Ray and Mikey are worried about Gerard, so they turn to Frank for help. Will Frank return and help Gee up?
It’s been 2 months since I last spoke to Gerard. I’ve stopped worrying and I’m starting to get over him. Days out with the twins keep me going, they’ve grown so much! It’s not long until their birthdays either, I’d best start saving.
I never knew that I could miss my dogs so much. This has been the tour I’ve missed them the most on, they were all so happy when I came home. Cherry and Lilly have started barking like them, it’s so sweet!
I’ve been thinking of getting a new tattoo. I know that I only got a new one recently, but you can never have enough. Heehee. Have no idea what of yet though…
No matter what I do, I can’t help but think of him. I have a wife, kids and dogs. But I just want him. If only he could see how much he meant to me. Sometimes, I spend hours reading Frerard fics, thinking about how it would be if they’d happened. Very rarely, it’s almost as if the writer is psychic, because it has happened.
I can’t help it. It’s the way I am.
I guess I’ll never get over him, completely. And that’s what hurts the most.
The dogs started barking, that means someone’s at the door. I ran to answer it. There were two figures through the glass, one with an afro, the other just skinny. Ray and Mikey. It all came flooding back. I opened the door, shaking.
“Hey, guys,” I said, unsure of why they were here.
“Can we come in? We need to talk to you about Gee.” My heart sank. Oh no.
“Yeah, sure. Ignore the mess, I haven’t tidied up yet.” I invited them in. They knew my house, so there was no need to show them to the sofa.
We sat down, me in the single seat, Ray and Mikey on the tree-seater. I started worrying. I hadn’t worried about Gee since I left. Was he dead? Was he drinking again? I wanted to know. But before I could ask, I broke down in tears.
Mikey rushed over to me.
“C’mon, Frank. We don’t need to see anymore of that. Gee’s done enough,” He said as he rubbed my back. I felt happier when he said that, it meant that Gee still felt something for me.
“What do you means he’s been crying?”
“He cares about you. He still loves you. We found this…” Ray handed me what looked like a Pros and Cons list. At the bottom ‘I love him, but it’s less complicated with her’ was circled. He’d finally made his decision. It wasn’t me.
I stained the piece of paper with my tears.
“I was fine until you showed up. Why are you here?” I tried not to sound angry, truth be told I was, I really was showing progress, getting over him. Maybe not as quick, but since when was getting over someone quick?
“Like Ray said, he loves you. He may have chosen Lyn-Z, but he loves you. That counts for something, right?” He turned to Ray for back-up.
“He’s been crying, panic attacks, anxiety attacks. He started drinking again. He hasn’t washed or changed in days,” I looked up at him. “We had to lock him away, to sober him up. For Bandit’s sake,” Ray explained.
“You still love him, don’t you?” I looked at Mikey, and without realising, I nodded.
“Always have, always will.” They smiled at me.
“So will you come back?”
“Yeah. I don’t see why I can’t.” They looked at each other, worried. “What?”
“Lyn-Z, she isn’t very happy with you.”
“So she knows?”
“No, of course not. We wouldn’t let something like that out. It’s the state what you did put Gee in that’s made her pissed off with you.”
“Fuck that. I don’t care. I love him. I’d do anything for him.” We all laughed. “I’m coming back.”
After explaining to Jamia that me leaving My Chemical Romance was a misunderstanding (Which in a way it was, so I wasn’t lying this time), I left for band practice. Ray and Mikey told me they’d sort it with Gerard. But when I turned up, they hadn’t. Gee didn’t even know I was coming back.
“Hey guys!” I said as I walked through that door. Gee looked at me as if he’d seen a ghost. Ray and Mikey shared a gaze at each other. I could see they’d forgotten to tell Gerard about my return.
“Frank. What are you doing here? You left. You left me, you left us.” Gee told me. I freaked out.
“I’m sorry. I love you and I couldn’t deny it anymore.”
Gee smiled. But it disappeared just as quickly as it appeared.
“We can’t be together. I love her too, there’d be too many complications,”
“I know… but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I mean, the MCRmy will miss Frankie, won’t they?” I giggled. Gerard’s smile returned.
I showed them a few riffs I’d though of, Gerard started sing to them. Mikey and Ray worked on some bass and Mike started banging the drums. It was like there never was an argument. Everything was almost perfect.
After practice, me and Gee had a catch up. He told me about how he’d struggled while I was gone.
“I started drinking. It was the only way to take the pain away from me.” He looked glum, he still stank of alcohol. “I’m still drinking, but it stops today. I promise.” He smiled his quirky smile. I felt warm again, I felt home.
“I’m proud of you” There was nothing else I could have said. I couldn’t say ‘I love you’ because we were friends. I couldn’t kiss him, because we were friends. Frerard was over. Forever.
“I’m having panic attacks.” I looked at him, no longer smiling. “When you left, they started. Two to five a day. I’m hoping that because you’re back, they’ll stop.”
I hoped that too.
Now things were sorted, My Chemical Romance was back on. I checked the website everyday to check if someone had put that we’d split on, no one had. It’s as if they knew we were going to be friends again. I still wanted more, dare I tell him that? I dared.
“I still love you. I’m sorry, but we can’t just be friends. There’s a lot of history between us. And I just…” Before I could say anymore, déjà vu was happening. It was a repeat scene of what had happened the first time we’d had our off-stage kiss. This time, his lips tasted like alcohol and it was much more passionate. Once again, I followed his lead.
When he pulled away, he smiled. He kept smiling.
“No regrets this time?” I asked, he laughed at me.
“HA! None at all.”
“Frerard is back on?” I said, hopefully.
“I knew this would happen…”
“I love you, but this is too complicated.”
“Are you kidding?” He laughed at me again. I was being serious. I didn’t realise until I said it, I was actually being serious. I bent down on one knee, grabbed a gummy ring from the Haribo packet I had in my pocket.
“Gerard Arthur Way, will you marry me?”
He looked at me, blankly. I didn’t know what he was going to say.