FicWad

The cordless phone buzzed under me as Mikey, Frank and I sat in a circle and pretended to drink apple cider which was really some mixed leftovers of vodka and whisky, "Hell-ooo"

"Viola?," Mrs. Way voice boomed through my head.

"She's out right now, my name is Serj, can I take a message?," I giggled into the phone.

"Viola, are my good for nothing irresponsible beasts ungrateful godless brats of sons there?," she spat out without taking a breathe.

I squinted around the back yard, seeing Gerard with Alex, dad and Shane by the grill, laughing about something. Mikey was sprawled on the grass, talking to himself...Well I imagine he was attempting to have a conversation with Frankie but Frankie was watching a row of ants with his back turned to us so I wasn't sure, "I spot both the older brat and the younger brat," I smiled.

"Can I please talk to them?" she said through gritted teeth.

I nodded and trying to compose myself zig zagged my way to where Gerard was standing, "Dee is on the phone"

"Dee?," he frowned, "What the hell?"

"I dunno," I shrugged.

"Dee, why the fuck are calling here. I fucking told you-," he's complexion grew paler and he gulped, "Oh hi mom," he turned his scolding face to me, "No I wasn't swearing. I didn't know it was you...No I don't talk to girls like tha-," he huffed, his eyes wondering to the sonny sky, "I am a respectable gentle-...No ma...Yes ma...I'm not a pig, ma...I know you raised me better..."
I giggled, making him pinch my arm, "I know..You did a good job...No...I dunno where you went wrong, ma...I know...Yeah...I'm aware that it's not respectable-...Sure...OK...Sorry...I won't do that again...My what?! Oh ass home?"

"Is that Donna?," dad asked cheerfully, handing over the big fork to Alex, "I can hear her shrieking"

Gerard nodded and handed the receiver to dad's outstretched hand, "Donna! Are you home already? Where's Don and Berta?Oh they did," his face dropped a little, "Yeah work, you know them." he beamed again when he raised his eyes to see me and Gerard staring intently, hanging on every word, "You should come by, Alex dropped by on us and we're celebrating, we're having the greatest barbecue in history," he winked at us, "Come on Donna let the boys enjoy themselves...I know...They'll clean later and you have ages to ground them...I'm sure...Yeah come over," he giggled a little, turning his face from our spying eyes, "You do that. Yeah see you in a bit"
Dad pressed the red button and handed the phone to Gerard, he smiled and turned back to kiss Alex's ass about how beautifully he was rusting (burning) the meat.

"You fucker," Gerard shoved the phone at me, "Getting me into trouble"

"Your big mouth does that for you," I laughed, bringing the phone to my ear, "You fucking slut! Oh hello mother"

"I'd never call Dee by your special nicknames," he said seriously, wiping the smile off my face. I turned back and rejoined babbling Mikey and the concentrated ant researcher.


"So what is your major?," I smiled sweetly at Shane who fortunately sat next to me at the wooden picnic table and while I rambled non stop he only said countless phrases all day.

"English"

"Figures"

"What do you mean?," he passed me the plate of meat Gerard deliberately placed out of my reach.

"You're really shy," I tossed a few pieces of meat on my already crowded plate, "And I dunno, I always pictured English students to be shy and Shakespeare-ish"

"Shakespeare-ish," he chuckled and refused the meat plate, "I'm vegetarian"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I don't think we should eat our fellow animals just because they don't have a voice"

I nodded along, "You're so Shakespeare-ish"

"Thank you I guess," he blushed.

"So how did you meet Alex?," I took a tiny little bite of the juicy meat just so I didn't offend him.

"At a bar," he glanced quickly at Alex by his other side.

"And it was love at first sight," I nudged him lightly.

"Kinda," he nodded, "I don't know where I'd be without him"

"Me too"

I spent the rest of the night vulgarly and shamelessly hitting on Shane but he was unhittable and eventually Alex dragged my ass to a dark corner to have a 'brother sister' chat, "Viola, it's getting embarrassing," he said resentfully.

"What exactly? Me grabbing Shane's ass or me telling him I had no underwear on? It was the truth after all and weren't we raised to tell the truth at all costs?"

"Freaking both!," Alex exclaimed, "You don't see me hitting on your boyfriend!"

"I don't have one!," I threw my hands in the air, "And even if I did why would you want to hit on my non existent boyfriend?!"

He rubbed his face, sitting on the patio steps. A chilly breeze was rustling the trees leaves over our heads in the house we both grew up. I shifted from one foot to the other, waiting for his answer, hugging myself, "Because"

"Something's wrong?," I sat next to him and placed my palm on his slumped shoulder in an attempt to comfort my oldest brother the best I could with whatever it was bothering him, "You can tell me, I'd understand"

"I don't think so, Vee," he lifted his head and sighed, "It's complicated"

"I can try," I almost begged, so eager to be treated like an adult, how can I learn and understand shit if no one ever explains. I mean I didn't know how to fuck a guy but that didn't stop Gerard, he showed me.

He looked at my face, studying it as if to see if I could be trusted, "I don't know"

"Come on," I pouted, "I'm your sister. I'm your flesh and blood. Nothing you can do or say will make me love you less"

"I'm gay," he looked over at the rusty green gate, "And Shane is too"

I held my breathe, looking for signs of a smile, "It's not funny," I swatted his arm.

"I'm not joking," he said calmly.

"But you can't be gay," I frowned, 'You don't even like boas"

He chuckled, "Gays have to love boas?"

"I dunno. They wear them all the time," I rubbed my eyes to try and refocus. My older brother is gay. Shane is gay. Gay plus gay equals lovers?! Fuck what did it even mean?! I glanced at him, trying to see something different from the guy who left for collage just a few months before, I saw nothing. Same eyes, same muscular figure, same everything. How can someone stay the same and decide he was gay all of the sudden?!

"It didn't just happen," he propped his chin on his hands as though reading my mind, "I didn't just wake up and turned gay"

"But all these girl-," he dated tons of these. A different girl every week, young ones, old ones, brunettes, red heads, short, tall, cheerleaders, outcasts. We used to kid that Alex didn't discriminate.

"I know," he nodded, "I tried to like them, to be attracted to them but I never- Shit. I just never- I didn't understand why and what's wrong, thought I was crazy. I just wanted so badly to want them but I didn't. And then I met Shane," an unconscious smile banished the gloom that occupied his face, "And he said it's OK and it made sense. I felt OK"

I closed my eyes again to try to wrap my mind around everything, speaking slowely and quietly, "So all these years of perfect Alex were just fake?"

"I dunno," he shrugged pathetically, "I felt so different so I tried to fit in with everyone"

"But...But...But," I stammered, too many thoughts bouncing in my head, it felt on the verge of explosion. He was faking it, my parents were faking it. It feels like I'm the only honest person in this house hold.