FicWad

I was abducted by the priest into a small room, with shelves packed with books, little wooden desk and of course a golden cross behind it.
"I'm an atheist," I studied the white walls that hosted little black cracks before turning to stare at him, determined to deny with all my might that I stole shit from the collecting plate. I even practised my surprised and hurt faces while he lead me there.

"You are?," he gave an uptight smile and sat behind his desk.

Priest Thomas looked like Jesus, he had long wavy hair and was taller then me with grey eyes, if I believed in god, I would've bowed to him,

I nodded slightly, refusing his request to seat, "I don't really wanna talk to you, it was my dad's idea"

"I'm aware of that," he laced his long fingers together, "He believes it is your lack of faith that gets you in all these troubles"

Yeah my dad also believe that my mother is faithful and that I still think all the presents under the Christmas tree are from Santa. I rolled my eyes in response.

"So what made you become an atheist?"

"What made you become a priest," I shot back, wrinkling my forehead.

He smiled a little, like Jesus would've, "My dad was murdered"

I froze a little, I shouldn't be surprised, it was Belleville, shit like that happened on daily basis, parents rarely let their kids out alone after dark and if it wasn't for dad training Jordan to eat anyone who approaches me 4, I would've been copped too. A warm feeling spread it's way inside me at the thought of my dad, working hard to train Jordan so I could have the freedom he thought all kids deserved. But to stand face to face with someone who experimented murder hands on was a bit uncomfortable.

"It's OK now because I have the good lord with me now but I was an angry young man," Thomas shut his eyes for a brief moment before opening them, "I was lucky enough for the lord to look upon me and guide me through the darkness and help me"

I mentally gaged but remained composed, "Don't you think it's kinda stupid? I mean to worship the same god that took away your dad?"

"I believe it happened for a particular reason," he nodded with a little smile on his lips, "For me to become who I became and serve my lord by helping the less fortunate," his gaze lingered on me before looking down on his desk.

I couldn't help but snicker, "I think you're just pretending," I paused, choosing my words more carefully, "Instead of dealing with your father's death, you hide in this fucking church, afraid to face people and worshiping a god that doesn't exist and who according to you killed your dad and I'm not gonna waste my time listening to this fucking crap anymore no matter what my dad thinks," I didn't wait for a respond and stormed out of the room.
I don't know why my dad did it to me, he was never the kind to shove his belief down my throat. I mean yeah he had his quirky outbursts of faith at dinner when he'd preach about the lord and shit but I was always free to believe or not believe what I wanted as long as I was respectful to customs rituals. Now dad was scared that I was gonna burn in hell? It's better to burn eternity instead of being like that sissy of a priest.
'I believe' I mimicked him in my head 'the lord and the holy spirit'...Well I stole money from the less fortunate this morning and no lightning hit me for my 'sin'.

"Where have you been?," Gerard was the only one left in the empty church with only echoes of the outside chatter.

"None of your business," I answered lightly before leaning on the wooden podium.

"With Frank again," he gave me an angry look.

"God what is it with you and Frank," I looked around, being on the podium felt good, all these people listening to you and obeying, if Thomas was a bit smarter he would've really done some good with it instead of preaching about hell, "You're in love with him? Cause that would've explain SO much"

"Are you?," he looked sternly at me with his arms crossed on his chest.

I chuckled awkwardly, "In love with Frankie?"

"Yeah"

"Define love," I smirked, throwing back his stall game in his face.

"Love is when you want to be with the person no matter what a bitch they are or how mean they are cause you see beyond that and you want to feel them close"

"Oh how very touching," I laughed a little, climbing down the few steps leading from the podium to the ground and sat down on the final step, "Don't you think love is as stupid as faith?"

He frowned.

"I mean you don't see the real person I guess, you just think you do. But truth is that you take the qualities you love about them and magnify them times a hundred so basically you love just part of the person cause you choose to ignore their faults," I concluded with a shrug of my shoulder, "Faith is the same, you ignore the facts and focus on the good"

He laughed, reaching for the pocket he usually kept his smokes in but then dropped his hand back to his lap, "You can't analyze love"

"Why not?,"

"Cause you can't analyze emotions"

"I can analyze fear and hate and longing why not love?"

"You just can't"

"Well that's just plain stupid," I leaned back on my elbows, "According to you I can love anyone if I just focus about shit I love about them, let's take you for example," I wrecked my brain to think what I liked about him and was quite surprised when a few little things popped up, "You know what, I can't think of any, let's take Frank. I love his sense of humor and I love how he's loyal to his friends unlike some so I ignore what a little fucker he is and that's love?"

Gerard pouted a little, "You don't understand it, you're too-"

"Say young and I'll stake you," I warned him.

"But you don't get it, have you ever loved someone?"

"I love my brother and I love my dad," I bit my lip instead of mentioning my mother, "And I love Jordan and I love my first grade teacher"

"It's different," he shook his head.

"It's not, I care about them and according to you I love them and I want them close"

"No, Viola," he got up from the bench and sat next to me, "I don't mean family, I mean how you love someone romantically"

"What's the difference?," I insisted, moving a little away, "You're invading my personal space"

"There is a difference between loving your dad and loving a guy"

"Which is what..?"

"Oh stop you know there is," his gaze shifted a around the big church before falling on me.

I shrugged, "Did you ever love a girl?"

He blushed madly, nodding.

"And what was the difference between that and loving your mom"

He let out a chuckle, "I can't believe you just asked that!"

"Well answer fucking Dr. love," I smiled at his uncomfort.

"Well I wanted her to be always around," he looked down at his palms, "And I wanted to kiss her"

"Your mom"

"No, you...idiot," he mumbled, looking up, "I just wanted to know she's mine and that she loves me as much as I love her and I love her smile, and her eyes and the way her hair smells and I always think about her and like when I see something or hear some song, my first thought is what would she say or think," he got closer and his voice dropped to a low whisper, "And I don't want her to hurt anymore cause it hurts me to see her sad and..," he trailed off, his mouth inches from mine.

"She's really special to you," for some reason I felt like saying anything louder then a whisper will ruin something or take away from the rumbling my gut was doing.

"She is," he nodded, bringing his hand on my check and caressing it with his thumb.

"Well I hope Dee feels the same"