FicWad

“Do you get the feeling there is something about Liv’s past that made her they way she is?” Kara asked as soon as she and Monica were seated at the table.
Monica picked up a menu. “I’ve thought that a lot of times. When I asked her if she had any family it really upset her. Bert said he asked her once where she was from and she said “hell”.
Kara looked around the crowded Mexican restaurant. Her mind was on Liv and not food. “Mom, she needs to talk to Gerard before it’s too late.” Kara said softly.
Monica set down her menu but said nothing.
“Hey, I’m sorry. It’s not my business.” Kara mistook her look for anger.
“Kara, it’s your business as much as it is mine. I agree, she should talk to Gee. I was hoping to bring up the subject when we get home.” She took a drink of water. Kara noticed her hands were shaking.
“Mom?”
Monica tried to smile, “It’s all just so hard. Sometimes I wish I could just hate Liv. She still has a hold over Gerard.” She blinked back tears, “But I can’t. I just wish this wasn’t happening. I wish she wasn’t dying.”
Kara could tell she was holding something back, “You feel guilty because a small part of you realizes you’ll never have to worry again about losing Gerard to her.”
Monica looked up at her and nodded, “God, that makes me such a terrible person.” She whispered.
“Yeah, but who in your position wouldn't think the exact same thing?” Kara smiled sadly, “That just makes you human, Mom.”
“Doesn’t make it right.” Monica answered. She was ashamed to admit these feelings.
“Look, you are doing a wonderful thing by taking care of her. There are a lot of people that wouldn’t do this.”
Monica shrugged, “As much as I want to hate her, I can’t. She’s given me her daughter to raise as my own.”
Kara nodded, “That's sad if it's the only reason that you are doing this.”
Monica didn't answer but stared down at her hands.
Kara sighed, "Bug is something, isn't she?"
“Yeah, she is.” She met her daughters eyes, “Gee and I are going to try to adopt a baby.”
“I know” Kara said looking away, “I overheard you.”
Monica had had the feeling Kara knew. “You don’t sound happy.”
“Look, it’s not my business.” Kara said picking up her menu again. She tried to concentrate on the different choices.
“Kara, look at me.” She waited until Kara lowered her menu. “You and Kelly are my babies.” She saw Kara start to say something so she raised her hand, “Listen, no matter how old you are you will still be my baby. That never changes for a mother. I love you both so much. I hope you understand I will never love you two any less just because I love Elle and possibly another baby,”
“Mom, I know that.” Kara said rolling her eyes, “I’m not jealous of Elle.”
Monica smiled, “So tell me what you really think about Gerard and I adopting a baby.”
Kara folded her arms and sat back. “If it’s what you really want then I’m okay with it.”
“Even though you’re still not sure about Gerard and I staying together?” Monica decided to give Kara a chance to giver her honest opinion.
“Oh, I have no doubt that you'll stay with him no matter what. I just worry about him hurting you again.”
Monica took a drink of water before continuing the conversation. “Again? You can’t let go of what happened with Eliza and her sister, can you?”
“No” Kara answered immediately. “I can’t.”
Monica shook her head, “He wasn’t unfaithful to me.” She said softly.
“Why, because he didn't actually sleep with her?” Kara muttered something unintelligible under her breath.
Monica said, “You blame him because he made you doubt Bob.”
Kara didn’t like the conversation. “I never doubted Bob,” she said hotly.
"Really? So you left school to plan a welcome home party when the pictures were posted? And you pulled Pookie's head off because you thought the little guy needed a new one?"
Kara said nothing but her eyes narrowed to slits and her knuckles whitened.
“Kara, you know Bob didn’t do anything wrong.”
“That’s right” Kara was angry, “The only thing he did was go with his friend and try to keep him out of trouble.”
Monica shook her head, “You need to let it go. I have.”
“Yeah, Mom. You are a much better person than me. You’re a saint.” As soon as she said the words she wanted to take them back. The waitress arrived at their table making it impossible.
Once they had placed their orders Kara knew she needed to try to apologize to her mother. “Mom, I didn’t mean it. You’ve been through so much in your life and you did it for Kelly and me. I’m sorry. You did the best you could."
Monica continued to look down at the table. He voice was so small Kara had to strain to hear her words, “I just always try to do my best but sometimes it’s not enough.”

Alicia was sleeping in the chair and Jamia was thumbing through a magazine when Frank walked into the hospital room.
“She’s so tired but I couldn’t make her go home.” Jamia whispered as Frank rounded the bed and dropped a kiss on her lips. “How are you feeling?” She noticed he looked exhausted.
The recent dental work made it difficult to speak. “I’m fine.”
“Hey, Frank” Alicia said coming awake and stretching. “I held down the fort until you got back like I promised.”
Frank and Jamia both smiled.
“Well I did.” Alicia said with a frown. “I wasn’t really sleeping just resting my eyes.”
“For the last hour.” Jamia kidded her, “Now go home.” She was worried about her friend. All the stress they had endured wasn’t healthy for her.
Alicia stood, “Fine, I’ll go.” She leaned down and kissed Jamia’s cheek. “Call me if you need anything, promise?”
“I need Frankie to go home and get some sleep.” She said looking over at him.
“You do sorta look like death warmed over.” Alicia agreed.
Frank frowned at them, “Staying here.” He took the chair Alicia has just vacated. “I’ll just grab a quick nap here.” He sat down and closed his eyes.
Jamia smiled, “Now, you get some rest, okay?’ She said to Alicia.
“I feel better now. That nap helped. I’m gonna head over to the apartment and take care of my babies.” She missed her cats and needed to check on them.
“Call me later, okay?” Jamia said softly, “And thank you.”
Alicia shrugged, “Don’t know how much help I’ve been.”
“Just being with me during all of this helped me.” Jamia answered.
Alicia smiled, “Call me okay?”
“I will.” Jamia said, “Now get some rest.”
“Okay” Alicia said rolling her eyes, “Promise.”
As she walked out to her car she suddenly realized the nap had helped. She felt much better. I’ll just check on the cats then go visit Monica, she thought.

“Hey” Gee said while pulling clothes out of his bag.
Monica looked across that table at Kara who was picking at her food, “Hey, Gee. How are you?”
“I’m good just trying to decide what to wear tonight.” He pulled out a black tee. “So what are you doing?”
“Kara and I are eating lunch.”
“At home?”
“No, were at La Mesa.” She looked down at her mostly untouched plate, “It’s really good. When you get home we’ll have to come here.”
He stood up and frowned. She didn’t sound like someone who was enjoying their lunch. “Things okay between you and Kara?”
“Just fine.” She answered quickly.
He knew she was lying but given the fact she was sitting with Kara at the moment he knew he wasn’t going to get the truth. “Well I just wanted to say hello. We’ve got to get to the venue early for a Meet & Greet. I’ll call you tonight after the concert, okay?’
“Sounds good.” Monica tried to sound upbeat. “Have a good show.”
“We will. I love you.”
“Love you too.” She closed her phone.
“Getting harder to lie to him, isn’t it?” Kara asked setting down her fork.
“I didn’t lie about anything.” Monica answered.
“You answered him ‘just fine’. Face it Mom, nothing going on here is ‘just fine’.”
Monica threw down her napkin, “Ready to go?”
Kara nodded, “Yeah, I don’t have much of an appetite now, anyway.”