- I enjoy the fact that you have written a story from Shera's perspective. I also really enjoy Sydney's fiery temper.
I enjoy the little details you include like the fact that Shera only learned to cook for Cid's sake and that no one from Rocket Town ever feels they have to knock on the front door. Details such as these really make a story.
I like that Shera is quite witty in a quiet way in your story. She seemed so meek in the game, but you have given her a sense of humour and I think anyone who married Cid would need one rather.
I love the awkwardness and the sympathy between Shera and Vincent, emotions which would seem to be at odds, but which make perfect sense given that Cid is ill and both of them care for him very much.
I love Sydney's tactlessness in the face of a stranger who she feels is intruding on her turf. She is very like Cid if a little less prone to curse. Even better is the fact that Sydney and Vincent end up having a little laugh at Cid's expense anyway.
I don't enjoy the sex at all, when Cid comes back to Rocket Town right before the final battle against Sephiroth. I suspect that I am not supposed to entirely like it as I think Cid is maybe feeling something about Vincent at this point; however, I find it a little difficult to believe that if Shera isn't even used to being kissed she'd capitulate to Cid's attack so quickly. Still, I do enjoy the description of the kiss and I understand that she loves him so she'd likely give in to what he wants no matter how it feels. I guess I just wanted to be in her head a little more in this scene, but that is merely a personal opinion as is all of this.
I like the way Shera immediately denies what she thinks she might have seen out of her bedroom window.
You keep the spirit of Cid's tasteless remarks in statements like the one he makes about Shera's ratty old bathrobe. It's funny, but it's also not because it's sort of mean of him and you know that Shera likely takes it to heart.
I really enjoy that you won't let Shera just be a victim, that eventually enough is enough and she stands up for herself and Cid listens to her.
I really like the awful way that Cid proposes to her and that Shera doesn't seem to mind it at all.
This description of Vincent really caputres my attention for some reason: "He seemed a lot smaller that way, like a shadow cast against a wall."
The way Shera handles that encounter with Vincent is lovely. She is just so self-possessed and calm. Vincent's incredible discomfort in the face of Sydney is very in character for him I believe. I don't think he does know how to deal with normal human occurrences such as these.
"Sometimes Shera wondered if Cid was only hanging around to argue with his daughter. It had taken her years to understand it, but she knew now that it was their way of bonding. Though, at times she wished they bonded at sporting events or over engine like normal human beings." "Engine" needs to be pluralized. I also question the fact that "normal human beings" - well, normal fathers and daughters anyway would bond over sports and engines. I don't want to seem sexist or anything, I just think that even if those two bonded together in that way they'd still be a little exceptional.
"They stood in awkward for a long, silent moment." I would change this to read "they stood awkwardly" or "they stood in awkwardness."
"She didn't know what, exactly, had changed, but she knew that this Cid was not quite the one she'd known for so long." I would change "one" to "man" here.
"I don't know why your wasting your time taking care of a jerk like me, but. Thanks." the first "your" should be "you're."
"The two of them stood still for a moment, then Vincent leaned bowed down." Writing both "leaned" or "bowed" is redundant.
The last two paragraphs of this story are my favourites. They are very moving in their absolute simplicity. I love the interaction you set up between all of these characters. You write the characters very well and with realistic emotional responses. This was a very enjoyable read.
Author\'s Response: Your reviews are the best, dude. I should have thanked you sooner really. But, I really wanted to make a point to thank you for the "nitpicks" in particular. I'm horrible at revising myself, and my beta's been pretty busy lately, so it's extremely helpful.As for the sex scene: You're right, it's not supposed to be enjoyable at all. I admit, I don't use internal dialogue very often, and it may have helped make Shera's motivations more understandable in that part. I sometimes have trouble being able to tell when the motivations are obvious and when they need a little more explaining. I'll have to work on that.And thank you for all the positive things you said too. :) I am glad you enjoyed the story.
- A minute is what it took me to get over the end and realize it's quite fitting. It sorta felt the same way as with "Children of Men" -- same 'wah!?' expression, long inner debate, and finally a satisfied 'aw'.
I have to thank you for keeping Cid and Vincent in character (I'm picky about that if it's not an AU story), and I gotta say I loved Sydney -- so much like his father it's kinda funny.
I also like what you did with Shera -- I don't want to say you "empowered" her, 'cause by all the gods that's a word I hate, but like fyre_byrd said, it was good to see her step out of the victim's role and find a voice of her own to stand up to Cid. I feel you gave her dimension - she's witty, smart, has a normal person's worries and second-thoughts, but really pulls through when it comes to taking care of her family.
It seemed kind of odd to me that Vincent would be back to his same clothing at the end, but I guess there's a good reason for that, it it's been so long since Meteorfall that Sydney asks if he was four when he and Cid fought together snickers
I was going to point out some things, writing-wise, but fyre_byrd beat me to it aeons ago, so I'll just say I really liked this. Thanks a bunch for writing something this deep and moving :)
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