FicWad

Monica was sitting out on the deck with a cup of coffee. She stared out across the yard, lost in thought. The sweet sound of early morning birds singing comforted her. The promise of a new day gave her hope. When she awoke early this morning her head had hurt and her eyes had been swollen from a night of crying. She'd forced herself to get up and go about her life as if nothing was wrong. In her heart she clung to the belief that she and Gerard would work through this. She still believed she had done the right thing by not telling him Liv's secret. Not that it mattered now. He knew but what he would do with that information worried Monica. Had he already confronted his brother? She took a sip of coffee and closed her eyes. “I was just trying to keep him from this pain.” She whispered.
“Hey Mom.” Kelly walked out onto the deck already dressed for school.
Monica gave a slight smile, “I made cinnamon rolls.”
Kelly nodded, “Yeah, I could smell them when I woke up. You must have gotten up early.”
“Around five.” Monica admitted.
“So are you feeling better?” Kelly asked. She’d been concerned when her mom had gone to be early. Kara had told her that Monica wasn’t feeling well but Kelly knew there was more to it.
“My head still hurts but I’m okay.”
Kelly looked at her closely. “You’ve been crying.” She said softly.
Monica looked away.
“Mom, what’s wrong? Is it Dad?”
Hearing Kelly call Gerard dad brought a wave of fresh pain. She was reminded of the fact that he’d called Kara HER daughter. Did that mean he considered Kelly HER daughter too?
“Mom?”
“Sorry, what?”
Kelly pulled out a wrought iron chair and sat down. “I said is it Dad?”
"I can't discuss this with you." Monica said hoping Kelly would understand. "This is between Gerard and me. We have to work this out ourselves."
"But it's all so sad. Dad loves you. I know he does and I know how much you love him."
"I do love him with all my heart." Monica blinked back tears that kept threatening.
"Then it's all gonna be okay." Kelly said optimistically. "I just know it will."
Monica smiled sadly.
"I know this had to do with Liv. I just hate that I don't understand."
Once again Monica remained silent.
"Hey." Kara joined them on the deck. "I'm gonna look at an apartment after school today." She looked at Kelly. "Wanna come with me?"
Kelly looked at her in shock, "An apartment? Why?"
Monica spoke, "Kara needs to get away from all the drama."
"You understand, don't you?" She asked Monica.
Kelly interrupted before Monica could reply, "I don't. Why would you even think about leaving Mom right now?" There was anger in her voice.
"Kelly, it's okay. I understand." Monica said softly.
Kelly stood. "Well I don't. I'm gonna wrap up a cinnamon roll and take off for school. I'll catch the bus." She gave her sister an angry look then went into the house.
Kara sighed and sat down. "Mom, you do really understand, don't you?"
Monica nodded, "I do. It's okay. Kelly is just upset right now. Do you have an apartment in mind?"
"Christa told me about one that a friend of hers just moved out of. She’ll sublease it to me.”
"Christa knows your moving out?" Monica was surprised by this information.
"Actually Bob told Ray and he told her. She called me last night."
Monica realized that Gerard probably knew this too. Did he care? "Oh" was all she said.
"Look, if you don't want me to leave I won't."
"It's okay, Kara." Monica said holding up her hand, "I really do understand. You need some distance. I know you think that I'm letting Gerard treat me badly. I get that but there are things you don't understand that I can't talk about. There is more to all of this."
Kara nodded, "Oh I get that. We all know this has to do with Liv it's just that none of us understand how the man can be angry with you. You took her in and cared for her. I'm sorry but he's acting like a dick."
"Don't judge him." Monica said looking her in the eye.
"Hard not to." Kara said, "All I can go on is what I know and see. I see my mom being hurt and I just can't take it anymore."

After the girls had left for school Monica went upstairs to wake Elle. "Morning Baby, rise and shine."
Elle rolled over, "Mes tyrod."
"Well Miss Tired, it's time to get up. I've got to visit with someone and I have to drop you off at Grandma Donna's first."
Monica was shocked when Elle burst into tears. "Mes not wanna go dare. Mes wanna be wit Mommyca."
Quickly Monica lifted her into her arms, "Oh Baby, don't cry. I won't be gone long."
"Mommca said shes wont eve mes." Elle sobbed.
Monica understood Elle's feelings. The little girl felt like she was being shuffled off again. Should she just take her with her? Would it be okay? Elle continued to cry against her neck. "Hey, you know I would never leave you for long. Okay, lets get you dressed. I made cinnamon rolls and you need to eat first if you're gonna go with me."
Elle raised her head, "Mes goes wit youse?"
"Yeah, you can go with me. We're gonna visit a very nice girl who's gonna have a baby. She has a doctor's appointment and we're gonna go with her."
"Otay." Elle said happily.
Monica hugged her tight. She loved this little girl with all her heart. What if Gerard refused to accept her as his child? No her mind just couldn't believe he'd do that. But had he confronted Mikey? What if Elle really was his child? She closed her eyes a moment and tried to push all those thoughts aside. The little girl in her arms was her daughter. She'd made a promise to Liv to raise Elle and that's what she was going to do.

"You can't ignore me forever." Mikey said taking the set in the van next to Gerard. He'd been trying to talk to his brother since yesterday but Gerard always disappeared.
Gerard leaned his head back and closed his eyes, "Gonna catch a nap before this interview."
"Gee, fuck it. We need to talk. I need to know what's going on."
Gerard didn't answer him.
"Why are you doing this? What the fuck happened when you talked to Liv?" Mikey's voice rose. Ray and Bob turned in their seats to watch the exchange between the brothers.
Slowly Gerard raised his head and opened his eyes, "If you want me to do this fucking interview we're headed for leave me the fuck alone. Don't mention Liv again? Do you understand?" The anger was coming off him in waves.
"Mikey just let it go, man." Bob reached out to touch his arm.
Mikey looked broken, "Yeah, guess it really doesn’t matter." He turned away from his brother.
"Doesn't fucking matter at all." Gerard's tone was low, "Not one fucking bit."

“Hey Sarah, this is Elle.” Monica said. They had just arrived at the doctor’s office and saw Sarah standing outside.
“Hello, Elle.” Sarah said with a smile.
“Hope you don’t mind me bringing her along.” Monica asked.
Sarah shook her head, “Not at all. I really shouldn’t have bothered you with this. It’s just this will be my first sonogram and I just wanted someone to share it with. My mom is still so upset I’m having the baby I couldn’t ask her.”
Monica was saddened to hear this, “I am so glad you asked me.” She said hoping to put Sarah’s mind at ease.
Sarah smile was genuine, “Thanks.” As they walked into the doctor’s office Elle was looking closely at Sarah.
“Yous gonna ave a baby?” She asked once they were seated in the waiting room.
“Yes, I am.” Sarah answered.
After about twenty minutes they were ushered into another room. The doctor was very understanding about Elle’s presence. She actually explained to Elle each step of the sonogram process.
“See that right there?” she pointed to the monitor. “That’s the baby.”
Elle scrunched up her face and looked closely, “Tats no baby.”
They all laughed, “It really is.” Monica told her.
Elle looked dubiously at all of them.
“Would you like to know the sex of the baby?” The doctor asked Sarah.
Sarah looked over at Monica, “Do you want to know?”
Monica was surprised by the question. She remembered how much Gee had wanted this baby. How much he wanted them to have a baby of their own. A small voice inside her questioned if this was what he still wanted. She tried to ignore that voice. ‘Yes, I would.” She whispered.
The doctor, who was aware of the situation, nodded. She knew that Sarah was giving up this baby for adoption to Monica. “Well, then I’m happy to tell you that we are looking at a little boy.”
Monica felt tears spring to her eyes. Gee was going to have a son.