Categories > Original > Humor > Crack Series: Room 205
Pierre in Wonderland
0 reviewsPierre takes daydreaming to the extreme. MAY CONTAIN DISTURBING IMAGES
1Funny
Pierre slowly blinked his eyes free of sunshine. He looked up from the language arts text book in his lap, only to be amazed by the thick trees branches and clear sky replacing the dotted ceiling of Room 205.
"Where ze hell am I?" He wondered aloud in his heavy French accent.
A lumbering scarecrow caught his attention. The scarecrow wobbled to him and asked, "You see a bunny come through here? 'Bout yeah high, in a hurry, yellin' 'gonna be late'?"
Pierre shook his head as his brain took in the frustrating sight of the scarecrow, "No, I am sur-hy."
The scarecrow mumbled something incoherent as it began its wobbling once more in the other direction. Pierre stood to better see his surroundings, when he felt a strange discomfort in his feet. Looking down, Pierre discovered the most familiar pair of sparkling red shoes. 'How did zose get zere?' He wondered at the insult to his masculinity.
As Pierre reached down to remove the hideous feminine things, he felt air whooshing past him. He closed his eyes shut tightly with the new revelation that he was falling, FAR. After several minutes went by, and he found himself to still be alive, he reopened his eyes to reveal a small room, and three bottles of liquid atop a table.
Pierre's sudden thirst impaired his better judgement, allowing him to grab one of the bottles and down it. Before he knew it, the room was growing bigger and bigger, because he was far too manly to shrink. A door sat before him, and, growing curious, Pierre opened it. A far stretching field lay in front of him. And so he began his great journey.
As he neared the Kingdom of Six, he was joined by smiling girl, who helped him through the Great Maze, and giant badger, who gave him nothing but bullshit.
"You're going the wrong way..." the badger said once more.
Pierre growled, "I do not care."
"He's right you know," a new voice commented.
"Who'z zere?" Pierre called to the new comer like he had the others.
A body materialized around a crazed smile. A fox draped herself over Pierre's shoulders. "How do you do?"
"Get off of moi," Pierre grated through his teeth.
"But we're friends right? Mon ami!" the fox morphed into a dazzling woman. "To the Queen's Castle."
Bernard staggered around the closer the group got to the castle. "Whoa... man, I'm freakin' out here. Dude. I see colors."
"That can't be good," the smiling girl said.
Pierre took the role of heroic man, "I will go alone."
"Be careful!" the smiling girl pleaded.
Pierre took her hand and placed a delicate kiss upon it, "Of course, madmoissel. I will return for you!"
"Oh! Pierre!" She cried as he rode into the distance. "He's so romantic!"
The Queen frowned down at Pierre. "You haven't been keeping up with your studies. I must administer a punishment."
Pierre wasn't feeling so heroic. 'I may be doomed for life.'
The Queen decided, "You will play a game of crockett with me."
Pierre sighed in relief. 'Even I can do zis.'
Pierre's short-lived relief died the instant the Queen pulled out a giant mallet and attempted to use Pierre as the ball. "Come back here, boy!" She shouted.
Pierre screamed shriller than his manly attitude should have supplied. "Leave meh alone!"
Pierre's attempt at escape was impeded by a twisted face and an enormous hat. "You're so pretty!"
Pierre flinched at the girly comment. The word floated around him in hot pink circles. 'No!' He would not and could not be pretty.
"Let's make you pretty!"
Crazed smiles and large eyes bombarded Pierre's vision, while the Queen shouted, "Punishment! Pierre! Your work! Your work! Your Work! Oh, Pierre!!"
The fox popped into his face, and flicked his forehead, "You should wake up now."
And then Pierre was falling again, down, down, down, whirling through a tube of disturbing images: kittens being dismembered, children puking sequence, little pieces of string warring against ants...
"Pierre! I'd appreciate your attention in class!" Mr. H shouted.
A very discombobulated Pierre looked up from his daydreaming. Whatever that just was, it was sure Pierre would never again do it again.
"Where ze hell am I?" He wondered aloud in his heavy French accent.
A lumbering scarecrow caught his attention. The scarecrow wobbled to him and asked, "You see a bunny come through here? 'Bout yeah high, in a hurry, yellin' 'gonna be late'?"
Pierre shook his head as his brain took in the frustrating sight of the scarecrow, "No, I am sur-hy."
The scarecrow mumbled something incoherent as it began its wobbling once more in the other direction. Pierre stood to better see his surroundings, when he felt a strange discomfort in his feet. Looking down, Pierre discovered the most familiar pair of sparkling red shoes. 'How did zose get zere?' He wondered at the insult to his masculinity.
As Pierre reached down to remove the hideous feminine things, he felt air whooshing past him. He closed his eyes shut tightly with the new revelation that he was falling, FAR. After several minutes went by, and he found himself to still be alive, he reopened his eyes to reveal a small room, and three bottles of liquid atop a table.
Pierre's sudden thirst impaired his better judgement, allowing him to grab one of the bottles and down it. Before he knew it, the room was growing bigger and bigger, because he was far too manly to shrink. A door sat before him, and, growing curious, Pierre opened it. A far stretching field lay in front of him. And so he began his great journey.
As he neared the Kingdom of Six, he was joined by smiling girl, who helped him through the Great Maze, and giant badger, who gave him nothing but bullshit.
"You're going the wrong way..." the badger said once more.
Pierre growled, "I do not care."
"He's right you know," a new voice commented.
"Who'z zere?" Pierre called to the new comer like he had the others.
A body materialized around a crazed smile. A fox draped herself over Pierre's shoulders. "How do you do?"
"Get off of moi," Pierre grated through his teeth.
"But we're friends right? Mon ami!" the fox morphed into a dazzling woman. "To the Queen's Castle."
Bernard staggered around the closer the group got to the castle. "Whoa... man, I'm freakin' out here. Dude. I see colors."
"That can't be good," the smiling girl said.
Pierre took the role of heroic man, "I will go alone."
"Be careful!" the smiling girl pleaded.
Pierre took her hand and placed a delicate kiss upon it, "Of course, madmoissel. I will return for you!"
"Oh! Pierre!" She cried as he rode into the distance. "He's so romantic!"
The Queen frowned down at Pierre. "You haven't been keeping up with your studies. I must administer a punishment."
Pierre wasn't feeling so heroic. 'I may be doomed for life.'
The Queen decided, "You will play a game of crockett with me."
Pierre sighed in relief. 'Even I can do zis.'
Pierre's short-lived relief died the instant the Queen pulled out a giant mallet and attempted to use Pierre as the ball. "Come back here, boy!" She shouted.
Pierre screamed shriller than his manly attitude should have supplied. "Leave meh alone!"
Pierre's attempt at escape was impeded by a twisted face and an enormous hat. "You're so pretty!"
Pierre flinched at the girly comment. The word floated around him in hot pink circles. 'No!' He would not and could not be pretty.
"Let's make you pretty!"
Crazed smiles and large eyes bombarded Pierre's vision, while the Queen shouted, "Punishment! Pierre! Your work! Your work! Your Work! Oh, Pierre!!"
The fox popped into his face, and flicked his forehead, "You should wake up now."
And then Pierre was falling again, down, down, down, whirling through a tube of disturbing images: kittens being dismembered, children puking sequence, little pieces of string warring against ants...
"Pierre! I'd appreciate your attention in class!" Mr. H shouted.
A very discombobulated Pierre looked up from his daydreaming. Whatever that just was, it was sure Pierre would never again do it again.
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