FicWad

Sunday morning Monica rose early and found herself standing on the back deck looking out at the gazebo. She let her tears flow freely knowing there was no way to stop them. This house had been such a beautiful dream. Had Gerard truly believe they would find there happily ever after here? She had believed it. In her mind she had pictured herself in the wedding dress Bert had bought her standing in the gazebo exchanging vows with the man she loved with all her heart. She closed her eyes and willed herself to let go of the dream.
A sudden brush against her legs brought her back to reality. "Hey Frank." She said leaning down to scratch the dog on the head. "It's beautiful out here, isn't it?"
Frank wagged his tail happily.
"I'm afraid you're not gonna love our new place." She told him sadly. "No yard for you to run in." She had decided that she would return Frank to Gerard when he got back from the tour. A dog needed a room to run and being inside an apartment all day wasn’t fair to him.
"Hey, mama." Kelly said walking out from the kitchen.
Monica quickly dried her eyes, "Hey, you're up early."
"Yeah, I figured I'd get an early start on packing up my things." She sounded so defeated. "Is it okay if I take my camera Gerard gave me for my birthday or should I leave it in the darkroom?"
"It was part of your birthday gift, Honey." Monica said sadly, "You should take it."
Kelly sat down on one of the wrought iron chairs, "Does he know we're leaving?"
Monica shook her head sadly, "No, I haven't spoken to him."
"Maybe if he knew he'd tell us not to go." Kelly said grasping onto the little hope she could find.
"Kelly, this is how it has to be." Monica reminded her sadly. "Please don't make it any harder."
"I still don't understand." Kelly said laying her head down on the table. "It feels so wrong. Like a terrible mistake. I just can't believe he stopped loving you. I can't believe he stopped loving us." She said referring to herself, Kara and Elle. “He said we were his family. And what about Elle? She’s supposed to live with us in this house.” Suddenly she raised her head and stared into the distance. "Oh." She whispered.
Monica was watching her closely, "What?"
"Elle. It's not Liv, it's Elle."
Monica tried to change her direction of thought, "Kelly, just accept this, please."
Kelly turned slowly and met her mom's eyes. "Oh my God. I just remembered how I felt when I first saw Elle. I saw her with Mikey and Gerard and I knew she belonged to them."
"Kelly, don't." Monica said softly. It hurt to hear she didn’t call him dad anymore.
She sat quietly for several minutes. All the pieces of the puzzle were slipping together in her mind. Liv's incredible sadness wasn't just because she was leaving Elle. She was sad because she carried the guilt in her soul that she had done the ultimate thing she could do to hurt Gerard. "She told him?" Kelly whispered.
"Kelly, what are you talking about?" Monica moved to the table and sat down next to her.
"Did Liv tell him about her and Mikey?"
Monica was shocked and unnerved. "I don't know what you mean?" she lied.
Kelly shook her head sadly, "She does have some of his traits but that doesn't mean he's the father. Liv wasn't sure but she hated herself so badly because it was possible.”
"Kelly please put this out of your mind. Elle is Gerard's daughter. Please don’t ever talk about his again.”
Closing her eyes Kelly let the feeling wash over her. The truth came to her in a moment of clarity.

"Fuck, I want a cigarette." Gerard said more to himself than to Bob who was his seatmate on the flight.
"Thought you said not smoking never bothered you when we fly."
He shrugged, "It usually doesn't but today's different. I feel so keyed up."
Bob sighed, "I just feel fucking tired. I wanna to be home. I wanna see Kara."
Gerard felt a pang of jealously. Bob would leave the road and have the woman he loved waiting for him. He had nothing.
"I need to talk to you about something." Bob said lowering his voice. "I've made a decision and I need to tell you."
Gerard turned slightly in his seat to face him. "What?"

It hadn't taken long to move their personal belongings into the townhouse. Now as the girls got settled into their new room Monica wanted to make one last trip to the house alone. Kara told her she would stay until she returned.
The drive wasn't long. For the time being Monica had decided to stay in the area so Kelly could finish her last few weeks of school. After that, she wasn't sure what would happen. The desire to get far away from all the memories was strong.
Monica pulled into the driveway and simply sat staring at the house for a moment. Her memories took her back to the day she'd first seen it. She remembered the overwhelming emotion that had washed over her. It was as if the house had called out to her. It had felt like home. Sadly it had been a lie.
She got out and slowly walked up to the front door. Once more memories overtook her and she remembered Gerard carrying her over the threshold. He'd told her this was where they'd find their happily ever after. That had been a life too.

The band had to go immediately to the venue from the airport. Gerard switched on his phone as soon as he was in the van. It rang immediately. He saw who was calling and knew he'd put off this call long enough.
"Hey, Ma."
"So you finally decided to answer my call." Donna said angrily.
"Ma, please don't start. We just got off the plane and are headed to the venue."
"I want to talk to you."
Gerard sighed, "I know but I don't have much time."
"What is going on Gerard?"
He knew the rest of the guys were listening to the conversation. "Ma, we'll talk later."
Donna knew he wouldn't return her call. She knew her son. "Fine. I won't ask you any questions." She took a deep breath, "I'll just tell you to ask yourself a question. Why are you destroying the only true happiness you've ever known?" She disconnected.

Slowly Monica walked through each room letting the memories take over. She smiled remembering how she and Gerard had "christened" each room. After walking through the main floor she descended the steps into Gerard’s lair. Kelly's darkroom, which had taken much of his space, seemed to mock her. It was a room that would never be used by Kelly. She stood in the center of the room looking at all of Gerard's "toys". Would he keep the house, she wondered. Without shedding more tears she decided to walk though the upstairs once more before leaving. She tried to reason with herself that she was doing this to make sure she hadn't forgotten any personal items. She knew it was a lie.
When she reached the top of the stairs she entered the master bedroom. The room Gerard had decorated himself as a surprise for her. She couldn’t help but remember the night they'd first made love in this room. Monica suddenly shook her head in anger. She was just making herself even more miserable. She moved back into the hall, peered into Kelly's room then crossed over to Kara's room. The pink nightmare. Her heart ached remembering how Gee had truly believed Kara would love the room. Once more she felt angry. He'd made it clear how he felt about Kara.
Monica left the room having ever intention of leaving the house. Her feet however traveled down the hall towards the guest bedroom, towards Liv's room. It looked as it had before Liv had arrived. Still in her mind's eye she saw it as it had looked during Liv's final days. Monica walked in feeling the tears roll down her cheeks. Liv had caused so much strife between herself and Gerard. Still Monica had grown to care for the woman so much. "Liv" Monica's voice echoed in the room. "Even though things have turned out this way I wouldn’t go back and change anything. I will keep my promise, I will love and protect your baby."

Gerard put his heart and soul into the concert. He didn't want to let anyone else down. He'd done enough of that for a lifetime. The songs tonight were coming fast and furious. He interacted with the fans, he gave them everything he had left in his heart. The rest of the band saw what was happening. He was losing himself, he was becoming the man on the stage.
At the end of "Prison" he walked over to Matt and spoke to him quietly. Matt nodded and Gerard then crossed the stage to speak to Ray. Mikey followed him. They gave Gerard a surprised look but agreed. Once Bob was clued in to the change the song began. Gerard said nothing just began singing. His voice was strong and soulful, “Late dawns and early sunsets. Just like my favorite scenes. Then holding hands and life was perfect..” As he sang he remembered the last time he'd sung the song. His eyes blurred.

Monica took one final look then backed out of the driveway. Her eyes were dry; she had shed all her tears. She knew she had to gather her strength. There were still things she needed to face and she had to face them alone. But not today. Tomorrow she would begin over. It was with a sad heart she realized she’d felt like this before. She’d felt like this leaving Kansas. Monica was afraid yet she couldn't give into the fear. Her daughters were depending on her.