Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Stop & Stare

Chapter 21

by flawedrainbow 3 reviews

sorry it's taken me a while! i've made this one extra long for you guys! read & review! x

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Humor,Romance - Published: 2008-04-15 - Updated: 2008-04-16 - 4514 words - Complete

I awoke to the sun shining brightly on my face.
I sat up and stretched before putting my glasses on and getting out of bed, before walking over to my bag.
After pulling out a pair of short shorts and a blue T-shirt, I made my way into the bathroom.
After having a quick shower, I dried off, and got dressed.
I walked out of the bathroom, and over to my bag to start unpacking.
I folded up my PJ's and under clothes, and placed them in the draws in the wardrobe and hung the rest of my clothes up.
After that, I set my laptop up on the desk and placed a few other random things around the room.
Once I had finished unpacking, it was around 10am.
'They should be up by now.' I thought, and walked out of my room.
Brendon, Jon and Spencer were sprawled out on the couches, all asleep.
I think Brendon was even drooling!
I stifled a laugh, and walked towards Ryan's room and opened the door quietly.
Ryan was snuggled into his covers, hair askew, and fast asleep.
I tiptoed into the room, and got under the covers.
As if on instinct, Ryan rolled over, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him.
I giggled quietly, and inhaled his scent from the pillow.
"Are you smelling my pillow?" he asked.
"...maybe." I replied.
He chuckled, and kissed the top of my head, "Good morning." He said to me.
I turned around and faced him, "Good morning." I replied.
He kissed me tenderly.
"We're coming in! Stop whatever you're doing!" Spencer yelled before opening the door quickly.
Me and Ryan separated quickly before they all came barging in.
"What's up guys?" Ryan asked, sitting up and scratching the back of his head.
"We're going out today!" Jon said happily.
"Oh really?" Ryan asked raising an eyebrow.
"Yes really. Now get dressed and fix that sex-hair!" Spencer said, before all 3 of them ran out of the room.
Ryan quickly tried to flatten his hair.
I giggled at his actions, "I'll leave you to have a shower babe." I said, before kissing his cheek quickly and walking out of the room.
I walked into the kitchen and made myself some cereal.
Brendon walked in and grabbed himself some cereal too.
"Hey." He mumbled, cereal almost falling out of his mouth.
I finished my mouthful of food, "Hi." I replied.
Just then, my phone started to ring.
It was Gabe.
"Hey!" I said happily.
"Hey! How's Vegas?" he asked.
"It’s good so far." I answered honestly.
"How are the guys treating you? If they've done anything I swear..."
I cut him off, "They've all been perfect gentlemen. There will be no need for violence." I told him.
"Alright, fine. But if anything happens, I'll castrate them, I'm serious." He said... Seriously.
"I know you are Gabe, and I love you for it." I replied.
"I love you too kiddo. Call me if you need me ok?" he said.
"Ok, I will. Love you." I told him.
"Love you too. Bye." He said.
"Bye." I replied, before hanging up and placing my phone besides me.
Brendon looked a bit worried, "Don't worry sweetie," I said to him, "he's just looking out for me."
He nodded, "Is everything alright?" he asked.
"Yeah, he was just checking up on me." I replied.
Brendon nodded, and finished off his last bit of cereal.
A pair of arms wrapped around my stomach, and a head rested on my shoulder.
"Hey." Ryan said into my ear.
"Hey." I replied.
"Ready to get going?" he asked.
"Umm, no. Where are we going?" I asked, and stood up from my place, grabbing my phone and putting it in my pocket.
"Dunno, all I know is Jon said we're leaving in 10 minutes. So hurry up." He said.
I turned to walk away, and he slapped my butt playfully.
I looked back and smiled, before rushing up to my room.
I pulled on my black high tops and black, short sleeved hoodie.
I grabbed my purse, and put it into a small bag along with my phone and camera I had brought with me.
I rushed back downstairs, and saw the guys all standing around together.
"Ready?" Jon asked.
I nodded, "So prey tell, where we're going." I said.
"We are going to... The beach!" Brendon cried happily.
"Ok, well thanks for telling me. Now I need to grab some bathers and shit." I said quickly, before running up to my room.
I quickly puled out my bikini, rushed into the bathroom, put them on underneath my outfit, and put a spare change of clothes and towel in my bag.
Once ready, I ran back downstairs.
"All good." I smiled.
"Whoa, it doesn't take you very long to get ready does it?" Jon asked.
"Lots of practise." I sighed.
"Alrighty then, to the beach!" Brendon shouted, and we all went outside.
"We're not taking my car, I don't want sand all thru it." Spencer said once we had gotten outside.
"Then we shall take the batmobile!" Brendon said excitedly.
"Just because you drew the batman symbol on it does not make it the batmobile!" Ryan laughed.
"Well, symbolically speaking, it is." Brendon retorted, fishing his keys out of his pocket and walking towards the garage.
The door opened, and inside was a purple van with a massive batman symbol on the back.
I laughed when I saw it, "Nice Bren. It looks really cool." I told him.
"Thankyou! At least somebody appreciates it!" he said happily.
Brendon got into the drivers seat, and Spencer beside him in the front.
Jon, Ryan and me got into the back, and we drove off towards the beach.

I don't know how long it took us to get there, but on the way, we sung along loudly to the radio and played random games.
Brendon got so excited playing a game that he nearly crashed, that being the reason that Jon is now driving.
When we reached the beach, Brendon, Jon, and Spencer rushed out like little kids going to Disneyland.
I laughed, and me and Ry held hands whilst walking over to the others.
As we reached the sand, Brendon, Jon and Spence took of their shoes hurriedly, and took their tops off and threw them on the ground, before they jumped into the water.
"You guys coming in or not?!" Jon shouted from the water.
"Yeah!" Ryan shouted back.
He kicked off his shoes, and pulled his shirt over his head.
"You coming?" he asked me with a smile.
I nodded before pulling my own shirt off, leaving me in my bikini top and shorts.
I put my clothes on top of my bag on the sand, and ran towards the water.
As soon as I got in the water, I started to shiver.
"It’s so cold!" I complained, laughing slightly as I swam towards the others.
When I was swimming, a wave crashed over me, and pushed me down.
I let out a tiny squeal before going under completely.
I felt some hands pull me up, and I coughed a bit.
"Are you ok?" Ryan asked worriedly.
"Yeah," I coughed again, "I'm fine. I think I'm gonna get out though." I said, making my way back to our things.
I lied back on the sand, and looked up at the sky.
There was a thump, and I looked over and saw Ryan beside me.
"Are you sure you're ok?" he asked me.
"Yeah, I just didn't want to tempt fate and stay in the water you know?" I replied with a slight laugh.
We laid there for a while longer until the other guys got out and came over to us.
"Shit Stevie, what happened to your stomach?!" Spencer asked worriedly.
"Umm," I looked down at my stomach and saw it was covered in a purpley-blue tinge, "my d-dad." I answered, reaching for my top and putting it on.
"Umm... Walk with me." Ryan said, getting up before grabbing my hand and helping me up.
We walked down the beach, and our fingers stayed entwined the entire time.
We had come to a bay area I guess.
The water was calm here, and was surrounded by rocks and boulders.
"Wow." I smiled.
Ryan smiled, and turned to me.
"Stevie, will you be my girlfriend?" he asked hopefully.
"I thought we already were, but, of course I'll be your girlfriend!" I replied happily.
Ryan smiled widely before he leant down and kissed me passionately.
His hands rested on my hips, while my hands rested on his shoulders.
He pulled me closer to him, and when we parted, rested his forehead against mine.
He kissed the top of my nose, and led me over near the water to sit down.
We sat in top of a slightly large boulder, and dipped our feet into the water.
I rested my head on Ryan's shoulder and sighed.
"What's wrong?" Ryan asked.
I looked at him, "Nothings wrong, it’s just that... I never thought I'd ever feel this happy." I admitted, blushing crimson.
"Well, I'm glad you feel like that.’Cause I feel pretty damn happy too." He smiled.
I smiled back, and we sat on the boulder until it became uncomfortable... Which was like, 2 minutes later for me.
I jumped down, and laughed slightly before I (tried to) run away.
Its hard walking along the sand, let alone running, so needless to say, I fell over less than 30 seconds later in a fit of giggles.
Then 5 seconds later, something fell on top of me, and began to tickle me crazy!
"Ry! Stop!" I laughed as he tickled me.
He laughed, and hovered over me.
"What?" I asked confusedly.
He leaned in and captured my lips with his.
It became fairly heated, and his hands starting to massage the skin under my top slightly.
I pulled away and smiled, "We should head back now." I said.
Ryan looked confused, but nodded anyways and helped me up.
We walked back down the beach to the others who were packing up, and getting dressed.
"Hey guys! We're gonna head off now and get some lunch before going home." Jon told us.
I nodded and grabbed my bag, remembering the camera.
"Wait! Let’s take some pictures!" I said happily, fishing it out of my bag.
The guys laughed at my silliness but none the less, agreed to some photos.
We took a few 'MySpace photos' that being, Ryan holding the camera up ('cause he has the longest arms) and all of us getting into view.
Then Brendon took a few shots of me & Ry, then some photos with the others.
After taking about 20 photos, we picked up all of our stuff, and walked back to the 'batmobile.'
We put all of our stuff in the back, and climbed into the positions we were in on the way here.
But Jon was still driving, he didn't trust Brendon right now.
I sat in between Ryan and Brendon in the back, and rested my head on Ryan's shoulder.
"Tired?" Ryan asked.
"Umm, yeah. A little bit." I replied.
"This is so not fair!" Brendon whined, crossing his arms.
I looked up at Ryan and he smiled, so I rested my head on Brendon's shoulder.
"Happy?" I asked him.
"Yes." He said, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer.
"Hey! She's my girlfriend!" Ryan said.
"Well she's my friend! Calm down Ry." Brendon smiled.
After a while, we pulled up to a Burger King drive thru.
"What does everyone want?" Jon asked.
"Ooh, whopper meal!" I said happily.
Everybody laughed at me, "Alright. So 4 whopper meals and a salad for Bren?" Jon asked.
"Nah, just get me 2 large fries." He told him.
Jon nodded, and ordered everything.
10 minutes later, we were eating our food happily as we drove home.
"We're ba-ack!" Jon sung as we pulled into the driveway.
Everybody got out, food in hand, grabbed their things and walked up to the front door.
Jon unlocked it quickly, and everyone rushed inside.
I walked over to the kitchen, sat down, and began to eat my burger.
Not long after, Ryan joined me.
I smiled at him, and continued to eat.
"Arrgh, I can't eat anymore!" I complained, pushing my half eaten burger away.
Ryan laughed, "Well I can." He smiled, as he finished his burger, and began to eat mine.
I laughed, "You sure can put it away for such a skinny man." I told him.
He swallowed his mouthful of food, "What can I say? I'm gifted!" he smiled.
"Haha, alright. I'm gonna have a shower, and get all of this sand off of me!" I said, getting up from the chair.
"I'll come with you." Ryan said, grabbing my hand and leading me to my room.
"What?" I asked confusedly.
Ryan smiled as we entered my room and closed the door behind us.
Ryan chuckled at the look of confusion apparent on my face.
"We're gonna shower in our bathers." He told me.
My mouth formed an 'O' shape, and we walked into my bathroom.
Ryan pulled off his shirt, shoes and shorts, leaving him in just his boxers before he turned the shower on.
I blushed, and pulled off my top, shorts and shoes.
Ryan grabbed my hand, and pulled me into the shower with him.
The warm water cascaded over the both of us, making our hair cling to our faces.
Ryan pushed away the hair that clung to my face and looked at me.
"You're beautiful you know that?" he asked.
"Thankyou." I smiled.
Ryan smiled back.
I turned away, and reached for the shampoo.
Once I had it, Ryan took it off of me.
"Hey! Give it back!" I whined like a little kid.
Ryan laughed, and swiped back the hair that was in his face, "No." He smirked.
"Why not? I need to get all of the sand out of my hair." I told him.
"Then I'll do it for you." He smiled.
"WH-what?" I asked shocked.
He squirted the shampoo onto his hands and turned me around.
He gently massaged the shampoo into my hair.
I whimpered as he touched the tender part of my head that dad slammed into the wall.
Ryan immediately retracted his hands.
"I'm so sorry! Are you ok?!" he asked worriedly.
"Yeah, it’s just tender still." I told him.
He nodded, detached the shower head, and carefully rinsed the shampoo from my hair.
Once he was done, I squeezed out the water, and took the shampoo from him.
"My turn." I smiled, before squeezing some shampoo into my hand, and massaging it into his hair.
Once I was done, I rinsed it out carefully before applying a tad of conditioner.
I did the same quickly, and washed it out.
Once we were clean, we both stepped out of the shower, and wrapped fluffy towels around each of us.
Ryan kissed me on my cheek, before heading back to his room to get dressed.
I walked out of my bathroom, and into my wardrobe.
I picked out some 3/4 black jeans, and an oversized 'Queen' top.
I towel dried my hair, and walked out of my room, noticing Ryan leaving his as I did so.
He was wearing pinstriped skinny jeans with a fairly fitted blue shirt.
"Nice top." He complimented.
"Thanks." I smiled, and we walked into the living room, where there guys were, together.
"Hey guys! Come on! We're about to start our movie marathon!" Brendon told us happily.
"Awesome! What genre tonight?" Ryan asked.
"It’s a surprise!" Brendon said mysteriously.
I raised my eyebrow and hoped to god that it wasn't horror or something like that.
The guys were all seated on the main couch, so Ryan and I sat on the couch to the side.
As we got comfy, Brendon hopped up and slipped the DVD into the player and turned the TV on.
He sat back down on the couch as the movie started.
It was a horror.
Wait, no it wasn't.
It was a gory horror.
I kept my eyes closed the entire time, cringing when I heard certain sounds.
Suddenly I heard a laugh, but kept my eyes closed.
"Stevie, why are your eyes closed?" Brendon laughed.
"The movie is better this way." I replied honestly.
"How would you know? You're not even watching it!" he retorted.
"Exactly." I replied keeping my eyes shut the entire time.
I felt Ryan put his head next to my ear, "I'll tell you when it’s over." He told me, before kissing my temple and sitting back once again.
A lifetime later (which was really 20 minutes) the movie finished.
"It’s safe now." Ryan said into my ear.
I opened my eyes slightly, adjusting to the light, and then opened them fully.
"Oh thank god!" I cried, getting off the couch and stretching.
"Sit down! We've got like, 5 more movies to go!" Brendon whined.
"Are they horror movies?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah." He said quietly.
"Then no thanks. I'm just gonna hang out in my room or something." I told him.
"But Stevieeee!" Brendon whined.
I shook my head, and held in my laughter.
"No, but before I retreat, does anybody want anything?" I asked.
Everyone shrugged.
"Alrighty then." I said, and walked into the kitchen.
I pulled out a bowl, and filled it with popcorn before going to the fridge and grabbing some Red Bull and sodas.
I used my awesome balancing skills and took the food into the living room- in one go.
"Yay! Thanks Stevie!" Brendon said happily, opening a Red Bull and sculling it.
"Yeah, you didn't have to, but thanks." Jon smiled.
"Yeah." Spencer and Ryan agreed.
"Alrighty then fellas, I'm gonna leave you to your movie marathon and hang out in my room. Bye." I said, before walking towards my room and closing the door.
I opened up iTunes, placed it on shuffle, and sat down on the chair.
I pulled open the drawer, and took out my journal that was at the very back of it.
I opened it to the last page and read it.

'Dear Journal,
Why can't I just die? Nobody loves me enough to miss me. So it wouldn't do any harm right? But what would Gabe think? I can't do that to him, he'd never forgive me! What do I do?!
Confused & alone,

I remembered when I wrote that, specifically the anger, and sadness flowing through me at the time.
I wanted so badly to die then and there when I wrote that entry, but it wasn't a new feeling.
It was a feeling I had on a daily basis, except it got so extreme I was thinking of going through with it.
When I looked at the next entry, it wasn't that much better.

'Dear journal,
Today dad found out that I'm gonna see Jack! He was furious! He tried punching me, but I moved and he punched the wall, causing the photo frame to fall and crash. Making glass go everywhere. He then punched me, and I fell backwards onto the glass. I hate this! Why can't I just die?!

I reached back into a draw, and pulled out a pen.
I turned the page to a new one, and put my pen to the paper.

'Dear journal,
I'm out. I'm actually out of that house! Michael and William helped me when I got back from seeing Jack. Dad went crazy and tried to... Hurt me. Which he succeeded, just not to his liking. Gabe, Vicky, Brendon and Ryan all came to the hospital. Ryan, with his beautiful brown eyes and gorgeous brown hair. He's my knight in shining armour journal. He cares about me, it’s amazing how many friends I made on that tour journal. But it’s even more amazing that my brother doesn't seem to care. I think I'm falling in love with him... And it scares me.

I put the pen down, and stared at the page.
'Too close for comfort' by McFly came through my speakers.
"Hey." Somebody said.
I jumped and closed my journal quickly, and looked towards the door at Ryan.
"Hi." I replied, my heart still beating out of its chest.
I quickly put my journal back in the draw, and closed it.
"What was that?" he asked curiously.
"Nothing. Movie finished?" I asked, changing the subject quickly.
"Nah, it’s boring. Thought I'd hang out with you instead." He smiled.
The smile that melted my heart, "Umm, ok then. What do you want to do?" I asked as I got up from my seat.
"Let’s play 20 questions. To get to know each other a little bit more." He smiled.
"Uhh, ok." I agreed, and we sat down on my bed.
"Hmm... Favourite movie?" he smiled.
"Arrgh! You had to choose a hard one!" he smiled, "fine, I'd have to say... Uhh... The Thief & the Cobbler." I answered.
He nodded.
"Ok, what about you?" I asked.
"Umm... I'm gonna have to say Transformers. Right now anyways." He replied.
"Fave colour?" he asked me.
"Purple, you?"
The questions went on like this for another 20 minutes until we got to the last one.
"First kiss."
My breath caught in my throat, my 'first kiss' was taken by my father when I was 14.
But Ryan was my first real kiss.
"You." I answered simply.
"WH-what? I was your first kiss?" he asked disbelievingly.
I nodded my head.
"Whoa... Was it bad?" he asked.
"No, it was... Indescribable." I replied smiling.
He smiled back, and inched closer to me.
He moved a piece of hair out of my face, and cupped my cheek in his hand before softly placing his lips onto mine.
It was short and innocent, once it was over, I bit my lip and smiled.
"I'm glad you came back with me." He told me.
"I'm glad I came too." I smiled widely.
'Crash & Burn' came on by Savage Garden, and I smiled.
"Dance with me." Ryan said, getting up off the bed and holding his hand out for me.
I took his hand, and we danced around the room.
"This is so cliché. It’s like a dream." I said as I rested my head on his shoulder.
Ryan chuckled, "Yeah, but this song explains how I feel about you. ’Let me be the one you'll call, if you jump I break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night. If you need to fall apart, I can mend your broken heart, if you need to crash, then crash and burn you're not alone...' He sung, "See? Perfect."
"Thanks Ry." I smiled.
I heard a creak, "They're so cute!" somebody whispered... Just not quietly enough.
"What have I told you guys about whispering quietly?" I laughed, and turned to face them.
Brendon, Spencer and Jon were all caught.
"Umm, I didn't think you'd here over the music." Brendon stated.
"Hun, if you'd noticed the music stopped about a second before you started talking." I told him.
"Ohh." Was all he said.
I smiled, and headed over to my laptop, closing iTunes.
"So, what's up? Was there a particular reason you came to my girlfriend’s room?" Ryan asked.
"We just wanted to know if you were hungry, seeing as it’s... Almost 8pm." Jon said.
"I'll cook." I said.
"No, you don't have to Stevie." Ryan said.
"I know, but I want to." I smiled, Ryan smiled back.

After making Mac & Cheese for dinner, very basic I know, I decided to walk around the house randomly.
I ended up upstairs, climbing out through the window and onto the roof like I had done many times before in Chicago.
I hugged my knees up to my chest and looked at my surroundings.
A few cars drove up and down the street, and I could see the light from the TV in the next door neighbours house.
I wrapped my arms around my knees and heard the roof creak under me.
A slight smile came across my face when I heard Ryan call out my name.
"Stevie? You hoo?" he called out.
I giggled, and looked up at the night sky.
The stars were illuminated and looked like jewels.
It was mesmerising.
"There you are!" somebody exclaimed from the window.
I jumped, and turned around, careful not to fall.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Ryan said apologetically as he climbed through the window.
He sat next to me, and brought one leg up to him but left the other out, "So... Why are you up here?" he asked.
I shrugged, "I have a thing with roofs." I said like it was normal.
"Yeah that's not weird at all." Ryan chuckled.
"Shut up," I laughed, "it’s just that, back in Chicago, I'd always sit on the roof when I was younger. Just to hide, or be by myself. I remember I'd sit up there, and look out for Jack. I used to think he'd come back, and everything would be normal again..." I explained and wiped a tear away.
Ryan put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.
"Do you mind if I come out here?’Cause I won't if you don't want me to." I told him.
"No sweetie, its fine. I actually come out here occasionally." He replied.
I rested my head on his shoulder and looked up at the starts once again.
There are so many, each having its own story to tell.
I don't know how much longer we were out there for, but I started to shiver.
"Come on, let’s go back inside." Ryan said to me.
I nodded, and we both climbed back through the window.
My eyes found a clock in the room and I squinted to see it, 10:37pm.
"Whoa... It’s late." I commented.
"10:37? That's not late! That's early... For me anyways." He smiled.
"Well its late for me, I'm gonna go to bed." I told him, and kissed him on the cheek.
As I turned to walk away, Ryan grabbed my hand and turned me towards him.
"Stay with me?" he asked hopefully.
"Ok." I agreed, and he kissed my forehead before we walked over to his room.
His room was simple, queen sized bed adjacent to the window, desk in the corner, guitar propped against the wall and his walk in wardrobe.
He walked over to his bed, and pulled back the doona before looking over at me.
I smiled and walked over to the bed, and got in, Ryan sliding in after me.
He wrapped his arms around my stomach and pulled me close to him.
“G’night Ry.” I said, snuggling into him.
“Night Stevie, sweet dreams.” He said, before kissing my head.
It didn’t take me long to fall asleep in his arms.
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