Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Laced With Nitroglycerin
***
Chapter 17
Elephant Love Medley (Moulin Rouge)
"We could be heroes, just for one day..."
***
Again, I woke up in my gurney disoriented and not knowing how and when I had gotten there or fallen asleep. And then I remembered. The confusion. The beeping. Fainting. Kate. I looked around to see sadness on all the faces around me. I shook my head violently, much to my discomfort, but I didn't feel it until later. I was still in shock. It had to be a dream. This couldn't possibly be happening. Not when I needed her most.
"What's wrong with everyone?" I said quietly.
"Ry, I know it's hard, but...we all saw you outside her room," Pete said gently. I shook my head fervently.
"No. It's not true. She can't be gone. Stop messing with me, it's not nice," I said. Brendon gave me a sad expression, almost as if he pitied me. "No! Stop it, you guys! She's gonna be alright and we're gonna watch Moulin Rouge while we get better. It's all gonna be okay," I tried to reassure myself, not paying attention to the edge my voice was gaining. Spencer sighed, looking at the ground. "Stop it! SHE CAN'T BE DEAD!" I said, finally noticing how my voice grew louder and more desperate sounding with each word. I was begging them to tell me she was okay, that I had dreamed everything and that she was still alive.
"Ry, calm down before the nurse comes in and puts you back to sleep," Dani said quietly. The parents apparently had decided to leave while I was getting more emotional, but Dani was still there. I was oblivious to it all. My Kate wasn't there.
"No! She can't be gone! Doesn't she know that I need her now more than ever? I even prayed for the first time in months, for God's fucking sake! How am I supposed to cope with her being gone?" I said, noticing the edge of hysteria creeping into my voice. Pete looked a bit weirded out. He probably thought I was deranged. And I was. I was going crazy from losing her. She had to see this from her special spot in heaven. She had to come back. My angel. My Kate.
"You don't think we all need her?" Brent spat at me. "You think that you're the only one that she ever cared about, that she should come back just for you, when it's mostly your fault that she's dead now?" I glared at him.
"That's not what I said," I replied dangerously, my voice low. Brendon looked between the two of us, as if waiting for us to leap at each other. Dani looked scared. "You have no fucking idea what what happened that night, so I suggest you shut your mouth. Kate cared about everyone, whether they liked it or not. So stop twisting my words and being so quick to point a finger at me." I was already feeling guilty enough, no thanks to him.
"I like how you never said that it wasn't your fault," Brent said smugly.
"Jesus fucking Christ, will you stop it already?" Pete burst out unexpectedly. We were all taken aback. "I'm sorry, and I really like you guys, but it wasn't Ryan's fault from what I hear of the story. So let's stop playing the blame game." Brent bit his lip. I sighed. "Now, Ryan, I'm sorry, but she's gone. There's no two ways about it." I nodded, feeling extremely sad for the first time.
I hadn't believed that she was gone before, but I suddenly missed her like crazy once Pete had said that she was gone and confirmed my worst nightmares. I wanted to cry. I wanted to rage and rant at Brent for being such a douche. I wanted to stay in bed and watch Moulin Rouge all day because that was our favorite movie and it reminded me of her. I wanted my own "Satine" back, my beautiful Kate (who wasn't a whore like Satine was, but you get the picture). I felt the overwhelming urge to bawl my eyes out suddenly take over my body, and I tried to hold back the flood of tears pricking the backs of my eyes. I closed them for a while and took a few deep breaths, trying to fight back the sudden wave of nausea that had come over me as I thought of how my Kate was truly gone. There were too many emotions running through my body for me to handle, and I just wanted to scream and be empty. I didn't want to feel anymore, because feeling hurt too much. I opened my eyes to see Spencer and I alone.
Spence and I had known each other the longest. Then we met Kate that summer that she started working at the music store we always hung around, and we became fast friends. That year, I met Brent at school. Brent was not exactly the good Catholic school boy that he was made out to be, but he was fine. At the time. And then Kate decided to introduce us to her brother, Brendon, who we clicked with instantly. And now Kate, my Kate, was gone. Forever. Spencer looked at me as if he knew what was going through my mind. "I get it, Ry. I don't want her to be gone either. But she is," he started. I dug my teeth harder into my lip, pretty sure that I was going to draw blood. But I didn't taste or feel the pain of my teeth on my lip. I felt an intangible and indescribable pain in the pit of my stomach that I knew food wouldn't fill. These tears would wait until I was alone to come out from behind my eyelids. I shook my head at Spencer.
"She can't be gone," I whispered. Spencer sighed at me, seeing I was a lost cause, and just walked out the door. And as soon as the door clicked shut behind him, I was crying harder than ever before. My Kate couldn't be gone.
***
A/N: So here it is. AP tests suck, I reccommend burning them to the ground.
Anyways, thanks to patdfan0702 and xXlifesapartyXx for reviewing, and please review this one! I believe the next one is the last one. Most likely.
Chapter 17
Elephant Love Medley (Moulin Rouge)
"We could be heroes, just for one day..."
***
Again, I woke up in my gurney disoriented and not knowing how and when I had gotten there or fallen asleep. And then I remembered. The confusion. The beeping. Fainting. Kate. I looked around to see sadness on all the faces around me. I shook my head violently, much to my discomfort, but I didn't feel it until later. I was still in shock. It had to be a dream. This couldn't possibly be happening. Not when I needed her most.
"What's wrong with everyone?" I said quietly.
"Ry, I know it's hard, but...we all saw you outside her room," Pete said gently. I shook my head fervently.
"No. It's not true. She can't be gone. Stop messing with me, it's not nice," I said. Brendon gave me a sad expression, almost as if he pitied me. "No! Stop it, you guys! She's gonna be alright and we're gonna watch Moulin Rouge while we get better. It's all gonna be okay," I tried to reassure myself, not paying attention to the edge my voice was gaining. Spencer sighed, looking at the ground. "Stop it! SHE CAN'T BE DEAD!" I said, finally noticing how my voice grew louder and more desperate sounding with each word. I was begging them to tell me she was okay, that I had dreamed everything and that she was still alive.
"Ry, calm down before the nurse comes in and puts you back to sleep," Dani said quietly. The parents apparently had decided to leave while I was getting more emotional, but Dani was still there. I was oblivious to it all. My Kate wasn't there.
"No! She can't be gone! Doesn't she know that I need her now more than ever? I even prayed for the first time in months, for God's fucking sake! How am I supposed to cope with her being gone?" I said, noticing the edge of hysteria creeping into my voice. Pete looked a bit weirded out. He probably thought I was deranged. And I was. I was going crazy from losing her. She had to see this from her special spot in heaven. She had to come back. My angel. My Kate.
"You don't think we all need her?" Brent spat at me. "You think that you're the only one that she ever cared about, that she should come back just for you, when it's mostly your fault that she's dead now?" I glared at him.
"That's not what I said," I replied dangerously, my voice low. Brendon looked between the two of us, as if waiting for us to leap at each other. Dani looked scared. "You have no fucking idea what what happened that night, so I suggest you shut your mouth. Kate cared about everyone, whether they liked it or not. So stop twisting my words and being so quick to point a finger at me." I was already feeling guilty enough, no thanks to him.
"I like how you never said that it wasn't your fault," Brent said smugly.
"Jesus fucking Christ, will you stop it already?" Pete burst out unexpectedly. We were all taken aback. "I'm sorry, and I really like you guys, but it wasn't Ryan's fault from what I hear of the story. So let's stop playing the blame game." Brent bit his lip. I sighed. "Now, Ryan, I'm sorry, but she's gone. There's no two ways about it." I nodded, feeling extremely sad for the first time.
I hadn't believed that she was gone before, but I suddenly missed her like crazy once Pete had said that she was gone and confirmed my worst nightmares. I wanted to cry. I wanted to rage and rant at Brent for being such a douche. I wanted to stay in bed and watch Moulin Rouge all day because that was our favorite movie and it reminded me of her. I wanted my own "Satine" back, my beautiful Kate (who wasn't a whore like Satine was, but you get the picture). I felt the overwhelming urge to bawl my eyes out suddenly take over my body, and I tried to hold back the flood of tears pricking the backs of my eyes. I closed them for a while and took a few deep breaths, trying to fight back the sudden wave of nausea that had come over me as I thought of how my Kate was truly gone. There were too many emotions running through my body for me to handle, and I just wanted to scream and be empty. I didn't want to feel anymore, because feeling hurt too much. I opened my eyes to see Spencer and I alone.
Spence and I had known each other the longest. Then we met Kate that summer that she started working at the music store we always hung around, and we became fast friends. That year, I met Brent at school. Brent was not exactly the good Catholic school boy that he was made out to be, but he was fine. At the time. And then Kate decided to introduce us to her brother, Brendon, who we clicked with instantly. And now Kate, my Kate, was gone. Forever. Spencer looked at me as if he knew what was going through my mind. "I get it, Ry. I don't want her to be gone either. But she is," he started. I dug my teeth harder into my lip, pretty sure that I was going to draw blood. But I didn't taste or feel the pain of my teeth on my lip. I felt an intangible and indescribable pain in the pit of my stomach that I knew food wouldn't fill. These tears would wait until I was alone to come out from behind my eyelids. I shook my head at Spencer.
"She can't be gone," I whispered. Spencer sighed at me, seeing I was a lost cause, and just walked out the door. And as soon as the door clicked shut behind him, I was crying harder than ever before. My Kate couldn't be gone.
***
A/N: So here it is. AP tests suck, I reccommend burning them to the ground.
Anyways, thanks to patdfan0702 and xXlifesapartyXx for reviewing, and please review this one! I believe the next one is the last one. Most likely.
Sign up to rate and review this story