Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > I'll Be Here. Ready To Take That Bullet.

I Give Myself Very Good Advice...

by StandardToaster 2 reviews

But I very seldom follow it.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way - Published: 2008-04-14 - Updated: 2008-04-14 - 2232 words - Complete

Egh, so, I lied. xD I couldn't get another chapter up during the weekend. Literally I type like... one paragraph at a time and then I'd run off and find something else to do. Hahaha. And I forgot I had work this weekend and we had to stay down at the beach since we were going to be working late. It was pretty fun. So I'm feeling good enough now to type and stuff(despite my terrible stomach ache).

p.s.- My "field of work" is environmental studies so we had to go take statistics on this bog by catching frogs and snakes. And I paid my friend a dollar to kiss this frog that I was holding. Hahaha. It was worth it. Oh AND my "e" key might not work sometimes, it's having mental issues.




I had been cleaning like mad for about an hour, picking up every single thing. I don't remember the last time our bus was this clean, which was probably a bad thing. If I haD thought anything at all as I was cleaning, I don't remember it. I was just kind of floating around the bus like a zombie. God, I was pretty jacked up from all of this. Couldn't Frank just hate me? Then I wouldn't have to worry about it, I could just be miserable and Frank could move on. Why am I always so negative? I'm too emotional. I really need to fix things up between Frank and I, well, if he wants to fix things up. I really wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to see me again, I am the reason this is all happening, no matter what Frankie says. Today I guess we were visiting again. We still had a while until we had to leave. I didn't want to go, besides, the guys needed time with him too. I had kind of been selfish when it came to time with Frank recently.
Mikey made his way over to me, he was in pajama bottoms and carrying a coffee mug, sipping it slowly. He yawned as he walked closer.
"Morning." He said casually.
I glared up at him without saying anything, I think he had forgotten my bad mood.
"Uh..." There was an awkward silence between us.
"I'm not going." My back pressed against the closet in the hall where we were standing.
Did that just come out of my mouth?
"What?" Mikey asked. It was almost like he didn't believe me.
"I'm. Not. Going," I insisted.
"I'm not going to see Frank today."
He just kind of stared me, I tried not to look at him.
"Jesus fucking Christ, what happened between you guys yesterday?"
Couldn't they just butt out? What the hell was their problem? They should know that everything would clear up eventually. I couldn't take it anymore. I clenched my fist and stood up straight, getting pretty close to Mikey.
"Yesterday I had ran to the bathroom, puked, came back, attempted to make out with Frank, hurt him, sat there for an hour, yelled at him, left, then fell asleep on the floor when I got back! That's what I did Mikey!"
I pushed him aside as I made my way to the bunkroom. I didn't look back to see his expression. I heard him calling my name but I just ignored it, I was not going to talk to him about it. My feet glided across the floor as I quickly walked to the door. My hand opened the door and I almost fell onto the ground. I was so exhausted. I need something to eat. No I don't, I'm fucking fat. I'm so gross. I'm disgusting. As soon as I had arrived in the room I felt like I wanted to puke again. I turned around and headed out the door, which I had never closed from entering. My arm swung around to push open the door, I didn't think about looking to make sure no one was outside of the door. As soon as I made it into the bathroom I fell onto the floor, my legs just kind of collapsed underneath me. I almost hit my head on the toilet but I caught myself, gripping the cold toilet seat. My head hung between my arms and I stared at the ground. Frank. I gagged a few times, feeling the vomit makes it's way up my throat.
"Gee?! Gee?! Are you okay?!" Someone was behind me, great.
Finally the puke made it's way out of my throat, my whole body tensing and shaking. There was barely any puke considering I hadn't eaten in so long. Now I was just dry heaving into the toilet, my stomach and throat clenching over and over again. If there was something I hated most in the world, it might be that acidic vomit taste. I felt someone's hands grab my arms and pull me up. Who the fuck was trying to pick me up? Get the hell off of me! My arms thrashed back and forth, knocking the person into the wall. I turned to realize it was Mikey, with Bob standing outside of the door. They were both staring at me with stupid looks on their faces.
"What?" I spat at them.
Again, I pushed my way through them and back into the bunk room. I stumbled over myself, through the room and up the ladder, crashing onto my bed. My body shook, but I wasn't cold. I covered myself with my thin blanket, trying to stop myself from trembling so violently. I heard Mikey walk into the room, he mumbled something to Bob before he closed the door. My eyes wandered over to the ladder of my bed, waiting for Mikey. Soon enough his head popped up through the curtain I had pulled across. His cute little face usually made me happier, but right now I wanted to kick it. He climbed up onto my bed and sat by my feet, holding his knees close to him. I stayed laying down, but I glared at him.
"Gerard. We... we really need to know what's going on now." Mikey's voice came out all quiet and shakey.
I felt a tear stream down my cheek and onto my sheets.
"Yea." I replied softly.
"Frank and I are-were... we're in love with eachother." Mikey didn't say anything, I took this as him telling me to continue.
"That one day when you walked in... I kissed him. I don't know why.
Then I told him that I loved him and that's when he... that's when he hit me."
Mikey leaned back against the wall and let out a breathe that I could tell he'd been holding in.
"What else?" He asked sadly. There was another silence.
"He ran away because he thought we all hated him. And he thought I didn't love him.
And that's when he got hit by the car."
"So when you gave him that kiss in the hospital..." Mikey looked at me for the first time since he came into the room.
"I love him Mikes." I whispered out.
I was so fucking tired. I had shed a few more tears before finally closing my heavy eyelids.

-----Later That Day-----

I woke up in my bunk still. At least I remembered what happened this time. I didn't remember the past two nights. Maybe because it was only a nap. I sat up slowly and stared at the wall straight across from me. It took me a second to come into focus, but after a while I realized that I was staring at yet another sticky note. Hopefully this time it wouldn't be as heartbreaking.

Gee, we went to the hospital to see Frank. Be back in a while.

It wasn't signed but I knew it was from Mikey. My body shifted back and forth, shaking the blankets off as I crawled forward. I could feel a yawn coming up from my throat. Just as I opened my mouth I stopped, my throat hurt like a bitch. Now that I thought about it so did my stomach. It must be from earlier today, that was rather painful. I finally fully removed myself from my bunk, slinking around the bus, looking for something to do. The eery presence of the blank TV was bugging me, I needed sound, some kind of company. I searched around for a few seconds before finding the remote. I flopped down on the couch with the remote in my hand, hastily turning the TV on. It annoyed me to know that they hadn't bothered to wake me up when they left. Well... maybe I didn't want to know I guess.
Why do I always change my mind like that? I'm always thinking so hard about things that when I think I have a decision made I just change my mind. All of this thinking was giving me a headache, I covered my head with a pillow and fell across the couch. I could see out from underneath my pillow, so I watched TV, the sound muffled through cloth and feathers. Just like how I would muffle a gunshot. I could just shoot myself while everyone was with Frankie, they would come back, find me, move on. Frank wouldn't have to worry about me anymore and he could heal better. I just make everything harder on everyone. Going through this is as bad as when I used to drink and take pills. I don't want to put anyone through that anymore. Once again, as I'm deep in thought, I change my mind. Killing myself would only put everyone through more stress. I shouldn't have ever thought about that, it makes me feel guilty.
The TV was playing Alice in Wonderland. I hadn't seen that movie in a long, long time. It was such a fucking weird movie. Who wrote that book anyways? He must've been on shrooms or something. Despite trying to cheer myself up I still frowned. Today was going to be long and painful, literally, my body was in a lot of pain. I'm selfish I guess. Frankie's in the fucking hospital with broken ribs and all I can think about is myself. Frank please come home, come back to me. I want you to be better. I should be the one in the hopital bed right now. You don't deserve any of this baby.
I watched as Alice floated down the rabbit hole, she was then caught by a rocking chair which she sat in for a few breif moments. Not much of this made sense to me. I suppose it was because of the fact that Alice was dreaming. The dream she sung about in the beggining turned into a strange nightmare land. I wasn't sure what the moral of this story was. Careful what you wish for I think. I wished for Frankie and now look where it got me, sitting around like a lump while he's stuck in a hospital bed.
This movie was starting to bug me, but I didn't want to change the channel for some reason. After a while I got up and wandered over into the kitchen. I scrounged around for some food, I really did think I was hungry. Upon finding some cereal I poured myself a bowl. After I had poured in milk and gotten a spoon, I realized that by taking a bite it would make me want to puke again. Despite my feeling of sickness I took a bite. It sat in the back of my throat, waiting for me to swallow it. For some reason the food wouldn't go down. Before I knew what was happening I was leaning over the sink, trying to puke again.
This was fucking horrible! I spit out the cereal in the sink and again, nothing came up with my chokes and gags. Just then I heard the door open. I heard the footsteps coming but eventually they faded into the song playing from the TV, Alice's voice singing softly and sadly.

I give myself very good advice
There was someone very close down the hall now.
But I very seldom follow it
I felt the presence of someone standing not so far behind.
That explains the trouble that I'm always in
The tears trickled from my eyes and into the sink.
Be patient, is very good advice
"Gerard? Gerard what are you doing?!"
But the waiting makes me curious
It was Mikey. My litle brother.
And I'd love the change
I hate to be like this in front of him.
Should something strange begin
My hands go limp against the sink edge, letting me slip down.

Well, I went along my merry way
I was crouched down on the floor, weeping.
And I never stopped to reason
Frankie wouldn't want this for me.
I should have known there'd be a price to pay
Oh Frankie. My dear, lovely Frankie.
Now Alice and I were both crying.

I give myself very good advice
Please let this end.
But I very seldom follow it
Please let me get better.
/Will I ever learn to do the things I should?
Will I ever learn to do the things I should?"/


Oooooh. I couldn't help myself. This chapter is a bit more lengthy, yeh? Review pleassseee! =)

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