Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The Big Box of Silliness
After Tom's fall, Harry discovers that his love isn't true, and decides to drink until he can't feel feelings.
5Funny
Reviews
The Big Box of Silliness
(#) Aelfwine 2008-06-10
snort
That's brilliant. And damned right about those books. Your son's lucky you saw it and set him straight.The Big Box of Silliness
(#) jump_jives 2008-06-10
That was damn funny. Its almost a shame that it is a one shot, but its probably for the best. Having said that, a few more pick-up lines would have been fun. There is a part of me that would also like to imagine the interaction if Luna came in and he tried to chase her off with pick-up lines.
In the end though, there just aren't enough Harry and Susan stories, or for that matter there aren't enough Harry/PuffGirl stories in general.Author's response
- I considered using Luna, but I couldn't come up with a sleezy line that wouldn't end with her jumping Harry's bones... And I was saving him for the other Bones...The Big Box of Silliness
(#) cloneserpents 2008-06-10
You missed one:
“Did you wash your pants with Meyer’s Magical Window Cleaner?” Harry asked the sixth year Hufflepuff girl.
“No. Why?” she inquired.
“Because I can see myself in them.”
And, do you mind if I use this line in real life?
“...do you know why you should always masturbate with these two fingers?”
“No, why?”
“Because they’re mine, and that would make me so happy.”
(It's my new favorite cheesy pick-up line now)
Anyway, thanks for sharing. It was a hoot.Author's response
- I wanted to use 'see my self in them' but every time I wrote it out, it was stupid. Ditto: "Can you lick your nipples? Can I?" and many many others.
Re: Two Fingers, feel free. I didn't invent it (you can tell by my nonbleeding unslapped face)The Big Box of Silliness
(#) Entilzah 2008-06-10
Oh very good. Definitely an entertaining one shot. Right mix of pathos and humor.
And not naming the "ex?"
Just adds to the story.Author's response
- The ex can be any slutty redhead you want the reader wants her to be...The Big Box of Silliness
(#) cloneserpents 2008-06-10
Okay, I know I've already reviewed, but I must say this in response to your replies to other readers:
Any slutty redhead... hmm, who could that be... Damn, I'm stumped. (that's sarcasm)
Also, I think that if you did try these lines on Luna, she would be completely unfazed by it. Take for example: “I’ll bet you a galleon that I can kiss you one the lips without touching you.”
Her reaction could be something along the lines of:
“Harry, I don’t think the bet was fair,” Luna said, licking her recently kissed lips. “To kiss one’s lips, you must touch them. It is a physical impossibility not to kiss without touching. I cannot, in all fairness, take your galleon because the bet was slanted so that you would inevitably lose.”
Author's response
- Any slutty red head you want, any one at all...
- The reason I didn't use Luna is because I wanted Susan for the 'wet clothes' joke... Luna wouldn't make the joke, and would jump him at the first opportunity.The Big Box of Silliness
(#) Cateagle 2008-06-10
snort Leiber Gott!! I'm glad I set my drink aside before reading that one. I do agree, he definitely found the perfect repellent for all 'cept someone who really wanted him. The bit with Seamus and "her" was beautiful and clearly made.
Oh, please inform your son that, based on this older (and I believe that I am a few years older than you) guy's observations (not experience, I was never stupid enough to use lines like that), any gal who'll fall for a line like that has a less-than-room-temperature IQ and I'd be afraid it might be contagious.Author's response
- Glad you like it.
- Like I said, the ones who have Toes Go In First on their shoes...The Big Box of Silliness
(#) whatareyouevensaying 2008-06-10
Very good oneshot, I'm glad you're back to form.The Big Box of Silliness
(#) jump_jives 2008-06-11
Oh I completely agree that Luna wouldn't have done the wet clothes pick-up line and I like what you did with this story, but it occurred to me (some hours after my original comment) that the best way of handling Luna would have been that she would miss the "subtly" of the comments.
Keeping in mind that writing fiction, particularly dialog, was never my strong point (a textual analysis of themes of redemption, love or religion in the series I'm your man, but that is neither here nor there at the moment), I would have handled it something like:
As Harry was studying the label of his sixth bottle of Ogden’s finest a dreamy voice pulled him out of his thoughts, “Hello Harry.”
“Did she ask you to come here Luna?” asked Harry while looking Luna up and down.
“No, I heard what happened and felt you might need a friend.”
“What I need right now is to play lion keeper.”
Luna quirked her eyebrows questioningly, “Lion keeper?” she asked.
“Yeah, you sit on your hands and knees while I feed you my meat.”
“That sounds like a fun game, but I am full right now. I just came from dinner in the Great Hall. I think the elves are celebrating also, they made the most delicious meal, though I couldn’t figure out what the cream sauce was made from.”
[From here the conversation would devolve with Harry’s comments getting more and more crude. I think at some point Harry would have to make some comment about his meat wand and Luna would respond about how it probably wouldn’t work for her because, as Ollivander always says it’s the wand that chooses the wizard or witch.]
Exasperated, Harry finally realized that Luna was not going to be chased off. Deciding to be as polite as possible Harry looks Luna in the eye and says, “You know, I really am not in the mood to be around anyone right yet.”
Luna smiles softly and returns Harry’s look while she stands up to leave, “Oh, Ok Harry, but if you ever feel like having someone give you a blowjob while humming the 1812 Overture, just let me know. And maybe we can play that lion game afterwards, that sounds like fun.”
With that Luna turned to the door and walked away.
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