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Like A Knife Part 5

Brendon pulled into the mall parking lot, congested as usual. We drove around for several minutes looking for an empty spot, and finally we found one where the car was just leaving.

“There’s one,” I pointed out, gesturing to the van pulling out.

“I can see that, but thanks for pointing out the obvious anyway…” Brendon laughed, as he approached the spot. Just as we got to it, another car whipped past us and into the spot.

“HEY! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!” Brendon shouted out his window. “I’M FREAKING BRENDON URIE!”

I laughed at his expression as an elderly woman opened her car door and began to slowly walk towards the door to the mall. She scowled at Brendon, who had used the word ‘freaking’ in front of her, and got out of our way.

“Oops,” Brendon said quickly, driving away to the nearest parking spot. I gave him a glare. “How was I supposed to know it was an old lady?”

“You didn’t. But do you normally just go around yelling ‘I’m freaking Brendon Urie’ at the top of your lungs at innocent people?” I questioned him.

“Well…” He began.

“Never mind. Don’t answer that,” I giggled as we stepped out of his car.

We walked past the slowly creeping cars passing us in the parking lot and made or way to the huge glass doors. There were the typical high school cliques hanging out there; the preps, the jocks, the skaters and so on. I hated the stereotypes that we constantly gave high schoolers as I used to be one, and I knew they hated it too, but we all did it.

“Where to first?” Brendon asked me, hands in the pockets of his tight, black jeans.

Just then, my cell phone rang. I pulled it from my bag and flipped it open.

“Hold on, Brendon,” I said quietly, holding my hand over the speaker. “Hello?” I asked timidly.

“Cammy?” I heard Ryan’s voice say.

I sighed heavily, partly because of anger. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. “Ry, I don’t want to be talking to you right now…” I admitted, holding back tears. I was trying to have fun, trying to forget how much I loved him, trying to remember that I have a life outside of my feelings for him, and he was going to change that. I looked over at Brendon, who had an expression that said ‘Any day now’, but I just shook my head and listened to my best friend’s explanation.

“No, listen to me, Cammy. I never meant to-” He began to say, when I cut him off.

“Never meant to what? Hurt me? Because you did, Ry, hurt me more than you can ever understand,” I said, my eyes beginning to tear up.

“Cammy, please, let me explain…” He pleaded, sounding so sympathetic. “We really need to talk.”

Finally the first tear escaped my eye. I wiped it, hoping Brendon hadn’t seen, but some part of me knew he had. He gestured for me to hand him the phone, and I did so.

“Hey, Ry, it’s Bren,” He said. “I don’t think Cammy wants to talk right now.”

I couldn’t quite make out what Ryan was saying, but I knew he was begging for me to allow him to give an explanation.

“I’ll tell you what…I’ll drop her off at your place after we’re done,” Brendon said, as I shook my head in silence. I mouthed the word ‘no’ and looked at him with my huge eyes, but he still couldn’t help but give in to his best friend.

“All right…Bye,” He said, closing my phone gently. He avoided my eye contact, and immediately said, “Sorry. It’s for the best of both of you.”

“Every time I see him, Bren, I can’t stop wondering…about what we could be. And it hurts to know that we never WILL be, because I love him more than anyone could every know. Every time I think about it, I feel like crying, but I don’t, because I can’t let people see me like that,” I said, and now I was sobbing. In public. My worst nightmare. “And I’m doing it now!” I cried.

Brendon took me in his arms and rested my head on his chest. He walked me out of the mall, assuring me that everything was going to be okay, and that no one was looking at me. He knew how much I hated crying in front of people, so he hid my face in his hoodie protectively. He was truly a great friend to have.