Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > You’re My Phobia
Chapter Six: Memories
Song: Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You
I sat silently as the New Jersey skies slowly drifted into a calming grey, the air became more dense as night began to fall. But still, I remained secretly screaming for someone to get me, to save me even. It wasn’t the fact that I didn’t want to get up, trust me I did, but for some unknown reason my body felt weak and I couldn’t bare to lift myself with my heavy body mass brining me down.
So I sat, silently waiting for someone to rescue me. And once more, I was filled with that dreaded emotion of loneliness. I new I wasn’t really alone, I had Mikey didn’t I?
“Gerard? What the hell are you doing?!”
That voice, so harsh, so loud.. so familiar.
“D-Dad they h-hit me again!”
“So what?! You’re a man Gerard, Men don’t cry! Stop being a pansy and fight back god damnit!! What are you, some sort of fucking weakling?
My chest felt as if thousands of daggers were shredding at my insides, just as he had done. Sometimes I truthfully wondered if this was some sort of punishment for all those times I back chatted and pissed people off. I mean really.. I didn’t do it in despite, I was only playing around.
What does everyone expect me to do with my life anyway?
I was just that scrawny kid that sat in the corner, drawing his life away as he secretly watched and envied those who would run around with there overdramatic friends and laugh, and scream.. and have fun.
Fun?
What was the meaning of Fun anyway?
I clenched the black side bag closely to myself as I made my way down the crowded hallway that overflowed with teenagers as they rushed there way to the cafeteria. I aloud them to push and shrug me out of the way as nothing more than a piece of forgotten trash as I patently made my way towards my paradise, my escape.. the art rooms.
“Hey look, it’s the freak!”
I clenched my eyes shut for what seemed to be an eternity, and then a hard tugging caused me to open my eyes slowly as I was met with the two aqua blue ones.
“What’s up, Way?” The boy smirked causing me to shivered as he tugged hard as my side bag, causing me to clench it tighter. “P-Please leave me a-alone.” I pleaded, holding back the tears.
He hated it when I cried.
He would always make it hurt much more.
All my life I was surrounded by those who wanted to smash and destroy me, only for one particular reason, to re-create something to there liking, something maybe society will accept. Maybe.
“Come now Gerard, you know were doing this for your own good right? Were friends okay?” The boy stroked my cheek gently causing me to whimper as his two followers snickered in the background. One was a rather tall boy, his dirty blond hair stuck up in every direction as his yellow grim-filled teeth glinted as he smiled sheepishly at me. The other on the hand, seem lost in thought as his patchy blond and brown hair hung loosely around his child like fetchers. His eyes slowly met mine, and for a moment I was lost in his gaze trying to read his mind, trying to figure out exactly what he was thinking.
“Oh my god. Are you checking out my friends little Gee-tard?” A smug smile appeared on the blue eyes young mans face as he suddenly pushed me against the lockers. The metals digging into my lower back cause me to moan in pain.
“P-Please, d-don’t hurt me” I whispered as the boys friend with the sheepish smile suddenly ripped my side bag from my shoulders, and roughly threw it against the wall. It slid down with a loud thump.
And this it sat, as if mocking my lack of escape.
Hot sweat trickled its way down the side of my neck as the two boys smirked at me, the smaller one seemed in deep thought once more as he ran a hand through his dirty blond hair. “Hurry the fuck up guys.” He suddenly snapped causing them to laugh lightly. “Calm down Pick, Jesus.”
The boy groaned loudly, cracking his knuckled causing me to cringe.
“What the matter faggot, scared?”
I scratched at my jeans, the cold air slowly taking its effect on me as I began to shiver. The florescent lamps suddenly shun, lighting the deserted courtyard and giving it a somewhat supernatural glow as numerous bugs began to buzz about. I lifted both knees and held them tightly as if to retract some warmth.
“Say it Gee-tard. Say ‘I’m scared, and I’m nothing more than a filthy faggot.’”
A lump formed deep in my throat as I opened my mouth and shut it once more. The smile growing on both there faces as I opened my mouth once more. “I..I’m..” I paused as the tear now freely feel.
“Aww the faggot is crying!” They laughed slamming my against the row of locked once more. “SAY IT!” the elder boy screamed, hitting me hard across the jaw causing me head to snap to the side. The pain increased as they slammed me against the lockers, harder this time. My soft flesh began to inflate as the blood began to rush to sore spots.
They were going to bruise, and I new that for a fact.
My eyes met the elders, his aqua blue eyes shun brightly as I saw my reflection playing over and over in his very own eyes. My bottom lip trembled as the warm tears feel down my now slightly purple cheeks. “I.. I FUCKING HATE YOU.” I screamed, startling the boy as I kicked out hitting the elder boy hard in the crotch. The boy screamed in agony as he feel to his knees, I pushed my way through the two stunned boys and with a swift movement I grabbed my side bag and began to run.
“G-GET HIM! GO FUCKING GET HIM!”
My chest felt heavy as I rushed towards the front of the school, I was going to escape this world forever, I was going to escape this school, I was going to escape him..
..My father.
The stomping of feet behind me caused my head to turn backwards, and there the small boy rushed after me. A determined look implanted in his face, his eyes met mine and with that I suddenly stopped, causing the younger boy to run into me, knocking me over.
He straddled my hips as he took hold of my neck, gripping tightly.
A muffled sob escaped my lips as I whispered a small “please don’t hurt me.”
Instantly the boys grip lessened as he muttered a small “I have no choice.”
“PICK!”
The boy turned slowly to the limping blue eyed senior and his friend who smirked at the sight. “I bet your enjoying yourself Pick aye?”
The boy, apparently nicknamed Pick tensed as he shot him a dirty look. “What the fuck are you implying? Are you suggesting I like cock Jamie? Because I can assure you, I like pussy.”
The boy called Jamie snickered as the blue eyed boy walked towards Pick with an evil twitch in his eye as he suddenly kicked me hard in the left side of my head causing me to screech in pain.
The boy called Pick gasped. “What the fuck man?!” he yelled as he lifted himself of my lethargic body as I whimpered in pain as blood gushed its way down my face. I coughed loudly as the metallic tasting liquid dribbled into my mouth.
“Jesus Christ Taylor, the kids gonna have fucking brain damage!”
I groaned as my vision began to blur, the electrifying pulsing of pain ran its way throughout my entire body.
I began to rock my body back and forward in a fatal position, the cold air forgotten as I found it hard to breath. The warm liquid racing there way down my entire face as the entire courtyard began to grow smaller, slowly closing in on my fragile body. “Make it stop! Make it stop!” I whispered as I held myself tightly. Nails digging into my flesh, drawing blood as I ripped and tore at my skin.
“And so the truth comes out Pick, you’re a faggot just like this pathetic loser.”
“Hey man shut the fuck up! I’m no fucking queer!”
“Prove it. Kick his fucking ass you Gaylord.”
A harsh laugh escaped the boy called Jamie’s lips as the senior with blue eyes laughed also. “As a matter of fact, yeah. Kick his ass Pick, or are you afraid you’ll hurt your faggot boyfriend!”
“Shut the fuck up!” Pick screamed as he eyes them both with glares.
“Do it. Kick his ass.”
My body began to tremble as the young boy called Pick walked towards me. “D-Don’t hurt me.” I pleaded as he leaned forward, his face so close I could feel his warm breath. “P-Please.” My voice broke as tears streamed there way down my face, the pain increasing every moment.
The boy called Pick ran his slender hands across my face, I shut my eyes at his touch.
..Maybe he wasn’t bad?
Maybe he would stick up for me?
Maybe.. just maybe, he could be the one to save me.
A small smile appeared on my face as I opened my eyes, and there he stood, a small smirk growing as he trailed my chapped lips with his now crimson stained fingertips. “H-Help me.” I whispered.
“I’m sorry.”
I eyes him in confusion as a harsh laugh escaped his lips. “I’m sorry Gerard.” He repeated, and with that he slapped his fist into my right cheek causing a loud scream to escape my lips. “I’m sorry but I don’t help faggots.”
My entire world shattered.
Another kick to the rips.
Another punch to the face.
“H-H-HELP ME” I screamed.
His smooth skin caused mine to enlighten and an unusual burning sensation ran through me. It wasn’t because he was physically punching the shit out of me. It was the fact he was touching me.
“STOP TOUCHING ME!”
“IT BURNS! ITS BURNING! STOP- STOP IT!”
“GERARD?! OH MY GOD, GERARD!”
“HELP ME! H-HELP ME”
I shut my eyes tightly as hands came in contact with my skin. I screamed louder as more hands touched my body holding me down. The burning increased as I began to kick and punch as voices called me out of my sudden trance. “GERARD! CALM DOWN!”
My screaming gradually got louder and louder as more hands seem to take hold of my aching and burning flesh.
“STOP TOUCHING ME! STOP, STOP!”
My eyes snapped open and there I was met with the elderly nurse who seemed to have tears in her eyes as she held me down. “Gerard!”
“STOP TOUCHING ME! ITS HURT! ITS HURT!”
My breathing was rapidly increasing until I couldn’t breath at all, I was choking, falling back into the dark abyss of loneliness I has once come from.
“He’s having a panic attack! Hurry get him..”
The elderly woman’s voice faded, and all suddenly went mute. I could feel them touching and moving my body and at that moment I thought my entire body was in flames. The pain was increasing as the entire room swirled into a mass of color, I turned my head and a white object caught my attention. I stared at it for what seem like forever until slowly my vision began to focus and that’s when I recognized the drawing.
The frightened boy surrounded in shadows, his eyes wide with fear, and for a moment that young boy seemed familiar. Too familiar for my liking.
He clenched the guitar tightly, his lips roughly drawn into a smirk, his blond hair swaying in the wind.
My entire system seem to shut down as I started at the image more and more.
The boy with blond hair..
The boy with bright blue eyes..
..The boy from my nightmares.
..The boy from my past.
And that’s when I aloud myself to scream.
It all came crashing down. The boy I had draw wasn’t Frank, but was that senior who has caused me so much pain.
I was afraid of Frank because he could hurt me just like that blue eyed boy had, anyone could hurt me.. And that’s why I hated him. I hated him because he had such a strange effect on me.
A soft tune brought me back as the tugging at my arms increased, bright lights shun above me. I couldn’t feel, I had gone completely numb, and that’s when his voice slowly brought me back to reality.
“Saaiinnnttss prrroottecctt herr nooowww…”
“Commee annggeelllsss off… the loordd..”
There he sat, black acoustic in hand as he plucked away at the stinks. “Commmee aannggeellss off the.. unknnoowwnn..”
Franks green multi-colored eyes met mine as a small smirk appeared on his face. “Sorry” he whispered. “I don’t help faggots.”
My eyes widened. “No, no, no, NO!” I screamed
Frank simple smiled as he slowly disappeared from behind a white wall. And then I was suddenly devoured by pure darkness. His soft guitar playing still echoed in the distance..
I didn’t hate Frank because he had the power to hurt me like the blue eyed boy.
I hated Frank because..
He did hurt me.
Frank Iero was Pick.
The young boy from my past.
Frank Iero was the reason I had Aphephobia.
Frank Iero was the reason I lost trust in humans.
Frank Iero was the reason I could never hug Mikey.
Frank Iero was the reason I was so alone.
And Frank Iero..
Was going to fucking die.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-smirks uncontrollably-
HAHAHAHA.
Where you guys expecting that?
MWAHAHAHA!
I feel so evil. –giggles-
Anyways guys, I’m going to continue this. :)
HAPPY?
I’d also like to say thanks for those who have supported me. Your kind words are the reason im continuing. x)
ILY ALL.
ALLSSSOO.
COME ON KIDDIIESSS!
Review!
The more you review, the more you inspire me to write faster!!!
=D
Song: Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You
I sat silently as the New Jersey skies slowly drifted into a calming grey, the air became more dense as night began to fall. But still, I remained secretly screaming for someone to get me, to save me even. It wasn’t the fact that I didn’t want to get up, trust me I did, but for some unknown reason my body felt weak and I couldn’t bare to lift myself with my heavy body mass brining me down.
So I sat, silently waiting for someone to rescue me. And once more, I was filled with that dreaded emotion of loneliness. I new I wasn’t really alone, I had Mikey didn’t I?
“Gerard? What the hell are you doing?!”
That voice, so harsh, so loud.. so familiar.
“D-Dad they h-hit me again!”
“So what?! You’re a man Gerard, Men don’t cry! Stop being a pansy and fight back god damnit!! What are you, some sort of fucking weakling?
My chest felt as if thousands of daggers were shredding at my insides, just as he had done. Sometimes I truthfully wondered if this was some sort of punishment for all those times I back chatted and pissed people off. I mean really.. I didn’t do it in despite, I was only playing around.
What does everyone expect me to do with my life anyway?
I was just that scrawny kid that sat in the corner, drawing his life away as he secretly watched and envied those who would run around with there overdramatic friends and laugh, and scream.. and have fun.
Fun?
What was the meaning of Fun anyway?
I clenched the black side bag closely to myself as I made my way down the crowded hallway that overflowed with teenagers as they rushed there way to the cafeteria. I aloud them to push and shrug me out of the way as nothing more than a piece of forgotten trash as I patently made my way towards my paradise, my escape.. the art rooms.
“Hey look, it’s the freak!”
I clenched my eyes shut for what seemed to be an eternity, and then a hard tugging caused me to open my eyes slowly as I was met with the two aqua blue ones.
“What’s up, Way?” The boy smirked causing me to shivered as he tugged hard as my side bag, causing me to clench it tighter. “P-Please leave me a-alone.” I pleaded, holding back the tears.
He hated it when I cried.
He would always make it hurt much more.
All my life I was surrounded by those who wanted to smash and destroy me, only for one particular reason, to re-create something to there liking, something maybe society will accept. Maybe.
“Come now Gerard, you know were doing this for your own good right? Were friends okay?” The boy stroked my cheek gently causing me to whimper as his two followers snickered in the background. One was a rather tall boy, his dirty blond hair stuck up in every direction as his yellow grim-filled teeth glinted as he smiled sheepishly at me. The other on the hand, seem lost in thought as his patchy blond and brown hair hung loosely around his child like fetchers. His eyes slowly met mine, and for a moment I was lost in his gaze trying to read his mind, trying to figure out exactly what he was thinking.
“Oh my god. Are you checking out my friends little Gee-tard?” A smug smile appeared on the blue eyes young mans face as he suddenly pushed me against the lockers. The metals digging into my lower back cause me to moan in pain.
“P-Please, d-don’t hurt me” I whispered as the boys friend with the sheepish smile suddenly ripped my side bag from my shoulders, and roughly threw it against the wall. It slid down with a loud thump.
And this it sat, as if mocking my lack of escape.
Hot sweat trickled its way down the side of my neck as the two boys smirked at me, the smaller one seemed in deep thought once more as he ran a hand through his dirty blond hair. “Hurry the fuck up guys.” He suddenly snapped causing them to laugh lightly. “Calm down Pick, Jesus.”
The boy groaned loudly, cracking his knuckled causing me to cringe.
“What the matter faggot, scared?”
I scratched at my jeans, the cold air slowly taking its effect on me as I began to shiver. The florescent lamps suddenly shun, lighting the deserted courtyard and giving it a somewhat supernatural glow as numerous bugs began to buzz about. I lifted both knees and held them tightly as if to retract some warmth.
“Say it Gee-tard. Say ‘I’m scared, and I’m nothing more than a filthy faggot.’”
A lump formed deep in my throat as I opened my mouth and shut it once more. The smile growing on both there faces as I opened my mouth once more. “I..I’m..” I paused as the tear now freely feel.
“Aww the faggot is crying!” They laughed slamming my against the row of locked once more. “SAY IT!” the elder boy screamed, hitting me hard across the jaw causing me head to snap to the side. The pain increased as they slammed me against the lockers, harder this time. My soft flesh began to inflate as the blood began to rush to sore spots.
They were going to bruise, and I new that for a fact.
My eyes met the elders, his aqua blue eyes shun brightly as I saw my reflection playing over and over in his very own eyes. My bottom lip trembled as the warm tears feel down my now slightly purple cheeks. “I.. I FUCKING HATE YOU.” I screamed, startling the boy as I kicked out hitting the elder boy hard in the crotch. The boy screamed in agony as he feel to his knees, I pushed my way through the two stunned boys and with a swift movement I grabbed my side bag and began to run.
“G-GET HIM! GO FUCKING GET HIM!”
My chest felt heavy as I rushed towards the front of the school, I was going to escape this world forever, I was going to escape this school, I was going to escape him..
..My father.
The stomping of feet behind me caused my head to turn backwards, and there the small boy rushed after me. A determined look implanted in his face, his eyes met mine and with that I suddenly stopped, causing the younger boy to run into me, knocking me over.
He straddled my hips as he took hold of my neck, gripping tightly.
A muffled sob escaped my lips as I whispered a small “please don’t hurt me.”
Instantly the boys grip lessened as he muttered a small “I have no choice.”
“PICK!”
The boy turned slowly to the limping blue eyed senior and his friend who smirked at the sight. “I bet your enjoying yourself Pick aye?”
The boy, apparently nicknamed Pick tensed as he shot him a dirty look. “What the fuck are you implying? Are you suggesting I like cock Jamie? Because I can assure you, I like pussy.”
The boy called Jamie snickered as the blue eyed boy walked towards Pick with an evil twitch in his eye as he suddenly kicked me hard in the left side of my head causing me to screech in pain.
The boy called Pick gasped. “What the fuck man?!” he yelled as he lifted himself of my lethargic body as I whimpered in pain as blood gushed its way down my face. I coughed loudly as the metallic tasting liquid dribbled into my mouth.
“Jesus Christ Taylor, the kids gonna have fucking brain damage!”
I groaned as my vision began to blur, the electrifying pulsing of pain ran its way throughout my entire body.
I began to rock my body back and forward in a fatal position, the cold air forgotten as I found it hard to breath. The warm liquid racing there way down my entire face as the entire courtyard began to grow smaller, slowly closing in on my fragile body. “Make it stop! Make it stop!” I whispered as I held myself tightly. Nails digging into my flesh, drawing blood as I ripped and tore at my skin.
“And so the truth comes out Pick, you’re a faggot just like this pathetic loser.”
“Hey man shut the fuck up! I’m no fucking queer!”
“Prove it. Kick his fucking ass you Gaylord.”
A harsh laugh escaped the boy called Jamie’s lips as the senior with blue eyes laughed also. “As a matter of fact, yeah. Kick his ass Pick, or are you afraid you’ll hurt your faggot boyfriend!”
“Shut the fuck up!” Pick screamed as he eyes them both with glares.
“Do it. Kick his ass.”
My body began to tremble as the young boy called Pick walked towards me. “D-Don’t hurt me.” I pleaded as he leaned forward, his face so close I could feel his warm breath. “P-Please.” My voice broke as tears streamed there way down my face, the pain increasing every moment.
The boy called Pick ran his slender hands across my face, I shut my eyes at his touch.
..Maybe he wasn’t bad?
Maybe he would stick up for me?
Maybe.. just maybe, he could be the one to save me.
A small smile appeared on my face as I opened my eyes, and there he stood, a small smirk growing as he trailed my chapped lips with his now crimson stained fingertips. “H-Help me.” I whispered.
“I’m sorry.”
I eyes him in confusion as a harsh laugh escaped his lips. “I’m sorry Gerard.” He repeated, and with that he slapped his fist into my right cheek causing a loud scream to escape my lips. “I’m sorry but I don’t help faggots.”
My entire world shattered.
Another kick to the rips.
Another punch to the face.
“H-H-HELP ME” I screamed.
His smooth skin caused mine to enlighten and an unusual burning sensation ran through me. It wasn’t because he was physically punching the shit out of me. It was the fact he was touching me.
“STOP TOUCHING ME!”
“IT BURNS! ITS BURNING! STOP- STOP IT!”
“GERARD?! OH MY GOD, GERARD!”
“HELP ME! H-HELP ME”
I shut my eyes tightly as hands came in contact with my skin. I screamed louder as more hands touched my body holding me down. The burning increased as I began to kick and punch as voices called me out of my sudden trance. “GERARD! CALM DOWN!”
My screaming gradually got louder and louder as more hands seem to take hold of my aching and burning flesh.
“STOP TOUCHING ME! STOP, STOP!”
My eyes snapped open and there I was met with the elderly nurse who seemed to have tears in her eyes as she held me down. “Gerard!”
“STOP TOUCHING ME! ITS HURT! ITS HURT!”
My breathing was rapidly increasing until I couldn’t breath at all, I was choking, falling back into the dark abyss of loneliness I has once come from.
“He’s having a panic attack! Hurry get him..”
The elderly woman’s voice faded, and all suddenly went mute. I could feel them touching and moving my body and at that moment I thought my entire body was in flames. The pain was increasing as the entire room swirled into a mass of color, I turned my head and a white object caught my attention. I stared at it for what seem like forever until slowly my vision began to focus and that’s when I recognized the drawing.
The frightened boy surrounded in shadows, his eyes wide with fear, and for a moment that young boy seemed familiar. Too familiar for my liking.
He clenched the guitar tightly, his lips roughly drawn into a smirk, his blond hair swaying in the wind.
My entire system seem to shut down as I started at the image more and more.
The boy with blond hair..
The boy with bright blue eyes..
..The boy from my nightmares.
..The boy from my past.
And that’s when I aloud myself to scream.
It all came crashing down. The boy I had draw wasn’t Frank, but was that senior who has caused me so much pain.
I was afraid of Frank because he could hurt me just like that blue eyed boy had, anyone could hurt me.. And that’s why I hated him. I hated him because he had such a strange effect on me.
A soft tune brought me back as the tugging at my arms increased, bright lights shun above me. I couldn’t feel, I had gone completely numb, and that’s when his voice slowly brought me back to reality.
“Saaiinnnttss prrroottecctt herr nooowww…”
“Commee annggeelllsss off… the loordd..”
There he sat, black acoustic in hand as he plucked away at the stinks. “Commmee aannggeellss off the.. unknnoowwnn..”
Franks green multi-colored eyes met mine as a small smirk appeared on his face. “Sorry” he whispered. “I don’t help faggots.”
My eyes widened. “No, no, no, NO!” I screamed
Frank simple smiled as he slowly disappeared from behind a white wall. And then I was suddenly devoured by pure darkness. His soft guitar playing still echoed in the distance..
I didn’t hate Frank because he had the power to hurt me like the blue eyed boy.
I hated Frank because..
He did hurt me.
Frank Iero was Pick.
The young boy from my past.
Frank Iero was the reason I had Aphephobia.
Frank Iero was the reason I lost trust in humans.
Frank Iero was the reason I could never hug Mikey.
Frank Iero was the reason I was so alone.
And Frank Iero..
Was going to fucking die.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-smirks uncontrollably-
HAHAHAHA.
Where you guys expecting that?
MWAHAHAHA!
I feel so evil. –giggles-
Anyways guys, I’m going to continue this. :)
HAPPY?
I’d also like to say thanks for those who have supported me. Your kind words are the reason im continuing. x)
ILY ALL.
ALLSSSOO.
COME ON KIDDIIESSS!
Review!
The more you review, the more you inspire me to write faster!!!
=D
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