FicWad

Jimmy and I walked to school slowly the next morning. It was cold and windy out again and it was still quite dark out.
"So," Jimmy said, "what happened on Saturday night? I can't remember."
I laughed.
"Well, you and Frank got pissed out of your trees, Mikey and Pansy got real close and two drunken boys told me Gerard- scratch that, two drunken boys and the boy in question told me that Gerard likes me."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Is that why you were wearing his pants?"
"What? No, Jesus Fucking Christ, Jimmy, Frank dumped my drink on me and I needed something to change into."
"Sure..."
"Yeah... the pants wouldn't do up, Jimmy."
"So?"
"So, Gerard did them up."
My sister burst out laughing.
"It's not fucking funny!"
"Yes it is! Did you blush?"
"No."
"Liar! You're blushing now!"
I looked away, embarrassed.
"So, did Frank and I...?"
"No. You both passed out cold around twelve."
"Hot damn, I was drunk."
"Yep."
"That was fun."
I rolled my eyes, yawning.
"You gonna talk to Gee-rad in Art?"
"Maybe."
"Yes or no."
"I don't know."
"Fuck, do it ya pussy."
"No."
She sighed.
"You should. Get to know him, talk a bit... He likes you, right? It could work."
"I doubt it."
She stopped, grabbing my sleeve, stopping me.
"Tammy, they are not all going to be like Derek! He was an asshole. Gerard isn’t, and I’m sure he wouldn’t do that to you."
"How do you know?"
"Because he's different, I can tell."
"I'm sure you can."
"You can’t go blowing off every guy who likes you because of him. It’s not healthy."
"How?"
"You’ll end up alone."
"What is so bad about being alone?"
"Everything! Christ, I didn’t know one guy could mean so much!"
"Well, he did."
"You have to get over him!"
"I can’t okay? I just… can’t."
It was right before third block when I ran into Pansy. She was walking down the hall, talking with Mikey.
"Panz!" I called. She looked up, smiling.
"Hi."
"Hey, Tammy." Mikey said quietly.
"What are you guys doing?" I asked.
"Just talking." Pansy replied.
"Cool, um, I gotta go. I'll talk to you guys later. Gotta get to the library before the bell goes."
"Don't you have Art with my brother?" Mikey asked.
I smiled.
"I'm skipping."
"Okay..."
"But I gotta go. Bye guys."
"Bye..."
I ran up the stairs and to the library, waving. Opening the large doors, I made my way to a study carol in the back of the huge room. The second bell rang as I pulled out my binder.
"Why aren't you in class, young lady?"
I looked up slowly at the voice, but sight seeing it was Gerard.
"Don’t do that. You scared me."
He laughed, sitting next to me.
"Why aren't you in class?"
He shrugged.
"I saw you come in here and thought I'd skip with you. Pretty shit place to skip, if you ask me."
"I didn’t ask you. I like the library. It’s quiet."
"And what do you do? Homework?"
"No, I write."
"What do you write?"
"What ever I feel like."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Can I read one?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I don’t want you to."
"Come on."
"No, they’re stupid."
"I bet they aren’t."
"Yes, they are."
He grabbed my binder from my desk quickly, "Let’s see."
"Give it back." I said, grabbing for it, missing.
"No, I’m gonna read a few." He stated as he opened my binder.
"Please, don’t."
I watched as his smile turned slowly into a look of concern and he looked up at me.
"Who is this about?"
"Someone."
"Who?"
"Just... someone I knew a long time ago."
"Is this really how you feel?" He asked. I looked over at the poem he was reading to find it was one I had written right after the initial incident. It was about suicide.
I nodded.
"It was then."
"Why?"
"It's complicated. You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
I shook my head.
"I can't tell you right now. I just, don't know you well enough, Gerard."
He sighed and I thought he was going to try and get it out of me, but instead he just turned the page until he came upon a different poem and read it.
"I like this one." He said softly, showing me the page he was on.

Alone in a castle,
On top of a hill
Lives a little old man,
Battered and ill.

He stays there all day,
And he stays there all night.
Once every year,
Does he see sunlight.

When he climbs from his bed,
Down the stairs out the door,
Down the road, past the school,
Past the park and the store.

To a cemetery he walks,
Once every year of his life,
To visit the grave,
Of his lover, his wife.

"Is it about anyone?"
I shook my head.
"No. I've just always liked to think that someday, someone will love me enough to remember me after I'm dead, besides my sister."
He nodded slowly, and then put the book down.
"Tammy, I don't know what happened to you, but if you need anyone to talk to, ever, just call me, okay?"
"Okay."
He went silent for a minute, before speaking in a gentler tone.
"Tammy," he began slowly, "You are the first girl I've ever slept with... in the literal sense, and I'm glad. I really like you."
I frowned a bit, but he just smiled, then stood.
"So, what do you say we ditch this place and go do something fun?"
"Okay." I replied, putting my binder and stuff back into my backpack. I stood and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
"Oh, and by the way, I have your pants."