FicWad

“Hello”
Alicia stared at the woman standing in front of her. “Uh, is Monica here?”
“She and Kara went out for lunch. I’m not sure when they will be back.”
“I’m her sister-in-law.” Alicia decided to explain herself that way even though it wasn’t technically correct. “And you are?”
“I’m Carrie. I’m just watching over Liv while Monica and Kara get a much needed break.”
“Liv?” Alicia repeated with a shocked expression.
Carrie looked over Alicia’s shoulder and smiled. “Oh, they’re back.”
Alicia turned to see Monica and Kara getting out of the car. She waited until the reached the porch. “Monica what the hell is going on?’
Kara decided to let her Mom handle the situation. “I’m gonna go talk to Carrie.” She moved past Alicia and spoke to Carrie. Monica waited until they were inside the house to speak.
“Let’s sit out here for a minute.” She took Alicia’s arm and led her over to the porch swing.
“Monica, Liv is here? Staying with you? What the fuck?”
Taking a deep breath Monica began to explain, “Liv is staying here with Kara and me.”
Alicia began shaking her head, “I’m confused. And who the hell is Carrie?”
“She a hospice worker.” Monica waited until that information sank in.
“Hospice?” Alicia whispered. “Oh my God.”
“Liv is dying.” Monica said, “That’s why I brought her here.”
“Oh my God.” Alicia whispered. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Cancer. When I found her she was getting ready to enter a hospice facility. I couldn’t let her go there to die surrounded by strangers. I brought her home.”
Alicia’s mind was trying to comprehend the news. “Why didn’t you tell me? How long has she been here?’
“I brought her here a few days after Gee left for the tour.”
“Gee, oh my God what’s he think?’
Monica sat back and pushed the swing with her foot gently. “He doesn’t know.” She whispered.
“Oh fuck” Alicia sat back and thought a moment. “Why haven’t you told him?’
“I promised Liv I wouldn’t. She doesn’t want him to know. She doesn’t want Elle to know. That’s why Kelly and Elle are staying with Donna.” She reached over and gently placed her hand on Alicia’s arm, “Please, you can’t tell anyone. It’s important that we keep this quiet. Gee, can’t find out.”
“Oh hell, Monica. This is so fucked up. Here we were thinking she was saying that she was going away to get his attention. Fuck, she was going away to die?” She shook her head, “Monica, Gee’s gonna be so upset when he find out. You have to know that.”
“I do know that. I’m going to try to convince Liv to let me tell him. I really want them to talk before it’s too late.”
“Too late? How much time does she have?”
Monica felt her eyes tearing up. “Not much. Carrie is here to discuss Liv’s pain medication. She’s getting to the point were the pain is becoming intolerable.”
“How long has she been sick?”
Monica looked out across the yard letting her mind travel back to the first time Liv had appeared in her life. “She found out back in December that she had cancer. They told her then that there was little hope. When she came to the Christmas Gala she had just found out.”
“Oh fuck. She came there trying to get Gee back because she knew.” Alicia said shaking here head. “Why didn’t she just tell him?”
“Because she believed he knew about Elle but didn’t want her. She was trying to get him back because she realized that when she died Elle would he his.”
“But what about all that shit about going to the press and saying Gee raped her?’
“When she found out that he and I were together she didn’t know what to do. She was angry and hurt because she didn’t think Gee wanted Elle. She was angry because he was in love with me. It was all hollow threats. She was trying to make Gee take responsibility for a child he didn’t know existed.”
“Holy shit.” Alicia still was having trouble understanding. “So she just disappeared. That doesn’t make sense.”
“She didn’t know what to do until she talked to Bert and made her decision?”
“What decision?”
“That I was the answer. Bert told her about me.” She smiled sadly, “Guess he made me sound like a great person.”
“You are.” Alicia said softly.
Monica shook her head, “All I know is she decided that she wanted me to raise Elle. That is why she started having me watch her. To make sure it would be okay.”
“All this time she’s known she was dying.” Alicia said softly. “Shit”
“So now you understand why she made me Elle’s guardian. She knows Gee and I are getting married and Elle will already be mine.”
Alicia closed her eyes and let all of the information sink in. “I feel like such a shit for saying all the bad things about her. God, this is so fucked up.”
“Alicia promise me you won’t tell Mikey. Promise me you won’t tell any one.” Monica said with determination in her voice. “Unless I can convince her to talk to Gee it has to be this way.”
“Do you really want them to talk?” Alicia sat up and looked Monica in the eye. “Really?”
“I do. I think it’s important that whatever happened between them in the past gets settled. I don’t want Liv’s ghost to come between us.” As she said the words she broke down in tears.
Alicia scooted over and put her arm around her. “It’s okay, Monica. I understand what you’re saying. Fuck, I don’t think I could do what you’re doing. You’re so fucking strong, you know that right?”
“I’m not strong. I’m just trying to do what I believe in my heart is right.” She continued to cry as Alicia hugged her. “I just don’t know what else to do.”

After Alicia and Carrie had left Monica and Kara sat talking at the kitchen table. “She’s fading so fast.” Kara said looking down at her hands, “It sounds so wrong but I hope it is fast, she’s in so much pain now.”
Monica understood what she meant, “I’m going up to talk to her.”
“You’re going to try to convince her to let you tell Gee, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I’m gonna try.”
“Maybe first you should try to get her to tell you about her past. It just seems like she needs to let go of all the shit she’s held in for so long.”
“I don’t know if she can.” Monica said softly, “I think she’s buried it so deep that it might be impossible.”
“But it might be that she needs to let it go to move on peacefully.” Kara stood. “I’m gonna take off for a while. I need to be by myself.”
“Are you okay?” Monica asked looking at her daughter, “Really okay?”
“How can any of us really be okay? Look, I’m not bailing on you I just need a break.”
“Kara, I understand that. I’m just worried about you. I know how hard this is and I really will understand if you want to stay at Donna’s.”
Kara shook her head, “I’m not bailing. Try to talk to her.”
Monica nodded, “I will, Honey.” She watched Kara slowly start for the door. “Kara”
“Yeah?”
‘Thank you for staying with me.”
Kara didn’t answer she simply nodded before leaving. Monica waited a moment trying to gather her thoughts when went upstairs.

Luke ended up carrying Elle on his back the last two blocks to Donna’s. Kelly looked over at them and smiled, “She looks like she’s about to fall asleep.”
“Me’s not tyrod.” Elle said with a yawn.
Luke and Kelly smiled at each other. Elle was in definite need of a nap. After lunch she had insisted on stopping back by the park and now she could barely keep her eyes open.
When the got to Donna’s they were greeted by Don. “Hey, what you got there Luke?” He asked as he opened the door for them.
“One very tired Bug.” Kelly helped him deposit Elle on the sofa. Donna walked over and pulled off Elle’s shoes.
“Did you have a good day?” She asked Elle.
“Me’s had a dood day.” She said sleepily. “Mommy call?”
They all were expecting the question. Elle asked it frequently yet each time she did it was heartbreaking. “No, Honey but don’t worry, okay?” Donna stroked her hair. “You just curl up a minute and later you can help me make dinner.”
Elle nodded and closed her eyes. Kelly placed a blanket over her small body.
Luke looked over at Kelly. “I need to get home.”
“You kids still going out tonight?” Don asked.
Luke and Kelly exchanged a glace. “Yeah.” Kelly answered.
“I’d be happy to drive you to where ever you’re going.” Don said smiling.
Kelly knew they thought that she and Luke were going out to a movie. “Sure, if you don’t mind.”
“No problem.” He and Donna walked into the kitchen.
Kelly walked Luke to the door. Once they were out on the porch Kelly gently closed the door behind her. “We can have Grandpa Don drop us off at the mall. We’ll tell him we’re gonna eat first then go to a movie. We can walk to your house instead but we’ll just have to make sure we’re back at the theatre at the time he’s supposed to pick us up.”
Luke frowned, “I hate all this lying.”
“I know but it’s not like I can just say we’re going to your house.”
“Sunshine, maybe we should just go to a movie.” Luke said suddenly.
Kelly looked at him closely, “I thought you wanted to be alone with me. I thought this was what we both wanted.”
He didn’t answer right away. There were so many things he needed to tell her. “We’ll talk later. Call me and tell me what time you and Don are gonna pick me up.” He started down the steps.
“Luke” Kelly called his name softly.
He turned to look at her.
“We don’t have to do anything tonight. If you don’t want to I’ll understand. I know we did spend the whole day together.”
“Yeah, I spent the whole day with you.” He looked her in the eye, “I want to spend everyday with you for the rest of my life. Never doubt that Sunshine.” He turned and walked towards home.

Monica walked into the room when she saw that Liv was awake. “Need anything?” She asked walking over to the bed.
Liv continued to stare at the ceiling. “Monica, what happened to your husband?’
Monica was shocked by the question. She took a seat in the chair that had been placed by the bed. “He drowned.” She answered.
Liv didn’t look over at her. “And he physically abused you.”
“Yes” Monica answered truthfully, “He enjoyed taking a razor to my back. He liked making shallow cuts and watching me bleed.”
“You let him do that to you. Why?”
“Why are you asking me this, Liv?” Monica didn’t notice she was twisting her hands together nervously.
“Because I want to understand you. You confuse me Monica. My first impression of you was that you were just one of those nice people who go through life blissfully unaware.”
Monica laughed, “Blissfully unaware?”
“You know what I mean. I thought you were shallow. I thought Gee had found a woman who was just with him because of who he’s become.”
This comment really surprised Monica, “You mean because he’s a famous singer? Oh no. If anything that was one of the reasons I didn’t want to be with him.”
Liv turned her head, “Why?”
Monica took a deep breath and made a decision; “If I tell you the truth about my past will you tell me yours?”
“You don’t fucking want to know about my past.” Liv said in a low voice.
Monica returned her stare, “Mine ain’t so good either.”
Liv narrowed her eyes, “I doubt even with the abuse you can top my fucking sad life.”
“Maybe so but I’m willing to tell you the truth. Will you do the same?”
Liv thought a moment before answering. “Yeah, I’ll tell you about my fucking life and you can see why I’m such a fucked up person.”
Monica nodded. “I didn’t want to be with Gee because he was a famous person. I realized that my past would be brought to light.” She took a deep breath. “My husband died because I let him drown. I didn’t try to save him.” She added without blinking, “I wanted him dead.”