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Pushing the send button, Monica glanced at the clock once again. Gerard should be back at his hotel by now. Why hadn’t he called? She tried not to let worry overtake her thoughts but it wasn’t an easy task. She’d worried about him all day. How was he really coping with all of this?
“Hey, Liv’s awake and I’ve talked her into trying to eat some soup.” Bert said walking into the kitchen. “We still got some of that chicken and noodles left?”
Monica nodded. She sat down her phone and moved towards the refrigerator. “Yeah, let me heat it up.”
Bert looked over at her phone. “Talking to Gee?”
“Actually he hasn’t called yet. I’d think he’d be back at his hotel by now but maybe his flight was delayed.”
Bert thought a moment, “Sure he should be there?”
Monica sighed, “He should have been there an hour ago. I just sent him a text. I’m just worried.” She spooned the soup from the large storage container into a smaller bowl to heat in the microwave.
“I’m sure he’ll call soon.” Bert said opening the cabinet and taking out the crackers. I’m glad Liv is gonna try to eat something even though I know she’s just doing it to make me happy.”
Monica turned to him, “She really does care so much for you. You do know that, right?”
He shrugged, “However she feels for me I’ll take. I’m just fucking happy she wants me with her.”

Gerard looked down at Monica’s text then turned off his phone. He couldn’t call her right now. He couldn’t talk to anyone. He’d gotten to his hotel about an hour ago, and was now holed up in his room. The others had said hello but he’d told them he was exhausted and would see them in the morning. It had cut him deep when Mikey had put his arms around him and gave him a hug. Gerard’s body had gone rigid and it had taken every ounce of willpower not to push his brother away. When Mikey had stepped aback he’d given Gerard a strange look.
Quickly changing into his sweats Gerard crawled into bed and closed his eyes. Thank God I have my own room he thought. He needed to be alone with his thoughts even though those thoughts were like painful daggers piercing his heart. So many questions filled his mind. Had Liv and Mikey carried on the affair the whole time they’d been together? Had they laughed at the stupid fucking things he’d said and done trying to make Liv happy? Did Bert know about Liv and Mikey? Fuck it, he thought, I can’t take this anymore tonight. He got back out of bed and went to his suitcase. After a moment of searching he found the bottle of sleeping pills. He hadn’t used them in several years but hopefully they would still be potent. He opened the bottle and instead of taking one he took two. He knew from experience the pills would knock him out but he didn’t care. Right now he was finding it hard to care about anything.

“He looks bad.” Ray said glancing over at Mikey. They were in Ray’s room with the other band members discussing their plans for tomorrow.
Mikey couldn’t shake the memory of the look on Gerard’s face when he’d hugged him. It was a look he’d never seen before. “Yeah, he does. I wish he’d talked to us.”
“We got a big day tomorrow. I hope he’s gonna be okay with it.” Ray said reaching for his can of soda. “Shit, I’ve got a bad feeling. I mean I understand how fucking upset this is making him but we’ve got so much we have to do.”
“Kara said Monica thought his mood wasn’t too bad when he left the house.” Bob told them.
Mikey was about to say something when his phone rang. He glanced at the screen then answered. “Hey.”
“Mikey, has Gerard gotten back there yet?”
The others saw the surprised look on Mikey’s face. “Yeah, he got to the hotel about an hour ago. Uh, he didn’t call you?”
Monica sat down and let some of the worry leave her mind, “No, I’ve sent him several text messages. Why didn’t he call me?”
Mikey wasn’t sure how to answer the question. He didn’t want Monica’s feelings to be hurt. “He did look wiped out when he got here. He probably just crawled into bed and fell asleep.”
“Oh” Monica said softly. “Okay, well in the morning tell him I called, okay?”
She sounds so fragile, Mikey thought. “I will.” He promised. “Uh, how are you doing?”
She sighed, “I’m okay. Just worried about him.”
“He’ll be okay.” Mikey told her hoping it was true. “Take care of yourself.”
“I will. Thanks Mikey.” She said goodbye and disconnected. While she had been relived to hear he’d arrived safely it surprised her to learn he’d gone to bed without calling her.
Mikey closed his phone and frowned, “He didn’t call Monica when he got here.” He explained.
Ray was surprised, “He didn’t?”
Bob was also surprised, “Shit, that’s fucked up. He had to know she’d be waiting for his call.” He excused himself and went back to his room to call Kara.
“Fuck, he needs to be in contact with Monica.” Ray said. “He’s really gonna need her to help him through all of this.”
“Yeah, he will.” Mikey agreed. In his mind he was thinking about his own wife. He knew that her love always helped him through rough times. “I guess he just felt he needed to turn off his brain. Gee gets like that sometimes.”
Ray thought a moment, “Yeah, he used to get like that a lot but he’s not been like that for a long time. Shit, I’ve got a bad feeling I can’t shake.”
Mikey agreed. He too had a very bad feeling. Something about that look he’d seen on his brothers face when he’d hugged him was really worrying him.

“Hey.” Bob said as soon as Kara answered.
“Hey” She sat down on her bed. “How’s it going?”
Bob wasn’t sure if he should mention that Gee hadn’t called her mom. She didn’t sound upset so she probably didn’t know. “How’s Liv?” He asked avoiding the topic.
“Not good. She’s not been awake much since they upped her meds this morning. Bert just sits in there looking at her sleep. Fuck, I’m worried about him. He told me earlier he’s sure she’s given up now. She’s ready to die now that she talked to Gerard.”
Bob sighed, “You know I gotta admit I never really liked him but the way he’s been there for Liv has made me rethink my opinion of him.”
“He’s been so good for her.” Kara said sadly. “It has to be so hard for him to put his life on hold like he’s done to stay with her. I said that to him and he just smiled sadly and told me there was no place on earth he’d rather be than with Liv.”
“Too bad she never felt the same way for him as she did for Gee.” Bob said, “He and Liv are both lost souls. It would have been good for them to hook up.”
“But she didn’t love him. She only loved Gerard as much as she hated that fact, she only loved Gerard.” Kara shook her head sadly, “And he loved her so much.” She lowered her voice, “And he still does.”

Monica walked out onto the deck and stared across the lawn at the gazebo. Slowly she walked down the steps then crossed over to the structure. She smiled remembering Gerard working so diligently as he tried to get it finished before he left on tour. Suddenly her mind latched on to another memory. She saw the day she and Bert had walked out onto the deck to see Gerard and Liv together in the shadow of the gazebo. Her heart had stopped at that moment. Seeing them together, seeing Gerard touch Liv had hurt. Now remembering that moment her eyes filled with tears. She just couldn’t let go of the fear that things would have turned out so differently if Liv wasn’t dying. She knew she should be secure in her belief that Gerard truly loved her. That it wouldn’t have mattered because he’d said he’d never leave her for Liv but still…. Monica walked up the three steps to stand inside the gazebo. She reminded herself that his was where she and Gee would exchange their wedding vows. This would be the spot where their lives would begin as husband and wife. Brushing away a stray tear she tried to keep that thought in her mind while at the same time wondering at this very moment what Gerard was thinking.

Gerard rolled over and cursed. The sleeping pills should have taken effect by now. His mind should have turned off and sleep should have claimed him. He pushed back the blankets with another curse and made his way over to the dresser. Opening the bottle he took out another pill. Quickly he downed it with a sip of water than returned to his bed. He knew that in the morning his brain would be foggy but he didn’t care. All he cared about at this moment was forgetting. He wanted to forget the last day had ever happened. He wanted to forget the pain that had shot through his heart when he’d heard Liv’s words. He just wanted to forget everything.