird sense that she could trust him. That he was somehow reliable. And she didn’t trust people easily, no.
While she was lost in thought, something – no, rather someone – bumped into her, making her stagger backwards. Her back hit the side of a parked car and she groaned out loud, her head shooting up to see what kind of a fucking animal didn’t see her on their way.
A man stood slightly hunched a few feet before her. His hair was a mess and there was something in the way he looked at her that bugged her a lot. She couldn’t even open her mouth to yell at him for hitting her as he lunged himself forward at her.
Her back hit the car once more – with a crack this time. The man covered her mouth with one hand and struggled to drag her body onto the hood of the car. She made him fight for every inch as she waited for the right moment to bite on his hand.
“C’mon, bitch! Y’know yo wanna.” He muttered, his face inches away from hers. She could smell the heavy alcohol in his breath. Her face unintentionally scrunched up at the disgusting odor.
Defne’s eyes grew big and bigger still as she fought the man trying to hold her down. She had never felt such terror before, never experienced anything remotely close to this. Of course, in the back of her mind, she always knew that there was a high possibility of something like this happening, being a woman in the male-dominated societies of the world and all. But nothing could have prepared her for this feeling of helplessness at this moment.
Whenever she’d see a rape scene in a movie, her insides would twist just a little with some sort of weird empathy, maybe. But this was reality and it was nothing like a movie. She knew she wouldn’t scream for help even if her mouth wasn’t being held shut, because it would be wasting precious energy on depending desperately on other people to save her, other people who could never possibly be on time.
As the man’s hand slipped under her black leather skirt, she thought she would puke. “Less ‘ave some fun…” the bastard mumbled, blowing in her ear. His hand found the waistband of her underwear and her body shook with terror.
Wrenching one arm free of his gasp, she punched him forcefully in the gut, knocking the breath out of him for just one moment. But she wasn’t fast enough to get out from between the car and the man’s body so he grabbed her with both hands once again and grinded his hips against hers. Her stomach twisted at the hardness that was pressed against her groin and she screamed out loud unintentionally, the man’s hand failing to block the sharp sound from getting away.
Taking the risk of setting her mouth free, he used both his hands to maneuver her towards the hood. He laid the top half of her body on it and quickly covered her body with his while she kicked at him and the heel of her right boot came into contact with the back of his knee. He let out a sharp breath and whispered before kissing her forcefully. “Fiery. Like that in a woman.”
Defne concluded that it was now or never. She pretended to resist against his kiss and after some time gave into the tongue that constantly pushed against her lips. She opened her mouth reluctantly and when he slipped his tongue inside she bit down hard on it. So hard that she could feel the warm liquid dripping into her mouth. But she didn’t let go. And the man struggled, making the wound on his tounge get deeper with every shake of his head.
When he finally managed to get of off her, his chin was covered with crimson blood. But she didn’t give him time to recover, she slid down from the hood and when her feet were safely on the ground, she brought up her knee to collide with the man’s hard crotch. As he doubled over in pain, she kicked his already bleeding face and he fell square on his back to the floor.
She walked over to him and looked down at his beaten face. Her chest rose and fell heavily as she gathered herself up and spit on his face. Spit his own blood and saliva back on his face. She swore passionately in Turkish and spit again. Then her English came back to her.
“What? You thought this was a fucking fair fight? No low blows and shit?” she screamed at him and kicked him in the side with all the strength she had. The man rolled over with the force of her blow.
She walked around to face him again and continued. “You didn’t think I could defend myself, yeah? Cause I’m such a small girl. Fuck you! I know perfectly fucking well where to kick, you bastard!” Her words were dripping with venom, her lips crooked with the ache for revenge.
This time she kicked him square on the face and actually heard something crack. “Oh, yeah, I haven’t had so much fun in so long!” she screamed.
And then she lost herself completely and lost track of where and how she kicked the man on the ground. She just shouted random “Bastard!”s and “Son of a bitch!”s at him and let it all out…
Until someone grabbed her from behind and pulled her flat against his body.
A/N: I’m getting crueler, I know. But please rate me and review me! And maybe I might not get any crueler than this, you know? ;)
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