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Reviews

• Oaths of Fantasy

  (#) MadameDirector 2008-04-27

  In the Bible, the Commandments read "Thou Shalt Not Steal, etc." Also, there's a lot of misspellings and/or possible wrong words in both chapters.
  
  Best example:
  Percy had never received a reamand
  
  I believe you mean reprimand.
  
  And Percy is the Twins' older brother.
  
  Despite all that, this is an interesting concept and I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with it.

• Oaths of Fantasy

  (#) whatareyouevensaying 2008-04-27

  Actually:
  
  Shalt - Archaic pronunciation of the word "shall"
  
  Good chapter, though. The only other error I (think I) noticed was the fact that you called Percy younger than Fred and George twice.
  
  Looking forward to more.

• Oaths of Fantasy

  (#) Musings_of_Apathy 2008-04-27

  Ah, much better when Ficwad hasn't buggered up the posting. Nice chapter, although a bit short, but that is your choice as an author.
  
  Mike (MoA)

• Oaths of Fantasy

  (#) Dragen 2008-04-28

  Great chapter mate, I love the ideas behind the story. I love the part with the house-elves. :D
  
  I hope that you will have BOTH PoV's of Harry and Hermione, as it would make the story even better, I hope you do that.

• Oaths of Fantasy

  (#) NotACat 2008-04-28

  Firstly, on the question of "shalt", check out Wiktionary, which is almost always your friend:
  http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/shalt
  
  shalt
  (archaic) Second-person singular simple present form of shall.
  Thou shalt not kill.
  
  There are still some issues of grammar and tense: do you have a beta to check this for you?
  
  The very first line is confusing:
  It was like a flicker of flame in the fireplace of the dark Gryffindor Tower
  
  This seems to say that the pair appeared in the fireplace, whereas it would make sense that they appeared in the corridor outside, at the rear of the queue.
  
  This is a most intriguing story, with little flaws like this which make it more difficult to read, which is a pity.

  Author's response

  I will fix it the shalt when I rewrite the chapters. Rather get the ideas out there before they fade away.
  
  On the flicker in the fireplace thing... I probably could be clearer when I do rewrite that part.
  
  They appeared in the Common Room just as Percy opened the door. There was a flash of light as they crossed the diamensions from the Fairway to the common room. This flash would appear like a flicker of flame in the corner of the eye if anyone was in the room but was overpowered by the torches turning on when the door opened. Yes they appeared near the towers fireplace and not in the hall. Which is why Neville gave them a hairy eyeball (I think thats what the term is) when they joined him at the back to the group
  
  I will fix it the shalt when I rewrite the chapters. Rather get the ideas out there before they fade away.
  
  On the flicker in the fireplace thing... I probably could be clearer when I do rewrite that part.
  
  They appeared in the Common Room just as Percy opened the door. There was a flash of light as they crossed the diamensions from the Fairway to the common room. This flash would appear like a flicker of flame in the corner of the eye if anyone was in the room but was overpowered by the torches turning on when the door opened. Yes they appeared near the towers fireplace and not in the hall. Which is why Neville gave them a hairy eyeball (I think thats what the term is) when they joined him at the back to the group

• Oaths of Fantasy

  (#) tashriia 2008-04-29

  Again, the imagery is great. The flow isn't quite as smooth in this chapter, and there are problems with punctuation and grammar. That said, it is still a good story!

• Oaths of Fantasy

  (#) dave_gerecke 2008-05-08

  “Thou shalt touch what I protect”.
  
  Perhaps should read
  “Thou shalt not touch what I protect”.
  
  dave

• Oaths of Fantasy

  (#) paulblay 2009-07-15

  "Shalt - Shall Not therefore Will Not"
  
  Er, no. That's exactly not how it works.

• Oaths of Fantasy

  (#) Bronze 2016-01-22

  Please note that your statement of " Thou shalt touch what I protect " is just a bit off. What you're saying basically is " You will touch what I protect." It'd make more sense to phrase it thusly " Thou shalt NOT touch what I protect. " However, I still find this an enjoyable read.

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