- Some definitely amusing bits here, but, again, the whole chapter feels too rushed to this reader. You seem to be having a bit more fun, now, with cliches but you do need a light touch, there. As to the end, I'd be inclined to believe a descendent rather than a re-incarnation, though I could see either happening.
(#) Geovanni_Luciano 2008-05-25It seems that it's a re-occurring complaint about your chapters being on the short side. I've not seen much helpful suggestions either. What I would like to suggest is that you add more dialogue to your chapters. When you have more interaction, it brings more into the story as far as what is going on. Also, with added dialogue, you have the opportunity to describe your chapters point of view and underlying emotions. Food for thought.
(#) kaptin_hippy 2009-04-03Not horrible, but your ruining what it could be if you would just slow down and explain everything better. For Example, where did he acquire his staff or the knowledge to use it. Your chapters or too much like a list of events than a flowing story.
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