FicWad

Bob’s POV

After Ray and I left the hospital we stopped and got coffee. I needed to get my head straightened. I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. I need to call the funeral home that we used for my mom. Sam thought that they were wonderful. I need to find two caskets something with all the trimmings. I need to find a plot, book the church, get flowers, write something for the newspaper, find a dress, work with the make-up person to make sure she looks as beautiful as she did the day she died. I need to get a suit, my hair cut, my beard trimmed. I want to look my best if I’m going to spend eternity with her. Now I just have to figure out when and how.

My life doesn’t mean much without her. I’m sure Ray will bring Mary up good and love her like his own. That will be the last act I do. Say goodbye to my daughter.

We got to my house and there was a strange van parked there, but the inhabitants were strange but not strangers. One by one I hugged them as hard as I could, I only have a few days left with them.

They all asked me if I was okay and I replied ‘it will be’. Ray gives me a suspicious look I wonder if he knows something or can tell something is going on in my head. I really don’t care I’ll find the right moment when he’s not around and I’ll bail on him and the rest. They won’t find me until it’s too late, until I’m back with Sam.

An hour later the doorbell rings and its Brianna and Robby. She’s in tears as she hugs me like she never wants to let go.

“Shhh it will be okay?” I say to her.

“How’s Mary?” she asks.

“How was your flight?” I don’t know how to say I never saw her, or for that matter how she is. I just left her there. I know they’ll take good care of her.

Ray goes over and whispers something in her ear and she makes she nods understandingly. I now know for sure Mary is in good hands.

I ask Brianna to help me go shopping as to pick out something nice for both Sam and I. We pass a where they keep television and I see my face on the top right hand corner of the screen.

“Tragedy strikes for drummer of the retired alternative rock band My Chemical Romance. Today his pregnant wife was struck down in a hit and run accident. She died shortly after delivering their daughter. If you remember Samantha Green was one of Mr. Bryars founders after he was held hostage for four days four years ago. Mrs. Bryar is survived by her husband, daughter and sister. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Mr. Bryar and his family. If you have any information regarding this accident please contact the Downers Grove police as the driver is still at large.”

The co-anchor turned to her partner. “This man has been through so much tragedy lately. Didn’t his mother-in-law pass away a few months ago, and his mother just recently. What else could happen?”

Brianna watched with tears in her eyes. I took her in my arms and she cried into my chest. I’m glad Robby will be there for her when everything is said and done.

We got everything ready the wake would be on Monday with the funeral on Tuesday. Now I just need to figure out what I’m going to do. I went outside and made reservations at a seedy Chicago hotel I figured I would just slit my wrists and get it over with. No one will care to check out the room until I’m long gone.

It’s now Monday and I’m preparing myself to see Sam. Brianna decided that she would help the make-up person so I could get some rest, maybe even go to the hospital and visit my daughter. Everyone has been there except me. They all tell me how beautiful she is, and the hospital staff keeps asking when I’ll be up there. They’ll see me there tomorrow and then never again. I updated my will today and left Mary to Ray. Brianna is busy being a digger it’s no life for a child. Maybe she and Ray can split her time. I’m writing a note for the band and Brianna. I’ll leave it on my bureau before the funeral. There will be a reception after and it’s from there that I’ll go to the hospital and then the hotel.

It was a six to nine viewing and needless to say I was shocked at the turn out. Not only friends and distant family were there. People I hadn’t seen for years. The Chicago police made an appearance and promised an escort for tomorrow. It seemed every fucking band we ever played with was either there or sent flowers. I was greeting guests and there stood before me the man I replaced all those years ago, Matt Pelissier. I hated the asshole and the feelings were more than mutual, but here he stood shaking my hand and offering his condolences. I thanked him. Maybe he’s finally grown up. Then there was a sight I never thought I’d see, Bert and Gerard talking along with Branden, The Used former drummer. Ray was talking to Brian and Craig Aaronson with that concerned look on his face every once in a while glancing at me.

Brianna was talking with Kenny and Carolyn, we all remained close through the years. At first I thought I would hate Carolyn and I really wanted to, but fuck she won me and Sam over. If I had to choose a best friend for Sam after Brainna and Christa it would be Carolyn. We visited them at least twice a year and talked at least once a week.

I guess it’s true that funeral bring out the best in people and for a short period in time all the hard feelings are forgotten. It was eight forty-five and the priest said a few words. And then it was over. I asked if I could be alone with Sam.

I looked at he wishing I could see those beautiful blue eyes again, but her eyes were closed. She looked beautiful in the light blue dress that Brianna and I picked out. I hope she will forgive me for what I’m going to do but it will all be for the best she’ll see.

“Baby, I love you and will be with you real soon.”

Ray’s POV

Here it is Sam’s funeral and I’m so fucking worried about Bob. He seems distant yet closer than ever. It’s hard to explain. The limo arrived to take Bob, Brianna and Robby to the funeral home and then the services and the cemetery. I’m driving Bob’s car and Gerard is taking Sam’s.

I find Sam’s keys and give them to Gerard. But I can’t seem to find Bob’s. I run upstairs to the bedroom and find them on the corner of the bureau and something else catches my eye. Five envelopes one addressed to each of us and one addressed to Brianna. I’m shaking as I open the one addressed to me.

Dear Ray,

Do you know what an honor it has been to play with you all these years? Or better yet to be friends with you? I love you so much. You have been there for the worst of times and the best of times and never passed judgment. I know there have been times where I aggravated the shit out of you, but you stood by me. That’s why I asked you to be my best man, that’s why I asked you to be Mary’s godfather, that’s why I’m asking you now to be her father. By the time you read this note I will have joined Sam. I know it’s selfish but these past few days have been hell. At first I think of it as her going on a trip and then realize that she’s never coming home. I can’t deal with that. I also can’t deal with the fact that Mary lived while Sam died. Again I’m being selfish. Please take care of Mary and treat her as one of your own, also let Brianna visit her as much as possible.

Thanks Ray, I love you.

I broke down in tears, how could he? I’m not going to let him do it. I’m going to watch him like a hawk if I have to. Then tomorrow I’m gonna get him the help he needs.

“Ray everything okay up there?” asked Kenny.

I wiped my tears, and grabbed the keys and went back downstairs. I knew whatever he planned was going to be after the funeral. The casket was being carried by Sam’s fellow officer’s at the Chicago police force. I was thankful not knowing if any of us could handle it.

Kenny gave the most beautiful eulogy, next to Bob and Brianna he knew her best. I swear by the end the whole church was crying. Almost, Bob just stood there looking straight ahead. Not one fucking tear. That’s just Bob. We next drove to the cemetery and everything was set up. There was boom box there and as they lowered her to her final resting place “Ghost of You” was playing. It was her favorite song. I looked over at Bob and saw a single tear run down his face. He threw a white and pink rose into the ground. I believe it was one of the first times he really acknowledged Mary, except for a floral arrangement that said “Mommy”, which I really think was Brianna’s idea.

A VFW Hall was rented for the mourners to gather after the funeral, it was filled to capacity. Bob made the rounds saying hello and thanks for coming. Brianna asked me to introduce her to Bert and Adam Lazzara of Taking Back Sunday. After introductions were made I looked around for Bob. I didn’t see him anywhere. I went to the Men’s restroom and he wasn’t there either. I still had his keys and so he wasn’t getting very far. I walked back into the room and ran into Gerard.

“Did you see Bob?”

“Yeah he asked for Sam’s keys because he left something at home. He said he would be right back.”

“Fuck.”

Bob’s POV

Ray was watching me like a hawk. I knew Brianna always wanted to meet Adam who was talking to Bert at the time. So I told her to ask Ray to introducer her. I just needed that few seconds to sneak out the back door. I drove to the hospital and for the first time I went to the NICU.

I saw a nurse at a desk. “I’m looking for Mary Bryar.”

The nurse looked up and hurried to stand up. “Right this way Mr. Bryar.”

She took me to a room with four other babies, all hooked up to one machine or another.

“Your daughter is doing very well all things considered.” She laid in a bassinet, with a tube in her nose and an iv in her foot. She had heart monitors on her as well.

“Would you like to hold her?”

I never wanted to touch her, but seeing how small and helpless she was I could I not. The nurse motioned to a rocking chair which I sat in. She then put Mary in my arms. She was sleeping when she was first put into my arms. I started to slowly rock while holding her. I kissed her forehead, knowing that somewhere there was a soft spot on the top of her head. She woke up and looked into my eyes. How could I even think of leaving her? I found myself totally in love again. I never thought that I would ever feel this way. But this small bundle wrapped in wires and tubes literally saved my life. All I know is I wanted to be with her. Watch her grow up and be there for her. There was a woman who came with a clip board she wanted to fill out the birth certificate the only thing missing was the baby’s name.

I told her, “Mary Samantha Bryar.”

“Sam would have loved that,” said the all familiar voice of my best friend.

“Ray…”

“Forget it Bob. I think you finally found what you needed to help you get through this.”

He was absolutely right.