FicWad

"Emily! Get down here!" I yelled, waiting at the bottom of the steps. I heard her door open slowly, and she crept down the stairs towards me. Her long dark hair swayed from side to side with each step she took.

"What did I do now?" she whined, sitting on the bottom step.

"Why is your brother in the kitchen eating out of the tub of ice cream when he hasn’t had his dinner yet? Everything from the freezer is lying all over the floor."

"I don't know," she grumbled. "You're not supposed to be back yet anyway."

"Emily! We've only been gone for ten minutes. We just came back to get something, and already Junior is making a mess of the place. I don't wanna miss this anniversary, but if I have to, then I will stay home and take care of you two myself."

"Aw mom, come off it. I'm fifteen, I can take care of myself for two days."

"What about Junior? He's nine! I don't want to come back to find that you weren't watching him and that he burned the house down."

"Mom, it will be fine, I promise! Just go to this anniversary thing. What is it for anyway? You and dad didn't get married in September."

"Never you mind that. Just take care of your brother, and if there are any problems-"

"Go ask the MacIsaacs for help. Yada yada yada I know just go already."

I sighed deeply and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. "Be safe." Then I walked back to the kitchen where Jamie had discarded the ice cream and was going at an apple pie in the fridge.

"Gerard Junior Radke! What do you think you are doing?"

He dropped the fork in his hand, and smiled sheepishly at me, pieces of crust stuck to his front teeth.

"Nothing," he replied, wiping his hands on his shirt. I rummaged in a near by drawer for a towel and I wiped his hands and mouth. He looked at me with his innocent eyes, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Make sure to keep your sister out of trouble." I poked him in the stomach, kissed him, and carried him to the front door.

"Bye dad" he said to his father, who was sitting in the front of the car waiting to drive us to the airport.

"Bye squirt!" He waved at Junior and I set him down.

"I'll see you in a couple of days." I kissed him one last time and then got into the car. As we pulled out of the drive way, I waved at Emily and Junior, who were standing side by side waving back. I looked over at my husband, who only seemed to get better looking with age. He looked back at me and took my hand in his.

"Here we go."
x---x--x---x---x
I sat with my fingers squished between my legs while I held my breath. It was the only thing keeping me from crying all over again, and I couldn't have that, not with my daughter and best friends in the same room. I needed to hold myself together, but nothing could stop the images of all the blood, everywhere. My hands, my clothes, everywhere. I looked down and realized all the drying blood of the two men I loved.

I felt my stomach churn as I continued to look at all the crimson, and I fled the room. I pushed past a plump nurse to get to the washroom, where I threw up in the first toilet that was free. I continued to throw up, all the muscles in my neck and face straining, until I felt like there was nothing left in my stomach to come up. I took a minute to regulate my breathing before I started crying. My back was slumped against the stall door with my head resting on my knees.

"Are you okay darlin?" someone asked outside the stall. I didn't reply, and waited until I heard the washroom door open and close to leave the stall. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I recoiled; I looked like a wreck. All my makeup had run down my face, I felt lost all over again, so alone.

After rinsing my face and mouth, I sat up on the counter, swinging my legs, thinking of times when life was simple, a time when Gerard and I were best friends, when we were too young to even know what love was. And given the chance to do anything differently, I would have changed everything. I wouldn't have lead him on the way I did, I would have never even told him my feelings towards him, because we would never have even had a complicated relationship to begin with. We would have left each other on good terms, and he would still be my best friend. If only life was really like that.

The door burst open and Mikey walked in.

"Sara!"

I could tell from the look on his face that he had the news. And with trembling hands, I pushed myself off of the counter. I was terrified for him to open his mouth, and tell me the news of the fathers of my children, but I had been waiting for it, and I had even told him whom to start with because I wanted to hear about them at the same time.

Mikey's voice was even as he spoke to me, evidently trying to keep me calm.

"He made it. He's out right now, but the doctors say he's going to recover for the most part." I placed my hand over my heart and held back my tears, because there was still more news to come, but he didn't say anything, he was looking at the floor.

"Mikey, what about-?" But he didn't even have to say a word. He looked up from the floor, tilted his head, and let out a noise that sounded like a sigh. My hand dropped from heart, and I started hyperventilating. Mikey took me in his arms and hugged me closely to his body, burying my face in his neck. But I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything.

"God Sara, I don't know what to say." And that's all it took for me. I let out a loud scream and started sobbing uncontrollably against Mikey. I felt my entire body sag, and Mikey had to lower me to the ground and hold me in his lap while I cried and screamed, holding onto his neck for dear life. We sat there on the floor of the women's bathroom for half an hour, Mikey consoling me while I continued to scream and cry. And when I finally had no energy left in me to do that, he carried me out of the hospital, and took me home, refusing my request to see the dead body.

x--x---x---x---x---x--x
My husband held my hand as he, Mikey, and myself walked towards the gathering of people, and they were had already started the service. As we neared the group, I could feel the eyes starting to turn towards us. I was never quite sure how everyone felt about me after he died. His family and friends I mean. At his funeral, they all came up and consoled me, but I felt like many of them blamed me for his death, which I blamed myself for too. There wasn't a day that went by that I wished things were completely different, that I had got involved with any of them. But I gotten to a point in my life where I had to stop thinking about that. I had my two beautiful children and my husband to take care off, as well as a career that never seemed to stop, despite my age.

We joined the service, taking a pamphlet from his elderly looking father, and I looked down upon his grave.

'Loving father, son, brother, husband' it read under his name, and I looked away. It was still hard for me to think about him, ten years after his death. He was still a part of me, as much as anyone else. He lived through our child, who I had trouble looking at sometimes because of the striking resemblance, but was still a blessing. He lived in everything I saw. And even though I missed him with everything in me, things worked out the way they were supposed to.

The service finished quicker then I had imagined, and everyone was filing back to his or her cars to head to the reception held at a little restaurant just down the road. I stood alone, staring at the grave, not wanting to move. Mikey came back and stood with me for a moment.

"I really just need a moment to myself," I whispered, and he nodded.

"We'll wait in the car."

When Mikey was out of earshot, I fell to my knees and started crying. I traced his name a few times as I cried, I even kissed my palm and placed it over the marble stone. When I finished crying, I found the strength to open my mouth.

"Hi," I whispered. "I know I haven't been back here since the funeral, I'm sorry. I've been trying to hold myself together, and its hard to do that when you have a family to take care of." I sat cross-legged infront of the grave and smiled, wiping away my tears. "I wish that you had gotten a chance to know your child. But I talk about you all the time, so that you're not forgotten. For my sake, and for the kids. And I'm sorry about the way things ended. I wanted more time to makes things right between us. I wanted you to know that I wasn't mad about anything you did, to protect yourself and our family. I loved you so much, and I will never forget what you mean to my life. I hope that wherever you are, you know that."

I heard footsteps approaching and I turned around.

"We should get going honey." He held his hand out to me and helped me up off the ground. I brushed myself off, and as Ronnie gave my arm a little tug, I looked one last time at the grave and whispered, "You really did steal my heart, Gerard Way."


A/N
Guys, thank you for sticking by this story, even when I went awol for periods of time. I had written the last few chapters awhile ago, but they didn't feel right so I changed them over and over again and I'm glad with the way the turned out. I know I probably confused a lot of you with this chapter, but thats what I wanted to do. I didnt want you to know who died until the very end.

Thanks for all you who reviewed, and I'll ask you one last time to leave your thoughts, or if your especially kind, maybe even a rating. I enjoyed this story, and it took a long time to write, and now I'm sad its all over. Rest assure, I am not finished writing here. If you see on my front page, I have a few stories I have started and now that this one is done, I can continue on with it. I'm probably going to update "Which Way is the Right Way" the most. Aynwho, this blurb has gone long enough. Oh, and PS, if you don't know already, the title if of course Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve, and it just so happens to be my favourite song of all time.