Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > My Simple Chemical Life
Meeting the Band
1 reviewThe girls get to meet the band. One thing's for sure they aren't star struck.
1Original
The My Chem buses were one of the first to arrive at the venue. The crew wanted to double check all the equipment to make sure they had it all and it was working properly, especially Bob’s new rotating riser. The band was landing in Seattle around ten thirty, Bob from Chicago and everyone else from New Jersey. They couldn’t have planned it any better. There would be a van meeting them to take them to the venue. It was about a half hour drive to the venue itself. Even though it was only three weeks ago since they all saw each other, they missed each other severely. Well actually they missed Bob, because the rest of the band lived near each other.
When they arrived at the airport they got their bags and met each other they were finally on their way. Meanwhile at the venue the crew had the stage all set ready for a sound check that was to happen at one o’clock. The band got to their home away from home and Bob made his way to the main stage to check on everything while the rest of the band unpacked, made some coffee and relaxed for a few minutes.
Gerard was the first to arrive. He checked out the stage with Bob and thought the riser looked too plain. It needed something. He told Bob to go unpack and he would surprise him with something that would make the riser less white. Half an hour later Gerard grabbed Bob and Ray to show off his handiwork.
“So what do you think?”
Across the riser was their homage to The Beatles and across the riser said the words ‘She Loves You’.
“Pretty cool,” said Bob, thinking of the irony of the situation.
“That’s so fucking great,” said Ray.
Gerard just smiled. “So when are our guests coming?”
“Around three, let’s get in a quick sound check before they get here.”
Frankie and Matt Cortez, who was filling in for Mikey while he took some time off to enjoy married life, joined the rest as they went through a couple of songs and made the proper adjustments for the sound and pyros that were going to be part of the show.
Gerard wanted to keep busy because he was a wreck. She was going to be on the tour with them. He met her in December of 2003, when My Chem was supporting her band Mindless Self Indulgence at the Irving Plaza in New York. It was a fast friendship as they had similar interests. They both knew they had feelings for each other at the time but never acted on them as they were both in committed relationships. But now Gerard was free and from what he heard so was she. He really hoped they could rekindle what was lost all those years ago.
At three o’clock precisely a black stretch limousine drove up to where the buses were parked and a driver was driving slowly and stopped at where he thought it should be. He wanted to check his directions one more time.
In the back were two girls arguing.
“Would you get off the phone? You’ve been on it since we left the airport.”
“Use your cell.”
“I’ve tried it’s not working.”
The older girl grabbed the phone from the younger.
“She’ll call you back.”
Then the younger tried to grab it from the older and a struggle ensued. They hadn’t notice two figure come from a bus. First was someone short, black shoulder length hair, wearing a T-shirt inside out showing off his tattoos running down both arms. He also was sporting long shorts so you could see the tattoos on the bottom of his legs as well. The second had medium brown short hair and had a Latino look to him. He had two tattoos on his right arm one that went around his fore arm and another on the inside of his upper arm.
Verne spotted them from his side mirror and started to get out. The shorter one raised his arm as if to say I got it. Verne got back in the car and unlocked the door.
In the back the girls were still fighting over the phone when the door opened. They took one look at the visitors and started screaming then Madison threw their pocketbooks at them.
“Take them it’s all we have. You could probably get three thousand for the handbags alone.”
“We’re not interested in your money.”
“Please don’t hurt us,” cried the younger one. Verne couldn’t help but snigger.
“You don’t understand.”
“I understand all right,” said the older one and she kicked the shorter one in the balls with her sharp pointed shoes. “No one is going to hurt me or my sister.”
He turned around holding his crotch in obvious pain.
“What did you do now?” asked the man with the biggest hair either of them had seen.
Then a man with shaggy black hair and the most beautiful eyes came and held out his hand to help Madison out of the limo. He gave her a smile as he helped her out. The man with the hair gave his hand to help the younger one out. She turned away and yelled, “Verne!!! Open my door!! I have no idea why my father pays you!!”
“Yes Miss Trenton,” Verne immediately got out of the driver’s seat and opened the door for the young ‘lady’.
Having never seen a picture of Bob, the older one asked “Are you Bob?”
“No he’s still on the bus talking to your father he should be out shortly.”
“I’m Gerard by the way, the one you in pain over there is Frankie, this here is Matt and the one your sister was so rude to is Ray. We’re all Bob’s bandmates. And you are?”
Madison smiled coyly, she definitely could get used to seeing his face around, “I’m Madison and this brat is Elisabeth.” Elisabeth stuck out her hand smiling she too was smitten with Gerard.
Madison went to shake Matt’s hand and he said, “I’m just here until Mikey comes back.”
“Who’s Mikey?
“My younger brother.”
Elisabeth perked up, “Where is he?”
“Honeymooning.”
“Oh,” said a disappointed Elisabeth.
“He’s told old for you any how sweetheart.”
Gerard couldn’t take his eyes off Madison and how beautiful she was. If Lyn-z wasn’t interested he would definitely ask her out. It was only Bob that was held to the conditions.
“Well we noticed our friends were here and we wanted to say hi. Hey Elisabeth they have a boy traveling with them around your age. He’s working off some tuition money.”
“Okay,” she said as she rolled her eyes. Great she got to hang out with someone who couldn’t even afford tuition.
“Bob should be out any second,” Gerard gave a huge smile and a wink and walked away, with Ray and Matt in tow.”
A bus door opened and two men walked out. One with a knit hat, black hoodie, too long jeans, a blonde beard, lip piercing and dark sunglasses. ‘Didn’t he know it was eighty degrees out?’ thought Madison as a chill went up her spine and not in a good way. Next to him was a huge man with a baseball hat, he wore a short sleeve shirt and had tattoos all over the place. But he looked like a huggable teddy bear. As they walked closer Madison prayed to herself that the big guy was Bob. Since she had to, she could deal with the tattoos and the piercings but she hated men with beards it made them look so beastly.
The one with the beard stuck out his hand, “Hi Madison, Elisabeth, I’m Bob.”
Madison gave a deep sigh was anything going to go her way?
Gerard knocked on a bus door.
“Who is it?”
“It’s me Gee!!”
“GEE!!!!”
A man with shoulder length medium brown hair appeared.
“How’s it going Adam?”
“Great.”
Gerard looked around and saw only a teenager sitting at the table with a book opened and a pad of paper next to him. “Where is everyone?”
“Off visiting they should be back soon. You remember my cousin Derek.”
“Hey Derek, watcha doing? I thought school was over almost two months ago.”
“Hey Gerard. It’s summer requirements.”
“Look at you, you’ve grown. I bet you have to beat all the ladies off with a stick.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha. I’m the outcast at my school. Satan made sure of that. Her and her little friends have made my life miserable.”
“I heard about that. That’s all fucked up.”
“Just one more year.”
“You should talk to Frank he was shoved into lockers all the time.”
“I wish I was. Speaking of where is he?”
“With Bob and the girls,” said Matt.
“Girls?”
“Yeah one’s about your age. Sorta stuck up,” said Ray.
“I’m used to stuck up.”
Just then Fred Mascherino, one of Taking Back Sunday’s guitarist, walked in.
“Hey guys.”
“Hey Gerard thanks for the album,” said Derek.
“No problem. Did you like it?”
“Loved it. You guys are my second favorite band.”
“Who’s your first?” teased Adam.
“Green Day,” Derek said with complete seriousness.
“Then get Billie Joe to pay for your tuition.”
“Just kidding!! Of course it’s TBS, even if you weren’t my cousin who was paying my tuition for private school, though you could save yourself thirty-five thousand plus next year.”
“No you’re going back.”
“I know blah, blah, blah smartest one in the family. Could go to Harvard or Yale. I get it.
“Where’s Bob and Frank?” asked Fred.
“Greeting our visitors. Frank got a special greeting.”
“What a nice long kiss?”
“Kicked in the balls, with the pointiest shoes I’ve ever seen.”
“Nice. So are they lookers?”
“Yeah, especially the older one, but give the younger one a few years and she might surpass her.”
“Really?” said a very interested Derek.
“So how’s Bob doing?”
“He’s kinda depressed about the whole thing. Having these girls around might help him get over things. It was tough to find out after all that time she never really loved him. Fuck,” Gerard said as he slapped his forehead.
“What?” asked Adam.
“Bob’s riser looked rather boring so I wrote something on it in to honor The Beatles.”
“You didn’t?”
“Oh yeah I did. He must think I’m an insensitive prick.”
“This is Bob we’re talking about.”
“Yeah.”
Meanwhile outside at the limo.
“So why don’t we get your bags and load them on the bus?”
Verne opened the trunk and it was filled with two trunks, two garment bags, two large suit cases, two medium suit cases, two smaller bags, and one silver briefcase looking thing. It was a lot deeper than a briefcase
“What the fuck is this shit??” Bob screamed, “I told your father that you are only to bring the essentials.”
Bob took one of the trunks out. Rifling through what was dozens of dresses, skirts, silk blouses, and dress pants. All of them bore designer labels.
“Don’t you have any jeans, shorts, t-shirts, sweatsuits?”
They looked at Bob indignantly. “The same thing in the other trunk?”
Elisabeth nodded yes. “I’ll take you shopping tomorrow.”
Their eyes lit up at the word. He went through the large suitcases and all there was were shoes, dozens of them. Bob went rifling through them and found one pair in each bag that was suitable for life on tour.
“You can keep these shoes and one pair of dress shoes. Just in case. You can keep two dressy outfits, again just in case.”
“Well we need the shoes to match the dress.”
“Wear fucking black, it goes with everything.”
“It’s summer!!!”
“Then wear fucking white!!”
Frank giggled and thought ‘This is going to be fun. Not even here for ten minutes and they managed to piss Bob off.’
He opened the medium sized cases housed underwear and the sort. He quickly closed it, “This is fine”.
He opened the smallest bags and they were filled with make-up.
“Oooh Gerard is going to love this,” smiled Frankie as he stood next to Bob.
“You can keep your make-up. I know girls can’t live with out it. But you have to share.”
“Yeah this is the good stuff. Bobbi Brown,” smiled Frank.
“How does he…” Madison started to ask.
“Don’t ask.”
Bob unzipped the garment bag and there were three evening gowns.
“What the fuck are these for?”
“Dad said you were big rock star. So we figured award shows, premieres, club openings.”
Bob stormed off and back into the bus. Two minutes later he was back with a piece of paper.
“This is our schedule,” Bob said as he shoved it in Madison’s face, “do you see any days off for any of that kind of stuff?”
“Actually there’s a day off after the show tomorrow.”
“That’s because it’s going to take us that long to get there after the show! All the days off are due to travel.”
“Why not just fly there?” asked Madison.
“And all the equipment?”
“That’s what the help is there for,” said Elisabeth.
“THEY’RE NOT THE HELP!!! THEY ARE OUR CREW AND PART OF OUR FAMILY!!”
“Okay,” said Elisabeth.
“Open the silver case.”
Madison obliged. In it was an assortment of jewels and in the center was a silver tiara adorned with tiny pink diamonds. “This has to go,” said Bob.
“Can’t I keep the tiara? Please!!” pleaded Frankie.
“As long as you take care of it.”
“Thhat costs ten thousand dollars. I wore it to my prom and Madison wore it to her junior prom,” cried Elisabeth.
Bob turned to Frank, and the girls started to sigh in relief. “Take real good of it.”
“I will,” as he placed it on his head.
The girls were fuming at this point. Bob turned to Verne as he took the bags they were allowed to bring out of the trunk along with the outfits.
“Thanks for bringing them up here,” Bob said as he was about to give Verne a hundred dollar tip.
“Thank you but I get paid very well by Mr. Trenton and believe me the pleasure was all mine.”
“Sorry you have to take all the bags back.”
“Not a problem.”
Verne got in the limo and drove off.
“Hey Bob look who’s here?” cried out Ray from a distance.
“Why don’t you girls go put your stuff away. Worm will show you where.”
“Can you Worm.”
“Sure Bob, or should I say Mr.Bryar.”
“Fuck off Worm.”
Worm just started laughing.
As Ray got closer he saw that Matt, Gee, Adam, Fred and Derek was with him.
“Wow Derek you’ve grown. How’ve you been?”
“Better than you. I heard about all that stuff that happened to you.”
“Check it out,” said Bob as he lifted his pant leg and lowered his sock.
“Sweet scar.”
“Isn’t it though.”
“So where are your friends?”
“Worm is showing them where they can put their stuff.”
Just then the door opened.
Once Worm moved he revealed the two sisters. Derek and Elisabeth stood there with their eyes wide open as well as their mouths.
“Guys this is Madison and Elisabeth Trenton,” said Bob.
Adam looked at his cousin and Elisabeth, “Do you guys know each other?”
“He’s the reason I’m here,” said Elisabeth.
“She’s Satan,” said Derek.
Bob rubbed his beard and thought ‘This is not a good way to start a tour.’
When they arrived at the airport they got their bags and met each other they were finally on their way. Meanwhile at the venue the crew had the stage all set ready for a sound check that was to happen at one o’clock. The band got to their home away from home and Bob made his way to the main stage to check on everything while the rest of the band unpacked, made some coffee and relaxed for a few minutes.
Gerard was the first to arrive. He checked out the stage with Bob and thought the riser looked too plain. It needed something. He told Bob to go unpack and he would surprise him with something that would make the riser less white. Half an hour later Gerard grabbed Bob and Ray to show off his handiwork.
“So what do you think?”
Across the riser was their homage to The Beatles and across the riser said the words ‘She Loves You’.
“Pretty cool,” said Bob, thinking of the irony of the situation.
“That’s so fucking great,” said Ray.
Gerard just smiled. “So when are our guests coming?”
“Around three, let’s get in a quick sound check before they get here.”
Frankie and Matt Cortez, who was filling in for Mikey while he took some time off to enjoy married life, joined the rest as they went through a couple of songs and made the proper adjustments for the sound and pyros that were going to be part of the show.
Gerard wanted to keep busy because he was a wreck. She was going to be on the tour with them. He met her in December of 2003, when My Chem was supporting her band Mindless Self Indulgence at the Irving Plaza in New York. It was a fast friendship as they had similar interests. They both knew they had feelings for each other at the time but never acted on them as they were both in committed relationships. But now Gerard was free and from what he heard so was she. He really hoped they could rekindle what was lost all those years ago.
At three o’clock precisely a black stretch limousine drove up to where the buses were parked and a driver was driving slowly and stopped at where he thought it should be. He wanted to check his directions one more time.
In the back were two girls arguing.
“Would you get off the phone? You’ve been on it since we left the airport.”
“Use your cell.”
“I’ve tried it’s not working.”
The older girl grabbed the phone from the younger.
“She’ll call you back.”
Then the younger tried to grab it from the older and a struggle ensued. They hadn’t notice two figure come from a bus. First was someone short, black shoulder length hair, wearing a T-shirt inside out showing off his tattoos running down both arms. He also was sporting long shorts so you could see the tattoos on the bottom of his legs as well. The second had medium brown short hair and had a Latino look to him. He had two tattoos on his right arm one that went around his fore arm and another on the inside of his upper arm.
Verne spotted them from his side mirror and started to get out. The shorter one raised his arm as if to say I got it. Verne got back in the car and unlocked the door.
In the back the girls were still fighting over the phone when the door opened. They took one look at the visitors and started screaming then Madison threw their pocketbooks at them.
“Take them it’s all we have. You could probably get three thousand for the handbags alone.”
“We’re not interested in your money.”
“Please don’t hurt us,” cried the younger one. Verne couldn’t help but snigger.
“You don’t understand.”
“I understand all right,” said the older one and she kicked the shorter one in the balls with her sharp pointed shoes. “No one is going to hurt me or my sister.”
He turned around holding his crotch in obvious pain.
“What did you do now?” asked the man with the biggest hair either of them had seen.
Then a man with shaggy black hair and the most beautiful eyes came and held out his hand to help Madison out of the limo. He gave her a smile as he helped her out. The man with the hair gave his hand to help the younger one out. She turned away and yelled, “Verne!!! Open my door!! I have no idea why my father pays you!!”
“Yes Miss Trenton,” Verne immediately got out of the driver’s seat and opened the door for the young ‘lady’.
Having never seen a picture of Bob, the older one asked “Are you Bob?”
“No he’s still on the bus talking to your father he should be out shortly.”
“I’m Gerard by the way, the one you in pain over there is Frankie, this here is Matt and the one your sister was so rude to is Ray. We’re all Bob’s bandmates. And you are?”
Madison smiled coyly, she definitely could get used to seeing his face around, “I’m Madison and this brat is Elisabeth.” Elisabeth stuck out her hand smiling she too was smitten with Gerard.
Madison went to shake Matt’s hand and he said, “I’m just here until Mikey comes back.”
“Who’s Mikey?
“My younger brother.”
Elisabeth perked up, “Where is he?”
“Honeymooning.”
“Oh,” said a disappointed Elisabeth.
“He’s told old for you any how sweetheart.”
Gerard couldn’t take his eyes off Madison and how beautiful she was. If Lyn-z wasn’t interested he would definitely ask her out. It was only Bob that was held to the conditions.
“Well we noticed our friends were here and we wanted to say hi. Hey Elisabeth they have a boy traveling with them around your age. He’s working off some tuition money.”
“Okay,” she said as she rolled her eyes. Great she got to hang out with someone who couldn’t even afford tuition.
“Bob should be out any second,” Gerard gave a huge smile and a wink and walked away, with Ray and Matt in tow.”
A bus door opened and two men walked out. One with a knit hat, black hoodie, too long jeans, a blonde beard, lip piercing and dark sunglasses. ‘Didn’t he know it was eighty degrees out?’ thought Madison as a chill went up her spine and not in a good way. Next to him was a huge man with a baseball hat, he wore a short sleeve shirt and had tattoos all over the place. But he looked like a huggable teddy bear. As they walked closer Madison prayed to herself that the big guy was Bob. Since she had to, she could deal with the tattoos and the piercings but she hated men with beards it made them look so beastly.
The one with the beard stuck out his hand, “Hi Madison, Elisabeth, I’m Bob.”
Madison gave a deep sigh was anything going to go her way?
Gerard knocked on a bus door.
“Who is it?”
“It’s me Gee!!”
“GEE!!!!”
A man with shoulder length medium brown hair appeared.
“How’s it going Adam?”
“Great.”
Gerard looked around and saw only a teenager sitting at the table with a book opened and a pad of paper next to him. “Where is everyone?”
“Off visiting they should be back soon. You remember my cousin Derek.”
“Hey Derek, watcha doing? I thought school was over almost two months ago.”
“Hey Gerard. It’s summer requirements.”
“Look at you, you’ve grown. I bet you have to beat all the ladies off with a stick.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha. I’m the outcast at my school. Satan made sure of that. Her and her little friends have made my life miserable.”
“I heard about that. That’s all fucked up.”
“Just one more year.”
“You should talk to Frank he was shoved into lockers all the time.”
“I wish I was. Speaking of where is he?”
“With Bob and the girls,” said Matt.
“Girls?”
“Yeah one’s about your age. Sorta stuck up,” said Ray.
“I’m used to stuck up.”
Just then Fred Mascherino, one of Taking Back Sunday’s guitarist, walked in.
“Hey guys.”
“Hey Gerard thanks for the album,” said Derek.
“No problem. Did you like it?”
“Loved it. You guys are my second favorite band.”
“Who’s your first?” teased Adam.
“Green Day,” Derek said with complete seriousness.
“Then get Billie Joe to pay for your tuition.”
“Just kidding!! Of course it’s TBS, even if you weren’t my cousin who was paying my tuition for private school, though you could save yourself thirty-five thousand plus next year.”
“No you’re going back.”
“I know blah, blah, blah smartest one in the family. Could go to Harvard or Yale. I get it.
“Where’s Bob and Frank?” asked Fred.
“Greeting our visitors. Frank got a special greeting.”
“What a nice long kiss?”
“Kicked in the balls, with the pointiest shoes I’ve ever seen.”
“Nice. So are they lookers?”
“Yeah, especially the older one, but give the younger one a few years and she might surpass her.”
“Really?” said a very interested Derek.
“So how’s Bob doing?”
“He’s kinda depressed about the whole thing. Having these girls around might help him get over things. It was tough to find out after all that time she never really loved him. Fuck,” Gerard said as he slapped his forehead.
“What?” asked Adam.
“Bob’s riser looked rather boring so I wrote something on it in to honor The Beatles.”
“You didn’t?”
“Oh yeah I did. He must think I’m an insensitive prick.”
“This is Bob we’re talking about.”
“Yeah.”
Meanwhile outside at the limo.
“So why don’t we get your bags and load them on the bus?”
Verne opened the trunk and it was filled with two trunks, two garment bags, two large suit cases, two medium suit cases, two smaller bags, and one silver briefcase looking thing. It was a lot deeper than a briefcase
“What the fuck is this shit??” Bob screamed, “I told your father that you are only to bring the essentials.”
Bob took one of the trunks out. Rifling through what was dozens of dresses, skirts, silk blouses, and dress pants. All of them bore designer labels.
“Don’t you have any jeans, shorts, t-shirts, sweatsuits?”
They looked at Bob indignantly. “The same thing in the other trunk?”
Elisabeth nodded yes. “I’ll take you shopping tomorrow.”
Their eyes lit up at the word. He went through the large suitcases and all there was were shoes, dozens of them. Bob went rifling through them and found one pair in each bag that was suitable for life on tour.
“You can keep these shoes and one pair of dress shoes. Just in case. You can keep two dressy outfits, again just in case.”
“Well we need the shoes to match the dress.”
“Wear fucking black, it goes with everything.”
“It’s summer!!!”
“Then wear fucking white!!”
Frank giggled and thought ‘This is going to be fun. Not even here for ten minutes and they managed to piss Bob off.’
He opened the medium sized cases housed underwear and the sort. He quickly closed it, “This is fine”.
He opened the smallest bags and they were filled with make-up.
“Oooh Gerard is going to love this,” smiled Frankie as he stood next to Bob.
“You can keep your make-up. I know girls can’t live with out it. But you have to share.”
“Yeah this is the good stuff. Bobbi Brown,” smiled Frank.
“How does he…” Madison started to ask.
“Don’t ask.”
Bob unzipped the garment bag and there were three evening gowns.
“What the fuck are these for?”
“Dad said you were big rock star. So we figured award shows, premieres, club openings.”
Bob stormed off and back into the bus. Two minutes later he was back with a piece of paper.
“This is our schedule,” Bob said as he shoved it in Madison’s face, “do you see any days off for any of that kind of stuff?”
“Actually there’s a day off after the show tomorrow.”
“That’s because it’s going to take us that long to get there after the show! All the days off are due to travel.”
“Why not just fly there?” asked Madison.
“And all the equipment?”
“That’s what the help is there for,” said Elisabeth.
“THEY’RE NOT THE HELP!!! THEY ARE OUR CREW AND PART OF OUR FAMILY!!”
“Okay,” said Elisabeth.
“Open the silver case.”
Madison obliged. In it was an assortment of jewels and in the center was a silver tiara adorned with tiny pink diamonds. “This has to go,” said Bob.
“Can’t I keep the tiara? Please!!” pleaded Frankie.
“As long as you take care of it.”
“Thhat costs ten thousand dollars. I wore it to my prom and Madison wore it to her junior prom,” cried Elisabeth.
Bob turned to Frank, and the girls started to sigh in relief. “Take real good of it.”
“I will,” as he placed it on his head.
The girls were fuming at this point. Bob turned to Verne as he took the bags they were allowed to bring out of the trunk along with the outfits.
“Thanks for bringing them up here,” Bob said as he was about to give Verne a hundred dollar tip.
“Thank you but I get paid very well by Mr. Trenton and believe me the pleasure was all mine.”
“Sorry you have to take all the bags back.”
“Not a problem.”
Verne got in the limo and drove off.
“Hey Bob look who’s here?” cried out Ray from a distance.
“Why don’t you girls go put your stuff away. Worm will show you where.”
“Can you Worm.”
“Sure Bob, or should I say Mr.Bryar.”
“Fuck off Worm.”
Worm just started laughing.
As Ray got closer he saw that Matt, Gee, Adam, Fred and Derek was with him.
“Wow Derek you’ve grown. How’ve you been?”
“Better than you. I heard about all that stuff that happened to you.”
“Check it out,” said Bob as he lifted his pant leg and lowered his sock.
“Sweet scar.”
“Isn’t it though.”
“So where are your friends?”
“Worm is showing them where they can put their stuff.”
Just then the door opened.
Once Worm moved he revealed the two sisters. Derek and Elisabeth stood there with their eyes wide open as well as their mouths.
“Guys this is Madison and Elisabeth Trenton,” said Bob.
Adam looked at his cousin and Elisabeth, “Do you guys know each other?”
“He’s the reason I’m here,” said Elisabeth.
“She’s Satan,” said Derek.
Bob rubbed his beard and thought ‘This is not a good way to start a tour.’
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